Sidney was a very happy man. He had once been a genie, imprisoned in a lamp, but Leopold had freed him. The two had quickly become best friends, and Leopold had invited Sidney back to the kingdom.
But as soon as Sidney, stunning man that he was, caught Regina's eye, trouble was sure to follow.
His phone was ringing. The Enchanted Forest had recently gotten cell phone service thanks to the Blue Fairy's technological savvy. He picked it up and answered. "Hello?"
"Hey baby, how you doing?" Regina's voice purred.
"Oh hey, how you doing?" Sidney asked redundantly. "Yeah, I'm very busy, what's going on?" He actually wasn't doing anything but lounging on the couch at the moment, but he wanted to seem cool and like he had an actual life.
"I just finished talking to my mom, she gave me this big lecture about Leopold."
"Look, we'll talk about it later, I told you I'm very busy." Sidney really wanted to stress that part.
Regina grew angry. "We'll talk about it now. Whenever you say 'we'll talk about it later', we never do. I can't wait until later. I want to talk right. Now. You owe me one, anyway." She added mysteriously.
Sidney laughed. "Okay, alright, what do you wanna talk about?" he said, already forgetting what she'd told him.
Now that she had the okay, Regina instantly jumped right into complaining. "She's a stupid bitch, she wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it." She paused, enjoying her moment of clarity and independence…before abruptly faltering. "What do you think I should do?"
"Well why do you ask me? You know, you've been very happy with Leopold." Sidney snorted, trying to hide his jealousy. "What do you want me to say? I mean, you should enjoy your life." After all, this was the Enchanted Forest. Everyone got a happy ending. He frowned at the pause that followed. "What's the problem?"
He could practically hear Regina smirking as she spoke. "Maybe…you're right. Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Okay." Sidney replied, trying to sound casual. "How about noon?"
"I'll be waiting for you. Bye." Regina told him creepily before hanging up.
"Alright, see you." Sidney hung up as well.
The next day, Sidney arrived promptly at noon. Regina hurried to open the door.
"Hi. How you doing?" Sidney asked with a grin as he stepped inside.
"I'm fine, come in." Regina purred, resting a hand on his shoulder and closing the door with a soft click. She led him over to a chair. "Have a seat." She said, shoving him down and then slinking around him in a way that she hoped seemed seductive. Sidney looked up at her uncertainly as she poured him a glass of her famous apple cider.
"Thank you." He said politely.
Regina randomly began undoing the buttoning of the coat she was wearing for no particular reason. "It's hot in here." She said, abandoning anything that resembled subtlety. "Do you mind?"
Sidney blinked. "No." He watched as she removed her coat to reveal a dress that was ridiculously different from the prim, proper ones she usually wore. This one was an Evil Queen dress. This one had cleavage. Regina lightly brushed her fingers against his arm as he stared at her, and Sidney just sort of gave her an awkward smile.
"I mean, the candles…the music…" Sidney remarked, despite the fact that neither of those things were actually present. "…the sexy dress, I mean, what's going on here?" Sidney had never been very good at picking up social cues.
Regina slunk over and sat down next to him, leaning in close. "I like you…very much…mirror boy." she told him, trying to sound seductive as she placed a hand on his cheek.
Sidney smiled bashfully. "What are you doing this for?" he asked, still not catching on.
"What's a matter? Don't you like me?" Regina asked with a playful grin. "I'm your girl."
Sidney sighed, finally catching on to the romantic mood. He felt a twinge of guilt, and pulled her hand away from his face. "Leopold is my best friend. Alright? You're going to be married next month, come on…"
Regina gave an irritated sigh, placing both of her hands on his face now and leaning in even closer. "Forget…about Leopold. This is between you…and me." she murmured.
Sidney had to admit, it was tempting. He'd always been creepily attracted to Regina. But Leopold was his best friend, and had saved him from the lamp! He couldn't take the guilt anymore. "I don't think so. I'm leaving now." was his abrupt response as he tried to stand up, practically knocking Regina over in the process.
"Please, don't leave." Regina insisted. "I need you. I love you." It was weird, because they'd only met a couple of days ago. "I don't want to be queen anymore, I don't love Leopold. I dream about you…I need you to make love to me…"
"I don't think so." Sidney shut her down in the middle of her impassioned speech. "Everything's going to be fine, I promise."
Regina pouted, taking both of his hands and pulling him up out of the chair. Ever so slowly, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Despite the fact that he'd just rejected her, Sidney kissed her back eagerly. Blindly, Regina guided them over to the palace stairs, which was clearly the best place for gettin' it on. Which was exactly what they proceeded to do as cheesy music began to play in the background.
Afterwards, they dressed in awkward silence – made even more awkward by the fact that they were still sitting on the stairs.
"God, why did you do this to me?" Sidney suddenly exclaimed in anguish. He sighed. "Why? Johnny's my best friend."
Regina pouted. "Didn't you enjoy it?"
"That's not the point!"
"I love you, Sidney." Regina reminded him.
Sidney fidgeted uncomfortably. "Look, you're very attractive. Alright? You're beautiful! But we can't do this anymore!" And that decision was final. He would never flirt with, never touch, never even look at Regina again. Leopold was his best friend. "I can't hurt Leopold."
"I know." Regina said, disguising a slight scowl. "He's your best friend."
"Hey," Sidney said suddenly, getting an idea. "This'll be our secret!"
Regina just smiled, leaned in, and kissed him again. Sidney kissed back, instantly forgetting his earlier decision.
There's was a romance for the ages.
