This is the last chapter, I did not write any of this chapter it was all Welsh Gem.
This chapter was inspired by my nearly fatal accident in P.E which Welsh Gem stopped. She saved my live, I am eternally grateful.
We had a bit of fun thinking about this chapter in school, so hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Bella walked down the wet sidewalk a let out a depressing a sigh.
She had gone an hour without Edward. AN HOUR! This thought made Bella break down into sobs again.
She looked up after five minuets of crying and wiped her nose which had a large boogie dangling from the nostril. Then something caught her eye.
Bella looked more carefully at the window of her bedroom, over looking her really crap car. Something, like a shadow, passed the window and ripped down one of her Orlando Bloom posters off the wall.
Bella gasped angrily then stomped into her house.
She marched up to the top of the stairs, fell back down and a sickening crack was heard.
Bella looked down at her right leg and saw the bone sticking out and blood oozing through.
Bella just shrugged then hopped back up the stairs with her newly broken log dragging behind her.
At the top of the stairs, Bella threw open her bedroom door, making it fall off the hinges and she looked around with bloodthirsty look in her eyes.
"JACOB! ARE YOU USING MY MAKE UP AGAIN?" Bella screamed.
She spotted the mascara on her pillow, pictures of stick men with fangs being hanged on the wall were drawn out of her cherry lipstick. Blusher smothered her open wardrobe.
Jacob, who was standing in the middle of the room staring at something. He spun around at the sound of Bella's voice.
He had pink lipstick all around his mouth and brown blusher on his cheeks with mascara on his eyelashes. He also had eye-shadow, a blue shade, on his eye-brows but not on his eyelids.
"Noooooooooo!" he replied in a high pitched voice. Bella frowned.
"Where's my Orlando Bloom posters?" she asked, noticing that they weren't on the walls.
Jacob blushed under the three grams of blusher he had on his cheeks, which weight them down and now where longer than his chin.
Bella looked behind Jacob and saw something that would leave nightmares into your sleep FOREVER:
Her Orlando Bloom posters were in a pile with a white liquid sprayed over them and looked as if they had been fucked badly.
Bella couldn't believe it. MOST fan girls would attack Jacob armed with pirate swords and grenades.
But not Bella.
She was such a fan she could do nothing. She curled up into a ball on the floor and rocked back and forth.
"Orlando...Jacob...errection...fucked...Orlando...orgasm...Orlando...Jacob..." she muttered.
Jacob morphed into a pink little poodle then trotted up to the window and jumped off and landed onto Bella's really crap car. Bella shuffled down the high street. It had been one week since Jacob fucked her most precious Orlando Bloom posters.
It had left her so shocked and hurt that she needed to be taken to hospital and was placed under suicidal watch so now she had a group of spies wandering behind her in cheap tuxedos and carrying really old briefcases.
Suddenly, out of nowhere (well, a coffee shop), popped out Lady Gaga.
"You dated Edward, right?" she asked.
Bella held her nose to stop the smell of raw meat smelling up her nose and nodded.
Lady Gaga slapped her, leaving three two centimetre cuts from her super sharp and curly nails, then dragged her out into the middle of the road. "Take this bitch!" she screamed then ripped off her meat dress and dumped it onto Bella.
Bella struggled with the weight of the meat dress and was held down. Lady Gaga, who was naked, laughed evilly then was vaporised and taken to her home planet in a spaceship.
Down the road, a twelve kilo lorry rampaged down the road. "Hahaha!" It laughed. "I vill run over ze vet sweed!"
Bella screamed and kicked her free legs rapidly in the air.
She kicked it so rapidly that her right leg, which still had had the bone sticking out, tore off and went flying into Vagens R us which lead to screams and random people fainting.
At the top of Starbucks stood Edward. "Don't worry Bella! I WILL SAVE YOU!" then Edward did his super running thing and picked up Bella and got her off of the road before the evil German lorry ran her over.
Bella looked up lovingly at Edward.
Suddenly, Bella's organs popped out of the skin and on each organ morphed a face of Bella. "You saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!" they chanted then disappeared back into the body.
Edward frowned but then looked back at Bella lovingly.
"If you date me again, Bella. And allow me to get to second base with you, I will by you another Orlando Bloom poster." Edward cried.
Tears formed in Bella's eyes. "Yes! Now may I snog you nose?" she asked before letting tears run down her cheeks.
Edward burst out into happy tears and nodded. Bella gave Edward a wet snog on his nose and then accidentally swallowed a bubble of snot from Edward's runny nose.
This is the last chapter *sniff* R&R please :D
