"You know Ken you don't have to come with me. You and Liam can just stay here." Colt watched as his sister pack a bag for herself and Liam from the bedroom doorway.
"Nah, it's cool. I think I am ready to go back." Colt had some business in New York and he had invited his sister and his young nephew to go with him. "I need to go back Scotty. It's been five years it's about time I let myself have closure."
"Mommy." Five-year-old Liam ran into the room. Even after all this time whenever Colt or Kennedy saw Liam their breath hitched for a moment because he looked so much like his father.
Kennedy stopped what she was doing. "What is it my little man?"
Liam hopped up onto the bed. "Can I bring Mr. Puppy with me on our trip?"
"Of course you can. How can you possibly go to sleep without Mr. Puppy." she wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head.
"This is gonna be the bestest trip ever!" the young boy grinned up at his uncle and mother. Both adults wished they could share his enthusiasm. Neither of them were particularly excited about returning to New York but they knew they had to.
"I cannot wait to show my favorite little man all the sites." Colt scooped Liam into his arms. Kennedy smiled, Colt had been so great to them since they had come to live with them. He was so great with Liam, she wouldn't know what to do without him.
"I love you Uncle Scotty." Liam giggled.
"I love you too Buddy." he placed the small child on his feet and the siblings watched as he took off to his room.
"He is so amazing. He's so happy to be taking a trip. He has no idea of the sadness that we all felt the last time we were there." Kennedy marveled.
"He has no memories of the last time he was there Ken. He has no idea of what happened. That would be way too much for a little boy to handle."
"He's started asking about him you know. He asked me the other night if his daddy ever got sad in heaven because we were not with him." As Liam had gotten older Colt and Kennedy and the rest of their family had been very careful about what they told the little boy about his father. He knew that his Daddy loved him very much and that he had went to heaven and because of that he could not live with them. For the time being that was enough.
"What did you tell him?" Colt asked.
"I told him that I imagine he did sometimes because he did not get to see his beautiful face everyday." she broke down then. Even now everyday was a struggle. "I still have no idea how to live without him. Every time Liam smiles or makes that goofy face he makes and it's just all Phil. Sometimes it hurts so much to look at him."
"I know it's hard Ken. Believe me I have seen you struggle. But you are doing such a great job with him. I mean he's such a happy little boy. Phil would be so proud of how you have handled everything. He really would." Colt wrapped his arms around his sister. "I know I am."
"I just want my little boy to know his dad." she sobbed. Her tears soaked into Colt's shirt as he held her.
"He will. Just not in the way that most kids know their dad. But we are always telling him stories about Phil and he has home movies and pictures. He knows his dad."
–
Jackson Durante, that is the name he decided on when he awoke from his coma. The doctors told him that he hit his head pretty hard and because of the swelling he had seemed to have developed amnesia. He had no memory of his past, no clues to who he was before that fateful September day. Over the years he had come to accept that, it was hard at first but he had gotten used to it. But something always bothered him. He had woken up with a wedding band on his hand so obviously he had had a wife, but where the hell was she? All he had to go on was the name Kennedy which was next to nothing, it would be impossible to even attempt to find some random person named Kennedy in a city as big as New York.
He looked around him, to the place he had called home since he had woken up. He had flown into rages when he first woke up so as soon as he was physically able they moved him to their psychiatric ward, he wasn't supposed to have stayed this long but it was all he knew. The schedule was all he knew, they told him what time to wake up, eat breakfast, take his meds, watch television.
Jackson tried not to think of how tedious it all was. But not on that day, today was the day that he was going to go out to see the world. Because he was where he was willingly he was allowed to leave whenever he wanted. Most of the time he just stayed where he was but on the rare occasion at his psychologist's advice he attended a support group that specialized in people who were either in the building on that day or to the families of those who lost someone. When he had first started going he thought that maybe, just maybe he would find a member of his family there. That someone would recognize him and tell him who the hell he was. But as of yet that had not happened. He had pretty much given up at that point.
Jackson looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was long almost to his shoulders by that point and he needed to shave, his beard was starting to get out of control. But he looked past those superficial things and stared into his own eyes, did he share his eyes with anyone? His mother perhaps or maybe his father. Did he have siblings, if so was he close with them? So many unanswered questions and with nobody to give him any answers sometimes it was maddening.
Jackson sometimes got so mad he wanted to hit somebody. He was frustrated, he wanted to know who he was. He wanted to know if there was anybody out there missing him. In essence he wanted his life back. But he had nothing to go on, so he would remain where he was.
"Come on stop feeling sorry for yourself." he scolded his own reflection. "You could be dead. In fact you probably should be." With that he left his room and ventured out into the main area.
"Have a good day Jax and remember you have to be back by six-thirty." His favorite nurse Shelia reminded him.
"I know I'll be back." he pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up so that it covered his face. He just didn't feel like dealing with people on that particular day. That was another thing that he tried to figure out. Was he always this antisocial or did this come with the head trauma? He could not be sure.
He strolled down the streets and thought about what he did know about himself. He hated crowds, that was a big one. He also seemed to have a sweet tooth, especially for red Starbursts and chocolate chip cookies. He hardly ever slept, he liked horror movies and his favorite superhero was Batman. But the question of the hour was if he liked any of this stuff before he became Jackson. He was so deep in thought he accidentally bumped into someone.
"Sorry." he mumbled as he chanced a brief look at who he bumped into. It was a man with a little boy on his shoulders.
"No harm done dude." the man said before starting to walk again. Jackson started walking too but chanced a look again. The man was accompanied by a woman with long light brown hair. But what had stopped him was that the young boy had turned around to look at him. He gave him a smile and waved as if somehow he knew him.
Jackson waved back as not to be rude but he could not help being a little unsettled. The boy reminded him of someone he knew but he couldn't figure out who. After another moment he shrugged it off and continued on his way.
–
"I think that man was homeless." Kennedy told her brother. "I feel so bad for him."
"Ken." Colt laughed. "He probably wasn't homeless maybe he just likes the long hair and crazy beard look. You are just thinking too much."
Kennedy bit her lower lip. Something could not stop her from thinking about that man. She had no idea what it was but her gut told her that there was something. Soon she too just brushed it off, not knowing how close she was to seeing the man she loved again.
"Come on Liam let's go see the Statue of Liberty."
