Thank god I don't care about this. I mean it's fun but it isn't my best and its not exactly making the most sense.

Extra points to anybody who noticed the change in style from first chapter to thecurrent one. This is from reading Hitchiker's Guide whilst writing the first and reading Sahara by Michael Palin later on. I'm such an impressionably youth. I pick up styles from everyone and then make them bad. It's a knack.

If anybody tells me which they prefer then I'll try to stick with that one.

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12:15. The changing of the guards.

Link observed the operation from her viewpoint on a hill overlooking the grounds. Slowly, she eased herself forward on her belly, closer to the edge, then swung her legs over, hung, and dropped. She did a perfect roll as she landed.

A guard stood not 5 metres away on the other side of the castle gates, yet had heard nothing. Deaf git.

Brushing off her outer layer of clothing, she spotted a problem she'd overlooked: it was black, and would stick out like anything against the light green lawns. The clothes underneath was of a dark green hesian-type material. Grudgingly, she pulled away her thick cloak and hid it behind a bush. That only left her with four more layers. Worse still, her head was uncovered, revealing her head and destroyed hair. It made her feel horribly open.

She started over the grounds, dodging the badly positioned, half-blind guards with ease. The main entrance was guarded by two sentries so there was no way in that way. To the right the castle was fenced off, to the left the land rose in a sheer cliff, which she climbed. She jumped down at the other side.

Splash.

A mass of soaked cloth floated down the moat, passed the two sentry guards, and clambered out where the moat turned the corner of the castle.

"I hate you," Link growled to the heavens, peeling off the soaked shirt and trousers.

She was down to three.

The drawbridge was up. There was no way in that way. Skirting the walls, she discovered a small, round hole about two foot in diameter, spewing a torrent of clear water into the moat. She leapt the moat and peered through. The coast was clear.

Halfway crawling through it, she stuck fast. No matter how much she struggled she was too fat to go any further. When she tried to go backwards, she couldn't do that either.

"Hey!"

It kept getting better and better. Hands grabbed her legs and tried to pull her backwards, which did nothing but give her a lot of pain. She kicked out with her boot and felt it connect. As the guard reeled, she kicked her legs out of her jeans and squirmed out of her fleecy shirt. She fell out into the inner gardens just as hands clawed at the hole, taking with them the clothes she'd hoped to save.

Down to two now. The disturbing shape of her body was now all too easily discernible through the old forest tunic and her pyjamas.

Beyond the walls could be heard running footsteps and yells. The guard was alerting the others. She hurried further into the castle.

It was pleasant here. The grass was perfect and cut short. Glorious polished statues, made of marble and fancy glass came at intervals. The sun was directlyoverhead and shone down through the sheer, grey granite walls on each side. The young Kikiri passed them all, staring in wonder at the magnificence of it all.

Shortly, he came to a place filled with many dense bushes and was about to walk into them when quietened voices made him stop and duck down.

"You father didn't believe you?"

A girl, well spoken and angry, replied: "that blinkered fool didn't head a single word I said. He says that Ganondorf will be too great an ally for me to ruin it with a silly dream." Her tone grew scornful. "He says the man and the storm stemmed from an unnecessary fear of the Gerudo King's power, whilst the boy represents my eagerness to be betroved." Throwing away all dignity, she gave a scornful snort of laughter.

"This boy; tell me about him, my Princess."

"He came from the South, from the great woods that lie there. Wielding a green diamond, he fought back the black clouds that threatened to engulf the world."

"What did he look like?"

"He came garbed in green," the Princess said, and Link liked to think she caught something akin to eagerness in her voice. "He was...blonde, with long, fine hair."

"What did he do, Princess?"

"He did nothing!" Zelda snapped hurriedly.

"You said he fought back the storm, Princess," her friend soothed.

"Oh," Zelda muttered. "He held the Sapphire Jewel aloft and the tempest was rent in two. It retreated to the horizon and never troubled these lands again. Do you believe me, Impa?"

"Of course, child. If you will allow me and there is nothing more, I would like much to consult my elders on this matter."

"Of course."

Link heard someone rise. She shrank back as a man in silver armour came through a gap in the bushes. At least, she thought it was a man...

-----------

Coincidentally, five stories up from where Link now crouched in a cold store room filled with wine kegs, Navi had carefully kept herself half-sober and finally gauged Deku's drunkenness as being severe enough to risk telling him the truth. He could hardly see, couldn't walk, and seemed to be having problems remembering anything for five seconds, which was perfect for her.

"Deku?"

"Ya?" asked the new fairy, who was laid out on the windowsill, soaking up the sun, and looking longingly at the air.

Navi took a deep breath. "You see the thing is......IturnedLinkintoagirlsorrysorrysorry."

Deku, who had pulled himself to the edge and was looking down, said, "wha? Whossat down there?"

------------

Link edged closer. There sat Zelda on a stone bench, alone. Link glanced round quickly. Yup, definately alone.

The Princess' back was turned to her and her head was down as she laboured away at a pad of paper with a big green pencil. Occasionally, she would stare into a space and sigh dreamily.

Link craned her neck, trying to get a sight of what she drew. All she could tell, was that there was a lot of green involved.

A shadow fell of Zelda. She turned to see where it was coming from and before Link could even try and explain...

"Who in the name of the three goddess' are you?"

"Um...I'm Link, your majesty. I've been told to find you and seek your aid. I

think I'm the boy in your dreams."

Zelda gave a very good and highly practised we-are-not-amused look.

"You're a girl," she said flatly.

"Er...yeah, kinda. But I'm also a boy. Er, was."

"GUARDS!"

"No, please...I can prove it to you." She fumbled in her clothes, looking for the sacred stone.

"GUARDS! GUARDS! GUARDS!" Zelda screamed, as she got the wrong idea.

As a last resort, Link pulled off her shirt, trying to point out the greenness below, but that did nothing but convince her that she definitely wasn't a boy.

"Guaaaaaarrrddddssss!!!"

"Please, hear me out."

But twenty guards were already charging from out the castle buildings. Some formed a defensive ring around the future queen. The others cracked their knuckles loudly.

Link backed away from them, hands outstretched, trying to look as innocent as her pride would allow.

"I'm sure we can work something out."

A guard rugby tackled her from behind. Soon she was being escorted from back to the town.

---------------

"What in Din's holy name have you done to my hero!?" Deku roared, all trace of drunkenness evaporating in rage.

Navi shrank back. "Um...sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry!?" He sank his head in his hands. "Now I get it," he sighed. "Why the future has changed. Zelda was destined to help Link complete his quest out of her deep love for him. Without her help, her support, and her love Link will surely fail."

Deku paced the room in anxiety, muttering to himself.

"Can I help?" Navi asked timidly.

"Do you have a time machine?"

"Um...no."

"Shut up then."

He continued his pacing for several minutes until he finally shook in head in resignation.

"There's nothing we can do?"

"There are two things we can do. Number one: we find a cure, return Link to his male form and get them back together in time for Zelda to help him. But then of course finding the cure will take time and it won't be more than a week before the royal family is massacred and Zelda flees into hiding. The second plan- and the goddesses REALLY aren't going to like this- the second plan is that we make an incredibly powerful love-potion, feed it to the Princess and get her interested in Link no matter what."

Navi gave this a moments thought. Fantasy scenarios flickered through her head.

"Let's do the second one."