His chest ached with the realization that she actually didn't; didn't recognize him. His breathing hitched in his throat as he appraised her, staring into her eyes as kindly as possible. He reached out his hand to her in a desperate, last attempt to get her back, but she flinched away from him and scowled in response. Behind her eyes that were so ablaze with anger, there was fear, and he retreated immediately, attempting to hide the tears in his eyes and the look of pure pain that etched into every line of his face.
"Ian," he chocked out. "Ian. You know me. You've known me all of your life."
His pleas sounded desperate and disillusioned; he felt pathetic as tears leaked from the corners of his eyes.
" Erin , please."
She stared at him unblinkingly and shook her head.
"What did you just call me?"
Confusion swept over her eyes and he stared at her in disbelief.
" Erin; your name. I called you your name."
She shook her head once more, slower this time.
"It isn't your name?" He asked softly; as kindly as possible.
She shrugged before glancing down at her bed sheets.
"What is your name?"
She looked up at him momentarily before surveying the rest of the room; avoiding his gaze as much as possible.
"Dunno." She whispered barely audibly.
It didn't take long for Ian to lose his composure completely, and once he had, he heard Erin offer him a sad sigh. She always quietly sighed when something bad was happening; kept to herself, but gently showed that she cared. He couldn't help the bubble of hope that rose up in his chest at this observation: She still acted the same, she just didn't remember the same. He raised his head a bit from where he had had it in his lap, crying deeply, before staring at her. His eyes red and crystal in appearance, he reached out his hand once more, and out of sympathy, she took it. The smallest bit of what Ian hoped was recognition flashed across her eyes, but as quickly as it had come, it was gone, and he heaved a larger sigh.
"You really remember nothing?" He asked slowly, relishing in the feel of her hand against his.
He never knew how much holding hands could mean until now.
"What is there to remember?" She asked softly, moving her hand from his grasp out of nervousness.
"The accident; anything before it," he offered. "Me."
She stared at him with eyes that held only pity, but no longer even a slice of recognition. His heart broke in half as he appraised her features: her pale skin, the dewy appearance of sweat sticking to her forehead, the light pink of her lips as opposed to the red that normally took residence over them. He watched her eyes flutter closed every so often as she fought to stay awake and answer him. He waited with despair at what could come of her next moments. Suppose the procedure didn't keep her issues resolved; suppose she forced him out of the room because she really didn't recognize him that much? He was terrified, but he tried his best to keep that terror at bay- for her.
"I don't remember you," she mumbled, glancing down at her hands. "I do remember…pain; a lot of pain."
Ian's heart felt heavy in that moment and all he wanted to do was stretch out to hold her hand, but he knew that she would be opposed to the idea so he kept his emotions down and instead watched her silently, willing her to continue to speak. She took the hint and continued on then, glancing at him momentarily before looking back down at her hands as she fumbled with her bed sheets.
"I remember waking up to the sirens," she winced as though her head still hurt as badly as it had that night- he was sure it really did ache, still- and Ian smiled sadly as he still continued to silently push her to speak. "I remember the agony, for just a split second, and then everything was black and calm and…Then I woke up with you here."
Then is when she lifted her gaze once more to meet his eyes, and she stared into them for a long while before sighing heavily.
"You really know me? Well?"
Ian couldn't help the smile that broke across his face then before a lone tear slid down his cheek.
"You're my girlfriend," he spoke when he composed himself as much as he could before breaking down. "I love you."
His face was lost in his tears then as they came hot and quickly, pouring over his cheeks and onto his lips so he could taste their saltiness. Erin sat there, staring at him silently, searching her mind for something to say.
But all that was there was an empty hole; a void that she couldn't fill with anything because she didn't know anything.
All she knew was pain. All she remembered was the urgency; the fear of it all. And blackness.
The depths of her mind held nothing for her to associate with…
Fear gripped at her heart and she tried to keep her own tears at bay.
He was her only link to piecing her life back together. He was the only way, no matter how scared she was.
