A/N: This chapter is the start of the rewrites. Only a few things in the original writings have changed, but I have added more parts. Overall, that means the whole story will be longer. I do not work in law enforcement, so any mistakes in that area are mine. Warning: There is abuse in this chapter.

merrymatryoshka: Thanks for the review! I had to read back through when I read that bit about self-harm. I can see how you can see that, but I didn't mean that. It's more about how when Ryan has a "bad" episode he can't stop even if he hurts himself. He doesn't set out to harm himself, but he has no control over what may happen during the process. Hope that explained a little bit.

janet1982: Thank you!

Serenityhimesheppard: Glad it kept you interested. Thanks for the review!

Alisa123: Thanks! I promise Tim will be made likeable again. But not right now.

Abuse is NEVER okay. If you or someone you know is being abused there is help out there. I'm including a website and the two phone numbers on the site. This is an American website, because I'm in America. For anyone outside the U.S. and territories, you should be able to find hotlines and help lines by typing abuse hotline or abuse help into your search engine.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www(dot)thehotline(dot)org

1.800.(7233) and 4(TTY)

The website even has a quick escape button. You click it and it will take you to Google. That way you can keep what you're looking at private. If anyone would like to add a website, please let me know.

Enjoy all! Don't own. Some parts un-beta'd.


Ryan flipped them over, careful not to break their contact with each other. When he was above Jesse he started moving, whimpering with each slow thrust.

"You have to be...oooohh...slow...baby." Jesse moaned and panted, watching the man moving above him.

"More." Ryan sobbed, nearly bending over backwards. "Too long. Need...you." his movements becoming more erratic.

Looking at Ryan, Jesse nearly lost it. Biting his lip, bending backwards, with his hands threaded through his own hair. It took all his will power not to just thrust up into Ryan. Instead Jesse grabbed his hips and stilled all movement, producing a shout of protest.

"Why, whywhywhy?" Ryan cried, desperately trying to move their bodies together. He slid his hands from his hair to claw at the ones holding him still. He nearly succeeded before Jesse's hands banded around him once more. Ryan's whimpers turned to a scream of pleasure when his body was quickly pushed up and them pulled down on to Jesse's cock.

"Yesyesyesyes..." Ryan gasped, scratching along Jesse's arms.

"Let go." Jesse demanded. "I need you to let go for me." He moaned, quickening the pace.

"We haven't done that in a long time." Ryan mumbled into Jesse's neck.

"What? Had sex?" He shifted, looking confused. "It hasn't been that long."

"Made noise. We haven't made a lot of noise lately." Ryan laughed. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, he looked back at his partner when he grabbed his hand. "Jay has a doctor's appointment. I have to go get him. We should be back by three."

Ryan kissed him before going into the bathroom to change.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

It had been two months, and Jay had become comfortable with talking about his family, not what had happened, but about the people. He was even comfortable calling Ryan dad. Ryan knew that it had a lot to do with the doctors. Dr. Mik helped Jay talk, and Dr. Hender made sure she was the one to examine him in his monthly physicals. She had stated from the first that too much change could send his small world into chaos. Ryan had agreed with her. It also hadn't hurt that having a routine made his little OCD heart happy. The kids pouring out of the doors snapped him out of his musings.

"How was your day, baby?" Ryan asked as he held the gate to the school open.

"We have ta do a project." He whispered, walking past. "A family tree."

"I think that's a great idea. We can put in your mom and step-dad, oh, and your brothers and sister. We'll put in daddy Jesse and me, we can even put in Buster." Ryan mentioned their newest family member as he squatted to eye level.

"But, but Fawn said you're not really my family. She said we isn't really related, so it doesn't count." Jay cried. "She said blood made-"

Ryan cut him off. "Being related to someone by blood does not make that someone your family. Family are the people who love you, and who will always be there for you. Blood has nothing to do with it. It all has to do with your heart, and what you feel. Baby, do you understand me?" Ryan asked as gently as he could.

"So, you're still my daddy?" Jay asked.

"Yes baby." Ryan smiled when his arms were suddenly filled with his almost five year old. "Love you blue jay."

"Can we really do the project?"

"Of course. I would love that." Ryan gave him one more squeeze then got back up. "We need to go or we'll be late. Then we can get pizza to go, sound like a plan?" Ryan smiled when Jay nodded.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"Who the hell names their child Fawn?" Lee asked, disgust evident in his voice. "And what kind of sick bastard tells their kid that?"

"Lee, you gotta calm down. We're at work." Ryan said trying to shush him. "Please don't make a scene." He whispered the last part to thin air. "Shit."

"What?" A voice behind him asked.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Do you have the warrant?" Ryan asked the man.

"Eric." Tim called the mystery man. "Is it ready?" He asked coming up beside him.

Eric looked at Ryan. "Are we?"

"Ready when you are. Lee, shut it and get over here." Ryan shouted behind him. "Sorry." He said turning back around.

Walking up to the door, Ryan had a good side view of Eric. 'The man gives a whole new meaning to tall, dark, and handsome. Bet he's great in bed too.' Ryan mentally slapped himself when the thought entered his head. 'Can't go there. Jesse'd kill me if he found out.' He decided it would be in his best interest to concentrate on where they needed to go.

"Police! We have a warrant to search the premises." Ryan said.

"Open it." Tim said, giving the signal to Lee.

The door slammed open with the force.

Ryan held his gun in front of him as he entered. "Police. Mr. Hart, we have a search warrant. We're coming in. Mr. Hart? Shit." This time Ryan didn't even try to hide the expletive.

"What a pretty picture." Lee muttered from his right. "Let's look at the rest. I call down."

Ryan took one last look into the room before turning towards the staircase.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

"We got our projects back, daddy!" The shout echoed through the house. Jay bounded into the room holding the big piece of cardboard in front of him. "We get to take them back and hang them in the hall for Parents Night. Ms. Giff said everybody would see them when they come. You're both still coming right?"

Ryan scooped Jay. "We'll both be there. Now go put your stuff away so you can play outside." He watched as Jay ran from the kitchen, then back through to the door. Ryan felt Jesse's arms around him and sighed. "His stuff probably made it just inside the door. At least it's in his room. How was your day?"

"Fine." Ryan tried, unsuccessfully, not to stiffen at the tone of voice. "Do you know what I've been hearing?" He growled, spinning Ryan roughly around and pushing him into the fridge.

"Jesse you're hurting me."

"Do you?" Jesse asked, giving him a shake.

"No! Please let go?" Ryan knew it came out as a plea, but he couldn't help it.

"He's asking about you. That CSI. Did you know that?" His voice sounded like he was talking about the weather. "Do you like it?""No!"

"DADDY JESSE! COME PLAY WITH ME AND BUSTER!" Jay's voice drifted across the yard.

"Jesse PLEASE! I don't know anything about it!"

He grabbed Ryan's hair and yanked his head back. "You're mine!"

"Yes." As Jesse made his way into the backyard, Ryan made his way into bedroom closet. Grabbing a towel and dropping to the floor, Ryan let the tears come.

\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

Only fifteen minutes had passed by Ryan's watch. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, before grabbing the towel and getting up. He used the towel to clean the rest of the way up, then made his way back to the kitchen. And stood in the pantry trying to come up with a dinner idea. He had thought of DIY burritos, but that was before. So he settled on comfort food when his eyes landed on the noodles. He grabbed ingredients and set out to forget.

Thirty minutes later Ryan was pulling the macaroni and cheese out of the oven. He set the table, dished everything up, and finally called them in. "Go wash your hands. Both of you." He said when the door creaked open. Ryan made a mental note to fix it later.

"Kay!"

"Ry."

"Go wash your hands."

"Ry I'm sorry!"

"We need to talk about Jay's party. Or more accurately, start planning it. We'll do that after he's in bed, alright?" Ryan leaned over and kissed Jesse's cheek. "Now, go wash your hands so we can eat."

As he watched Jesse walk away, Ryan wondered when he wouldn't forgive him. And tried not to wonder what that day would be like.


A/N: I had to add a lot to this chapter, because it originally skipped almost 10 months. Plus, I've thought of more stuff to write about. I hate giving timelines of when I'm going to update, but I'm trying to aim for Sunday for all my posting. A chapter may come out earlier if I get it done before then. Reviews are love, ConCrit is welcomed, and any and all Flames will be used to build a bonfire to tell this story by.