Jackie stared at king in stunned silence until she finally found the best words she could.

"oh king, im so sorry" Jackie murmured softly, her mis matched eyes full of unshed tears.

King shook herself a bit and looked back at Jackie with acceptance. "That's life, sometimes falling in love is the worst thing that can ever happen to you, but you just have to deal with it," she shrugged in acceptance of her position.

"have you ever thought of telling him how you feel?" Jackie asked

"I thought about it, but I know I never will, he doesn't deserve that Jackie, he's been a great friend to me and finding out I feel for him would only make things awkward and difficult. His fiancé wouldn't trust him on the road with us anymore and that would hurt all three of them as well as me. Not every love has to be declared, sometimes you just have to ignore it until it goes away" king sighed

"do you think it will go away?" Jackie asked her pointedly

"I think that time will dull its strength, and one day ill love someone else. But I know that even 20 years from now if a thought of him pops in my head ill feel the same way about him that I do now, ive been in a few kinds of love over the last 8 or 9 years, enough to know for sure this is something completely different. Don't worry about me Jackie, Ill be just fine." King assured her worried expression with an easy smile.

Jackie decided to change the subject to spare king any pain.

"would you maybe want to hang out again while youre in town?" she asked a little scared to be rejected again,

"course!" king exclaimed laughing at jackie's doubt "we have a show tomorrow night at 8 on the same street I found you on, ill put your name down as a guest and you can meet the rest of my crew. It'll be a fun show I promise" king told her encouragingly

Jackie bit her lip thoughtfully "I don't know king, I really don't think id fit in at all" she pointed out,

King grinned her confident grin and laughed a short laugh "that's the point Jackie" she told the younger girl comfortingly

"are you sure you want me to go?" Jackie hesitated

"I wouldn't ask otherwise" king informed her with a shrug

"what should I wear?" fashion conscious Jackie couldn't help but ask

"whatever you want, ill make sure no one bothers you," king told her, then saw the fear about it in jackies eyes "just be yourself kid, that's all any of us really have, be who you want to be and don't worry about the people that don't like it, worry about the people that want you anyway" king imparted softly.

Jackie already looked up to this not much older girl more then she ever had donna or her mother, she wanted to belive that what king said was possible, that she could one day be strong and independent like king was. In that moment Jackie made a choice, she would do whatever she wanted to do no matter how hard it was to break her lifelong habits of trying to please everyone around her, she was going to try and do what she really truly honestly wanted to do. She just had no idea what that was?

King went home a bit later leaving Jackie alone on the couch thinking over all the odd girl had said, it was confusing that someone as different from herself as king was still seemed more accepting of her then her own frineds ever had? She kept thinking about what king had said 'be yourself, that's all any of us really has', be herself. The problem was Jackie really didn't know who that was anymore? She wasn't rich, she wasn't popular , she wasn't a cheerleader, she wasn't a tv host, she wasn't a student, what was she now?

"unhappy" she muttered to herself.

But she was damn tired of being unhappy, she couldn't remember a time where she was really happy? Except for some of the time she had been with steven, but even those happy times had a bitter taste of being made fun of when she thought of them. Jackie sat quietly and thought – really thought about her life and the people in it.

Fez? – deep affection, he was her most trusted friend and she would never hurt him if she could help it.

Mr. and mrs. Forman? – they were her family, the parents she wanted to be proud of her, she could never bare to lose contact with them or hurt them in anyway.

Eric? She respected him and missed him a lot more then she thought she would, but he was still in Africa and he couldn't help her there.

Micheal? To her surprise thoughts of Michael made her furious, his disgusting actions that hid behind his mask of stupidity made her want to scratch her nails across his pretty face! How dare he think he can do and say anything he wants and get away with it because everyone thinks hes a moron?! Yes she was done with him.

Donna? Disappointment and disgust, some feminist! Spouts her rhetoric but doesn't do a damn thing to back it up, acts like if you disagree with her you must be wrong, belittles all those around her while acting if shes the smartest most enlightened one there! She felt a weight lift from her shoulders when her mind finally made the connection that she no longer respected donna, let along care what she thought of her now.

And steven? She loved steven with a passion that would never die. He was the answer to every question she had ever had, well, until now. At one point she had tried to differentiate between her steven and the others hyde, but gave up when she realized that she loved them both, her brave noble steven and the immature jerk hyde who she just want to comfort like the wounded child she knew for a fact he was.

She didn't want to give up on steven, she would never ever belive that he was the pathetic loser he seemed happy to be lately. She believed in him she just knew she had to avoid him for a very long time. He was too bitter, too drunk, too lost for her to brave being around.

As Jackie came to these conclusions the apartment door opened and fez came in looking relieved to see her at home.

"where did you go? Everyone was worried" he told her taking off his jacket and hanging it on the hook.

"no they weren't" Jackie said flatly

"some of us were" he tried again

"not true either" Jackie said in a bored tone

"I was concerned" he finally told her the truth and sat beside her on the couch, Jackie smiled at him

"thank you fez" she murmured and gave him a quick hug before heading to her room, eager to begin on the coarse of action she had come up with.

Jackie pulled out all the clothes, shoes and accessories she owned and began sorting them into two piles.

What I actually like – and what I don't like

It may have sounded simple, but much of jackies life had been dedicated to seeking others approval, so even though she had a scary amount of clothes, when she looked at them objectively she wasn't too surprised to find that she didn't really like much of what she owned. Fancy designer clothes were her mothers influence, rocker girl clothes were trying to gain donna's approval, bright colored trendy clothes were to placate the other kids at school. When she was done she had a tiny pile of jeans and a few skirts and blouses, a unicorn sweater she had bought with her first ever paycheck, a nice suit for job interviews, a good black dress for occasions, and a tattered black tshirt she hated that she couldn't part with so she shoved it in the back of a drawer.

Jackie fell asleep that night feeling lighter and hopefull for the first time in almost a year, things weren't going to turn around for her – she was going to change them herself. She was Jackie freakin' Burkhart! And she had a will of iron, itd just been sleeping for awhile.

She woke early the next morning and loaded up all the things she had decided she didn't want into her car, she had a plan and it was nice to feel determined again. She had the show that night to look forward too and Jackie might have been scared of the new path she was taking but she would be damned if she let fear stop her again! With that thought firmly in her mind, Jackie drove to a small clothing shop she had heard about and proceeded to sell her large collection of designer clothes, shoes and bags. It wasn't hard, the lady who owned the shop was more then happy to buy it all for a fair price and offered Jackie a discount on anything she wanted to buy there. Jackie shoped throught the store amazed at how hard it was to shop for just herself without thinking of anyone else?

By the time she got back to her apartment she was weighed down by bags and exauhsted but happy. She had bought things she had truly wanted, things she could use a lot, she was proud of herself for making choices she had always let others influence her on. Even the urge to buy clothes that king might wear were quashed firmly, Jackie was sure king would see right through such an attempt anyway. When she opened the front door though her good mood evaporated, the whole of the basement gang was seated around her living room drinking beer and talking. They glanced up when she walked in and Jackie braced herself for the oncoming burns.

"jeez Jackie, do you think you bought enough?" donna sneared contemptuously at the sight of her shopping bags. Jackie ignored it though, she knew that it wasn't a shopping spree that's all that mattered.

"now donna be fair, she has to fill the void of having no job and no boyfriend somehow" hyde said nastily, while sam snickered from her seat on the arm of his chair.

"I have a job" Jackie replied simply and went to put her bags in her room, she would give fez the left over money for rent when they weren't around to comment.

Out in the living room donna looked taken aback at jackies casual announcement

"she has a job? Where? Since when?" donna demanded of fez, she had the audacity to act offeneded that Jackie hadn't told her.

"I don't know it must be new?" fez shrugged blankly

As it happened the lady who owned the store Jackie had been at offered her a job doing window displays and generally helping around the busy shop, Jackie had accepted on a temporary basis as she had a decision to make that might mean she couldn't keep the job for long. She put her new things away carefully, but left out the outfit she had chosen to wear to king's bands show that night. Jackie was nervous and excited, she had only been to a couple concerts and they were all ones that the basement gang had wanted to go to and grudgingly permited her to tag along. She had just wanted to be included, but usually got called a square for her efforts, now a girl who would probably see the basement gang as squares had invited her to a show and Jackie didn't know what to expect?

She didn't want to stick out, but she knew that she would never fit in, so Jackie opted to dress plainly. She pulled on a pair of tight black jeans with straight legs and a red t-shirt with a black vest, and her brand new pair of p.f. flyers, when she had been in grade school all the kids had them and she had always wanted a pair but knew her parents would never allow her to wear boy shoes as they called them. But when she had spotted the pair in the store, she found that she still wanted a pair so she bought them and felt an odd vindication that they were a lot more comfortable then her usual shoes.

She braced herself and went back into the hostile territory of her living room to leave for the show. She grabbed her wallet and keys, shoving them into her jacket pocket and waved half heartedly at the people in her home.

"see you later" she said to be polite and headed towards the front door when donna's voice stopped her.

"Jackie where are you going?! Erics flight just got in and he and kelso are headed here now" she cried almost accusingly towards the tiny brunette, who looked surprised and confused.

"oh I didn't know, no one told me and I promised to be somewhere" she explained calmly.

"look Jackie, whatever pathetic date you have can wait, god! You always do this! Why cant you just grow up and stop being so freaking selfish?!" donna demanded angrily

Jackie stared back coolley replaying kings words in her head 'theyre not friends kid, theyre just people you know' it helped the pain of being attacked groundlessly.

"if anyone had bothered telling me that eric was coming home I wouldn't have made plans, but no one did so im not breaking a promise at the last minute because you didn't think to tell me" she informed donna calmly, making the bleach blonde gape at her.

"uh Jackie?" fez called timidly

"yeah fez?" she asked

"um, im sorry but kelso blocked your car in and took the vista cruiser to get eric" he told her regretfully

Jackie closed her eyes to remain calm "I suppose if your car was available you wouldn't be telling me this?" she guessed astutely

"I am so sorry Jackie, but it is in the shop" fez admitted, he felt terrible that she couldn't make her escape as she had planned, he might not be brave enough to stand up to his friends for the way they treated his Jackie, but it didn't mean he didn't hate it and know that it was wrong.

"dammit" Jackie muttered and changed direction to the phone on the counter. She fished a number out of her jeans pocket and dialed it carefully then waited while it rang, while also pointedly ignoring the curious looks on everyones faces.

"hi its Jackie- umm not so good, my cars blocked in and I don't have another way there – no you don't have to do that, im sure your busy! – oh ok ill see you soon then" and Jackie hung up the phone looking relieved to fez. She sat at the small dining table across from fez and smiled at him, he warmly returned her smile while hoping the others kept their mouths shut until Jackie got picked up by whoever it was.

Fez was not a lucky man.

"Jackie, why is there a lock on the outside of your door?" donna asked out of nowhere, apparently she had spotted one of the new additions Jackie had put in the week before. "id have thought youd be used to fez's perving by now" donna laughed coldly, Jackie patted fez's hand comfortingly and answered without thinking

"its not for fez" she said absently, more worried about her dear friends feelings then what would surely be donna's follow up question.

"then whos it for?" donna asked frowning

"people I don't trust" Jackie shrugged casually, like it was no big deal, but the implication was clear – they were who she didn't trust, no one else came to the apartment.

"oh damn! And I had my heart set on stealing that unicorn candy dish too!" hyde joked coldly from behind his glasses.

"good luck fighting the rats at the land fill for it" Jackie told him without bothering to look at him.

"yeah right, like you'd really throw away something your precious kelso got you" hyde spat the words with more then a hint of venom

"whatever" Jackie ignored his run of the mill jibe.

"she did actually" fez interjected calmly "she threw out everything anyone had ever given her….it wasn't a big box" he whispered the last part sadly to himself, Jackie who was so generouse to those she cared about, was the one usualy left out at Christmas and ignored on her birthday, he was proud that she had kept his gifts. But hyde had gone white as a sheet at fez's words.

"all of them?" he choked out staring at Jackie intently

"what do you care?" Jackie asked him blandly

"I don't! it just sounds…rude to throw away gifts from your friends" he claimed lamely, she knew he didn't think that at all, Jackie knew when he lied and he knew it too.

"I didn't throw out gifts from people that care about me, see?" she said holding up her wrist where she wore a plain black watch " mr. and mrs. Forman gave me this for my birthday so id never be late to something important" she repeated their sweet words to her fondly,

"when it was my birthday last month everybody told me that red doesn't give presents!" sam said in a shriell voice, making Jackie wince.

"I didn't know he did?" donna offered lamely, she herself had never received a gift from her long time boyfriends father but somehow Jackie of all people had? Donna would have to think that over later or demand an answer from eric, one of the two.

"so what all did you throw out princess?" hyde continued the original conversation with a casual tone, but his fingers gripped the neck of his bottle tightly as he waited for Jackie to answer.

"pretty much everything else" she shrugged without bothering to so much as look at hyde "it was funny actually, all the stuff that people who claimed to care about me gave me as gifts looked like the stuff you find under the seat of a car, bouncy balls, foil wrappers, vending machine rings" she listed absently while filing her nails, she hoped her ride would be there soon.

"foil wrappers?! Wow your life is pathetic isn't it?" sam asked with mock concern, donna snorted with barely concealed laughter but neither noticed the angry set of hyde's jaw.

"it seemed sweet at the time, but yes my life was pretty pathetic to think that was sweet" Jackie agreed with the skanky stripper who had overturned her whole life without any malice in her voice.

"they say it's the thought that counts" hyde defended casually, hoping donna didn't remember that particular joke he and Jackie had had about something shiny.

"I always thought that too" Jackie agreed without bothering to look at him, she couldn't risk it, if he saw in her eyes that she still gave a damn about him he would never ever try, and it hurt her to watch how hes given up on himself, she had always wanted such good things for him even if she wasn't with him she didn't want him miserable and drunk waisting away.

Finally there was a nock at the door and donna, being the closest to it answered before Jackie could even stand, Jackie knew it was the possibility of it being eric that made donna even bother. But just as Jackie had expected, in the door way stood not a skinny guy freshly back from Africa, but a girl in ripped jeans and fishnets and a leather jacket covered in spikes and safety pins, there was a chain with a pad lock around her neck and her red and black hair was up in messy pig tails which made Jackie grin at the ludicrous hair style. Kings heavily made up blue eyes looked donna up and down then dawned with recognition.

"uh, can I help you?" donna asked taken aback at the strangers apearence

"doubtfull" king replied, her red lips twisting into the pirate smile Jackie had seen a few times already but which seemed to make donna nervouse? Then she turned her attention to Jackie and her smile held some warmth "you ready kid?" she asked as she pulled at the ragged hem of her black tank top which was so thread bare her red bra was almost visible.

"yep, thanks for picking me up, I didn't want to miss it" Jackie said honestly, doing her best to ignore the looks from everyone else.

"no worries Jackie, lets get going though its getting late" king remineded her and gestured for Jackie to get moving.

"wait, your date is with a girl?" sam asked stupidly

Jackie stopped and gave the stripper a calm look "I never said I had a date, I said I had plans" she pointed out and went out the door that king held.

"yep, jackie's gonna hang with my crew tonight and I don't know that were gonna give her back" king laughed at the obvious looks of shock at her appearance, it was no less then she had been expecting since it wasn't exavtly a new reaction, especially there in point place. With a parting grin king shut the door, leaving the remaining friends gaping in her wake not knowing what to think?

"so" donna began "Jackie made some new friends?' she asked anyone who might know what had just happened.

"not her usual crowd" hyde noted evenly to hide the knot of discomfort that had twisted into his guts.

"well its not really a surprise she had to sink pretty low to find friends now that you all finally got sick of her crap" sam shrugged disinterestedly

"we didn't get sick of her" donna defended against the acusation.

"really?" fez asked giving the once red head a hard look "you treat her like a burden, but still expect her to drop everything when you want her to! That girl just now scared me and im not ashamed to say so because ive never seen a person like that before, and im worried sick about what my sweet Jackie had gotten caught up in since all of you turned on her! But im happy for her that she finally has people that want her around, even if I wished that she had found less terrifying friends, she deserves better then what she's had you sons of bitches!" he cried and went into his room slamming the door.

Across town in a dingy poorly ventilated little club, Jackie was falling in love – with music she never would have thought she would even like. It wasn't pretty, or soothing it didn't have a beat you could dance to, but it was amazing! King had told her on the way there that there was a beauty in the chaos if you bothered to look, and Jackie saw it. The reckless abandon was intoxicating, and Jackie watched in awe as king took the stage like she owned it. It was her place, she was cool, confident and had such a presence that Jackie couldn't look away, she held her black guitar covered in stickers and graffiti like an extension of herself and commanded the attention and respect of anyone in the room. Kick turned out to be the singer and front man, his energy and charisma were undeniable and the level of excitement in the crowd increased along with him, their bass player max was the embodiment of mysterious cool and connor was just as intimidating a drummer as he had been when Jackie first saw him, he kept the beat with crashing power and speed she had never seen before. They played with a dis-chordent harmony that made the adrenaline pump through her veins until keeping still wasn't an option and Jackie joined in the seething mass of people running and shoving in perfect balance.

It was the best night of her life, and the first time she could remember beign accepted without question, the people there looked weird and a bit scary to her, but when she fell down the scariest of them helped her up and smiled encouragingly at her. A guy with a shaved head and red suspenders tried to grope her but before Jackie could even yell, a tall man with a blue Mohawk had her molester by the throat and was throwing him roughly through the door, while another girl with a safety pin through her lip assured Jackie that no one would let an outsider hurt one of them. Jackie blinked – she wasn't the outsider? Had she really found a place to belong so easily? She wanted badly for it to be true, but she wouldn't get her hopes up just yet, for now she told herself she would just enjoy the incredible energy of the show and work to readjust her mindset that chains spikes and mohawks don't mean people aren't kind and caring.