Hey peeps! Looooong time no see eh? (: Still angsty here but I vow to finish this story even if it kills me. So, sit tight and I'll try to prolong this chappy ^^


Sigh

I wish. Hehehe. It will be over soon. Still on my face, that empty smile stayed etched on.

I want to pull the trigger so much. No. Almost but not yet. Misaki has to go first. I felt my lips curve back into my usual, hating scowl. I removed the gun from my forehead and whole life just started to agonisingly crawl back out from the deep abyss of my memories.


Flashback

Being abused, by someone older and so much stronger. I always told myself 'when I'm older, I'll be stronger' Listening to 'Simple Plan' songs like one day, shut up and don't wanna think about you, fueling myself with false hope that everything would be okay sooner or later. Back then, I hoped and i hoped, seriously how stupid was I? As I grew up, my parents always favoured my brother over me. Moving to a new place, transferring everywhere just to suit him. I always have been the new kid. Thrown around, being pushed and shoved everywhere by my peers as well as having my stuff and stationary being trashed, torn up and just tossed into the garbage or out the window in my face.

Of course, being homosexual didn't do a thing for my reputation. I smirked sadly. Thanks. Thank you so much, Misaki.

My stuff and books disappearing so much and in such a state would trigger even more beatings, naggings which eventually led to me fighting back and more physical damages. As it continued, even going home just sucked and just basically got me sent to a boarding school, which was exactly what everyone wanted. Me, out.

As a student, from elementary school up till now, I've always given people bad vibes. I had a bad start and became increasingly paranoid to whom was around me. Thinking I was glaring at them, anti-social just because I was quiet and wary of who I talked to and trusted which did result in getting pushed around and having people spreading random rumours about me. Also because of my androgynous looks, I was constantly called a dyke or even vagitarian in worse cases.

Thinking back now, they did turn out right. Didn't they, Misaki?


Elementry school (The beginning)

I was a small, bright-eyed kid wearing at least a small grin at most times as seen through my old photos and never made me fail to think, how? how did an innocent child like that turn...well, turn into me?

It was going to be my first day of school. Excited as I was, I could not seem too eager to get out of the house, to get away from them, as it would just trigger scoldings going along the lines of 'You just wanna leave the house, right? Well, why don't you just move out? Huh, can't wait for it, can't you? brat.' then probably followed by a shove that usually ended with me crashing to the ground, scraping my knees or my face, or a crush against the wall by a swift whack. And more to come after I get back where my brother would insult and mock me like I was the lowest scum on earth, or worse. Oh joy. But even the thought of this couldn't bring down the prospect of being able to leave the house practically everyday.

Oh, how very extremely wrong I had been.

As the big yellow bus of all my hopes pulled up, I could barely stand the happiness and just rushed towards it, sprinting as fast as I could past my older brother and up the bus as my small legs could carry me. In the safety of the bus, I felt a sudden pressure and just slowed my pace to a walk, whereby another child just kicked out his leg and sucessfully tripped me. I landed with a huge thunk, bruising both my knees and grazed my chin.

The whole bus just practically exploded into laughter, as much pain I was in, the humiliation and embarassment was nearly to much to bear and I just threw my bag down at the nearest seat and stayed there.

That day could possibly have been the worst day of my life, having to be humiliated in front of a new crowd, having my lunch box emptied in my face with nothing left to eat and no money to buy food with and having to stand outside of the house for being too enthusiatic about leaving the house that morning. Not to mention the many insults I had to deal with from the others as well as having them throw my lunch box out the window, where I knew, even at that age, my happiness had headed too.

As my luck would have it, that school had an escalator system and the kids that played in your sandbox or were in your playgroup when you were younger, were probably the ones going to stick with you until graduation which was 15 years later on.

One of the many unwritten rules of school life: Once the bullied kid, always the bullied kid.

From that point on I understood it: keep your ground, lie low unless you are a popular dude or bitch and stay alert and wary of people that you interact with. Most importantly, never trust anyone.

Of course, over the years I kept to those rules, never stepping over the line. So, I was still left out, pushed around but never forced to the point of breaking the thread I was hanging on to.

And of course, we come around a full circle right back to my dear little Misaki-chan, the breaking point of my life.


Snap.

It was as easy as that.

My world crashed. Lays completely shattered now.

So, yours will too.


Whew! I'm tired. Its quite long I suppose ^^ Haven't posted in months but thanks for your support, I will post more frequently from now on. So, do review! :D And thanks to those who reviewed last time.