Sorry. I meant to get this out sooner but I got strep. I drove my beta crazy (in my delirium) to help me post, so any mistakes are all mine.

Besides, this was a toughie!

Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

Again: You must be 18 years old to read. There are no lemons yet, but who knows.

Chapter 2

Carlisle felt an inexpressible longing for something he could not immediately identify as he walked up the stone steps to the elegant home. At that moment, he felt as if he belonged there and nowhere else. A servant admitted him and he was greeted by Edward Sr. and his wife, Elizabeth. And the very next second, the same pulling sensation within him grew stronger as Edward walked towards him.

Could it be? He asked himself. After all this time?

He had heard of soulmates and had met various mated vampires over the years, but to experience it was altogether another matter. It was so foreign to him.

The young man was tall and slender, very well built, with unruly bronze hair and large emerald eyes. The latter offset to perfection his pale skin, high cheek bones, and full, pink lips.

He was unlike anyone Carlisle had ever dreamed of or even imagined.

He was human and male.

But he was everything he had ever wanted.

Carlisle passed a thoroughly enjoyable evening in the Masen household, relishing the sensation of being near Edward. At times he was so engrossed talking to the young man, he almost forgot he wasn't in the comfort of his own home.

He had difficulty bidding adieu to the household and its residents that evening. It was almost as if he was leaving something vitally important behind and needed to go back to retrieve it. The emotions coursing through his body were so new, raw, and scattered. He felt off-kilter. Lost.

He knew, then, that he was destined for Edward. He knew he had to be near him.

Vampire emotions run deep and attachments made cannot be broken. Vampires mate for Life. If he started down this road, there would be no turning back.

And was it even possible for Edward, a human being, to feel the same for him?

Carlisle had heard Edward's heartbeat accelerate when introduced and seen the dilation of his pupils and he sensed Edwards's eyes following him as he left the dinner party. But those were the same physical responses elicited by fear. He had witnessed that too many times through the years.

He recognized that his own confusion made it all but impossible to correctly interpret Edward's response to his presence. He did not want his own strong emotions to cloud his judgment. He needed to be certain.

Carlisle walked quietly to his apartment that night, contemplating the events of the evening. He remembered Edward Sr. telling him that Edward had recently made 17 years. He was at the cusp of manhood - still young and inexperienced. He also remembered that Edward Sr. and his wife had plans for the boy and loved him dearly.

Edward Sr. was very likable; it was easy to respect him. He could see so many of the man's admirable qualities passed on to his son.

He began to feel guilty about his longings for Edward. His physical reaction to the boy was painful in more than one way. What would his friend think about his completely inappropriate desire for his son? Homosexuality was not accepted by either society or the law. He himself had been raised by an Anglican minister who would not have hesitated to sentence him to death for that very great sin (He wasn't sure which crime his father would hate more - being a homosexual or a vampire).

He began to question his own feelings. Were they wrong? The whole predicament was causing him distress. He thought he might become physically ill from so much emotional upheaval. He hadn't felt that way since he woke up to discover he was a vampire.

His human life had ended, ironically enough, on the night he tried to prove his father wrong about vampires. After having planned the attack for months and following leads, he believed that if he could catch a real vampire, putting an end to his father's killing of innocent people as well as ridding the town of the evil terrorizing it.

Instead, he had been bitten and became a vampire himself. It was still difficult to think about it after all these years.

Unable to accept his new life, or non-life, he had tried to kill himself in a myriad of ways. Starving himself rather than take a human life was his last resort. It was only when a deer crossed his path, as if an act of God, that he changed his outlook on life. He had starved himself to near madness and attacked the deer before he even realized it.

He had killed and eaten animals as a human. As a vampire, he continued that practice, drinking the blood now rather than consuming the muscle. He felt he was consistent from one life to the other. He had not chosen to be a vampire, but he had learned to accept his vampire life and he felt God had as well. He didn't think of himself - as other vampires did - as an anomaly; rather, he saw himself as a vampire who had chosen not to kill men.

Likewise, he didn't think of himself as a homosexual. Vampires were inherently sensual creatures who did not think in the simplistic terms of the traditional male/female pairings. The vampire identity did not take gender into accounts in its needs or wants. He had seen a few same-sex relationships while in Volterra. The bond was just as strong as any other. Neither did other vampires judge or condemn those unions.

He, therefore, had no reason to think of himself as anything different among his own kind. A label of homosexuality was unnecessary. He had merely fallen in love with a male rather than a female. He had not chosen that any more than he had chosen to become a vampire. God had put Edward in his path just as surely as he had the deer. If God had not deserted him as a vampire, he was positive God would accept his love for Edward. He had witnessed many cultural changes over time and knew that there was a good possibility that one day, same-sex unions would be accepted in human society as well.

Perhaps his loneliness really was over.

But how would he - as a vampire - even pursue Edward? How would he approach him about a relationship? He had never even dated before.

He had to stop thinking about it before he started worrying about what he was going to wear the next day.

Indeed, the next day Carlisle had difficulty keeping his mind off the visit with Edward planned for that very evening. He wondered if he would be alone with him. There would certainly be others in the house but somehow he felt that this encounter was going to be more intimate. He knew he wanted to discuss Edward's future, especially his plan to enlist.

He then found himself wondering what right he had to interfere in the young man's affairs. Edward had his future all mapped out. His mother had her own agenda for him (and it was clear that Miss Isabella Swan was part of that plan). Now Edward should have to consider a second alternative to his own desires?

Carlisle was startled by a growling sound, not recognizing at first that he was making it. He realized then that he would have to maintain his composure.

That evening Edward met Carlisle at the door. Carlisle thought the young man looked exceptionally handsome in his attire. He was dressed casually in a pressed white shirt and trousers; no bow tie. He looked as though he had tried to tame his wild mane of hair without much success. Carlisle thought he looked decidedly tantalizing, especially with the bright red blush on his face.

"Please come in. May I take your hat?"

Carlisle handed him his hat, which Edward placed on the coat rack near the door.

"I thought that we could go to the garden," Edward said. "Please follow me."

Carlisle walked behind Edward down the hallway, all the while admiring the graceful movement of his body. He liked the way his bronze hair curled at the nape of his neck, the broadness of his slim shoulders, his slim hips, and his long slender fingers. Combined with the boy's intoxicating scent, Carlisle was mesmerized.

The boy was breathtaking.

Elizabeth came out of one of the rooms to greet him. Carlisle clearly recognized again were Edward got his looks and grace. They had the same coloring and clear, bright, emerald eyes.

"Carlisle, it is so nice of you to join us again. Edward was so excited to have someone as a sounding board for his plans. His father has been so busy these days."

"Mother, please?" Edward said embarrassed, the blush making its appearance again.

Edward hated blushing and rarely did so. Now it occurred almost nonstop.

"Would you like something to drink, Carlisle? I made some ice tea."

"No thank you, Elizabeth."

"Well, I will leave you two men to your discussion."

Elizabeth walked off, leaving them to continue on to the back porch. Edward offered Carlisle a seat and they both sat facing the garden. It was July and the weather was still rather warm in the evening. The many different colored roses provided a rich color and fragrance to the vast yard. Still, the scent of the flowers could not compare to Edward's. His scent was just as alluring to the vampire as was honey to a bee.

The garden is beautiful," Carlisle said.

"Yes, my mother takes great pride in it. She sacrificed having a bigger house for the garden." Edward was hesitant. He had so much to say and didn't know where to begin. He had thought of so many questions that morning but now in Carlisle's presence, he could barely remember any one of them. He felt comfortable with Carlisle but would lose his train of thought looking at him. The evening sun gave a golden glint to his hair and his eyes were now the same color as the sky. His pale skin was glowing giving him an inhuman, unearthly quality. For a fleeting moment, Edward felt reverence and that, perhaps, he should be kneeling in his presence.

Carlisle sensing Edward's discomfort, gave him an encouraging smile.

"I want to thank you for coming. It was not an inconvenience, was it?" Edward asked.

"No. I was more than delighted that you asked. I enjoyed our conversation yesterday."

"Good. I have difficultly discussing some things with my parents. We do not see things eye to eye all the time. I know how you feel about the war. But I also feel that you are an honest man and have a great deal of wisdom. I feel I can trust your judgment. I know you are a bit younger than my father, but you seem just as mature."

For the first time, Carlisle was sensitive about appearing much older than his 23 biological years and hated it. Now he was feeling his chronological age of 278. Edward was so young. Did he see him as someone comparable to his father?

"Just how old do you think I am, Edward?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you."

"No, you have not offended me, but you have not answered my question either," Carlisle replied a bit nervously.

"I would say no more than about 26 but I believe you may be older than you appear."

Carlisle was a little unnerved at how perceptive Edward was.

"Well, you have guessed right."

"I guessed right to which?" Edward asked shrewdly.

"My age."

Edward stared at him strangely.

"What exactly did you want to talk about?" Carlisle asked, abruptly changing the subject."

"As I was saying last night, my plan is to enlist next year, but my father is hoping that I will join his law firm and my mother wants me to marry. I don't want to disappoint my parents, but I don't know if I can do what they want or be what they want me to be. I have this last year to make a decision."

Carlisle inwardly cringed, thinking about the first and last options. He could see that Edward was bothered about the whole dilemma of his future. He believed that Edward thought the easier option was to run away to the war.

"What would you most likely want to do if it were not for the war?"

"I am not quite sure. I know that law or marriage do not interest me right now. I thought about applying to the Music Conservatory once. My father was not too happy with that idea."

"Edward, you have to live your own life. You have the whole world before you. Don't choose one thing because you are afraid to face the other."

"I know you are like others of your age when it comes to the War. You watch the men in the parades in all their glory. Heroes. But there is another side to it, Edward. You hear only the propaganda printed in the papers. But even when the men come back physically intact, they are often mentally impaired. Most are unable to speak of the horrors they experienced."

"But you have never been to war..."

"But I have treated some of the veterans. Please just think about what I'm saying. You are a sensitive and intelligent young man. Your talents could be better served elsewhere. You're so talented in many different areas. I heard your father talk proudly of them - even about your musical accomplishments."

Carlisle realized that he was pleading for Edward just to live. How then could he think about Edward giving up his life for him? Edward had his entire future ahead of him. He should have a career and family. What could Carlisle possibly offer him in place of that? Life in the shadows. Having to avoid the bright sun and sleeping during the day. Always pretending to be something he wasn't. Never staying in one place long enough to make connections with anyone, having to make acquaintances instead of friendships. He realized that he had already let himself get too close to this family.

He was starting to feel that ache again and decided to change the subject.

"How long have you been studying music, Edward?"

They continued the discussion on music and then on to several topics as they had the night before. Edward was engaging in so many ways. His youthful enthusiasm for life was catching, and he had a vast knowledge and intelligence for one so young as well as a deep curiosity. He had not enjoyed discussions like this since his time with Aro in Volterra. Only this time it was he in the position of the much older, more knowledgeable being. He somewhat understood why Aro had been attached to him.

Edward turned the scrutiny back to him.

"I am curious about you, Carlisle. You don't seem to have any attachments; at least that's what all the women are saying." Edward couldn't look at Carlisle at the moment. He was embarrassed to bring up town gossip.

"Do you mind me asking if you have anyone in your life here? You have a trace of an accent."

"No. I don't have anyone here or anywhere else. I'm originally from England, but I have lived here in America for many more years than there."

"What about your family?"

"My parents died years ago, and I was an only child."

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that."

"It's alright. It was a long time ago"

Edward appeared lost in his thoughts, as if on the verge of making some terribly important decision.

Carlisle was certain he could guess what the boy was contemplating.

"Edward, you don't want to be like me. Yes, I have had the freedom to travel and do whatever I please, but it has been a lonely existence. I often wished that I had family to come home to. You have it all, Edward. Don't be impulsive. There will be time for adventures."

Edward eyes started to glaze over like boys his age when they were no longer listening to reason.

"Carlisle, suppose you had someone to travel with you? Would you feel the same?"

Carlisle could have sworn he felt his dead heart skip a beat. All of the sudden he imagined the two of them going through eternity together. He would never to be alone again! He would make sure Edward would never want for anything or have one day of regret.

Wait, he was getting ahead of himself.

It had to be a rhetorical question.

Edward began pacing across the porch and running his hands through his hair with an impulsive look on his face.

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

"I mean... if you had someone, would you feel differently about your life? I mean... if you were not alone?"

"I don't know, Edward. That is a difficult question to answer. I don't even really know how to answer it. It would not be good to just be with anyone. Life is a little more complicated than that."

"Have you always been alone?" Edward asked, staring at him sympathetically, as if he already knew the answer.

Carlisle couldn't understand why Edward was pursuing this line of questioning. Edward was definitely his father's son. He felt it was too personal, and yet he yearn deeply to discuss his predicament with him. It was too much, too soon. He was a vampire. Certain conversations could have dire consequences. It had just been far too long since he had been able to discuss anything freely with another being. There were other vampires, but he had set himself apart from them because of his lifestyle. He realized then that even the years he spent in Volterra, surrounded by what he thought were the best the vampire world could offer, he was alone. He never truly knew how alone he was until that moment.

Carlisle hadn't realized that he was standing and that Edward had ceased his pacing. He was no more than an arm's length away from him. It was as if they had gravitated toward one another. He could hear Edward's heart beating rapidly. His bright emerald eyes were glazed and his lips slightly parted. A warm summer breeze was blowing a tendril of bronze hair over his face. Carlisle fought back the strong desire to reach out and brush his hair back. For once, in all his eternity, time was standing still.

Edward slowly shook his head as if coming out of a trance. "I am sorry. What was I saying?"

Carlisle had to take a moment to think clearly as well. He took the opportunity to change the subject again.

"We were discussing your predicament. Tell me what are you purposing, Edward?"

'Perhaps instead of interning at my father's law firm, I could work with you at the hospital." Edward began to speak very quickly, blurting the information out as if he feared interruption. "I have an interest in biology as well. I could become a doctor and perhaps aid with helping the soldiers in battle. Maybe after the war, I could practice medicine with you..." Edward let his voice trail off realizing how improper the whole request seemed. It sounded immature and impractical, even to himself.

Carlisle stood still as a statue, frozen in thought. He had to focus to remember to breathe. It did sound like desperation, but he didn't know if he was just as guilty of that at that moment. It was as if Edward had read his mind earlier. He tried not to sound the way he felt.

"Edward, you and I have just met. You hardly know me. What would your parents say to all this, are you sure you are still not just running away from something?"

"My father speaks highly of you, and both of my parents are excellent judges of character. I know that it has been a short time since I have met you, but I feel as if I have known you all my life." Edward began to blush again.

"Edward, I want you to think this over a little more? We can talk about this at a later date."

Edward smiled bright enough to rival a morning sun. "Do you mean you will consider my proposal?"

Carlisle felt that he could not deny Edward anything when he smiled like that.

The porch door opened suddenly and Elizabeth came out to join them.

"Edward, it's getting late. You have a busy day tomorrow with taking Isabella on a date. You promised at Church this morning that you would pick her up bright and early," his mother said as she walked toward him, a gleam of triumph shining in her eyes.

Carlisle let a growl slip before he could stop himself.

"Please forgive me! I should have eaten a little more at dinner." Carlisle said.

"I could have Mary fix you something to eat before you go?" Elizabeth said, ever the hostess.

"No, please don't bother. I will be home in no time at all and I'm used to having a snack before bedtime."

"Please forgive me for keeping you so late, Carlisle. I always forget the time when we're talking." Edward said.

"No. There is no reason to apologize. I enjoy our talks just as much. Thank you for inviting me."

Carlisle turned to Elizabeth and kissed her hand. "Thank you for having me in your lovely home once again."

"It's my pleasure. You know how much my husband Edward enjoys your company. He really admires you. I hear more about you than his partners at times."

Carlisle felt there was something more under the surface, something quite different to what she was saying.

"Your husband is much too kind. I admire him as well. He is a very honest and a just man - a credit to his profession."

Carlisle turned and looked towards Edward. "I hope you have a pleasant time on your date."

Carlisle felt that if it were possible for a vampire to choke on his words, he would have at that moment. He was feeling that he may have to get use to the current ache in his chest.

"I will walk you to the door, Carlisle."

"Please don't bother, Edward. I can see my way out."

"It is no bother at all," the young man insisted.

"I think I'll stay on the porch for a while. It's such a beautiful evening," Elizabeth said.

They both walked through the porch door into the house leaving Elizabeth on the porch. As they slowly walked through the house, Carlisle noticed that Edward had no trace of the smile he had earlier. His head hung a little low and he seemed pensive. As much as he disliked Edward's affection toward the girl, he wanted to see him happy.

"What is bothering you, Edward?" Carlisle asked gently.

"Oh nothing, really," Edward said. "It's just that I like Bella. She is much easier to be around than the other girls I've known."

They had reached the front door. Edward handed him his hat. Carlisle knew he had to go soon. He couldn't let Edward see him lose his composure. Edward had told him Isabella was just a friend. Could things be changing between him and Isabella?

"My mother guilted me into asking Isabella to a picnic for tomorrow. I feel terrible about neglecting her at the dinner party last night."

"I don't see the problem," Carlisle said a little sadly.

"I don't want Isabella to get the wrong impression. She wants to be more than friends."

"Are you saying you don't feel the same way about her?" Carlisle asked, looking at Edward and beginning to feel hope again.

"I don't think I could feel the same way about her. Not now," Edward said, lookingd at him meaningfully.

Carlisle had somehow found himself standing close to Edward, drowning in his beautiful emerald eyes. They were both leaning toward each other. Carlisle began to reach out his hand.

Carlisle could suddenly hear Elizabeth walking toward them. With difficulty, he was able to pull himself out of his daze.

"Edward, we can finish our discussion at a later date? You can contact me through your father. He's still working on a case for the hospital."

Edward slowly responded. "Yes. I'll do that."

Carlisle tipped his hat at Elizabeth standing in the hallway and walked out of the door. As he strolled to his car, he could not help thinking about the expression on Elizabeth's face when she looked at him.