A/N: I was supposed to update this yesterday but I fell asleep. I started to work on it right after I got home from school and the next thing I knew it was seven o'clock in the morning the next day and my laptop was overheating. I was late to school too. So yeah, don't tell me that I'm not paying enough attention to my stories. I just care about my health more than fanfiction. I promise the updates will become more regular as soon as I figure out how to balance school and fanfiction again. But yeah this week has been hell because I have not figured out how to get use to sleeping during the night yet.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
"Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory."
-Abraham Lincoln
I'm Waiting for a Movie to come out on ABC Family to Tell Me How I Should React to This Type of a Situation
"Oh God! Make it stop!" I begged throwing my blanket and pillow over my head and pushing my face into the mattress. The loud knocking didn't stop it actually got louder. I was going to kill whoever was behind that door if he/she didn't stop soon.
"Hey Edward!" A deep voice yelled behind the door. I was pretty sure the whole hotel could hear him. "You in there?"
I pulled the blanket over my head and glared at the person that was the reason for all the pain that I was feeling right now. If I had the energy (and the stomach) to move I would have thrown myself on him and try my hardest to hurt him.
"Why is someone banging on our door asking for you?" I growled at him.
"I might have drunk called my brother and told him the good news about us getting married." Edward tried to hide the bad news with a smile.
My face was frozen in place. I couldn't move it. I just laid there and stared at him. He had a brother and he called his brother – drunk – to tell him that he was married.
"Make him go home." I begged. "Please." I added quickly after.
Another loud knock came from the hotel door. I threw the blanket over my head and pressed it tightly against my head as I chanted 'go away' silently to myself. My headache was so strong that I was seriously tempted to cry. The headache wasn't just from being hung over from last night but the whole situation of realizing that I was married to a guy that I had just met.
"He's not going to go away." Edward sighed.
"Why would you call your brother to tell him that you married a girl you just met?" I snapped at him, removing the blankets from my eyes so I could stare at him.
"I don't know." Edward groaned throwing his hands over his eyes and started to rub them. "I was drunk. It made sense when I made the phone call."
"It always does…" I mumbled dryly and rolled my eyes.
Edward's brother banged harder on the door.
"Do you think if we ignore it long enough, he'll go away?" I asked, slightly hoping that his answer was yes.
"No," Edward sighed. "He'll keep knocking until someone answers or until someone calls the cops. It really doesn't matter to him."
We both looked at the door, well he looked at the door, I looked at the wall blocking the door.
The loud banging that had been the background music for the last part of our conversation had just stopped. We were quiet and I strained our ears to hear what was going on behind the close door. The sound of a hotel key card being accepted and the door opening made my heart skip.
"How the hell did you get a card to our hotel room?" Edward growled.
I couldn't see the door. The wall was blocking my view. But I could hear the loud footsteps of someone marching into the hotel room. My eyes widened and it took all of my will power not to run and hide in the bathroom.
"The front desk gave me a key." What I could only assume would be Edward's brother answered. "I told him that I was your life partner and I had lost my key when you locked me out because I didn't want to be the receiver."
My mouth dropped and I turned my attention to Edward. He didn't seem fazed by his brother's answer. I don't have any siblings so everything I learned about family rivalry was from the Brady Bunch and I don't think I've ever heard Peter tell anyone that he was Bobby's life partner.
"If you had a key why did you try and break down that door?" Edward growled.
"I wanted to give you time to finish blowing up your – holy shit! You really are married!" Edward's brother changed his sentence when he saw that I was lying in Edward's temporary bed.
I blushed and fought the urge to hide under the covers.
Edward's brother was scary huge. He looked like he belonged on a professional foot ball team. His arms were the size of my legs. His hands looked like the size of my face. If he wasn't so scary, he would definitely be a pretty boy - like his brother.
"I thought you were kidding." He turned back to Edward.
"I wasn't." Edward sounded aggravated.
Edward's brother turned back at me.
"Hi," I smiled awkwardly at him.
"Hi," He replied back just as awkward as I was and then turned back to Edward. "So when are you two getting a divorce?" He said it like he would any other 'special' event.
Edward growled.
"Sorry I wasn't able to make it to the wedding, but I'm pretty sure that if you tell me soon enough I can make it to the divorce. Hey! I'll even make a best man speech." Edward's brother – I decided to name him Mark – joked with Edward.
I was kind of grateful that he was here now. Maybe he could talk some sense into Edward.
"We're not getting a divorce." Edward got out of his chair, probably to avoid the slap that Mark (he wasn't cool enough to have multiple names) looked like he was about to give him.
"Why the hell not?" Mark asked.
I could suddenly feel myself liking Mark. He agreed with me about this situation. A normal person in this situation would want to get a divorce, not to try and work it out like Edward was doing.
"Don't tell me." Mark turned towards me. "You're a prostitute, aren't you? Edward wanted to get laid so he hired you to marry him so he won't be a twenty – five year old virgin anymore."
"What?" I screamed. "You think that this is my fault?"
"You're the one who asked him to marry you." Mark snapped at me.
"Because I was drunk!" I whined. "I didn't even know what his name was. I was calling him names that started with an 'e' half of the night. I didn't even know that I knew that many names!"
"You act like that changes something." Mark snapped back at me. "You're the one who manipulated him into –"
"What are you talking about?" I screamed at him. "I haven't done anything. He's the one that doesn't want to get a divorce!" I pointed to Edward, who was trying to preoccupy himself by staring at a painting over the desk.
"What the hell dude?" Mark looked at Edward.
"I made a promise to my mom. I told her that when I got married, I would treat her with respect and never leave her. No matter what." Edward snapped the last part.
"What the hell? Esme has never said anything about –"
"Not Esme." Edward shook his head. "My mom. Before she died, I –"
"You sound like a fucking Lifetime movie." Mark interrupted him.
I bit back a laugh. If this lasted, I was seriously thinking about writing a screenplay for a lifetime explaining just how bizarre this situation is. Maybe I would be lucky enough to get Kristen Stewart to play me. We looked kind of looked alike…sort of.
"I should leave you two alone." I pulled the covers of my body and threw my legs off of the bed. It looked like a fight was about to start and I didn't want to be the one that had to try and break it up.
"Where are you going?" Edward asked taking a step towards me. He sounded anxious.
"To the vending machine. I want something to snack on." And because I've always wanted to take the walk of shame down an expensive hotel hallway. I added the last part dryly in my mind.
"She's going to leave you." Mark told Edward.
I put my hands behind my neck and unclasped my necklace. "Here" I handed it to Mark. "To prove that I'll come back I'll let you hold onto my necklace."
"Let me guess," Mark wrapped his huge fingers around the chain. "Your mom gave this to you before she died."
"No," I shook my head raising an eyebrow. "I found it on the floor at my job and I liked it so much I kept it."
A small chuckle came from Edward. I didn't look at him.
"Besides, I have no money so I can't call a cab. I'm too embarrassed to call any of my friends to explain the situation. And he has my purse -" I pointed to Edward - "so if I do decide to take off it shouldn't be that hard to find me." I started to head towards the door.
"Before you leave him." Mark called out to me.
I rolled my eyes and turned around.
"What is he like in bed?"
My mouth dropped open and I blushed. "I – I – What?" I squeaked. No one had ever asked me that before, not that they would have a reason to…
"We didn't do anything Emmett." Edward answered the question for me. And I found out Mark's real name. Emmett. What was it with his family and the letter 'e?' Did they have a sister named Eugina or something?
This caught Emmett off guard. "You're married and you're still a virgin?" He directed the question towards Edward.
I decided to take this opportunity to sneak out of the room. I had a feeling that this would start a new fight and I didn't want to be pulled into the middle. I was half way down the hallway when Emmett's booming laugh made me jump at least a foot into the air.
I didn't realize how ridiculously bad I looked until I saw my reflection in the vending machine. My hair was one big knot. My light blue cocktail dress was wrinkled and stained – I had an idea with what but I didn't want to think about it. I looked like I should be taking the walk of shame, which technically I was, even if it was just to the vending machine. I may not have gotten "lucky" last night but I did something even better. I got married.
I didn't have any money so I just grimaced at the Twix that was smiling at me. My stomach was growling and I could feel my hand touch the glass. I wanted that candy bar.
This day couldn't get any worst. I was married. My husband's brother was a scary football player that thought I tricked his brother into marrying me. And I didn't have any money to get a Twix. When I was little I used to go up to up to strangers and ask them to give me a dollar because my mom wouldn't give me any money to buy the candy bar I wanted. I doubt that would work now. Maybe I can tell them that if they give me a dollar I'll get drunk with them and try to marry them.
I banged my head on the glass and tried to think of something I could preoccupy myself with. I was tempted to call my dad and have him talk to Edward. But I didn't want to hurt Edward's feelings. I knew that he didn't love me because it was too early. But we liked each other. He didn't seem like a bad guy and I'm pretty sure that we could become good friends. And if the movies were right, maybe we could fall for each other.
I sighed. This wasn't a movie. If it was a movie, I would be a complete brat and try to break up with him or he would have lied to his brother and told them that I was his long time girlfriend. I don't know. I don't watch much ABC Family or Lifetime.
I pulled my forehead and started to head back to the room. I didn't know what much else I could do. What did marry couples do? Besides the obvious which neither of us were ready for. We had just met each other and I barely knew his name. We had a long time before we tried to have sex with each other. If we ever did.
I groaned to myself. I was pretty sure I had to go to work today. That would be an awkward explanation tomorrow. "Sorry, I wasn't at work yesterday – I was on my honey moon with a guy that I just met. Don't worry though! I promise we didn't have sex." Yeah. That would go great.
I rolled my eyes.
Then there was my dad. I didn't know how I was going to explain this to him. He's a cop. Not just any cop. Chief of police. He wouldn't take kindly to Edward.
"Oh God!" I screamed when the thought of explaining this to my dad brought in the other important member of my family. My mom.
Renee, my mom and probably one of my best friends, hated marriage. She was a little younger than I am when she married my dad and got pregnant with me (in that order). And she made it obvious that no one, no one, should get married before they're thirty.
"I'm dead." I grimaced and banged my head my hotel room door. There was no way around it. Hurt feelings or not. I had to break it off with Edward. My mom would kill me when she out and I didn't want to make Edward a widower.
I patted my dress and growled. I had forgotten to get the key to the room from Edward. I would have to knock and hope that one of them answers.
"Edward," It was Emmett. "Your mom is dead. Get over it."
My face dropped and my eyebrows furrowed. I pressed my ear closer to the door. Edward's voice wasn't as loud as Emmett's.
"I promised her Emmett." I was pretty sure that's what Edward said. It was either that or 'I have to compromise with her' and I was pretty sure that you couldn't talk to the dead – outside of a Stephen King novel. "When dad left it killed her, literally. I'm not going to put Bella through that."
"She doesn't care!" Emmett's voice made me jump. "You two just met. You have no reason to stay with her."
"I made a promise Emmett." The sound of a chair running across carpet replaced Edward's voice. "And I'm not going back on it."
"You're being an idiot." Emmett shot back.
I knocked on the door. I didn't want to hear anymore. I had already heard too much. There was no way that I could leave Edward now. I was going to make this work out. I didn't know I was going to make this work out. But I was going to make it work…
End Chapter.
A/N: This is one of the fun stories but the problem with this story is that I'm worried that I might do something that no one likes (like with the last chapter) and everyone will be like "nope, no way am I continuing to read this story." Usually, I don't mind but this story has easily become one of my favorites. It's a relief from all my other stories and it's funny. If you're interested in reading a pretty rad interview between me and the awesome chick that runs Twilight Awards, check out the link on my profile. I think it's pretty interesting. Last but not least, Jayeliwood, a good friend of mine, is running a sexy Edward contest which I have entered with Smile for Me. If you like all human lemons with some awesome comedy and a sweet ending then check it out. :)
Poll up. Check it out. I'm actually kind of curious to what your answer is.
