Chapter Three: Too Many Friends

Cloud followed the obvious path of destruction until he was outside of the ShinRa Tower, and stood for a moment in the deserted street, looking up at what was left of the building. When he'd first come here, desperate to prove himself as a SOLDIER, had he gazed up at the Tower and seen only the shining promise of future glory?

It was hard to imagine, if so. Both the Tower and the impressionable young kid he'd been were tarnished and cracked beyond repair. Looking at the ruins, all Cloud could see was fire and smoke, death and destruction. There was no glory in any of it. Maybe there never had been.

Cloud turned away and started walking down the empty streets, barely aware of where he was going. When he found himself in front of a familiar church, he wasn't entirely surprised. He always did tend to come here when the darkness of the past made it hard for him breathe.

Aerith's church was something of a shrine. The people didn't really understand what had healed them from the Geostigma, but they understood the Planet was responsible, and knew it'd happened here. People saw it as a place to ask for forgiveness, to bring offerings and quiet words of gratitude. On the one hand, he was glad because he knew Aerith would like that; she'd always been compassionate to just about anyone.

On the other hand, Cloud resented the fact it wasn't a quiet sanctuary to which he could escape anymore, a place he could be alone with his thoughts. Nowadays, he had to pay five gil to enter.

There was a young girl in the front of the church selling flowers. Cloud bought one, mumbled his thanks and declined going inside to put it in the water as was the custom. He inhaled it instead, seeking some comfort from the scent of it and finding none.

The petals of the flower were soft against his cheek. What does it mean that Sephiroth is back, and I can't hear either of you? There was a voice that said you've failed them and that's why you don't hear them anymore, but Cloud ignored it.

There was an old woman crouched in the alley next to the church, wearing rags and muttering to herself. Midgar had always been home to a transient population of unfortunate individuals, especially in the slums. That there were no more slums, that there was no more Midgar, didn't seem to matter one little bit.

Cloud met the woman's eyes. She nodded, and he gave her the flower without a word.

She took it, muttering something that sounded like, "There's more than one way out of a maze."

Cloud blinked, confused, wondering if he'd heard her correctly. She was old, and the lack of teeth made it hard to understand her words. "Huh?" No one had ever accused him of eloquence.

The woman blinked, then scowled. Then she shrieked that Cloud should give her money, not flowers, and tried to throw a rock at him. The last thing he saw was her trying to eat the flower, and then spitting it on the ground in disgust.

If that's a sign or something, Aerith, you're going to have to be a lot less subtle because I totally don't get it.

As usual, there was no answer.

* * *

Seventh Heaven was open by the time Cloud got back to Edge, but only barely. There were already a few customers inside. Apparently it was never too early to start drinking. Cloud couldn't blame them, not after the day he'd had.

Tifa gave him a smile and a wave from behind the bar, and he noticed how the lines of tension around her eyes, that sadness that had seemed so long a part of her, were finally starting to fade. It was nearly unthinkable to him that it was because of Elena, but he couldn't deny that Tifa's relationship with the other woman had certainly helped put a smile on her face.

Cloud wondered if he should tell her about Sephiroth.

I seem to recall you were friendly with SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair.

Not once, in all the times they'd faced each other since Nibelheim, had Sephiroth ever mentioned Zack.

What if he isn't lying? whispered that traitorous voice in his head. What if he's not lying, and what if there's a chance he's the man he was before he went insane at Nibelheim?

Zack would want him to try, Cloud knew that. Zack never gave up on anyone - if he had, Cloud wouldn't be here. Zack had faced down a barrage of bullets with a raised sword and a fuck you grin, and he was the bravest man Cloud had ever met. Sephiroth might have been Cloud's hero when he first joined ShinRa, but it wasn't long before that distinction went to Zack.

Zack, who was dead now - had been dead, for almost ten years. He hadn't been there, in the Northern Crater. He hadn't been on the top of the old ShinRa building while the sky churned in a maelstrom of fury. He didn't know what kind of monster Sephiroth had become, how all that power and grace and terrible, terrible beauty had been twisted by rage.

If Nibelheim was enough for Zack to tell Cloud to finish him off, what would Zack say now, if he knew the rest of it?

Cloud climbed the steps to his room, not wanting to explain to Tifa where he'd been. He felt like a coward, but he was also tired of constantly being some harbinger of doom, a crow of ill-omen that only knew one song.

He looked at himself in the mirror over the small dresser in his room. Even beneath the mako glow, his eyes seemed dull. The skin beneath them was darkened by exhaustion. His hair looked even more ridiculous than usual.

So maybe I'm more like a chocobo of ill-omen, he thought, smiling humorlessly.

Sephiroth had looked tired, too. In all their improbable encounters, Cloud had never noticed Sephiroth looking anything but crazy.

Scowling, he raked a hand through his messy spikes and turned away from the mirror. Nothing in his reflection was going to give him the answers.

Cloud told himself to go see Tifa, but instead he went to lie down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling, arguing with himself about why he should tell her about Sephiroth, why he shouldn't - and somewhere in the middle of arguing with himself, he fell asleep.

His dreams were uneasy, tinged with a haze like a mako tank. Cloud couldn't remember the last time he'd been privileged enough to sleep without dreams.

A few hours later, he woke up with a start as Tifa shook him awake with a very loud, Cloud Strife!

"I was going to tell you!" Cloud said, sitting up and trying to calm his racing heart. From the corner of his eye, he saw Elena leaning against the doorway and smirking.

Great.

Tifa made a disparaging sound. "Uh-huh. Sure you were."

"I was!" Cloud shook his head, trying to get his bearings. "I, um. I was thinking about….how to do that, and I fell asleep." Absurd, but mostly true.

Tifa hit him on the shoulder. Not gently, either. "Idiot. When are you going to believe me when I tell you that you don't have to protect me all the time? Cloud, we're not ten years old anymore." Her hand reached out as if she were going to smooth his hair back, but he flinched on instinct and she dropped it at the last second.

"Tifa," he said, unable to vocalize anything he was feeling at the moment; how he was sorry he didn't tell her, how he was tired of being the one who made her look just like she did right now, stooped shoulders and lowered eyes. Disappointed.

It only lasted a moment, and then she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, scowling at him again. "I know. Cloud, I know. I just...why would you think I wouldn't want to know that Sephiroth was back?"

Chills raced up and down Cloud's spine at the words. He shot Elena a glower. "Maybe I knew someone else would tell you, first."

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Strife," Elena said. "Of course I told her. She's my girlfriend, the man is a potential threat. I don't have to drown in angst or take a nap for two hours to figure out she should probably know about it."

Cloud opened his mouth, but she had a point. "Tell that to Rufus," he said. "He doesn't think the man is a threat at all."

"Of course he does," Elena said. "Why do you think Rufus wanted you to know that Sephiroth was in custody? He never would have brought you into it at all, if he didn't think Sephiroth wouldn't need to be put down at some point."

"If?" Tifa's voice was incredulous. "If?"

"Yeah, Rufus thinks there's a good reason to keep him around."

Cloud shot Elena a dark look. "He didn't happen to tell you what those were, did he?"

Elena just shrugged. "The president has his reasons."

"Which are?" Tifa demanded, standing up and whirling on her girlfriend with hands on her hips.

"Not mine to share," Elena said.
"That means you think they're stupid, doesn't it?"

At Tifa's bluntly spoken declaration, Elena's fair features colored a little. "It's not my call to make, Tifa."

"There shouldn't even be a call to make," Tifa said, a statement with which Cloud wholeheartedly agreed. Also, he was glad that Tifa seemed to be mad at Rufus now, instead of at him.

"He wants to see you," Elena told Cloud, as if reading his mind. "President Shinra, I mean."

"I'll bet he does." Cloud smiled grimly. "Tell him unless he wants me to put Sephiroth down, I'm not interested."

"I'll relay the message," Elena promised, then looked at her girlfriend. "Tif, I'm going to go change, okay? I'll meet you in twenty minutes."

Tifa nodded, and they were quiet after she left the room. Cloud steeled himself for what he knew was coming, which was undoubtedly a conversation involving his feelings. Fuck.

"Why wouldn't you tell me, Cloud?"

"I didn't want to upset you."

"You're not upsetting me." She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. "I wish you would just talk to me, instead of getting all worked up about...talking to me."

"Then you might as well wish I was a different person," Cloud said, and she laughed, even though he wasn't really joking.

She straightened, smoothing a hand over her skirt (which had gotten shorter, and her tops tighter, since Elena) and regarded him solemnly. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," he said. "Go and see what Rufus wants, I guess. Maybe kill Sephiroth."

Cloud stared out of the window, at the streetlights as they trembled to life. There weren't that many, a mere fraction of how bright the streets used to be in Midgar. Energy reserves were far more precious, now. "Isn't that what I should do?"

Tifa stepped up behind him and rubbed a comforting hand on his back. This time, he didn't flinch from the touch. "You know how I feel about him. But killing someone for something they didn't do...doesn't that make us just as bad as him?"

"Not remembering and not doing something aren't the same thing, though," Cloud pointed out. He turned to look at her, eyes searching hers for answers. "Besides. That's if he's telling the truth, about not remembering."

She nodded. "I'm not saying you shouldn't kill him. I'm just tired of fighting ghosts, I guess. They never go away, but we keep doing it, over and over, even though it doesn't matter."

The old woman's words from in front of Aerith's church echoed in Cloud's mind. There's more than one way out of the maze.

Outside, a streetlight flared into sudden, bright life. It was either a sign, or a remarkable coincidence of timing. Either way, it set Cloud back to thinking too much, and he barely gave notice as Tifa left him to it, shutting the door quietly behind her.