Once my feet touch solid ground I turn and run to Fandral as he is being taken off of Volstagg's back. He groans. I place my hands over his wound focusing once again on the uplifted flesh. "Oh, shush, shush, shush! You're all right, Fandral." Thor brushes past me, demanding to know why Allfather has brought us back. I am vaguely aware of Allfather's response, but I cannot spare the focus to put sense into the words. Warmth spreads through my hands more quickly than it did back on Jotunheim and then golden threads begin to stem the flow of blood soaking into Fandral's tunic.
"Astra!" I turn to see Allfather throwing his arm out in anger towards Sif, Hogun, Volstagg and me. "Get him to the healing room! Now!" I hoist Fandral's arms onto Volstagg and Hogun's shoulders.
"I stemmed the blood for now, but he still needs my attention. Get him on Hadda, she's faster than any of yours!" I command, leading them towards the door.
"No, Astra," Allfather calls. I stop and face him as the others continue to bring Fandral to the horses. "He will be taken care of under one of your students. You stay." I start to object, but Allfather silences me with a quick step forward. Heimdall takes my place in escorting the others out of the chamber.
"There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act," Thor says to his father. I walk around the central platform to stand beside Loki. His eyes are fixed on Allfather. "The Jotuns must learn to fear me, just as they once feared you." Loki sighs and allows his eyes to skim the floor.
"That's pride and vanity talking, not leadership. You've forgotten everything I taught you about a warrior's patience."
"While you wait and be patient the Nine Realms laugh at us. The old ways are done. You stand giving speeches while Asgard falls," Thor accuses.
"You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy!" Allfather roars. I close my eyes for a moment. I hate it when Allfather yells like that. I do not fear him as others might think. I just find it hard to bear then shame that Thor doesn't have. He has once again insulted his father because he cannot see through the thick cloud of his own pride.
"And you are an old man and a fool!" Thor roars back.
"Thor!" I yell in anger. He is overstepping his bounds. I try to step towards him, but Loki grabs my wrist tightly. Thor is not king of Asgard and should remember that his father still remains on the throne! He almost had us all killed and yet he cannot see that. All he cares about is his stupid ideals. And what are they, exactly? "Regain" the glory that Asgard has never lost and start a war that could bring Asgard to ruin? Oh yes, these are the actions of a man, no, boy "ready" to lead.
Allfather falls silent and slowly looks to the ground. "Yes." My anger slowly transforms into sadness. The lines in his face seem deeper than usual and he seems tired. Laufey was right. He does look weary. Allfather has tried to raise Thor to be wise and just. He has tried to show him that reason and patience are what create a great leader. But, it appears his teachings have all been for naught. I sigh and step back. "I was a fool to think you were ready."
"Father…" Loki pleads stepping forward. Allfather points at Loki savagely and lets out an incomprehensible yell. Loki straightens up quickly and stops short in his steps.
"Allfather!" I yell as my anger flares within me again. His quarrel is with Thor, not with Loki. "Do not misplace you anger!" Loki takes a couple steps away from Allfather. I back up to stand in front of him. I will not have Allfather blame Loki because of Thor's misgivings. Allfather redirects his eyes to mine. His lips are in a firm line and I know he can feel my anger. He sighs, shoulders drooping, and looks away.
"Thor Odinson," Allfather utters. He lifts his head. His eyes are hard and full of pain. "You have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you've opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war!" Allfather lifts his staff and thrusts down into the platform. Yggdrasill bursts to life, branches of light whipping around the chamber. I gasp and take another step back. I feel my back press into Loki's chest. Allfather and Thor are right in front of us. What's going on? What is Allfather doing? "You are unworthy of these realms!" Allfather reaches out and begins to rip off pieces of Thor's armor. "You're unworthy of your title!" Thor cloak is ripped from his shoulders. I watch as it crumples to the floor. My hands are covering my mouth. When did they get there?
"You're unworthy," Allfather bellows, then pauses. His voice is softer when he speaks again. "You're unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed." I can feel Loki's head turn to look at Thor. Allfather watches Thor. They wander from place to place on his son's face, almost trying to memorize each feature. After a moment, he cannot bear it any longer and looks away. Allfather walks back to the platform and raises his hand.
"I now take from you your power!" Mjolnir rips out of Thor's hand and flies into Allfather's. "In the name of my father and his father before," Thor's armor begins to shatter, the metal pieces creating soft 'chink's on the floor. "I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!" I take a couple steps forward reaching out to grab Thor, but Loki roughly grabs hold around my waist and pulls me back. Thor deserves punishment, but to be banished? Left alone in the mortal world without a friend? Without his power to defend himself? A bolt of lightning springs out of Mjolnir and strikes Thor in the chest. What remains of his armor explodes off of him and clatters to the floor and Thor is thrown back into the swirling colors of the Bifrost.
"Thor!" I cry, struggling against Loki. Behind me, Loki lets out a small cry. I slam my knuckles into Loki's elbow and he releases me. I turn to face him as tears well in my eyes. I am angry. Upset. Mortified. Distraught. But as I look into Loki's eyes I see the same emotions, as well as fear. My angers drains and fear replaces me, causing a chill to spread as far as my fingertips. Allfather throws Mjolnir into the Bifrost after Thor. Loki lifts his head to watch.
Allfather just banished Thor. What will he do to Loki? Loki has some connection to the Frost Giants. I don't know how yet, but Allfather might send Loki away, too! No! I reach down and grab Loki's hand and pull him away from Allfather. As we walk quickly to the door, I hear Allfather call out my name. I ignore him and push Loki ahead of me. I have to get him away from Allfather. I have to protect him. I won't let Allfather take him away! Allfather calls me again and I glance over my shoulder. Allfather is leaning against his staff breathing heavily. I should help him. I know that's why he had me stay, but I cannot stop. I cannot bring myself to turn back.
We reach the horses and Loki climbs onto his. I go to climb onto Fandral's, but Loki wrenches around in his saddle with a fierce "No!" I face him quickly in surprise. His eyes are hard and still filled with emotion. They focus on me as a whole, but they skit from one part of my face to another. "You will ride with me!" He reaches his hand down. I reach up in return. As soon as he pulls me up in front of him, we race down the bridge and away from Allfather.
Both Loki and I have calmed down somewhat by the time we find Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg within the palace. Loki tries to keep me by his side, going so far to try and hold me there, but I gently place my hands on his and remind him that I am a healer. One of my friends still has an injury. He breathes a little harshly in impatience, but allows me to slip away from him nonetheless. Hogun is pacing as I kneel down next to Volstagg. I gently lift his arm to inspect the damage. His arm has what looks like severe frostbite in the shape of a giant hand.
"We never should have let him go," Volstagg claims. I sigh and hover my hand over his arm, allowing for the spell to begin. Volstagg winces slightly and takes a swig of his wine, but make no other signs of discomfort.
"There was no stopping him," Sif comforts.
"Well, at least he's only banished, not dead," Hogun throws out, still pacing. I watch my friend's uneasy movements around the fire pit in the center of the room. He's right. At least Allfather hadn't executed him. Not that Allfather could. He loves Thor far too much for that. I regret to admit that banishment was the better of the two options.
"Which is what we'd all be if that guard hadn't told Odin where we'd gone," Fandral remarks. He must be speaking about Idasson. I did not think he heard where we were going exactly. I did not tell him and I did not hear Loki mention it. However…I look over at Loki briefly. He had hesitated before catching up with us at the horses. Had he used one of his doubles to tell the guard? Volstagg jerks slightly as I push my spell deeper into his arm, attempting to restore the damaged blood vessels. I can feel my eyes contract and a dull throbbing begins to pulse in my temples. Loki turns to his side along the wall. He isn't facing anyone. He is looking down to the ground and swallows once. He turns his hand over again, trying to find any traces of what we had seen on Jotunheim.
"How did the guard even know?" Volstagg asks as I turn his arm over.
"I did," Loki says sternly as he looks straight at Volstagg. The red-head stares blankly at him before looking at me in disbelief. I shake my head at him as Fandral questions him in the background. So, he did create a double. I suppose it turned out to be better that he did. Had he not we would most likely be skewered by now, and that's putting things nicely. Volstagg jumps forward slightly in his seat, crying "You told the guard?" I push him roughly back into the chair and continue on with my work with a faster pace. Within seconds his arm was at least to the point where it could heal on its own. I try to straighten up, but the room begins to dance and I have to stand still holding the back of the chair. While I am proud to admit my healing is among some of the best, it does not come without its limits. If I try to do too much in too little time my body pays the price. Pushing too hard can render me unconscious, or in the worst case, place me into a coma.
"I saved our lives. And Thor's. I had no idea that Father would banish him for what he did," Loki reasoned.
"Loki. You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind," Sif pleads. I slowly open my eyes and watch as she breathes heavily. Her shoulders are tense and the muscles in her hands are straining. Would I be so calm if the same had been done to Loki?
"And if I do, then what? I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know what he is. He's arrogant. He's reckless. He's dangerous. You saw what he did today. Is that what Asgard needs from its king?" Loki demands. He doesn't wait for an answer and storms out of the room.
"He may speak of the good of Asgard, but he's always been jealous of Thor," Sif spits as she turns away from the door. I purse my lips and look away. She's angry and upset, but what right does that give her to place the blame on Loki when she doesn't know the facts? Volstagg speaks up for Loki, claiming he saved our lives. I place a hand on his shoulder in silent thanks. I can't always take Loki's side, especially when words such as these are being flung about. I am grateful that Volstagg at least has reason.
"Laufey said there were traitors in the House of Odin," Hogun says, turning to look at us. "A master of magic could bring three Jotuns into Asgard." Volstagg glances up at me and places his hand on top of mine. It isn't until I feel his hand that I realize that I had been clutching his shoulder tightly in anger. I release his shoulder and leave the room without bothering to look at the others as I went. It's ridiculous, stupid, and ungrateful for Sif and Hogun to even be thinking such things of Loki. And at the same time, it's really not. Loki really would do those things. Sif is right, Loki is jealous. He hates that Thor gets treated differently. He hates that Thor gets all the attention, all the love. He hates that Thor will gain the throne and he never had the possibility. Thor was bred for the throne, and Loki was thrown into the background. He hates and loves his brother. He wasn't lying when he told Sif he loves Thor more dearly than any of us. He has only ever wanted to be his equal.
In the midst of my reverie, a hand takes hold of my shoulder. I stop walking and instinctively try to move away, but Allfather has a firm grip. I let out a puff of breath and try to slow down my now escalated heartbeat. "Allfather."
"Astra, I need you to come with me." It was a firm command, one in which he doesn't even wait for an answer. I had begun to incline my head, but I give up about halfway when he turns and strides down the hall. I almost have to jog to keep up. After some time, we reach the underground chambers which hold the relics of Asgard. Outside the doors Allfather turns to me.
"Astra, I will need you after this. You are to stay here. If I summon you, only then should you step through these doors. Otherwise, you are to stay here. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Allfather. But if I may ask, what is going on? Why are we here?"
"I am not ignorant to what happened in Jotunheim, Astra." My heart begins to beat painfully in my chest. He knows? How did he find out? Was it Heimdall? This is impossible! Allfather sighs and reaches down to take my hand. He carefully unclenches it. I didn't realize that I had it that way to begin with. "Loki is my son, child. All will be explained. But we both know Loki, and his temper. He will not be pleased with what I have to say. Loki will not harm me. However…" He takes my other hand. "I am tired, Astra. No one calms him better than you. Do not let me down." Allfather leans forward and places a kiss on my forehead. Then, he pulls away, drops my hands and steps into the chamber.
"Stop!" I hear Allfather cry. I step closer to the door. It was ajar just enough for me to see Loki and Allfather.
"Am I cursed?" Loki asks, still holding the casket, yet refusing to turn around.
"No," answers Allfather.
Loki is silent for a moment then places the casket back on the altar. "What am I?"
"You're my son."
Loki slowly turns and I can see his skin has changed to the same color as in Jotunheim. I can't tell how quickly the color recedes because of the distance, between us, but soon his skin is back to its usual shade. "What more than that?" he questions. He starts walking towards Allfather, never taking his eyes off of him. "The casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?" As he gets closer I can see his eyes shining from restrained tears. Tears of anguish? Confusion? So many things at once, I suppose. He comes to a stop at the bottom of the steps before Allfather.
"No." Allfather finally replied. I gasp and clap my hands over my mouth. They're shaking. "In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby. Small for a giant's offspring. Abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."
"Laufey's son." Loki repeated and I can vaguely hear myself do the same.
"Yes."
Loki was trying to bring forth words, but he couldn't. He shakes his head and glances off to the side briefly. I can see his eyebrows furrowing, and lines begin to show on his face. Some people I have known have many lines on their face, from happy times and laughter, from smiling too much. I often associate them with kindness. But these lines were like those of men who return from war. War that had instilled a grief inside them, an anger, despair. But, Loki's war was not one fought on a battleground far from home. "Why? You were knee deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?"
"You were an innocent child."
"No. You took me for a purpose. What was it?" Loki demands walking up the steps towards Allfather. But, Allfather did not answer. "TELL ME!" Loki's scream bounces off the walls. I can feel the tears streaming down my face. Loki. His face is so distorted with rage, sweat and unshed tears, but within a second that all drops away to fear and uncertainty. Never before have I seen Loki so distraught, so terrified. What memories and fears are rushing through him right now? I'm sorry, love. He doubts everyone now. I'm so sorry.
"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance. Bring about Permanent peace," Allfather explains. "Through you."
"What?"
"But those plans no longer matter." But what now, Allfather? Now that Thor has gone and shattered all hope for peace, what does he plan to do with Loki now that he knows? So many things run through my mind. Terrible things that I know will not truly come to pass. Despite his favoring of Thor, he does love Loki. Frigga loves Loki. Thor loves Loki.
"So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have some use of me." Loki states, panting between words.
"Why do you twist my words?"
"You could have told me what I was from the beginning. Why didn't you?!"
"You're my son. I only wanted to protect you from the truth."
He's stammering. "What, because I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?" No, he's not a monster. Don't think that, love, please?
"Don't." Allfather begins to stoop. I gasp and place my hands against the door.
"You know, it all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all of these years!" Allfather has lowered himself to the stairs now. I push open the doors and run down the stairs, dropping down next to Allfather. Loki doesn't seem to notice me. "Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a frost giant on the throne of Asgard!" Allfather is gasping and reaching out to Loki. I place my hands on Allfather's chest. I try to feel what is hurting, what is causing him to collapse. But all I feel is an overwhelming stream of emotion that makes the room spin. I remove my hands to grab my head. Once the room steadies, I see Loki is gently holding Allfather's hand. He lets go and glances at me. Loki is breathing heavily and isn't quite sure what to do for a moment. His eyes are pleading for something from me. I reach up and cup his cheek with my hand. His own reaches up to hold my tightly. He turns his face into my hand for only the briefest of moments before calling for the guards.
By the time the guards arrive, I am trying to feel through Allfather again. The flow of emotion is no longer there. His vitals are all fine, though lowered. He feels as if he is sleeping. The guards stand around him, not sure of what to do. "I need to you to carry Allfather to the healing room as quick as possible. I will follow behind you," I command. The guards make sounds of acknowledgement and begin to lift the body. As they carry him out, Loki is standing on the steps facing the casket. I walk down the steps until only two separate us. He doesn't turn to face me. I sigh and wrap my arms around his shoulders, burying my face into his neck. "I'm here," I whisper softly. Loki untangles my arms and turns to face me. His face is harder than before, but his eyes are still brimming with uncontrolled emotion. He pulls me to him and holds me so tightly I can hardly breathe.
"I'm still here, love. I'm still here," I tell him. His nails are digging into me through the fabric of my dress. I run my fingers through his hair trying to soothe him. Anger, so much anger. I can feel him shaking from it. But what else can I do now? How else can I help him? I don't know. "I'm still here."
Notes:
With the whole execution thing, I know it may not seem that Odin would really even consider executing his son. It's just that she's still upset and jumping to the worst conclusions.
