(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoiler, etc.)

Chapter 3: "Understanding"

December 20, 2014

"I must go home with a gorgeous sun tan."

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Helena frowning at her pale arms. She remembered being that same way forty-odd years ago. That was the glittering lure of southern California: every day was summer. "We've only just arrived," she heard Colin say, "and you're already thinking about going home?"

"No, Granddad! It's only that-"

She leaned back against the limousine's leather seat, stifling a yawn. Once it was announced that she and Colin would be spending Christmas in Sunset Beach, his children and their spouses promptly made their own plans for the holiday. Except for Helena, who promptly demanded to accompany her grandparents to California. But, Olivia didn't mind bringing her along. Though strong-willed, Helena was ultimately a sweet girl who was very fond of Trey. "Just," she sighed, interrupting the girl's exclamation, "don't get so much sun that you burn. I'll never hear the end of it from your mother if you go home pink and peeling."

"Yes, Nana." She watched as Helena clutched her mobile and extended her arm, smiling coquettishly at the device. "I need to send a Snapchat and make all my friends jealous that they're stuck in dreary England while I'm here in paradise."

She patted her husband's arm as he grumbled something unintelligible in response. She understood very little about what went on in that girl's head. What she did know was that it seemed considerably more complicated to be a teenager than she remembered it being when she was one herself. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. God, she had turned into her own mother.

"Tired, are you?"

She opened her eyes and turned to her husband. "A little," she admitted as she sat up and rolled her shoulders. His hand settled on her back, rubbing firmly. "It's days like this when I miss the Concorde. We could've been here hours ago."

He chuckled. "Well, we're here now."

She beamed and looked out the window as they turned onto Caitlin's street. The early afternoon sunlight glittered on the patch of ocean visible between the homes. Helena was right, she realized as they drove down the street lined with palm trees. It was paradise. "I'm going to live on the beach one day," she heard Helena murmur as she scrolled through her phone. "Actually, I might never go home. Perhaps I'll stay forever."

"And be a beach bum?" Colin asked with a chuckle.

She sucked in her breath, suddenly remembering an argument Gregory and Sean had years ago at Christmas. She shook her head, hearing their angry voices as the car slowed and turned into her daughter's driveway. "No, I'll get Nana to give me a job at the radio station and- oh wow! Look at their house! Isn't it so bizarre that I've never been here before?" she heard Helena ask and she turned to her. But, she was right. The only time Helena and the rest of Colin's family came with them to California was for Sean's wedding. But, that was in Napa Valley, not Sunset Beach.

She felt her husband take her hand as the backseat door opened. "Come on, darling," he said, stepping out.

She nodded and followed him, instantly feeling the oppressive heat around her. "Mom!" Caitlin called out, coming across the driveway with her arms outstretched.

Olivia grinned, forgetting the exhaustion and the knotty feeling of her body knowing it was later than the clocks in this time zone. A moment later, her daughter was in her arms and she held her tight. "Oh, darling," she sighed, turning her face into her golden hair and breathing deep. She knew how her own mother must have felt years ago when she stood in Caitlin's shoes. She cupped her daughter's face and laughed, delighted at the sight of her.

"I'm so happy you're here," her daughter sighed, blinking back tears.

"Me too, darling. Me too." She hugged her daughter again, sighing in relief. She heard Colin and Cole greet each other. She heard Helena giggle at something Cole said. She opened her eyes and looked around. "Darling, where's Trey?"

"Probably in his room with his earbuds firmly in," Cole said with a wry smile. He reached out, kissing her cheek. She smiled back at him, noticing the grey licking at his temples. Oh, time...how it has marched through their lives. "He just got back from Gregory's."

Her daughter's arm was around her as they walked into the house. "Gregory's?" she asked quietly.

"He stays over there most Fridays. He and Daddy usually play golf early on Saturday morning." Caitlin glanced over and smiled as she nodded. Gregory had mentioned that several letters back. They walked into the foyer, the skylight scattering a patch of warm sun onto the tile. "I'll call him though." She walked over to the stairs and called up, "Trey? They're here!"

"I'll go get him," Helena said, darting up the stairs. "I can't wait to see him!"

"How has he been?" Olivia asked quietly, following her daughter into the living room. She thought back to Gregory's phone call a month ago, when they shared their concerns about Trey. Cole and Colin faded away, already deep in conversation, as the driver carried in their luggage.

"Fine." Caitlin smiled. "Though, actually, I'm relieved his winter break started yesterday. He's been studying like a mad man since school started." She nodded, dropping her leather purse onto the sofa as her daughter continued, "He's been working so hard. Up late, doing research, staying on top of his classes."

"Perhaps letting him graduate early was too much?" She tried never to think What if? when it came to Trey. But, sometimes, she couldn't help herself. She didn't know if she would've allowed him to take enough extra classes in order to squeeze four years of high school into three. It seemed like far too much.

"I know. It is a lot. But, Mom, you should've seen the pitch speech he put together for Cole and I last spring. He had handouts with charts planning out how he could get everything done." Olivia couldn't help but smile. That was something Gregory would've done. It seemed that Trey had inherited all of his grit and determination. "Besides, he wants it so badly."

She nodded. She probably wouldn't have been able to say no to him either. The Christmas tree in the corner of the room caught her eye and she opened her mouth when she heard the sound of feet on the stairs. She turned just in time to see Trey rush across the room and into her arms. He was taller since she last saw him in August. She heard the catch in his breathing and she reached for his face. "Oh, darling boy – just look at you!" He blushed, watching her closely as her hand swept up to his hair. "Taller than ever, I see. But, you need a hair cut," she said softly and he nodded, a grin dancing on his face.

"I said the same thing, Nana!" Helena exclaimed, her face scrunched. "Trey looks like a lazy surfer with long hair."

"I'll get it cut," he said and Caitlin groaned.

"Mom, you need to come more often! I've been begging him for the last week to get it cut. You're here five minutes and he agrees." She rolled her eyes and playfully tousled his hair. "Alright, who's hungry? Daddy and Alex aren't coming over for dinner until around six, but I know-"

"I'm famished!" Helena exclaimed.

Olivia turned to Trey, watching him closely as Helena followed Caitlin into the kitchen. He seemed tired. He looked pale. Gregory was right – he wasn't himself. "How have things been?"

He turned to her. "Since yesterday's email, you mean?"

She shrugged leading him to the sofa. She enjoyed the daily emails. "Since...whenever. You look tired." He shrugged and glanced down at his feet. Sean would do that too when he had something to hide. Neither of her sons had their father's poker face. Instead, they had her inability to never hide her emotions. "Hmm?" she asked, touching his knee.

"Just a little tired," he finally said. "Pop and I got 36 holes in this morning."

She nodded as he leaned back and gazed up at the ceiling. "I'm glad that you are doing something fun and not just studying all the time."

He watched her for a long moment. She sat up a bit straighter, wondering what he found so fascinating. A shadow fell across his face and his mouth twitched. "I'm glad you're here," he finally said and she smiled. She reached out, wrapping her arms around him.

"So am I," she sighed, kissing the side of his head. The hole in her heart always healed when he was in her arms. "So am I."


Alex reached out, covering Gregory's hand. He smiled and glanced at her quickly before he turned back to the road. She smiled too and leaned back in the leather seat. "Dinner should be nice," she said softly. He sighed his agreement and she watched him out of the corner of her eye. "I'm surprised that Olivia and Colin feel up to it – with the jet lag and all."

He shrugged. "It probably won't be a late night."

"Probably not." She turned her head, squinting into the golden rays of the sunset. His profile was in shadows and she felt his hand shift. A moment later, she felt his gentle squeeze and she smiled. She knew he had been counting down to this day all week. To be honest, so had she. It wasn't every Christmas that he looked forward to with great anticipation. "How long has it been since we've seen Colin?" she wondered aloud.

"I saw him two years ago when I took Trey to London."

She nodded. That was right. Gregory took Trey to the premiere of the new James Bond movie and they stayed at Olivia and Colin's home. "Yes," she said, "but when's the last time he's come here? I haven't seen him in a quite awhile. Olivia's here several times a year, but that's for business."

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Trey's confirmation?" he finally suggested as they turned into the driveway of Caitlin's home.

She snapped her fingers, instantly remembering. "That was it." He grinned and climbed out of the car, reaching into the backseat for the wine case. She smiled, watching him come around the car to open her door. "Caitlin did a nice job on the decorations," she pointed out as she stood. He nodded and took her hand. The old-fashioned multicolored lights glowed from inside the windows, catching on the red velvet bows. "Everything looks festive and cozy."

He chuckled. "She's come a long way from the little girl who once begged Olivia and I for a pink Christmas tree."

She slipped her arm around his waist as she leaned against him. "Be honest: you got it for her, didn't you?"

"It was a small one," he said indignantly and she laughed aloud. "Two or so feet tall. She kept it on the dresser in her bedroom."

"I knew it," she said, still laughing as the front door swung open before they had a chance to ring the bell.

"What's so funny?" Cole asked.

She shook her head and gestured to Gregory. "Ask him about Caitlin's pink Christmas tree," she said, kissing him on the cheek as she walked into the foyer.

"Oh, I know all about it," he sighed, shaking Gregory's hand. "She threatens to put it on the coffee table every year."

She watched as Gregory passed Cole the two bottles of wine they brought. "See?" he said as he turned to her and winked. "It was a good investment. It's lasted more than thirty years."

She rolled her eyes before she turned back to Cole. "So, where is everyone? How are the travelers holding up?"

"They're good. Trey and Helena just got back from the beach. Olivia and Colin are in the living room." He knocked his head in that direction as he said, "I'm going to open these and then rescue my wife from the kitchen. We'll be in in just a moment."

Alex nodded and went to her husband's side as Cole left them. "Let's go in," she said softly. He nodded and squeezed her hand, leading the way. The living room was to the left and swollen with fading sunlight. Olivia and Colin stood by the Christmas tree and she heard her exclaim, "Ah! Here it is!" She felt Gregory slow to a stop and she looped her arm through his as they watched her point to one of the ornaments. "My mother bought this at John Lewis for Caity's first Christmas. It took her weeks to pick 'the one'."

Colin chuckled. "I imagine it must have been maddening for her."

"She called every day with an update from the different shops she went to and the ornaments they had for sale. I think she must have driven the shop girls mad with all her requests. She had a dozen different Baby's First Christmas ornaments on hold before she finally decided on this one."

Alex watched Gregory as they listened to Olivia. His eyes were soft, a reminiscent smile on his face. She wasn't threatened by his past, his memories, or even the love he feels for Olivia. It's all a part of him. It's all what makes him the man she loves. She heard Olivia inhale sharply and she turned to her. "When did you get here?" she asked. Olivia looked at both of them, but she knew the question was directed to Gregory.

"Just now," he said softly and she felt him step away. She watched quietly as Olivia beamed and they met in the middle of the living room. Her arms were around him a moment later as she chuckled. He laughed back as they stood in an embrace for several long moments. "It's good to see you," she heard him murmur.

Olivia pulled back, blinking rapidly as she looked up at him. "It's good to see you too," she replied softly before she turned to her. "Alex, you look wonderful!"

"As do you," she said, hugging the other woman tightly. "It's so terrific you and Colin came," she whispered in her ear. Over Olivia's shoulder, she watched Gregory and Colin greet each other. Polite, friendly even. She's always been a firm believer that time heals everything.

If the four of them together at Christmas wasn't proof of that, then what was?


Trey exhaled deeply as he stretched out on the sofa and tucked his hands beneath his head. Tonight wasn't what he expected, he thought to himself as he gazed up at the ceiling. It was actually better than he expected. He got to sit back and study them, observing them like a scientist conducting an experiment. Nan and Pop gabbed throughout the dinner and he couldn't even keep up with how quickly they moved between topics. But, Colin and Alex chimed in and kept up. It was almost like the four of them were at their own table.

It was confusing – but nice, all at the same time.

He didn't have much experience with divorced couples, other than Nan and Pop. After all, Mom and Dad were still married. He knew from his friends whose parents were divorced how sucky it could be. But, Nan and Pop...they were different. They talked the way Mom and Dad talk. They smiled at each other the way Mom and Dad do.

He wanted – he needed – to understand them. He needed to know what his life could've been like with them. He needed to know what he was missing. He needed to know what he would never have. Mom would say it was cruel. What he was doing to himself. Torturing himself in this way. But, Mom didn't know...and he couldn't see any other way to live with himself. His science teacher always said that knowledge gave way to understanding. He got that. He respected that. Understanding was the only gift he wanted this Christmas.

He left all of them sitting around the dining room table over coffee and dessert. He didn't remember what excuse he gave, but it didn't look that anyone paid much attention, except for Helena. He felt her brown eyes burning into him as he pushed back from the table. But, he could handle her and her incessant curiosity.

"How are you holding up?"

He stiffened, hearing Pop's voice. But, Pop wasn't there, he realized as he glanced around. He wasn't talking to him.

"I'm tired," he heard Nan sigh. "But, I didn't want to miss this."

He leaned up slightly, grateful that the overstuffed sofa was made of microfiber instead of leather. It was silent as he slid off it, crouched on his knees, and peered around the arm. Nan and Pop stood in the doorway, their voices low. "Caity's talked of nothing else the last few weeks," Pop said. That was true. Mom had gone overboard with the planning for this Christmas. There was no stopping her.

"I know," Nan replied, a tired smile on her face. "She's more and more like Mummy every year."

Pop moved closer to her and cupped her elbow. "She's like you," he suggested softly. Nan chuckled softly beneath her breath, like she didn't believe him. He watched, ignoring the nervous feeling that swelled in his chest, as Pop cupped her cheek. "You," he repeated. "They all are."

He held his shaky breath, suddenly so terrified they might hear him. Pop said they. Not both – they. That meant more than two children. While he didn't have actual proof they were his parents, he felt it. But now, he heard Pop confirm it. Basically. He leaned forward on his elbows, pressing his stomach and chest into the floor. The closer to the floor he was, the less likely it would be that he would be discovered. The logic made sense to him. The same way it made sense when he was a child to believe that the carpet was made of hot lava as he leapt from the coffee table to the sofa.

"Thank you," she whispered, slowly looking up at Pop. He watched as her eyes melted and she turned her face into his hand, kissing his palm. He froze, suddenly embarrassed by the intimate turn their conversation took. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be watching this. This was...private. But, he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Pop smiled and it didn't surprise him to see the tinge of sadness in it. Pop was always a little sad whenever he spoke about Nan. Likewise, she was always a little sad whenever she spoke about him. "I didn't want to mail this," he heard Pop say, watching as he pulled an envelope out of his pocket. Nan's eyes lit up, chasing away the sorrow, as she took the envelope and clasped it to her heart. "It seemed silly to send it to England when you'd be here."

She nodded. "Thank you." There was a long moment of silence before she tentatively said, "He seems...tired. He barely spoke at dinner."

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as a numb sensation swept over his body. She meant him. They were talking about him. Pop nodded and sighed deeply. "Yes, but you know? I've noticed a change in him since before Thanksgiving. He doesn't seem...so sad."

His eyes widened. Since before Thanksgiving...when Nan agreed to come to Sunset Beach for Christmas. Did they know that he knew? No way. They couldn't. He hasn't said anything to anyone about it.

"Really?" she asked softly, watching Pop. "I hope so." She stifled a yawn and turned her face into her shoulder.

"Let's go back," Pop said, putting his arm around her and turning her in the direction of the dining room. "You're exhausted...and they're probably wondering where we are." She nodded, letting him lead her away.

He counted ten Mississippi before he pushed himself up. His head spun and he promptly collapsed onto the sofa. As his head fell into his hands, the only thing he could think was that there was so much about Nan and Pop that he still didn't understand.

He wondered if he ever would.