Nine days later Ezra was moved to the long term care facility. Josiah and JD had spent a few hours at his apartment finding items that would make the place feel more like home. Josiah sorted through music and called Buck to buy a proper portable unit for the room, when they determined Ezra's elaborate stereo simply couldn't be transferred to the small room. JD collected books that they could read for him, vowing to himself to find more recorded writings his friend could listen to if he had to be alone.
They all took the day off to be there when he settled in. The room looked as close to cheery as was possible. In addition to his own things, the space had been decorated with something from each member of the team to keep them with him at all times. Vin hung a dream catcher in the window, JD put his old derby hat had on top of the dresser, sitting next to a cowboy hat Buck left there. Chris had brought a painting of the ranch that Ezra had painted for him, and hung it where it would be one of the first things he saw if he woke up. The most colourful addition was a sarape Josiah draped over the foot of the bed. Nathan had a difficult time determining what he could add that would make his presence felt, finally settling on an old fashioned banker's lamp that had been left to him. Ezra had long admired the traditional feel of the item, and Nathan hoped it would have brought a smile to his face to see it there.
Vin was worried Ezra would be confused waking up alone in a strange room, and wouldn't handle that kind of stress well. As much as the others realized this was an unlikely scenario, no one had the heart to voice that fear yet. So a schedule was made up to ensure he was never on his own. In addition to the team a number of friends agreed to visit when work commitments limited the lawmen.
It didn't take long for the strain to begin to show. It wasn't the time they spent with Ezra. None of them begrudged a moment of that. It was the futility of it all. It became of viscous storm of self-recrimination. They blamed themselves for getting depressed over the lack of improvement. They knew they were giving up, and blamed themselves for that too. And while Vin, Josiah and JD held onto hope, the others alternated between guilt over not believing, and anger at the optimists for false expectations.
Nathan had just a little too much medical knowledge to allow himself to believe this could end anyway but badly. The night Raine confirmed his fears she had then comforted him as he spent hours crying over the loss of a man he never expected to call a friend. They'd had too many differences when the southerner joined the team. The devil-may-care attitude the undercover agent seemed to approach everything with was sharp contrast to the sober, principled approach to life that Nathan had always had. It took some time before he discovered that most of what Ezra did was an act. A front to hide a very solitary, private man. He wondered now why he hadn't taken the time to find out a little more about the real Ezra Standish. The man behind the fancy clothing, excessive vocabulary and easy charm. The man who gave his life saving another. Nathan deeply regretted his early dismissal of the complex charmer.
Buck wanted to believe. He wanted to hold onto the idea of someday again playing poker and going riding with the always entertaining man. Listening to stories of his youth, of his past undercover work and just of his life in general, and trying to determine how much was exaggeration, and how much was the real deal. All he knew for certain was that every time he'd challenged any story, Ezra had been able to prove its truth. The man's life could have filled volumes. But as much as he wanted to believe, for everyone's sake, he was not a fool. He didn't understand most of what the doctor had told them, even after Nathan translated, but he knew the look of hopelessness when he saw it. And he saw it clearly from both the Doctor and Nathan.
Chris had never permitted himself to have hope. He'd seen too much tragedy and misery to pretend there could be a happily ever after. For the sake of the others, he'd gone along with the program at the beginning. Vin had made a commitment to stick by Ezra, and the team in turn committed to help him do so. But it was becoming too much. They were fraying at the edges, and it was only a matter of time before the tearing became significant. He looked at the leave request forms on his desk. Adjustments to everyone's schedule to accommodate the visitations. This couldn't go on much longer.
The higher ups at ATF had taken notice. The team was not producing. Cases had been transferred to the teams, and for the moment, Team 7 was doing little more than processing paperwork and filling time. They needed to go back to the field, back to what they did best. The question was, were they able to? It wasn't just a matter of being a man down. It was the focus, the cohesiveness that was gone. Theirs was not a job that allowed for errors. A slip, an oversight, a misjudgement could cost lives. That was not an option. Chris was called to a meeting with the director, with the options laid out. Counseling, for the whole team, to find out if they could get past this. If they chose not to attend, they would be either reassigned to another team, or put on 3 weeks leave to come to terms with the new reality. After that, it was conform, or resign.
He looked again at the leave forms, wrote denied on each and sent message out to the team that they were all to be there the next morning at 9:00. No exceptions.
The reactions were immediate when Chris passed along the news. Josiah announced his retirement, and began preparing the paperwork. It wasn't the ultimatum, or at least not only the ultimatum. He was having trouble accepting what had happened, trouble dealing with the justification of such a punishment in response to a noble act. And he knew that without his belief in a just world, he was not going to be able to serve his friends or his job in the manner deserved. He agreed to stick around for a couple of weeks to help get the paperwork on his files done, but could not be convinced to change his mind.
Buck, JD and Nathan all voiced their displeasure with the new status, some a little more vocally than others. They did concede however, that it really was the only practical option in the long run, and more importantly it is what Ezra would want.
Vin was far less willing to capitulate. He gave Chris his own ultimatum. 6 months leave, or his resignation would be on the desk by the end of the day. There were several moments of silence in the room as the two men stared each other down. Then, almost as if it had been orchestrated, both backed down at the same time.
"Got to be a way to make this work Vin. Ezra wouldn't want you that – we need you, and damn it – you need us too. Especially now. Last thing he'd want is for this team to fall apart because of him. We're too damn good to let that happen. That's not the legacy he deserves. We might survive losing one member – maybe even two," he glanced at Josiah, who remained impassive, "but three – that ends us."
"I'm not abandoning him Chris. Bad enough he's in that place. I'm not leaving him alone there."
"Part time. We'll keep you off active cases unless something extreme comes up. You can work the office end of cases – research, set up and the like. Don't imagine we'll be taking on anything too heavy for a while anyway."
"I can set up a remote access for you Vin." JD offered. "You could do a lot of stuff from Ezra's room if you need to. Don't leave Vin. Bad enough Josiah's gonna go, you can't leave too." The young man was all but pleading, and although Nathan was quiet, his face expressed the same sentiment.
Buck found the way to break through Vin's uncertainty. "If you're right – and Ezra wakes up in a few weeks only to find we've all gone our separate ways, he's gonna be madder than a wet cat. You really want to be the one who has to own up to being responsible for that?"
The notion almost brought a smile to his face. Vin leaned back, rubbing his hand over his face before smoothing back his hair, all in an effort to stall while he pulled his thoughts together. They were making concessions, and he knew he needed to do the same.
"OK – we can try that out. I don't want to quit Chris. You know that. But I have to be doing something for him."
"I know. We're all trying to do what we have to just to get through this. Sure as hell not what I expected to be looking at. OK – you go do what you have to do for now. I'll put together a business case for all of this and get everything official."
"You think upstairs will go for this?"
"They will if they know what's good for them. Go. I'll keep you informed."
Vin came into the office early the next day to get what he needed from his desk, not wanting to encounter the others. He didn't know yet if the powers that be at ATF had signed off on his alternate working arrangement, and he really didn't care. If they said no, he simply wouldn't be working there any longer. In any case, there were a few things he wanted to have with him, in case he never came back in.
Just as importantly, there were a few things he needed to leave behind. Ezra, being Ezra, had written letters to everyone – just in case. Vin didn't know what they said, at least not specifically. He hadn't even read his own yet. They'd been written to express his final thoughts, to be read after his death. Vin didn't think he should wait that long. He was hoping whatever was in those messages might be enough to rally the team again. They were falling apart, and he knew he was as much to blame as any of them. Probably more. These words might well be the tipping point – in either direction.
He opened the door to Chris's office to put the notes on his desk, with a cover note of his own explaining everything. He saw his work status application there, signed the day before. Above Chris's signature on it had been one sentence. "Strongly recommend approval if you have any hopes this team might still be around 6 months from now." Apparently the higher ups agreed, as the request was marked 'Approved'. He smiled with a relief he hadn't really expected to feel. Maybe this job – no, this team – still meant more to him than he had acknowledged, he thought, heading out for another day with Ezra.
None of Chris's detecting skills were needed to determine he wasn't the first in the office that morning. His door wasn't closed tight. It was rarely locked, but usually closed. Given that whoever had been there was gone, he rapidly drew his own conclusions, confirmed when he saw the note from Vin, along with the envelopes. Their placement meant the Vin had undoubtedly seen the work approval. Chris hoped that would be enough to keep him going a while longer, and that his own recommendation would reassure Vin of his support.
He picked up the bundle and looked through it, taking his own from the top and setting it aside. The temptation was almost overwhelming, but he held off on opening it. He wanted to be with the author while he read it, and decided instantly on the plan.
As much as was possible, the five men in the office tried to make it a normal work day. Josiah packed up a few of his things, but spent most of the time making sure his file notes were up to date. The others processed paperwork as well, while Chris fended of calls and assignments for the team. As the slow and unnaturally quiet day drew to a close Chris summoned them into his office.
"These are from Ezra," he stated the obvious as he handed out the notes. The man's handwriting was as distinctive as he was. "Vin left them for us. I plan on reading mine tonight, with Ez. Figured some of you might want to do the same, so I thought we could all head over to see him."
Buck nodded. "We should grab some dinner on the way, 'cause you know Vin probably ain't had a bite all day."
JD hesitated for a moment, before agreeing to join in. He was the opposite to Chris, not expecting to be able to be near the man while reading whatever had been written. He was afraid even a single sentence would take him over the emotional wall he'd been building. Still, if he was going to fall apart, at least it would give him the justification he'd need in front of the others. Course, he was betting they'd all be close to the edge too. A glance to Josiah made the young man think the veteran was reading his mind, as he smiled and nodded. Guess he should be used to the profiler being able to read him so easily. He was going to miss that.
Nathan made a quick call to Raine, cancelling dinner plans. He'd read his note later, with her nearby, but he would be there for his friends tonight.
TBC
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