"...the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."

from The Prince by Machiavelli


"You really expect me to believe that you call it 'my dick'.?"

"For the last time, woman, yes."

"Well in that case, there's no use in us sticking around here."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Oi! Chouji! Fancy seeing you here! Fine day, isn't it?"

"Oh, hey Temari, Shikamaru. Yeah, it really is! The sun's out but it's not too hot, perfect weather for some fresh made-"

"Chouji, could you please tell me what Shikamaru calls his penis?"

(Choking noises)

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, WOMAN?"

"What? It's not like you have anything to be embarrassed about, after all."

"Chouji, here, have some water. Don't worry about her, I'll take care of it-"

"Oh really, now?"

"-she's just having trouble believing that I really just call my penis 'my dick'."

"Ohhh… yeah, right. Makes sense. Thanks, Shikamaru."

"And I guess that now it's all up to you to 'take care of it'."

"Well of course, you are my woman after all."

"Shikamaru… are you sure about this?"

"YOUR woman? Really? Chouji! Where do you think you're going? Don't think you're out of this!"

"Listen Temari, I know that it must be strange to understand since you don't have one of your own…"

"Chouji, you better tell me right now, or else I manipulate the Sunan import rates and the price of BBQ skyrockets."

"Wha-?! But-!... Temari, really, I swear that he just calls it 'his dick'."

"Thanks Chouji. Sorry you got pulled into the middle of all of this-"

"Chouji…"

"Umm… yeah?"

"You do realize that I have two younger brothers, right?"

"Umm…"

"Temari, things might be different in Suna, but I know for a fact that I, and most of my friends, call our dicks 'our dicks'. Astounding, I know. Chouji, even if she were crazy enough to mess with the Sunan trade agreements, you know that I'd spot you the extra money needed for your BBQ. If nothing else, then just because of all the trouble she's caused you."

"Wow! Really? Shikamaru, you really are the best."

"Eh, I'm sure that anyone would do the same. If we're done here…"

"Not even close. First off, Shikamaru, don't think for a SECOND that I don't realize what you're doing. We've been dating for over a year now, so you're going to have to do a lot better than that if you think you're going to distract me by pissing me off. On a related note, we're going to have a nice long chat later about those chauvinistic platitudes you're so fond of today."

"Mendokuse."

"Secondly, Chouji, considering that you and Shikamaru are such good friends, I'm going to go easy on you and give you two options. Option A: you tell me what Shikamaru calls his penis, and I, in an act of gratitude, get Ino to go out with you on a double date with Shikamaru and I."

"Temari, I really think that-"

"YOU better be quiet. As I was saying, option B: you continue playing dumb with me, and instead I set up the date between Ino and that nice, pale boy on Naruto's team who looks remarkably like that Uchih-asshole."

"Chouji, don't worry. If I know Temari, she-"

"Oh look, there's Ino now. Oi! Ino! What a surprise, we were just talking about you. So, I've been talking to Sai a lot lately-"

"Really? Me too! We've been trying to schedule time for him to paint me, but we've both been so busy lately that it's been really difficult to get the time."

"Eh... yeah. Right. Well, as I was saying, while we were talking about you, he mentioned how stunning-"

"MUSASHI THE ETERNAL GOLDEN GENERAL! IT'S MUSASHI THE ETERNAL GOLDEN GENERAL"

"Crap."

"Wait, what's 'Musashi the Eternal-"

"Oh, nothing. Just some trivia from Suna."

"Chouji, are you alright? You look a little flustered."

"Oh, he's fine. As I was saying, Sai told me how stunning the garden patio was at that new restaurant that opened across town and how you should really check out some of their floral arrangements. Since Shikamaru and I already have reservations there at 7 on Friday-"

"News to me- OW!"

"-then maybe you and Chouji should join us?"

"Oh wow! That would be fantastic! I just bought the perfect dress, but if we're going Friday, that only leaves me a few days to go get shoes, get my nails done, jewelry... I wonder what time Sakura gets out of work…"

"Ino why wait for Sakura when you and Temari can go together?"

"Wait, hold on-"

"Oh, that would be fantastic! I didn't think that you liked to do things like that too!"

"I don't, so-"

"Oh my goodness, and then we can get our hair done! I've wanted to see your hair in an updo for so long."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that I have a meeting-"

"Well, I'm pretty sure that the Hokage mentioned that this meeting was optional, so you don't have to worry about it. Especially since her office is on the way to my cloud watching spot, so I can swing by and let her know that you won't be making it."

"Really, that won't be-"

"And I'm sure that she'll be thrilled to hear about you spending more time socializing around the village, what with the council's reluctance in approving your long-term ambassador's visa and all."

"Shikamaru... about our conversation before, did I tell you and Chouji the story about how talented General Musashi was at hand to hand combat?"

"Uh, no, I don't think that you mentioned it."

"Yeah, it's said that he could fight for months straight, all on his own."

"Um, Temari, as interesting as that sounds, if we're going to get to all the sales, we better get going now!"

"Hn. Yeah. That would be terrible."

And Chouji, if our reservations are at 7, then you'll have to get to my house by six to give me my corsage- lilies and baby breath- so that we have plenty of time to get there after taking pictures."

"Um, yeah. Sure thing Ino... I guess I'll see you both Friday!... Um, Shikamaru, look, I'm really sorry..."

"Don't worry about it, Chouji, she was bound to find out eventually anyway."

"I just didn't know what to do."

"Chouji, really, it's fine. To be honest, this was probably the best outcome that I could have hoped for."

"Huh? What do you mean? I mean, I'm really excited to finally get to go on a real date with Ino, but with everything Temari said... well it just seems like a recipe for disaster to me."

"Heh. I guess you would see it that way. You do realize that Ino started heading our way even before Temari called her, right?"

"No…"

"Yeah, as soon as she saw Temari cornering you, I don't think Sasuke himself could have stopped her warpath. I'm just glad that she took my cue. Now I'll get the whole afternoon to be free from troublesome women until Temari gets back from shopping, at which point she'll be so frustrated with Ino that she'll forget most of her anger with me."

"Well, I hope you're right, for your sake. No offense Shikamaru, but that was probably one of the most terrifying moments of my life."

"Chouji… you don't even know the half of it."

"And you still want her to move in with you… you really must love her a lot."

"I still say that it's brain damage from my mom's side of the family."

"..."

"My mom's right behind me, isn't she?"

"SHIKAMARU!"

"Mendoukse."


A/N: Oh my goodness. It's been SO long since I've had any time to post anything and it makes me feel terrible! Every time I try to write anything for Pulling the Strings, it feels like I'm trying to milk a cat. So when this little plot bunny took a hold of me, I just ran with it as far as I could! The untagged dialogue is new for me, so please let me know your thoughts. If too many people have troubles getting through it, I'll probably just go ahead and tag the speaker so that it's easier to follow.

This story, while perfectly capable of standing on its own, is my own sequel to cas42's multi-chapter story "Check and Mate" on Deviant Art and you can find it in his gallery at . I'd highly recommend any ShikaTema fans over the age of 18 go and check it out!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto, and I am most certainly not Machiavelli.