Okay, WOW, the reviews were totally awesome! I was not expecting so many! Thank you guys so much! I never knew this story would be taken so well. I had this idea, and well here we go. lol. This chapter is in Jude's narration again. I love writing for her, I guess being female it's easier to sink into her mind. Tommy's will be in the next chapter. This is still one year before the first chapter, I want to get through the funeral, then I'll have to see where I'm lead to write after that. I wont have the narration be so much of the chapters once I take this back to present day.
Again thanks for the reviews, I hop you enjoy chapter three!
Chapter Three
"Mom, I'm fine" Jude repeated for a number she could not remember.
"Jude, honey come on you're exhausted," Victoria Harrison spoke as she followed Jude into the kitchen. She had been trailing behind her daughter for an hour, trying to get her to take a break.
"I feel fine, so why don't you let me work?"
"You are not fine, you haven't slept in three days," Letting her hand rest on top of Jude's Victoria continued, "Sadie's here, dad is here, even your friends are here. Let us help you."
Jude looked up into her moms eyes before shaking her head in answer. Three days had passed since Farley died, she had been running around non stop getting things ready for the funeral. Stopping would mean she would have to deal with the news. Her head and heart hurt too bad to stop, hurt too much to accept the loss of her daughter.
"I need to do this," Jude's eyes pleaded as she stared across at her mom, "Please, I need to do this on my own."
"Baby, we only want to help."
"I know. You guys are, but right now I need to be the one to take care of things."
Sliding her hand out from Victoria's Jude turned and walked out of the room. The day after Farley was killed Victoria had arrived, in tears, Jude had been devastated at the sight. Her mom was trying to be a support, but following Jude around begging for her to rest, to sit down, to pass the details off on someone else, Jude was losing her patience.
There was still so much to take care of. Farley's funeral was set for the next day, Jude still had yet to pick out an outfit for her daughter to be buried in, she had yet to finalize the words that would be written on the headstone. Tommy tried to help her but Jude pushed him away, she could not deal with him arguing over what Farley should wear. There were so many options, so, so many. She had picked out a white dress Farley had worn for pictures, spaghetti strapped with small pink flowers embroidered on the bodice. Once she pulled the dress off the hanger the scent of her daughter filled the air around her, Jude lost it, she clutched the dress to her heart, crying over the loss.
Farley had only worn the dress once, Jude and Tommy had taken her shortly after her second birthday to get professional pictures done. Farley clad only in her dress and pink bloomers to match the flowers had grinned her way through the film. She had her parents natural ability to turn it up for the cameras.
Her dress had made it's way back into her small closet, Jude didn't have the heart to let it go, same with every other article of clothing Farley wore. They held too much sentimental value to Jude. They smelled too much like her daughter to let go. One day Jude knew her daughters sweet smell would disappear completely, the thought of hurrying the process broke her to a place she never wanted to be.
Farley gone? I couldn't believe it. Had the doctor, who I later learned was Dr. Casey really just told me my daughter had died? Tommy's hand had tightened around mine, I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I stared at Dr. Casey in shock, shaking my head in disbelief.
"What?" I asked in pure confusion, "Tell me you're joking!" All he had done was stare back at me in quiet sympathy. How could he sympathize? Had he just lost his child? Had he witnessed his baby whisper her last words? I think not. How dare he! I saw his mouth moving but any sound fell on my deaf ears, all I could hear were the tires, the screams, and the words, "We lost her."
"Jude?" Sadie watched her sister pace the house back and forth, forth and back, the process continued on and on. Jude thought she was getting things accomplished but her mind was running too rapidly. Sadie's own heart was broken, her sweet beautiful niece was gone. She never imagined loving a child as much as she loved her sisters. Farley had been a true blessing to anyone who came in contact with her. Her easy grin, chubby cheeks, angelic voice, Sadie loved everything about her. The news had come an hour after the accident… she ran red lights, broke many traffic laws to get to the hospital, but she was too late, Farley was already gone. Sadie was whisked into the room Jude and Tommy sat in, no sound met her as she carefully stepped into the small cold room. Tommy had his arm wrapped around Jude, his other hand squeezing hers tightly. Jude's body shook but no cries came out. Sadie had rushed over and enveloped her baby sister in a hug, sobbing into Jude's shoulder. It was real, her niece was dead and her sister was dying.
"Jude?" Repeating her question Sadie stood up and walked over to her sister, "I know you don't want any help, but I was thinking I could maybe go and pick out something for Far to wear."
"Would you?" Jude asked solemnly.
"Of course, if you don't mind," Trailing off Sadie cleared her throat, "I just thought it would help you out and all."
"Yeah Sades," Jude smiled weakly at her sister, "That would be great."
Sadie's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I-I tried to find something but I can't."
I couldn't bring myself to pick out an outfit for my daughter to be buried in. I watched many movies about someone dying and the parents having to find something for their child to wear. You never think about how hard that one decision could be until you experience it yourself. I had three other outfits laid out to debate over but each one brought back so many memories. So many pictures of Farley running around wearing just a simple pair of shorts and stained t-shirt.
Sadie's idea had been wonderful at the time, she had been brave enough to ask to help. My mom still followed me around trying to get me to at least sit for a while, Sadie on the other hand had given up after I yelled at her. Minutes after asking me, she and Kat had taken off to pick out a burial outfit. Tommy had been fine with them going out, I made sure to ask him first, we hadn't talked much since Far died. It hurt too badly to see him.
After Sadie showed up at the hospital, she cried for a few minutes before the three of us made our way out of the room, Kat met us in the hall way, it had taken one glance at us for the news to hit her. I give her credit for taking it as well as she did, she had nodded at me before holding her hand up and signing that she loved me. Simplest of gestures, yet one that still warms my heart to this day. My best friend loved me, and somehow I knew that I loved her too, even though I felt as if I had died in that accident along with Farley Bear.
Tommy and I were taken into the room that our daughter was in, my hand never left his as we entered the small emergency room. Farley's body had been covered with a white sheet, tucked gently underneath her chin. Her beautiful face had been cleaned off. The blood from the accident washed away, I was so grateful, not for me but for my husband. I knew if he had seen her the way I had he'd had crumbled right before my eyes. He did gasp at the sight of her, I did too, but mine was no where near as heart wrenching as his.
Farley's pale face, her light pink lips, her soft button nose, her blonde curly hair, her sweet ears, her precious neck… the one I loved to kiss repeatedly just to get a rise out of her. How many times would she giggle and kiss me back, proclaiming I was funny? God I miss her.
She looked so peaceful, as if she were sleeping. All the nights I would stand in her room just staring at her as she slept, Tommy always did the same. He never could get over the fact that she was his daughter. He loved her so much. His hand had let mine go as he approached the small bed, I couldn't move so I watched in morbid fascination as my husband gently pulled the white sheet off her small body. Her little legs had cuts on them, her feet were bare. Where had her other shoe gone? I had the one, the nurses had removed her shoe upon entering the hospital. My eyes filled with tears when he began to trail kisses across her wounds, he always had whenever she would hurt herself. Daddy always made it better. Farley never would cry as long as her daddy would kiss it to make it better.
The kisses soon moved up to her hands, kissing each finger before he brought his lips to her cheek. It hurt so bad, I hurt all over watching as he silently said goodbye to her. I had made my way over to the bed opposite Tommy. He kept his eyes on Farley…gently his finger slid though her blonde curls, before he began to cry. A sight I never had bare witness to, ever. He sobbed once into the room before hugging on to her small body. I lost it then, I cried with him, hurrying over to him I wrapped my arms around him as he held our daughter against his chest. His cries echoed with mine as we began to mourn the loss of our baby.
One nurse had stepped into the room letting us know that we had to leave. Why? Why did I have to be told when I had to leave my daughter? How fair was that? I should have been allowed more time with her, she had just died, give parents a break! Before walking away I kissed Farley's forehead, like I often did, whispering to her how much I loved her. She was my heart, always would be. Tommy did the same before we were escorted out of the room. Sent away to return to the place where everything changed for the worse.
Sadie and Kat left the Quincy's house in search of an outfit for Farley to be buried in, Jude had willingly agreed to let them choose something. Tommy had been fine with it as well, he had been busy handling phone calls. Most from family and friends, some from newspapers and reporters wanting the scoop on the grieving parents. Some days he despised being a celebrity, all he wanted to do that day was grieve privately, not have his blood shot eyes pictured all over the entertainment magazines.
Tommy with the help from Jude's parents had arranged the funeral, Jude had been too upset to even talk about details. His heart broke every time he walked into a room and saw her hollow eyes. Jude put up a strong facade in front of her family, everyone knew she was falling apart inside. He heard her crying during the night, had found her each night since Farley's death lying in his daughter's small bed. Tommy tried to go into the room to comfort his wife but the sight of Farley's toys scattered on the floor was too painful for him.
Stuart and Victoria kept the house up, making sure food that was sent over to the Quincy's was stored properly. Victoria even going as far as putting some of it into the freezer, saving it for a later date. Sadie, Kat and Jamie tried their best to help with anything they could. Jude was stubborn, only allowing her family to help when she had previously tried and failed. Jude was trying to keep herself busy, even though her body was screaming at her to rest.
"Jude, honey?"
"Yeah mom?" Bringing her right hand to the back of her neck Jude asked as she slowly began to massage her achy muscles.
"Sadie and Kat are back," Victoria paused as her eldest daughter walked through the front door, "I was just wondering if you wanted me to take care of something while you know, talked to them?"
"Um, ask Tommy, he might need something."
Victoria nodded before leaving her daughter alone. Sadie and Kat made their way over to her, Jude felt like running, she knew what they were doing. They had bought an outfit, she could see the bag in Sadie's hand. Her baby girl was really dead. Biting her lip she stepped into the hallway.
"Find something?" She choked out.
"Yeah," Came Sadie's sad reply, "Want to see it?"
"If not, we can show you later," Kat rushed to put in as Jude's eyes clouded over with unshed tears.
It took me an hour before I found the courage to open the bag. Sadie and Kat followed me up the stairs into my bedroom, we all sat on my bed, just sitting in silence. There was no words that could be said to make the situation better. The small plastic bag lay there in the middle mocking me, daring me to peek inside. I kept looking down at it, running my shaky hand over the opening before chickening out and pulling away. My sister and best friend never pressured me to open it, deep down they must have known just seeing the bag was ripping me apart.
Sixty minutes ticked away before I let out a sigh, scaring the two other women in the room. I smiled weakly at the two of them before I brought the bag to rest on my lap. Slowly I pulled out the small hanger, revealing the outfit Farley would be wearing the next day, and the days forever afterward.
I almost laughed at what I saw… A denim squirt, light pink short sleeved shirt with small cherries all over. The bottom of the bag held a box with baby sized pink Converse sneakers. Almost meant I cried instead, small tears fell from my eyes as I took in the outfit. Something in which I would have dressed Far in all the time, an outfit in which she would have loved. She took after her parents need to wear casual clothing. No frilly dresses, nothing of the sorts, a simple outfit.
"It's perfect," I hoarsely spoke into the room. Sadie and Kat shared a small smile before reaching over to hug me.
Tommy loved what they had picked out as well, he had joined us in the room shortly after I opened the bag. He sat next to me on the bed, running his hand over the small sized clothes before nodding his acceptance. Sadie and Kat had left the room afterwards, wandering off I know to leave me alone with my husband.
We never did say anything, one thing about us, we never needed words to express our feelings. A gift we had been given upon meeting one another. All it took was a look and we knew what the other was thinking. His eyes had met mine, letting me see the pain and love that he stored there. I hoped I returned those gestures, for all I could feel was nothing… nothing but agony, nothing by emptiness.
That night after everyone had settled in to sleep, I made my way into Farley's room, like I had since the accident, I curled up on her bed, letting my face feel her small pillow against my skin. The softness greeted me as I buried my face deeper into the pillowcase breathing in the smell of baby shampoo and lotion. Far's smell was always so sweet.
For the third night in a row I let the haunting sounds of that fateful day ring in my ears, I let the scenes play out in my mind…I let the lullaby of hell sing me to my nightmares.
