The sun was filtering through the window, urging my eyelids to open. I squeezed my eyes tighter, willing the sun to go away. When I first moved to Forks, all I could think about was how much I missed the sun in Arizona. Now, the sun only meant that I wouldn't be able to spend as much time outdoors with Edward when it was shining.
Slowly, consciousness won over, in spite of me willing it away. I felt strangely cold in spite of the sun warming my face. However, it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. I sighed and rolled over, snuggling closer into Edward's cold arms. I opened one eye, just for a brief glimpse at his beautiful face. I let out a small gasp, enthralled as usual by how much he looked like a god, especially with the way his skin glittered magically in the sunlight. I wondered again if I would be as lovely as he when I became a vampire. I smiled to myself, reveling in the idea that now that we were engaged, it was only a matter of time before Edward would be forced to turn me.
Edward pulled me tighter, making it a little hard to breathe, and brushed his icy lips against my ear. "Good morning, my Bella." he whispered, as I relaxed in his arms. "What's on your mind this morning? You've been smiling a lot." He asked, pulling away and cradling my chin in his hand. "Oh, nothing." I smirked, looking away from his nearly-black eyes. "Now now, we are engaged, you mustn't keep secrets from me." He chided, grinning in the crooked way that always melted my heart. I still refused to meet his eyes, knowing that I could never keep anything from that penetrating stare. I tried to pull away, mumbling something about needing to brush my teeth. "Oh no you don't!" he growled playfully, entrapping me once again in a vise-like hug.
"Oh, FINE." I snapped, glaring at him. "I was wondering if I would be as gorgeous as you when you turned me, and I was hoping that you would decide to do it sooner rather than later."
"Oh, Bella," He groaned. It was his turn to look away, with an uncomfortable look on his face. "You know I am going to put off turning you as long as I can."
"I've already told you, I am not going to remain a human until I am twenty. If I must marry you first, let's do it soon, because I am tired of being clumsy, slow, always in danger Bella. I want to be an equal in your family, not something you always worry about and have to protect!"
"You know we don't mind protecting you, me especially!" Edward retorted. "I only worry because I do not want to hurt you, ever. That includes the pain that you will inevitably experience if I turn you. Bella, I can't bear the thought of watching you in so much pain!"
"We've already decided this, so stop arguing. Once we are married, and that will be SOON, you will make me yours forever. Well, that is, once we, I mean, unless you decide that there is something else we can do first." I whispered, blushing furiously.
"Bella Swan, you are a horrible tease sometimes, you know." Edward growled in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "If I am not mistaken, I offered you an immediate solution to your impatience yesterday, and you declined." He said with a mischievous smile on his face, as he propped himself up on his elbow.
I sighed, wishing again that things were simpler, that Edward wasn't always afraid of hurting me. What he didn't understand, was that his pain was my pain. His turmoil affected me as much as him. As I looked into his eyes, and he awaited a response or a retort to his comment, the realization finally hit me. I was his fiancee. Edward would never leave me now, he was mine. I never really felt that way before. I had always felt that he was a gift, but a temporary one that might disappear like the fog when the sun touched it. My eyes widened in wonder as I wrapped my mind around the concept that I was going to be his forever. Not even forever in the normal, human sense of the word, but truly forever.
As my breath caught in my throat, I slowly reached forward to trail my fingers along his perfect jawline.
I smiled, feeling a new boldness growing within me, dimming the ever-present fear that I might one day push Edward too far, that he might become too concerned that he would harm me and leave me again. This boldness, I resolved, I would cling to. Every time the crippling fear would grip me, I would remind myself that he would not leave now, that he could not leave. He was too old-fashioned to walk away from such a commitment.
I smiled again, leaning forward to kiss Edward's cold lips. This was something I rarely did, because I didn't want to catch him at a weak moment and force him into one of his stony silences as he struggled to control himself - in more ways than one.
I gently pressed my body to his, as I kissed him with more urgency. "Bella," he whispered against my lips, "I didn't mean..."
"Shh." I chided. "Just because we are waiting until we are married to, well, you know." I blushed again. "Doesn't mean we can't practice!"
Suddenly embarrassed, I buried my face against his chest. I felt him sigh as he stroked my hair. "Bella," he began, "You know that we might not be able to go through with it even if we try. So practicing...well...it doesn't seem plausible. At least, no more 'practicing' than we have already done."
I pushed myself away from his chest, and looked into his dark eyes. "That doesn't make any sense, Edward!" I exclaimed. "Don't you think you should get more experience being careful? Practice DOES make perfect, doesn't it?" Feeling a little foolish, but wanting to convince him of my point of view, I pressed my body to his again and looked up at him through my eyelashes. "You want it to be perfect for me, don't you?" I purred, trying to be as alluring as possible. I'm pretty sure I failed miserably, because Edward burst out laughing. Suddenly, though, he rolled me over, lifting my knees as he settled on top of me. I swear his eyes had gotten a shade darker. He looked hungry and a little dangerous. It had been quite some time since I had felt so physically vulnerable.
"You are going to get yourself in trouble, little one." Edward breathed, as he trailed his lips along my neck. He slightly opened his lips, allowing the tip of his tongue to brush my skin. I reacted suddenly, though I was trying my hardest to maintain strict control of my emotions. I arched my back, tightening my legs around his waist. It was generally at this point that Edward would push me away, fearing that he would hurt me if he continued. This time, however, he curled his arms under my back, crushing me to him as he kissed my neck from my earlobe to collarbone. He moaned softly under his breath, a barely audible sound. He parted his lips more, tasting my skin as his frigid body pressed against mine. He placed one hand behind my head as he pressed his lips to mine, slowly teasing my lower lip with his tongue.
I had never tasted anything so sweet, so intoxicating, in my life.
Slowly but surely, his kisses became less urgent, and he disentangled my arms and legs from his perfect body. He placed one more tender kiss on my trembling lips, and whispered, "Was that the kind of practice you had in mind, my love?"
"You know," I grumbled, trying to worm my way back into his arms, "Sometimes I think you really are a monster!"
