Chapter 3: The Journeys Part 1

A/N: The Home and Away reference is in honour of certain friends of ours. Here you go. Do you feel honoured?

Oh, and I just want to say, sorry for the wrong note at the end of the last chapter. I underestimated the time and space it would take for the journeys.


"Are you sure it'll be alright, Ani?"

"It'll be fine, Padme!"

"But no-one's supposed to know we're married! Going out together is a giveaway!"

"Don't worry. We're taking the Supreme Chancellor with us. No-one will suspect a thing."

Padme frowned. "If you're sure. I still don't like it."

Just then, Palpatine came out onto the docking platform. "Are we ready to go?"

"Almost," said Padme. "We're just waiting on J-"

The words hadn't even made it out of her mouth, when the Gungan in question came running out of the building – straight into Palpatine.

CRASH!

They fell onto the pile of bags.

"OMG!" shouted Padme, running over to them. "My Home and Away: Season 1 Limited Edition DVD! It's in there! You'll have squashed it!"

Anakin caught her around the waist. "It's ok, Padme. I'm sure it's fine."

Padme glared. "That mind trick won't work on me, Anakin Skywalker!"

Anakin looked bewildered. "I wasn't using a mind trick! I didn't even think about using a mind trick!"

Palpatine stood up. "I'm terribly sorry, Padme. But your DVD is probably fine. You really don't need to worry. Now, let's all get on the ship, and let's get going."

Padme blinked. She felt like obeying… "Alright."

Palpatine smiled. It was so easy! He just took his anger at that stupid Gungan and redirected it into a "mind trick". Which reminded him… the Gungan…

The Gungan was already scrambling aboard, leaving Anakin and Palpatine outside with the bags. Ok, maybe he wasn't quite that stupid… Palpatine hurried after, leaving Anakin with the bags.

With a sigh, Anakin lifted the bags with the Force and brought them on board.

-

They'd been driving along for a little while, when Padme remarked, "Jar Jar, you've been awfully quiet. I'll probably regret asking this later, but what's wrong?"

The Gungan opened his mouth, displaying his long tongue – tied up in knots.

"Oh my god! Someone tied Jar Jar's tongue up!"

"You do know what this means, don't you?" asked Palpatine.

"What?" asked Padme. Then she realised what he'd say. "Oh, no! God, no! Don't say it –"

"He's tongue-tied!"

Everyone groaned.

"Who did it, Jar Jar?" Anakin asked.

Jar Jar gave him a hate-filled glare.

"What? What did I say?"

"You asked him a question, and he can't answer you."

"Oh. Yeah, that would be a problem, wouldn't it?"

"Sarcasm isn't becoming in a Jedi," Padme told him.

"I'm not being sarcastic!"

"Children!" interrupted Palpatine, "don't you think we should untie Jar Jar's tongue?"

"No!" shouted Anakin.

"But don't you want him to answer your question?"

Anakin blinked. "Yeah, I spose. Go ahead."

Palpatine looked offended. "I'm not touching his tongue! That's disgusting!"

"Bags not doing it!"

Everyone looked at Padme. She sighed. "So much for 'The Hero with No Fear' and 'Our Noble Chancellor'," she muttered.

After a time of intense frustration – they were really complex knots – she finished untying Jar Jar's tongue.

"All right, I'm finished. Now, I'm going to go and wash my hands. You are not to start questioning him until I get back."

"Who did it, Jar Jar?"

"Senator tell mesa spake nutting!"

"Oh, really?" There was an evil glint in Anakin's eyes. "Well, I outrank Padme by a lightsabre."

Jar Jar gulped. "No, mesa spake nutting."

Anakin ignited his lightsabre.

"Anakin Skywalker! Put that away immediately!"

"Unbelievable. How could she hear that?"

Palpatine pointed to a blinking light on the console. "She has the intercom on."

"Oh."

When Padme eventually came out of the 'fresher, she made everyone sit down. "Ok, Jar Jar, tell us who did it?"

"Yeah," said Anakin. "I want to reward them!"

"Mesa no know. Mesa fell sleep, den mesa wake up, and mesa tongue lika dis."

"So, you have no idea who did this?" asked Padme. Anakin looked bitterly disappointed.

"Mesa tink, it da Sith!"

"I doubt it was the Sith," Palpatine told Jar Jar. 'As a matter of fact, I know for certain it wasn't.'

"If it was the Sith," said Anakin, "then I'd join them, just for that!"

'God,' thought Palpatine, 'If I'd known that was all it would take, I would have done it!'


"Wesa dare yet?" asked Jar Jar.

No one answered.

"Wesa dare yet?"

"Wesa dare yet?"

"Wesa –"

"I've got an idea," said Padme. "Let's play 'I Spy'!"

"Yay! Mesa luv 'My Spy'!"

So Padme and Jar Jar began playing 'I Spy'. Padme picked Palpatine. Then Jar Jar picked 'stars'. Padme picked Anakin. Jar Jar picked 'stars' again. Padme picked the pilot's console. Jar Jar picked –

"Stars!" said everyone.

"Hey! Mesa no pick letters yet! But no. Why yousa tink dat? Mesa gonna say 'petrol station'.

"Oh, alleluia!" muttered Anakin, pulling into the driveway. "Hey, Jar Jar, wanna come and help me fill up the tank?"

"Sure!"

Anakin filled up and paid, with Jar Jar just standing next to him, doing nothing. Then they went back to the ship. "Where's Padme?"

"She went to the 'fresher." said Palpatine.

"But there's a 'fresher on the ship!" protested Anakin.

Palpatine shrugged. "Women are strange. What can I say?"

"Hey, Jar Jar?"

"Ya?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"Sure! Mesa ver happy too, Ani!"

"Alright. Could you go and stand over there?" he pointed to a Dry Ice machine at the side of the building.

"Why?"

"I want you to watch for Padme."

"Okeyday!"

As Jar Jar moved away, Palpatine said, "But, Anakin, the ladies' are on the other side of the building."

"I know."


Padme got back onto the ship. "Ok, we can go now!"

They took off.

She sat down, and looked around. "Where's Jar Jar?"


Leia was piloting the Falcon. Over Han's protests.

"Please, Princess, just let me drive!"

"No. I want to drive. You and Chewie always drive. It's my turn!"

Luke hissed to Artoo, "Quick, plug into the computer and see if there's anything we can use as a distraction!"

Artoo beeped, and plugged himself in. After a short time, he whistled.

Luke looked at him expectantly. "What did you find?"

A couple of sheets of paper dropped out ofa randomprinter. Luke picked them up, and whistled appreciatively. "Not exactly what I meant, Artoo, but pretty damn distracting!"

"I feel I must point out that I doubt Mistress Leia would find them pleasant," said Threepio.

"Good point. Now, for real, Artoo."

The astromech searched for a minute, then beeped.

"He says there's a petrol station coming up soon."

"Perfect! Hey, Leia! Can we stop soon! I want to eat!

"There's food in the galley!"

"Last time I ate that food I was stuck in the fresher for half a day! You know Han doesn't check the 'use by' dates!"

Leia sighed. "Fine! I can see a petrol station ahead. We can stop there!"


Leia was about to bite into a meat pie when someone grabbed her, making her drop it.

"Senator!" squealed an annoying voice. "Mesa so glad to see yousa! Mesa tinking yousa leave mesa behind!"

She turned to see a Gungan. "Can I help you?" she asked in icy tones.

He shrank back in fear. "Mesa sorry. Mesa thought yousa mesa friend, Senator Amidala."

Leia immediately felt pity for the pathetic thing in front of her. "Where were you going?"

"Wesa gonna bowling!"

"So are we. We could take you, and meet them there."

"Yousa would? Oh, mesa be moi moi grateful!"

Leia patted the seat beside her. "Have a seat. I'm Leia."


Han and Luke came in from refuelling the Falcon. They saw Leia talking to Jar Jar.

"Why do I get the feeling we've picked up another pathetic life form?" Luke asked randomly. Then he frowned. "That's not my line! That's somebody else's!"

"Who's this, Leia?" asked Han.

Leia smiled. "This is Jar Jar Binks. He's going to be coming with us to the bowling parlour." She stood. "Now, you two can entertain yourself. I'm going to get changed. This outfit has a pie stain on it."

"Ok, Princess."

Han sat down. Luke was already sitting.

Suddenly Han jumped up. "Oh, no!"

"What's wrong, Han?"

"Leia let me pack… Oh, crap!"

Luke was beginning to feel alarmed. "What is it?"

Han leaned close to his friend. "You know that little gold bikini she wore in Episode 6? I packed that."

Luke's eyes widened in horror. "She's gonna kill you!"


"Do we have to go back, Padme?"

"Yes, Anakin. We do."

Anakin sighed. "Why did you have to use the fresher there? There's one on the ship!"

Padme just shrugged. 'Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you I was doing a pregnancy test.'

"Do we really need to go back?"

"Yes, Anakin. I left my handbag there."


And here, dear readers, we will leave your for now.