RFSP episode #108

A South Park Christmas

Chapter 3-The holidays are how you see it

A/N: December 23rd, 2015. 11:58 P.M. I just got done binge watching every single Christmas episode of South Park, including Season 18's #REHASH. Yeah, I know that that one's not a Christmas special, but since it's part 1 of a 2 parte episode, and since part 2 is a Christmas special, of course they were going to air it.

Anyways…damn. 4½ hours (9 episodes) straight of not just SP, but TV in general…holy crap…that's a new personal best. I'm probably going to wake up on Christmas Eve with an SP hangover!

But anyways, here's chapter 3!


Kyle returned home that night happy. He had finally thought of a great Secret Santa gift idea for Red. Kyle decided that if he REALLY wanted to make a cheap gift matter, he was going to make one himself. As soon as he got home, he went straight up to his room to brainstorm. After dinner was over, Kyle had finally settled on an idea that he was sure Red would love.

"All done!" Kyle said as he put the finishing touches on his creation. Kyle stepped back to admire his work. "I think this just might do it…."


The next morning, the town of South Park woke up to a fresh snowfall. Stan walked downstairs to see his family gathering a few bags of things to take with them.

"Morning son." Randy greeted Stan.

"Is that stupid snow storm really coming?"

"Coming?" Randy asked. "The weather man's been saying that we're supposed to get a foot and a half of snow!"

"What!?"

"Get whatever you think you might need and let's go."

"Go where?"

"The mayor's having us all take shelter in either your school or the community center. Get your stuff ready and let's get out of here before the snow worsens."

Stan went back upstairs to pack, bemoaning the weather as he did.

"Jesus Christ…how could this Christmas get any worse?"


Thirty minutes later, Stan met up with Kyle, Kenny, and Butters at the community center.

("Well…at least our parent's aren't freaking the fuck out this time.") Kenny pointed out in an attempt to brighten up the situation. ("That's a plus…right?")

"Even so…." Kyle began. "This holiday's taking a really bad turn."

"So Kyle, did you finally get a gift for Red?" Stan asked when Kenny and Butters were out of ear shot.

"Sort of. I wound up making her one!"

"Really? What'd you make her?"

The boys approached the community center, all glad that unlike other times where they all took shelter there, nobody was in a panic…yet.

Kenny and Butters couldn't find Cartman anywhere.

"Hey fellas!" Butters called to Stan and Kyle once they all got inside. "Have you guys seen Eric anywhere?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Didn't he come in with us?"

"No…I don't think so."

("He's probably just running late. His weight must be bogging him down!")

The boys got a good laugh out of Kenny's comment before getting serious again.

"I'm sure he'll be here in a few minutes."


What nobody did know is that Cartman was actually on his way to North Park. He and Liane had arrived at the community center a bit earlier than most people, and when he saw fit, Cartman quietly slipped out of the community center, completely undetected. He was determined to get Wendy a present and be back in time for Christmas Day. Unfortunately, North Park was too long of a distance away, so he wasn't sure if he could make it; but he tried anyway.

Cartman was about two miles away from the northern border of South Park when a truck passed by. To Cartman's surprise, the truck stopped and the driver rolled down the window.

"Uh…fellow? May I ask just what in the hell you're doing wandering around out here when the blizzard of the decade is about to hit full force?"

"Let's just say I'm doing some desperate last minute Christmas shopping." Cartman answered.

The truck driver stared blankly at Cartman for a minute, before snapping back into reality.

"Partner, I do say that that sounds mighty stupid and dangerous of you to be attempting this."

"Yeah, well I didn't ask for YOUR thoughts on it." Cartman retorted.

"So you don't want a lift up to North Park? The storm hasn't started up there yet, and the stores are likely to be open for at least another hour. They'll be closed by the time you walk all the way over there!"

Cartman considered the offer and gave in to it, realizing that he, realistically, had no other choice.

"So who's the least important person on your list this year?" the driver asked.

"Least important?" Cartman asked; raising an eyebrow.

"Well yeah, since you waited until now to get them a present." The driver smirked.

"Ay! First of all, it's my girlfriend, and second of all, I didn't wait until now, but everything that looked like a good gift was either too expensive or everyone else got to it first!"

"If you say so, kid."

"Whatever dude, just get me to North Park already!"


Back at the South Park community center, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters were huddled together, trying to stay warm and make the best of the situation…if they could that is.

Cartman still hadn't arrived…or so they thought.

"OK people!" Mayor McDaniels announced to the part of town that was in the community center. "We have a generator running both here and at the shelter we made out of the school. Hopefully, we have enough food, water, supplies, and such to get us through. I just listened to the weather on the radio, and they're thinking that this darn storm should hopefully be over by the 26th."

Everyone moaned as they realized that that meant they'd be stuck at the community center during Christmas.

"I know people, I don't like it either, but it'll just have to do. From the looks of it, everyone seems to be accounted for both here and at the school, so try to huddle together to stay warm."

Kyle sighed. "I honestly don't see how the fuck this Christmas could get ANY worse."

("You just had to say that, didn't you?") Kenny berated Kyle.

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked.

("You'll see, trust me.")

Sure enough, something worse did happen not to long after Kenny made his prediction. A few minutes later, a rather panicky Liane Cartman came over to the boys.

"Uh, hello boys. You…wouldn't happen to know where Eric is, would you?" Liane asked as calmly as she could.

Her question only made the boys more worried.

"No…we thought the two of you hadn't arrived yet!" Butters answered.

"Eric and I were one of the first ones here! Oh goodness…." Liane began to fret.

("See? Told you.")

"Oh relax, he could just be taking a really huge shit." Kyle tried to reassure the group.

"Oh no, Eric!" Butters began to get more upset than the others. "He's probably out in the storm! What if he's dead!?"


Cartman finally got to North Park at 11 A.M. He, sarcastically, thanked the driver, who then proceeded to drive to the North Park community center for shelter. Cartman saw dozens and dozens of North Park residents flee towards a shelter as the storm progressively worsened as he walked around the shopping district. Cartman noticed a jewelry store upon entering the district and proceeded to go inside.

"Damn it!" Cartman heard the cashier say the moment he stepped inside the store.

"Sheesh, what's your problem, dude?" Cartman asked; albeit he couldn't really care less.

"I've been trying to close up shop for the last hour and a half now, but people like you keep coming in! Is there anyone else out there who might come here?"

"No, I wouldn't say so. Everyone else seems to be in a hurry to get to a shelter."

The cashier sighed somewhat aggressively. "I don't know whose bright idea it was to keep some of the stores open for last minute business, but if I ever find him, he'll regret making that decision. But it seems like you're the last person that's bothering to walk over here so-."

"Yeah, whatever, I just need to get something real quick and get out of here."

"Well get it quickly. I want to get out of here before this storm gets any worse."

That's when Cartman realized that a jewelry store definitely wasn't the best option for Wendy's gift, as everything in the store cost hundreds of dollars. However, Cartman, being the manipulative schemer he is, thought up a way to exploit the cashier's desire to leave, and he thought it up quick.

"So…you're in a rush to go, huh?" Cartman began ever so slyly.

"Did you not hear me earlier?"

Cartman waltzed over to a diamond ring that cost about $350.

"So what you're saying is that…as soon as I get something…you can leave."

"Yes, now hurry the hell up!" the cashier snapped back.

"Well…I think I'm going to get this ring but…but…it just costs too much!" Cartman said in a mocking tone of voice. "I'm just a kid you know! How ever will I afford such a high price? I am but a young child that-."

"Alright already, you can have it for $200! Just get the damn thing and go!"

"I would, but you see-."

"Alright fine, $50!"

"Well, the thing about that is-."

"Oh for God's sake, fine! You can have the stupid thing for free! Just get out of here so I can close up and get to a shelter in time!"

Cartman mockingly selected the ring he thought Wendy would love most and left the store. Two minutes later, he heard the door slam as the pissed off cashier began walking towards a shelter.

Having finally gotten a gift for Wendy, Cartman proceeded to head back to South Park, only to realize that it was a LONG walk back and the snow storm had gotten much, much worse.

"OK…maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."


It was 1 P.M. by the time Cartman left North Park. He was hoping he could find somebody to drive him back to South Park, but the jewelry store cashier was the last human being he had seen. To make matters worse, Cartman began to feel a little hungry. The snow was now six inches deep, with Cartman trudging through the best he could. By 2 P.M., he was only five miles away from North Park, with still who knows how much further left. The snow was now eight inches deep, severely slowing Cartman down. By 10 P.M. he had only walked another three miles. Cartman was exhausted, hungry, and thirsty, but he kept urging himself onward the best he could.


At that same time back in South Park, everyone had been made aware of Cartman's absence. Several people offered to go look for him, but nobody was allowed outside, except to do things like checking the generators, due to the severity of the blizzard.

("Why can't they let me out?") Kenny half-complained as he had gotten concerned for Cartman's safety. ("If I freeze to death, I can just warp myself back here!")

"Don't forget, not everyone in the town knows you're immortal dude." Kyle reminded him.

"Eric's mom looks like she's about to go into hysterics over there…poor lady." Butters stated. "Oh gosh fellas…do you think Eric's gonna live?"

"He certainly has enough blubber on him to keep him warm for a good long time!" Kyle joked, only to get an elbow from Kenny.

("Not a good time dude. Anyways, where'd Stan go?")

Kyle motioned towards the back of the community center. "He's over there trying to comfort Wendy."

("Right about now, I think I can officially declare this the worst Christmas ever.")

"No kidding!"


In a corner of the community center, Stan was doing all he could to try and calm Wendy down. As you would think in this situation, Wendy had only become increasingly worried and anxious since her boyfriend had not shown up yet.

"I'm…sure Cartman's alright…wherever he is." Stan tried to reassure her. Wendy's head was resting against Stan's shoulder, with a tear streaming down her face ever couple of minutes.

"He's certainly been through a hell of a lot worse you know…we all have. I doubt a measly snow storm is going to stop him."


It was now 1 A.M. on Christmas Day. Most of the folks in the community center had long since fallen asleep. To them, there wasn't any way they could dream of a white Christmas, considering how the full foot of snow had come full force like the weather reports had expected. The snow was falling much, much less heavy, but it didn't make up for the fact that South Park was flat out snowed in with a foot of snow. In short, there's no way anybody could've possibly dreamed of a white Christmas, they were living that thing!

Instead, everyone went to sleep trying to think of anything other than the color white.

Cartman still hadn't come back from North Park yet, and most of South Park had just assumed the worst had happened to him. Wendy had cried herself to sleep that night because of it.

Cartman himself was now reduced to walking, no, trudging about a yard an hour. He desperately tried to keep himself awake the best he could, and even though he had managed to not let the wind rip Wendy's gift out of his hand, he had lost all hope of ever making it back to South Park.

"...uggh…can't go on…any…longer. I…I'm…sorry…W-Wendy."

"W-What's…that…n-noise?"

By now, Cartman was starving, dehydrated, exhausted, and nearing hypothermia. However, despite the seemingly complete loss of his mind from the cold, he couldn't help but hear some kind of cheerful greeting like sound in the distance.

"…Huh? …eww…what…the…hell? Who…took…a…shit?"


The next morning, the folks in the community center woke up as miserable as ever. The only thing that didn't make it a complete loss for anyone is that they had all brought their Christmas presents. The kids did their Secret Santa exchange.

"So…what exactly did you get Red?" Stan asked Kyle that morning.

Kyle didn't answer and instead motioned towards Red, who was opening her present from Kyle on the other side of the room. Stan and Kyle watched as Red opened the present…and found a homemade Christmas ball ornament, decked in red and green. Kyle had chosen the red and green fusion design not just to symbolize Christmas, but mostly to represent the two of them in a way. Red for Red, and green for Kyle.

Red looked around the room, trying to figure out who gave her the ornament.

"You didn't put your name on it?" Stan asked, unsure why Kyle hadn't done so.

"Nope! That's what the green part of it is for. I'm sure she'll be able to figure it out. Besides, I think she likes it!"

The gift exchange continued until all the gifts had been handed out. Stan gave Earl Davis the computer keyboard he had bought him (as he had overheard Earl say that his had broken) and later gave Bebe the scarf he got her; much to her delight.

"You holding up alright?" Stan asked Wendy later in the day.

Wendy sighed. "I don't know…I wish Cartman was here."

It was a few minutes after she said that, that everyone was startled by a loud banging noise on the community center's front door. With everyone hoping it was Cartman, a bunch of people immediately rushed over to try and pry the door open, since it was buried in a foot of snow.

It took them a few minutes of struggling, but the group finally managed to get it open…only for a huge pile of snow to fall inside, allowing the doorway to clear up.

"Did you guys hear that?" Kyle asked his friends. Very faintly in the distance, Kyle heard a low-sounding "Howdy ho!" coming from outside. The boys rushed over to the door, and instantly became 200% more happy then they had been in the past few days when they saw the Hankey family, along with Cartman!

"Cartman!"

"Mr. Hankey!"

Wendy wasted no time in immediately throwing her arms around Cartman to hug him. She didn't let go of him until a few minutes afterwards.

("Dude, what the hell happened to you out there!? Where the fuck were you!?")

Cartman began to share his experience. "Well, I had to go to North Park for a last minute Christmas gift. Some asshole drove me there, but by the time I was done shopping, the storm had kicked in full force. Then at some point last night, I had basically given up, when Mr. Hankey showed up!"

"Howdy ho boys and girls!" Mr. Hankey greeted the town of South Park. "Boy, it sure does smell like flowers! Howdy ho Kyle!"

"Mr. Hankey! Is Simon OK now?" Kyle asked.

"He sure is Kyle! Thanks for keeping your faith in me! Now that I'm here, this Christmas can be a lot more cheerier!"

And with a wave of his hand, Mr. Hankey materialized a Christmas tree in the middle of the room. Everyone immediately began to drool over it out of happiness, as most of them had not seen a Christmas tree all season due to the shortage.

Wendy and Cartman went into a corner to exchange gifts. Wendy made absolutely no hesitation in questioning why the hell Cartman headed all the way up to North Park to get a present.

"Honestly Cartman, did you really think the snow storm wouldn't get in your way?" Wendy asked.

"Well, duh!" Cartman replied. "Of course the plan sounded dumb…but I did it for you!"

Cartman pulled the box with the ring he had gotten out of his coat pocket. Wendy gasped when she saw it, knowing what could be inside. She opened the box and immediately fell in love with the diamond ring Cartman bought her.

"It's…it's beautiful!" Wendy rejoiced as she immediately kissed Cartman on the cheek. "How were you able to afford this?"

Cartman chuckled. "Let's just say that I know somebody who has a really bad impatience problem!"

Wendy and Cartman embraced in another hug, both happy that they got to spend Christmas together after all. The people of South Park realized that day that even if a holiday looks like it might suck, ultimately, the holidays are what you make it.


A/N: So my fellow readers, I hope you enjoyed my Christmas gift to you! The final chapter of this story! I apologize that the ending was a bit abrupt, for lack of a better word, but I didn't really know any better way to expand on it.

Time for me to get back to work on episode 7!

All reviews are appreciated! I wish you all a very merry Christmas! Happy holidays! :)