It's still not edited … you'll still be all right.
But I'll explain: part of what has me locked up for writing is it takes me an inordinate amount of time to complete anything bc I edit myself. Literally. So, I decided to do this to teach myself that mistakes don't have to be corrected right away...even though I know there an "OFF" that should be an "of" and 3 extra commas, as well as a couple tense issues in the first chapter.
Also, thanks for those concerned about my shit being on the front lawn—and for the reviews. They let me know you are reading and that you care, and I really love that!
Prompt: I was at a spy movie courtesy of Born on Halloween
2.
The hell?
"Spies and Pies! Who the fuck names their business Spies and Pies?"
Okay, not the best introduction, but I was kinda pissed I'd gotten up early and put on make-up to come here.
"Look, Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry I wasted your time, but I'm definitely not interested…" I paused, motioning across the room, "…in this." It wasn't a coincidence that my arm action ended on the disheveled man in front of me.
"Oh, I see. Well, I'm sorry I wasted your time. It's too bad, really. We could have been something great together." With an ending sigh, he turned away from me and proceeded into his office where he aggressively set down the coffee maker. I was slightly curious as to how he knew we'd be great together. For all he knew I was a heinous shrew. Maybe he liked women with slightly askew eyeliner.
As I walked back to the elevator, I reminded myself to look at the elevator inspection date before descending to the ground floor. Given the state of the building and office I'd seen so far, the elevator was highly suspect. I'd definitely take the stairs. It was this hesitation that delayed my exit and gave opportunity to the coffee stained lunatic who ran down the hall to catch up to me.
"No! You know what? You don't get to walk out of here without hearing what I have to offer." Thankfully, I was still several feet away, because there was spittle when he spat his argument at me.
"You stay there and listen," he said without spitting, a look of pure determination on his face. I felt it was the least I could do, literally.
"I've worked hard to get here, and you people just come in here and judge me and my business without even giving me a chance…"
There was more rambling, something about having compassion for others and his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but I admit I checked out-I couldn't help it. His eyebrows were all over the place with all his eye squinting and frowning. It looked like fuzzy brown caterpillars were dueling across his forehead. But as he stood there yelling at me, I stared blankly wondering just how in the hell someone ended up in a defunct brick office building, stained Oxford and looking for a receptionist, was wearing a Chopard Mille Miglia Steel Silver Chronograph watch. Yeah, I knew a nice watch when I saw one-former Lady of leisure, remember.
"How on earth did you end up here?" I blurted. I couldn't help it, the suspense was killing me. "Spies and pies?" I reiterated my earlier question. It was a pretty big hurdle to get over in my opinion.
"Miss Swan was it? Maybe we could not get coffee and talk." He looked down at the half of his shirt that was covered in a brown stain to emphasize his displeasure with coffee.
What did I have to lose? It wasn't like I was missing The View or anything (because no one really likes The View). The reality was my father hogged the TV to watch The Price is Right in the morning, so driving to a shady neighborhood and not having coffee with a pretty okay looking man wasn't the worst way I could spend a couple hours.
"Sure."
Xx
"I'm sorry I came on so strong back there, Ms. Swan. I shouldn't have yelled… or spit on you." I knew he knew he spit on me. "Oh, watch out as we pass this alleyway." He halted me with his hand to wait while he looked between the buildings. "What? Will a crazy bum try and shank us?" I asked. "No, it's a popular spot for hookers to give blowjobs. Just didn't want to surprise you on your first day with a john with his dong out."
I started to correct him that this wasn't my first day - it was my only, but he motioned me past the alley entrance. "All clear." I couldn't think of a witty response, so I went with a socially acceptable thank you instead. I mean, he was clearly protecting my delicate sensibilities (yeah, I snorted when I said that, too).
"Do you have any questions for me about Spies and Pies?" He was kidding, right. Where would I start? Given the unorthodox meeting thus far, I figured there was no time for status quo.
"When did you decide you wanted to be a spy?"
"No one has ever asked me that before. Even my own family laughed at me and said I was a clueless idiot. But you know, I could tell-you're different, Ms. Swan-"
"Bella," I added.
"You're different, Bella. It was five years ago, and I left work in the middle of the day. I just couldn't stand another minute in the ivory Cullen Tower, so I wandered around and found myself at the Uptown Theater. I bought a ticket and some popcorn. It wasn't until the opening credits that I realized I was at a spy movie. I just told the clerk a ticket to whatever was starting next. I found myself enthralled with the action, intrigue, mystery… and the beautiful women the lead character seemed to attract. That's what I wanted. Not some boring desk job mulling over quarterly reports and waiting for my mother to set me up with some WASP from the Country Club."
Despite his stereotypical understanding of what a spy was, I had to admire his tenacity. He had the way paved for him, with bricks of gold, apparently. I hadn't made the connection between his last name and the largest investment-banking firm in the city, Cullen Endeavor Group.
"So you quit your job at CEG? Just like that?" I admit I was a bit in awe.
"Yes. I marched right up to the top floor, to my father's office and told him I was resigning to become a spy. He laughed in my face and told me to stop fucking off."
I can't say I was really surprised, I mean who would indulge their child with dreams of being a spy, but I decided to let it go for a gentler response. "He brushed you off that easily?"
"What's worse is I asked him to help me finance my spy business and he told me absolutely not. He actually accused me of using drugs. So, I was forced to go to the bank a get a loan." I couldn't decide if Mr. Cullen was delusional or not, so I decided it was in my best interest to keep digging.
"So you went to the bank and asked them for a loan so you could start a spy business?"
"Well, that's what I intended to get the loan for. Turns out the lady who helped me with the paperwork was hard of hearing, and she thought I was saying a PIE business. Not a SPY business. When I went back to the bank to bring it to their attention, the manager said, "Well, of course she misunderstood, son. Who would really want a small business loan to be a spy?"
I couldn't help it. A laugh escaped.
"Trust me, I know how ridiculous it sounds. So there I was with a small business loan for a pie business, and no dough." He cracked a smile letting me know the pun was intended. "So, I decided that I was going to make lemonade out of my lemons. My grandmother had been a wonderful baker, so I threw all my time and energy into baking. I did pretty well, too. So well in fact, I had to find a place to expand."
It was starting to make sense. The bottom floor of the building appeared to be suitable for a store front. Mr. Cullen nodded his head as he watched me catch up. "And when I found that building, it had everything I was looking for. A storefront for selling pies, a space that could be converted to a kitchen and office space upstairs for me to…well, become a spy."
It was official, Edward Cullen was delusional, but I decided then it was in the most delicious way.
Oh- Dios Mios. Edward.
The deal: I'll write a chapter for every prompt I get. Your prompt can be 1 word, or an idea. Prompts are still open!
Chapter length: minimum 1000k
Prompts (will be updated with new prompts as they are added):
Used: Starting a new ; I was at a spy movie;
The silver stallion; Tourette syndrome; Bonnie and Clyde; southern feel; Pork butts, Doughnut maker; kilt; doughnuts for breakfast; The stretches of these rain-soaked roads*; Maybe making out for a few minutes would help us figure things out; standing stones
