5/6/2016 9:25 pm
Three hours, it took me three hours to hobble to the lakes edge. My lungs feel like they aren't getting enough air. I tried to wait as long as possible before using my rescue inhaler. It got so bad that from a mild wheeze, which I tried to ignore, to ragged shallow gasps for air. In total I had to use it 4 times bringing today's grand total to eight. The trek must have been only 2.25 miles ha thank you trig. But with my leg and ribs it was a long grueling hike. The way to the lake was peaceful as the sun was setting over the horizon the cloud cover had dissipated, turning the grass sea fantastic hues of orange mixed with majestic gold…my thirst is finally quenched when I arrived at the lake my limbs where lead, my eyes only beheld a hazy fog of colors and my mind functioning on self-preservation mode. I set down my backpack and ducked my head down into the lake and took long draws, I feel better now but I still have a long journey ahead… I've been trying not to think about it, but I have a very high chance of dying out here. If…if I do and if you are reading this than please take this to my family in Madison Alabama it's a suburb of Huntsville…
Dear mom this wasn't your fault …it just happened. I now that you are probably running through every possibility of what you could have done different, but this was something that I don't even understand. Mom I want you to know that I love you, I am the man I am today because of you. Despite all the hardship that our family has faced you all was held a strong face. Even when you were at a loss you never let me lose hope…mom I sorry am so sorry I tried to be strong to make it through this but I can't just know you did the best you can and that I love you. Thank you for being my mom.
Dad…I hated you for what you did to our family, we screamed at each other, fought with each other,…I tried for so long to help you change. The things you put me through would have made most hate you for life but I had to grow up fast I didn't have time to dwell on my pain, if I had I think it would have consumed me. No instead I pushed it all away hold it in, maintain a mask of strength. I blamed you for a long time, but despite all of it. Despite all the pain I still love you dad. I'm sorry we never had this conversation, please don't go back keep moving on the straight path that you found. I for give you.
Hey Eva it's me your big bro ha… I'm sorry I picked on you I could have been a much better brother. I tried I really did. Know listen up I have some last words of wisdom to impart upon you. Hold on to your dream never let them go you have a gift and you're good at it. If you want to draw then draw, if you want to be a veterinarian do it. Please know that I love you little sister. You're going to go far.
Jerry, Matthew my two little brother take care of each other jerry you're going to be the one that is most likely to remember me, and I hope you remember me kindly I've been rough on you and I'm sorry for that but need from where I failed love and respect one another. And Matthew be good. I love you all. To all of you I tried to make it home. And I have so much that I wish I had said but now it's too late.
9:50
It's so peaceful here the water is gently lapping on to the shore. The crickets are singings a lullaby, and the wind gives me a caressing breezes…. I was going to graduate in the morning I had my cap and gown, and everything ha I just wish I could talk to them one last time…. "Then why are you giving up?" it took me three hours to go roughly 2 miles. What hope do I have of making it to that light source? "Bullshit! You just don't want to try you are letting you concerns and fears rule you. " I have a cracked shine bone and cracked ribs. "That wouldn't have stop your father.'' Fuck you! What do you know "I know I'm not going to die little a worm"…ha ha ha ah ha…I losing my mind I'm actually arguing with myself. And I'm right. Fuck this I'm not ready to die I'm going to make it even if I have to kick death in his balls I'm going to get home. Sub-conciseness thank you for the pep talk. I'll work out a plan in the morning
10:10 pm
Light pollution a fuck ton of light pollution, never have I been happier for it than I am right know I was right I can see it from the here that light isn't just a tower it's a whole god damned town! Know I just have to get there.
