Disclaimer: I still don't own it; I don't even own most of the clothes I wear! If someone *did* know how I could come to own Orlando Bloom though, I'd settle with that but as that is highly unlikely, I shall have to settle with writing fan fiction about that dashing elf he plays in the Lord of the Rings. This ain't supposed to be perfect, just cute. By the way, this is meant to be seen as an anime cartoon. *In an anime cartoon, nosebleeds are a sign of sexual arousal. Anyway, read, enjoy and review!

Chapter 3: Lecherous Legolas ;)

Aragorn and Gimli were staring at Legolas' parents not believing what their eyes saw when they were shoved out of the way by Legolas. Seconds later, two buckets of water soaked the ground where they had been standing. "Awwww... Legolas!!!" whined Cu. "Why won't you let us prank your friends?" "You *know* we'll get them sooner or later!* finished Pilin". "Not if I can help it!" Legolas shouted back. Gimli could have sworn that he just saw a spark of mischief in his elven friend's eyes but when he blinked, it was gone.

Legolas brought them inside the palace (managing not to let his parents see that they had visitors least his parents should pretend they were normal). They were walking through the halls when a very pretty elven woman walked by. Aragorn and Gimli saw something that they never *EVER* thought Legolas would do. He 'accidentally' had his bow lift the back of her skirt. "AI"!!!" screamed the elven "chick". "Oh, m'lady, pardon me. It was an accident..." SMACK!!! A large, red, hand-shaped mark began to form on Legolas" face but it could hardly be seen for he was blushing furiously. The elf woman stormed off muttering about perverted elves.

"Legolas!" gaped Aragorn, "I never thought you would do that..." Legolas smiled bashfully and scratched the back of his head nervously while blushing but smiling, "Ah, yes well... err... I... I try to contain myself when away from home..." Gimli laughed. He never thought Legolas was that sick. "That's not all master dwarf." laughed one of the guards. "He also has some *very* interesting pictures of the Lady Galadriel in the shower-" He could not finish for Legolas had brought his fist down hard on the guard's head. Gimli frowned at this news, "Legolas! I cannot believe you would ever do something so foul as to take pictures of a married woman in the nude!" Legolas smiled, "I'll give you a few if you don't tell my father..." "Done!" said Gimli immediately and smiled at the thought of erotic pictures of the lady who stole his heart.

Legolas rushed into his room, very quickly after he opened the door and caught a bucket that fell from above the doorway. "My own little security..." he smirked. "A bucket of water?" said a disbelieving Aragorn. There had to be more to it. Sure enough, Legolas next caught a match that was falling to the ground and he blew it out. "Actually, it is kerosene." He said as he placed the bucket above the doorway after the other two entered.

There was an enclosed area of stone, forming a hallow square around the doorway. "It is designed to keep the kerosene and the fire in that small area. Everyone in the palace knows by now not to come in. Not after Cu and Pilin' tried to enter in the middle of the night. Mom almost killed me... They were fine though. Never walked into the flames, it did scare them a little though..."

"Elf, that's all very interesting, but where are those pictures?" Gimli asked earnestly. Legolas smirked, "Here you go you warg..." he handed him a few pictures that were bound in some parchment. "Take your pick." laughed Legolas at the site of Gimli's face. Gimli was visibly drooling (not to mention having a huge nosebleed*) at the pictures he saw. Aragorn was still in disbelief. "How do you plan to keep *me* quiet Legolas?" asked Aragorn, half joking, half afraid. "Oh, I'm not worried about *you* Aragorn. I have enough dirt on you for a thousand years of black mail." Legolas said as he grinned. Gimli finally picked the three pictures he liked best and (reluctantly) gave the rest back to Legolas who returned them to their hiding place (which had a password none one had heard).

"I suppose you two are hungry? I *know* Gimli is but not for food..." smirked Legolas. Both Gimli's and Aragorn's mouths dropped open in surprise. Aragorn was the first to recover his voice, "That's it Legolas. I am *NEVER* trusting you around Arwen again!" Legolas shrugged, "Been there, done that." He then sprang from the room like a startled deer with Aragorn hot on his heals. (The booby trap was reset by Gimli who did not wish to be pranked by Legolas" brothers.) Gimli silently wondered how many other girls had fallen victim to his lecherous friend.

OK!!! Again, I know it was a bit short but I am now suffering from writer's block (curses in Spanish, German, Russian, English and Elvish...). So that would mean suggestions for story ideas will be more welcome than ever (although they are always welcome). Try and tell me some wacky thing *your* families do or a weird thing you know someone else does. That's all folks so, Good Fight, Good Night! (Hey wait, that's not my line..."