Sookie did not awaken before the dawn. He took a moment to privately gloat that her defiance had been squelched, even if she couldn't see it. "So much for meeting the sun, lover," he said, lifting her from the couch.
He carried her into his light tight sleeping room, in the deepest depths of his home, and placed her in his bed.
As he waited for the pull of dawn to pull him into his rest, he tried to calculate Sookie's reaction when she realized what she had done and he wondered just what that fucking ball of light that had erupted from every pore of her body had been.
~*~
Eric woke before Sookie. He had a bottle of TruBlood open and waiting for her. He was sipping at one himself; he still thought it was a foul tasking substance, but it took the edge off of his hunger and let him think.
Sookie snapped her eyes open. "Eric," she said. "I had the worst dream," she rubbed her eyes and turned over in the bed, pulling the comforter over her shoulders. "You turned me - and then I hurt a young man ... Elliot."
"Sookie," he said gently, "that is not a dream. It all happened. Now sit up and drink this before we have a repeat of last night on our hands."
Sookie shook her head. "I'm not hungry."
"Lies won't help now. If you don't eat," he quirked an eyebrow at her, letting the sentence hang.
Sookie reluctantly took the TruBlood and sipped at it. It took great effort for her to pull it away from her lips as she attempted restraint.
"The restraint will come in time. It's my fault," he said.
"Damn right it is," she snapped. "If you had had the courage to let me die, then Elliot wouldn't be ... I wouldn't be responsible."
"I failed you," he said, his voice full of resolve."What happened is not your fault. Do you understand that?"
And then Sookie cried. That had been expected; he had braced himself for the bloody tears that were wending their way down her cheeks. However, he had not been prepared for his own tears. He saw that he had broken her; it was different when the pain and harm was unintentional, he reasoned. He had always taken calculated hits at people - using words as weapons, using weapons as weapons, or causing financial ruin. But those times were different - he wanted others to suffer. He did not want Sookie to suffer.
"Yes," she spat, "it is." She swiped angrily at her tears, wiping her bloody hands on Eric's expensive sheets. "If you hadn't been such a fucking coward, then I wouldn't have hurt someone. You promised me."
Eric couldn't so much as balk at the accusation. It was all true. It was his fault.
"Now," she continued, "I have to live the the consequences of your cowardice forever." She got up from the bed and turned her back on Eric. "Or, until I grow to hate myself so much that I go to meet the sun?"
"Do not speak of meeting the sun again," Eric snapped. His pain over Godric's loss was still very great, very fresh. "I have already warned you about using words you do not understand."
Sookie narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't want to speak to you."
"You have to do as I command, no matter how angry you are," Eric said, clinging to the only connection he had Sookie at this moment. "No matter how awful this moment is, I will not release you."
"I will never forgive you for breaking your promise," Sookie said.
"Even if it is what he wanted? Even if this was something he would have chosen for himself?"
Sookie faltered for a moment. Her anger softened as she thought through the implications of the question. "It doesn't change the fact that you lied to me."
Eric sighed. "It wasn't so much lying as ... underestimating what it was that you're capable of."
"What are you talking about?" Sookie said.
"When Pam and I tried to pull you off of the human, you shocked us with a ball of energy. Not unlike what you described doing to the maenad."
Sookie sat down on the edge of the bed, subdued. "I'm a menace," she said. "You have to keep me away from all humans."
Eric shook his head. "That's a bit extreme," he said. "I think, for now, we'll stick to letting you drink blood from a glass. It's undignified and cold, but it's only until we figure out what the hell you did and how to control it."
~*~
Sookie was grateful that Eric left her alone. He had gotten dressed, cleared the empty TruBlood bottles from his room and had left her. The only thing he said as he left was that they would talk later.
Sookie wasn't sure how long she had been alone, lost in her thoughts, trying to fill in the blank space that was her frenzied attack on Elliot, when a knock interrupted her ruminating. "Come in," she called, knowing full well it wasn't Eric because he never would have knocked.
"You look like shit," Pam said, presumably by way of greeting. She tossed a sundress Sookie recognized as one of her own onto the bed. "You need to shower, change and get dressed. Then, when you're done, I'm to make sure you eat."
"I'm fine," Sookie insisted. "You can tell Eric that, right after you tell him to fuck off."
Pam laughed. "No one tells Eric to fuck off, Sookie. Not even you."
Sookie snapped her head into Pam's direction. She knew it was still covered in streaks of blood because she had been crying steadily since Eric had admitted wrong and left. "And what makes me so special?"
"Well, for starters, that light show you put on last night was pretty impressive," Pam said, sitting next to Sookie on the bed. "Then, there's the fact that you can read vampire minds."
"No I can't," Sookie insisted. "There's only blank space."
Oh, really? Pam thought. You need to let this go. No harm came to Elliot. He's quite excited to be vampire.
"The change of subject isn't helping me feel better."
"Sookie, I didn't say a word," Pam said. "There's a lot you need to get used to. The first thing is that these urges are natural. And, you're vampire, Sookie. Humans sometimes die and we move on."
"Go tell Eric this talk didn't make me feel better." It was a low blow, Sookie knew that; but, she couldn't wrap her mind around what Pam was saying, couldn't get a grip on her emotions and couldn't understand how she was suddenly all powerful -- she never thought she would long for the days when she was simply Crazy Sookie Stackhouse.
"Eric did not send me. Elliot asked to come. He's just awakened and he wants to speak with you. I thought you might not want to look like shit when you meet with him. The message from Eric was a bonus."
"Elliot's here? He's ..."
"Entirely too happy to be vampire. But, as his Maker, it's my duty to make sure he gets what he needs."
"You?" Sookie asked, shocked.
"Yes, me." Pam stood up from the bed and moved tho the door before Sookie realized what was happening. "Now, shower and get dressed. I want to make sure the blood is warm - it's bad enough you're insisting on a glass." Pam sighed. "You have to trust yourself."
Sookie didn't move. "I don't want to see him," she said, not sure if she meant Elliot or Eric.
Pam put a hand on Sookie's shoulder. It was stiff and awkward, and Sookie felt alienated, rather than comforted by the gesture. "It helps if you remember that you are vampire. Humans are food to us. Despite what all the mainstreaming vamps have to say, we're predators. Embrace it, revel in it, and do not be ashamed of it."
Sookie snorted. "You sound like Eric," she said.
"I'll take that as the compliment for which it was not intended." There was a pause. "He's a good Maker, Sookie. I've seen so many abuse the power - but he does not. He wants to cultivate vampires, make them the best they can be. And, he loves you. Do you know how long it has been since he has allowed himself to care for anyone besides himself? I have never seen him like this, and the last person he spoke about caring for was Godric. And we all know how that ended for them both. So, quit feeling sorry for yourself, hell, quit feeling at all for a while, and learn to embrace this chance he's given you. Because if you fuck this up, there won't be another one."
And with that, Pam left the room. Sookie thought about what she said for a while, she wasn't sure how long, and then collected her dress and went into the bathroom to shower.
When she was finally dressed and presentable, she was still upset at herself, at Eric, at Pam --- a whole host of people, really; but, some part of what Pam had said was right.
~*~
Eric was in his office, checking e mail and making himself look busy as he thought about Sookie. He couldn't recall the last time he had been so distracted. He clicked through the pages of congratulatory e mails regarding Sookie's transformation with detachment. It was a hollow victory, indeed.
"Knock, knock," Pam said, entering the office. She sat down in her customary chair at the side of Eric's desk. "She's sulking," Pam reported. "I gave her that same speech you gave me when I refused to kill the prostitute you bought for me because I was afraid of Hell. It got her into the shower; I'm sure it won't make her embrace her vampire self, though."
Eric gave a half shrug. "You never could deliver that line the way I can," he said. "But, it's a start. Was she still crying?"
Pam nodded. "She still views the world with that same sense of urgency all humans do. It will fade."
"I know that. But, I can't stand her looking at me with those tears down her face and pain reflecting in her eyes. I was ready for the onslaught of anger. I was ready for her to pull away for a short while. I was not ready to make her betray herself because I failed her."
"Eric," Pam said, harshly. "How the fuck were you supposed to know that turning her would magnify her faerie powers? No one could have known, except Naill, maybe, and I doubt he would have shared that information. She clearly felt threatened and that was her response. It's hardly your fault."
"I should have factored that in," Eric started.
"Oh, stop. You've been hanging around humans too long; it's making you soft."
There was a tense silence. Eric needed to hear those words, he knew that; but, they stung coming from his Child. "How is Elliot?"
"Hungry and horny."
"Normal, then. Is Sookie going to meet with him?"
"I don't know," Pam said, honestly. "Elliot really doesn't care why he's vampire, he's just elated that he is. Maybe his attitude will rub off on Sookie."
Eric cleared his throat. "We were interrupted yesterday when you told me of the fire. How do you know Victor is working with the Fellowship?"
"Bill." There was only one Bill which either of them would speak of.
"And, how does he know that?"
"That's the interesting part, he never actually said. But, he's been tracking Madden since he got wind that Sookie was a target."
Eric shook his head. "That means either Victor is acting on his own, or worse, he's working on De Castro's orders. Either way, this is not going to end well for either of them."
Pam nodded in agreement. She started to say something else, but Eric held up a hand to stop her. "Do not even think about this. Sookie does not need this on her head. And, until we know what's going on this stays between us."
"That little gift has gone from useful to inconvenient in a hurry," Pam groused.
"We all need to get used to it," Eric said. "She's coming."
~*~
Sookie only decided to leave the room because if she didn't someone else would come and get her. She was certainly not in the mood for another lecture of any kind. She went up to Eric's office, surprised that she was able to navigate her way around the home so easily. She could hear hushed whispers, but could not make out what Eric and Pam were talking about, but she was sure it was about her.
She knocked at the door. "Hi," she said.
Eric was sitting at his desk. He looked for all the world deep in thought. Something was up, she knew, because he was wearing his strategizing look. "Hi," Eric said, tightly. "Feeling better?"
Sookie shrugged. "I'm still mad"
"That's expected," Eric said.
"Good, because I don't know how long it's going to last." Sookie sat down in the empty chair across from Eric's desk. "Hi, Pam," she said.
Pam nodded her head by way of greeting.
"Glad to see you two are getting along." He snapped the lid of his laptop shut. "You must be hungry," Eric said, conversationally. He could feel her discomfort and the weight of her desire through the bond. So, when she shook her head to lie to him, a wave of intense anger washed over him. Suddenly, it was not his lover, Sookie Stackhouse sitting in front of him; no, in her place was a spoilt brat who did not understand the chance she had been given.
Whether Sookie had blocked out his emotion or chose to ignore it, he did not know. But, when she did not even acknowledge his anger, his ire rose even more. "Sookie?" he said, keeping his voice calm and level despite his emotions to the contrary.
"I said I'm fine," she lied again. She then wrapped her arms around herself and turned her eyes away from Eric's.
He drummed his fingers on the closed lid of his computer. "You are aware that the blood substitute the humans force upon us will only nourish you, it will not take away that hunger. And it is that very desire, that drive that makes you so dangerous." He paused, looking down at his nails, then pointedly at her.
"Well, since I've already crossed that particular bridge, I don't see why it's a concern any longer," Sookie snapped in retort.
"Sookie!" Pam exclaimed, scandalized. "That is no way to speak to your Maker. He deserves your utmost respect."
Eric did not look at Pam, instead keeping his gaze trained on Sookie. But, he held up a hand and she stopped speaking immediately. "Pam, leave it."
"Eric, I feel a responsibility to you to say something to her," Pam argued.
Eric then diverted his gaze from Sookie and shifted it to Pam. "I understand how you feel," he said, thinking of his devotion to Godric. "But, now I am telling you to go tend to your child and leave me to tend to mine."
Pam recoiled as if she had been slapped. "Fine," she said, tersely. "I'll go to Elliot. We'll be in the library." She glared at Sookie as she left, Eric hoped she was thinking pleasant thoughts, because provoking Sookie would just make things worse than they needed to be in this moment.
Eric did not speak until Pam left the room. She shut the door behind her with a loud bang that voiced her displeasure at being asked to leave. Eric made a mental not to have a frank discussion with her about her place in the relationship between himself and Sookie -- which was to say, she did as she was told where Sookie was concerned, as in all other situations. He kept his voice quiet. "I will not punish you because I am feeling generous, and because I understand that you have suffered a traumatic experience. It is my right, as your Maker, to decide these things. I will not exercise that power over you Sookie because I respect you and because the nature of our relationship makes it inconvenient to do so."
He then stood up and walked around his desk to loom right over Sookie.
Sookie stared him right in the eye. "How big of you not to punish me for something that is your fault," she said, sarcasm heavy in her voice.
Eric smiled and bent down. "You chose to drink."
Sookie's eyes widened. He could feel her shock and felt as though he won a point. Obviously, she had not thought of her complacency in the situation. He thought for sure it would shut her up and help her see reason. He was not prepared for her logical response. "You knew how I felt about being turned," she started. Her voice was much more calm and level that it had been a moment ago. "We talked about it more than once. And you promised, that no matter what, when the time came you would let me go. That time came and you broke your word."
"You begged me," he protested. Though, he knew that even if she hadn't begged, that if she had clamped her mouth shut and refused to drink willingly, that he would have done everything in his power and more to turn her, to keep her just a little longer, even if she would resent him until his final death came.
"Let me ask you this: What dying creature, when offered a second chance, wouldn't clamp her lips to your wrist and suck back the blood, despite her principles? Why did you ask? You knew the answer."
Eric sighed. "I asked you because if there was a chance you would say yes, I would take it. You knew what devil you were dealing with." He softened his features. Clearly, playing the stern paternal figure was not getting at Sookie. "And, I would also like to clarify that it is not my fault that I did not predict how your fae powers would magnify when you were turned. It was those variables, not what you call my cowardice, or weakness," he spat those words back at her, "that caused you to behave as you did last night."
"You knew how I would feel about this," Sookie yelled.
Eric snarled. "You will not take that tone with me, Child."
"Release me," Sookie demanded. "Release me now and let me meet the sun, because I will not be your lapdog. Maker, or not, I am not your property, Eric Northman." And she crossed her hands over her chest and raised her chin to him defiantly.
Eric felt his anger ebb away slightly at the admonishment. He was being stupid, trying to strong arm her into doing as he wished. He knew better than that; Sookie Stackhouse was a woman that required finessing. She was much more likely to cooperate when she felt things were her idea. Clearly, he was at the disadvantage here because he did technically break a promise to her. But, he was not prepared to back down. Not yet. She needed to feed. "I will grant you freedoms as you demonstrate your ability to handle them."
Sookie narrowed her eyes at Eric. "You cannot treat me like you own me."
"I am afraid that you will find that I can. I can do whatever I want to you, with you." He paused and deliberately softened his features. "But I will not treat you with such disrespect. I have not done that to one of my charges as long as I've been involved in raising young vampires. I will never treat you badly." He added, "Unless you cross me with intent to kill."
"You keep taking away my choices," Sookie said.
"I have given you the chance to make more choices that you can imagine," Eric explained. "Now," he held out a hand to her, "you have a choice to make. come with me and feed voluntarily, or be held down and force fed because I will not allow you to become a danger or waste away."
"I told you I'm not hungry," Sookie said. "I choose to sit here."
Eric gave a wry laugh. "You cannot lie to me; it's a physical impossibility." He inclined his head toward her and spoke softly. "If you don't get up right now, on your own, you are making the choice to allow me to take control of the situation. You are not being rational and you are deliberately trying to hurt yourself. I will not allow your self pity to cause you to harm yourself."
Sookie planted herself firmly on the couch and stared at Eric in challenge.
Eric nodded his head. "Very well." He bent down quickly and scooped her up, throwing her over his shoulder in a graceful gesture. "I will not let you weaken yourself. At this stage of your transformation process, you need to indulge your urges so that you learn to control them. I know you're stubborn, but your stubborn nature is not going to help you here. You will have one more chance to do this on your own. If you still choose to resist me, then you will force me to make you feed."
Sookie put up a struggle. She kicked and twisted and made groaning noises in his arms. Eric was glad that she had not fed, because she did not know her own strength and she could have hurt him. She started in, pinching and scratching, and he half thought she would bite him - he was pleased that she did not.
"Put me down, you big, stupid Viking," Sookie said.
Eric said nothing. He merely let her carry on with her childish display. He merely carried her downstairs to the library where it seemed Pam and Elliot were embroiled in a game of chess. Eric did not put Sookie down as he spoke. "Did he feed?" he said, indicating Elliot.
"Yes, he did feed," Elliot said, speaking up for himself.
Eric ignored Elliot. "Pam, control him." Normally, Eric would not have minded the intrusion of the new vampire. He would have found the spunk entertaining; but, Sookie's defiance was driving him beyond annoyance.
Elliot looked over at Pam and bowed his head respectfully. "Sorry, sir," Elliot said.
Eric nodded. "Sookie needs to feed," he said to Pam.
"Dinner's through that door. There are several choices. I'm sure she'll find something she likes," Pam said, picking up a pawn and analyzing the possible moves she could make.
"One way or another," Eric said. He planted Sookie's feet firmly on the ground. "I will not ask you to feed directly from the human. But, will you drink from a glass?"
Sookie nodded. Eric grabbed a glass from the table near the door.
He took her by the hand and led her through the doors into the den that was next to the library. Inside, he found, a group of humans drinking and playing strip poker. He recognized a few as Fangtasia regulars, but he couldn't name them if his life depended on it. He turned to Sookie, whose fangs had extended, and said, "Choose one."
Sookie held on to Eric, using him for balance or grounding or whatever it was, as she took in the scents of blood around her. She pointed to a young woman with long, curly black hair and porcelain skin. Eric reached out and touched her on the shoulder. He was pleased to see that she was wearing only a bra and panties - it made things more interesting to him. He had an active imagination and he liked the possibilities of Sookie and this woman. His own fangs extended, but it was not from hunger. "You," he said. The girl walked forward and smiled.
"I was hoping you'd finally choose me," she said. She glanced at Sookie dismissively. "I'm better than whatever that is."
"I doubt that," Eric said, reaching for her wrist. "And, I'm not the one who wants you." He pulled her wrist to his mouth and ripped the flesh so it would drain. The girl cried out in pain, but Eric kept coaxing the blood into the glass until it was three quarters full. Then, he liked the girl's wound and told her to "Return to your game."
He put the goblet in Sookie's hands. "You drink this before it gets cold."
He was stunned, positively stunned, when Sookie put the glass to her lips and took a deep, greedy gulp. He was certain she was going to throw it in his face just to see how he would react. She downed the blood. "You didn't spill a drop," he said, taking the glass she held out to him.
"More," she said. "Please."
"You're in a better mood he said," as he beckoned the same girl with his fingers. She came running, as any dutiful fangbanger would.
Eric got Sookie her blood and then fed from the girl as a thank you for her services. He knew it wasn't pleasant to be drained that way.
After Sookie drank her third glass of blood, something changed in her. It wasn't a bad change. She looked at him, a smudge of blood in the corner of her mouth, "I need you to teach me to stop feeling so ... human," she said.
"I can do that," he said. "But, I don't want to." He liked her quaint humanity.
"Then, teach me to embrace my inner vampire," she said, holding out the glass to him for more.
~*~
Sookie sat at a table off to the side of the room, glass of blood in hand, while Eric and Pam spoke in another room. She hadn't quite been able to work up the courage to talk to Elliot, and he hadn't made the first move to talk with her either. But, he kept tossing surreptitious glances her way as he pretended to study the chess board.
Sookie sipped at her blood, savoring the texture and the taste as it washed over her tongue. It was easy to savor it when she wasn't driven by her urges, as Eric called them.
"Do you really like drinking it from a glass?" Elliot asked, breaking the silence between them, finally.
Sookie was on the verge of reading his mind, so she was glad that he spoke up. She thought it was a violation of his privacy, and since it was the one thing she seemed to be able to control with relative ease, she was loathe to breach that trust if she didn't need to.
Sookie shrugged. "No one gets hurt this way."
Elliot pushed out his seat and moved to the big, squashy chair that was adjacent to table Sookie sat at. "Pam told me that you're upset about what happened," he began. "But, you can see, that I'm not. I was hoping to be turned -- eventually. It just happened much earlier than I thought it would."
"I nearly killed you," Sookie clarified. "I wasn't going to turn you, I was - I enjoyed bringing you to the point of death. I only stopped because," she paused and thought about that moment. "I'm not even sure why I stopped. I just knew that if I kept drinking until your heart stopped that it wouldn't be as nice for me."
Elliot smiled. His fangs distended. "It was exhilarating to have you feed on me! I just felt freedom, and when your fangs punctured my neck - it was heaven, Sookie."
"Elliot, I had to force you to tell me your name. I was angry because you were thinking rude thoughts."
Elliot shrugged. "It was stupid of me to do something like that in front of a vampire." He leaned back lazily in his chair. "That blood your drinking smells wonderful. Who was it?"
"Don't get any ideas. Eric and Pam told us to stay away. They can't afford any more accidents," she said, dryly. She held out her half full glass to him. "It's still warm. If you want it, drink it."
Elliot wrinkled his nose at the glass. Then, he extended his fangs again. He ran his tongue over his newest appendage. "I like to use these to feed."
"So do I," Sookie admitted, wistfully. Too bad her only experience had ended with Elliot nearly dying and having to be turned.
"What's that I heard, lover?" Eric said as he entered the room. "Did I hear you say that you liked feeding?"
"Yes," she said, sassily. "I did. But that doesn't mean I'm through being mad at you."
"Sookie," Elliot whispered. "You shouldn't speak to him that way - he's got a temper."
Eric laughed, a low, growling belly laugh. "Is that what Pam told you?" He smiled. "Well, she's right, I do have a temper. But, I'm afraid our first introduction took place when I was ," he glanced at Sookie, "occupied."
Elliot stared in awe. "I can speak to you?"
"Until you say something stupid which makes you less interesting to me, yes."
"Eric, can't you be nice to him?" Sookie asked. "First, he's a guest in our home. And second, I nearly killed him." She sighed. "And I'm afraid I'm not a very good hostess, Elliot's hungry and I don't even know where you keep the TruBlood."
"I am being nice," Eric said. "I haven't driven a stake through his heart for speaking to you without my permission, as is my right."
"Now, now Eric," Pam said as she entered the room. "Sookie's right. You need to be kind to him. He's family, after all - part of the nest." She snapped her fingers and Elliot stood up from his chair. Pam sat down in his spot. "And," she smiled, "he's training up nicely. And, this is only the first night."
Eric smiled, looking for all the world like a proud father. "Pam, take you Child to feed. Sookie and I need to speak." Sookie made a huffing noise, she was irritated because Eric was effectively ending her conversation before she was ready. "That is, if Sookie is finished making her peace."
"I guess we're fine for now," she said.
Pam stood up and led Elliot into the room where the fangbangers were still holed up. Sookie didn't even want to think about what they were doing at that moment.
"I'm still upset with you," Sookie said, with no venom at all. "And I can't control my emotions."
"All normal," Eric said dismissively. "We have more important things to discuss than our relationship problems."
"Oh?"
"Victor Madden knows you've been turned. He wants you for his nest. In fact, it appears as if the fire was a rouse to get you turned. He got the Fellowship of the Sun to infiltrate Fangtasia, to figure out your patterns -- and then, he used them to set fire to the bar. I was supposed to die. And he was supposed to be the one who turned you."
"That's ridiculous, Eric. I'm protected by --"
"No one," Eric finished. "It appears as though my usefulness has waned in the De Castro camp. It's not unexpected," he said calmly. "But we either have to run or eliminate the threat."
Suddenly Sookie didn't feel so hungry anymore.
TBC
