Revenge Of The Sorting Hat Mark III

Year 3

NUTETALON was getting along nicely. Gryiffindors were in Slytherin, Slytherin's in Gryiffindors and the whole hog. He was finally getting the respect a hat like himself earned. But how to out prank himself? The students were expecting something ... but the teachers weren't. Perfect. They wouldn't see it coming.

As the hat cleared it's throat and sang it's song, his latest announcement was being formulated in his mind. When the applause went round and McGonagall called for silence the hat seized his chance before the sorting could begin.

'I have an announcement to make,' he declared, infinitely glad of the loud voice Gryiffindor had given him, even if it did make plotting with co-conspirators difficult. Or at least it would if he had any. 'Would the heads of the houses please stand.'

Looking bemused and somewhat wary the four stood. The hat surveyed Severus Snape. He'd be perfect in Gryiffindor, yes. McGonagall, Hufflepuff's drove her up the wall, quite literally in one case if he remembered correctly, and his memory was excellent. Flitwick, he'd be unable to control the sly snakes, which left Sprout with the Ravenclaws. A scatterbrain like herself would be well out of her place.

'From now on, by the power bestowed to me by the Founders, I am making some changes round here. Snape will become head of Gryiffindor house, McGonagall head of Hufflepuff, Flitwick head of Slytherin and Sprout head of Ravenclaw.' Muttering began, soon turning into full-scale shouting. It appeared the Gryiffindor's were as usual causing most of the noise. The Slytherin's had joined in though, quite unusually. House unity before he'd even begun. The hat was enjoying himself. 'LET THE SORTING BEGIN!'

The students he sent to their desired houses, with a few exceptions of course. He couldn't let people think he was losing his touch, before he was whisked away quickly. Dumbledore would be having words no doubt, but the hat would prevail.

Until next year, he thought as he left the hall, stuffed unceremoniously in McGonagall's pocket. Just you wait.