disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor anything related to it. I just can't sleep from Carlisle's constant talking in my head :)
A.N.: Thank you for the mind-boggling amount of reviews, follows, alerts, etc. If I thought the first chapter's response was an Ego Booster, I am now on cloud 9 :)
Now, a few responses, as, again, most reviews were made by guests: The bible quotes are not mine. Carlisle is a man of faith. He is a preacher's son and grew up on the Word of God. I cannot stop him from praying, nor can I stop him from thinking quotes. They're HIS thoughts, not MINE. And he can be quite loquacious, it seems :)
My beloved's face turned crimson, and she lowered her gaze to the floor. "What news have you, daughter?" asked Mr. Platt. She continued to look at the floor as she said "Dr. Cullen has asked for my hand in marriage." Her parents were boring holes into her with their eyes, and after a silent few seconds, her father asked, "And your answer?" she looked at me, graced me with her beautiful smile, and answered with confidence, staring her father straight in his eyes, "I have agreed to become his wife."
After much excitement, celebrations and hand shaking, we parted for the night. I walked home in a human pace, glad of the opportunity to reflect on the past hours, the past week, my entire life. I am a man of Faith. I have always known God directs mortals' paths. I should have known He directed the paths of vampires, as well. Everything in my life now seemed to have been leading me to this point in time. To my finding my mate, her agreeing to wed me, and a brand new us I would never suspect could bring so much joy and bliss to my life.
Had I only known my existence might be filled with such immense happiness, I would have sought her love from the first second our eyes met. I would but need her love for me to know true joy in my existence. For as my soul yearned for God's love, it now yearned for Esmé's. As my soul wished to please Him, it wished to please and pleasure Her.
The streets were bare of any living soul, and I was glad for their absence, as I walked, with a sheepish grin plastered on my face. It now seemed a fixture, a new facial feature, one which was incredible to me. I found joy in me, unbridled and unparalleled. In all my years of existence, I never imagined such happiness would ever show itself to me. I never dreamed of this all-encompassing sense of love to be possible, but as I walked and saw her face in my perfect recall, I wished not for anything to change, and prayed before the Lord that I may, in a short while, have her as my own, to love and to hold. No death would do us apart. No sickness could steal her from me. I would protect her and love her with all my might.
I will forever be grateful for the weather on that stormy afternoon that had her up in the tree to greet the oncoming storm and broke her leg. At the same time, I angered at it for same said reason, for it brought her pain. But that pain would heal, and it brought us both such happiness in its stead. I wished for time to speed up for the first time in my life, so that I may unite with her, never to set her free. She would be mine. She should be mine, and I found I could hardly gather the patience to wait for that. I could hardly muster enough patience to wait for the morrow, as that, too, promised a reunion.
I pondered the talk we had with her parents. They wished to know when we would wed, and after informing them we intended to wait until Esmé could walk down the aisle on her own two feet, they happily agreed. I did not care about any wedding arrangements, except to be allowed to see her every day from morning to evening until we wedded. I was asked about my home, and assured the family it was humble, but fitting a young doctor's wife.
Now, as I walked home, I made a mental list of the things I needed to acquire in order to make my house presentable. As my list lengthened, a trip into the nearest city seemed inevitable, and I mourned the lost hours of being with her. I knew her to mourn them, as well. She was crestfallen when I told her of my trip into the city, but pacified as I promised her anything she wanted thence, and she requested but a new music box for her room. I will bring her the most beautiful one I can. But I shall, as well, seek to secure more presents for her.
My first stop would be the jewelers', as I attempt to find an engagement ring and order wedding rings for us. Then – a carpentry, where I needed to find furniture for my near-bare home. A table and chairs, a bed, a sofa and armchairs, an easel for her to work on, a bench for the yard, some chairs for the house, and many more items as such. Thirdly, I needed kitchen appliances. The various pots, pans, plates, utensils and such one would need in a fully functional kitchen. I needed an oven, too. Oh, there was so much!
I wished to find art supplies for her, so she may paint when inspiration strikes her. I wished to order suits for me to wear. I wanted to get her more dresses, but that seemed impossible, as I knew not the fashions of the era, nor did I know of any way to fully describe my sweet love to any seamstress for securing a dress of the right proportions. What colors would I get her, as well? The dresses seemed an impossible venture, for now. I shall discreetly ask her mother on the subject upon my return.
I walked on as I lengthened my list and expanded it to include all we would need. I arrived at my house, and for the first time, I looked at it with a critical eye. I did not need a large home, only a remote one. This abode was too humble for any woman to live in. I must, therefore, secure a larger house in as remote a location before the wedding. I shall seek it on the morrow, as well, I decided as I entered my house. It no longer felt like home to me. My home was with Esmé.
I walked straight toward my father's cross and knelt before it, offering my thanks to God, not only for giving me the prospect of a mate, a wife, but for hearing my confession and absolving me of my sins to grant me such a reward. I prayed for hours, offering any and all prayers I knew in thanks to the Lord. As I rose, so had the morning. I hurriedly showered and wore fresh clothes.
I took a wistful glance in the mirror prior to my leaving the house. I meant it to be a cursory glance, but as I looked, my features seemed altered. I endeavored to put names to those changes, but could not. My face seemed the same, my body unaltered, and yet, there was something different. As I looked, it became strikingly obvious. My smile. The laugh lines which were so faint, one may have imagined them, but there they were. I seemed a happy man. That was the great change.
I contemplated this change as I made my way, vampire top speed, to the nearest city. I first found a realtor's office, and sat with him for an hour, describing the kind of property I was seeking. He took notes, made a few suggestions, some of which I knew and declined on the spot, deeming them unworthy of the grace of my Esmé's feet. Those I did not know, he ventured to show me on the morrow. I agreed and shook his hand in my gloved one. From there' it was the jewelers'.
I quickly found the jewelers' stores, and checked each and every one of those for the perfect ring to suit and complement my Esmé's beauty. I had seen countless rings thus far, but which would suit my Esmé? I thought of her, her love of nature, her love of her parents, her love of me. She was so well named. "To Love" seemed her main attribute. A heart encased in nature's love. I had seen one of those in a more expensive jewelers' store. I cared not for money. I went back to that store and asked to look at that ring again.
It was pure silver shaped like a branch, the lines blacked. It seemed almost a live branch. On it were tiny, delicate leaves of Jade, again seeming alive, two marvelously beautiful tiny Rose Gold roses, between which and a leaf, encased in the branch, sat a beautiful ruby heart. The ring itself whispered Esmé's name to me, and I therefore bought it on the spot. I produced from my pocket a sample ring her mother had given my ere I left their home and asked if the two were of the same size. Miraculously, they were. God has granted me another gift.
I bought the ring, and two simple gold bands for the wedding rings in our sizes, and walked briskly to the nearest church, whence I knelt and gave thanks to the Lord for this wondrous gift. I prayed in silence, kneeling in a pew, and thence I arose to make my way quickly to the carpentry. There, I ordered the much needed furniture, including a beautiful four-poster canopy bed, the headboard of which was full of angels, cupids, birds and other such symbols of Love.
I hastened toward the art shops, and there bought three easels, for her to place as she pleased, enough canvas to last, I was told, for a year, even for the most prolific of painters, all types of brushes, oil paints, water paints, palettes and other supplies deemed necessary by the clerk. I had the parcels sent to my current house, but the furniture was to be kept in a storehouse until I sent for them.
I set forth to find the kitchen equipment I needed. I had those parcels sent to my house, as well. I bought food in the city, as I have never bought anything in Columbus, and would hate to raise the suspicions of the townsfolk. As I knew not what to get, I trailed a stocky housewife shopping there from afar, and as she exited the store, I wished her a good day, entered, and asked for the same items, making sure to change their order in the list, to hesitate about some, to get items I saw other matrons purchasing, and some I just saw on the shelves. I asked the clerk if my wife would have all she needed now to entertain 3 guests for a week. He suggested a few more items, which I happily bought. I had those sent to my house.
As I expected said parcels to be delivered, I made my way, vampire speed, to the house, accepted all packaged as they arrives over the course of three very torturous hours, put the kitchen to working order, making sure it sparkled clean, and sat in my study, reading any book I could there find on cooking and of foods.
A trial it was, enduring the smell of cooking food, the smell of burnt food, as I miserably failed in the preparation of dish after dish, but finally I learned enough recipes to be able to sustain my human wife for a few days, at least. I toiled to clean the kitchen, again, appalled by its current state, made a list for the groceries I destroyed and used in cooking, stored the dishes I succeeded in creating in the pantry, and put the other parcels in order.
The rings then arrived, and I breathed a sigh of relief, conscious of the absurdity of a vampire needing so much oxygen, and I checked the rings for any imperfections. When I only found ones invisible to human eyes, I accepted them. With the wedding bands stored safely in my desk's drawer, I put the engagement ring's beautiful box into my breast pocket, taking care no holes exist there ere I make my way to my Esmé, to present her with it.
I raced along the wilderness, steering clear from any straying human, at last coming to a stop at the same spot I started my perilous journey yester evening. I walked as quickly as deemed dignified, anxious to be with my betrothed, and the journey was much more frustrating than yester evening's. I need not plan my words, I need not be guarded, I need only show her my love and present her with her ring. I knew she would accept any I may give her, but felt nonetheless strangely anxious for her reaction to this specific ring.
I tried not to imagine her reaction to it, as I wished to be surprised in it, to properly share in her excitement or displeasure of it. I desperately hoped it would be the former, rather than the latter.
I knocked on the front door and waited, as I heard the shuffling of feet rushing to the door. Mrs. Platt opened the door herself, and I beamed at her, returning the ring she gave me, as a show of the success I have had in my travels. She merely smiled and said in a hushed voice "Sure took you long enough!"
I smiled and she let me in, escorting me to the parlor. I have been without breath for so long, it seems, as I gaze upon my love. I finally breathe deeply and bid her a good afternoon. Esmé smiles, clearly as relieved to see me as I am her. Yesterday had took on a dream-like quality in my mind as I thought about it so often. I now needed reassurance of her acceptance of me. Unsure of how to ask that of her, I move to sit in the armchair nearest the sofa, but she stops me midway. She reaches her delicately beautiful hand to me, looking at me with her young, marvelous eyes, as she says the only word I needed, to know that all was real, "Please?"
Immediately, I am her willing slave. I hurry to do her bidding as I close the distance between myself and the sofa, between myself and her, between our very souls. It seems mine was aching for the proximity, for suddenly a knot is released it my stomach, that I hadn't even noticed until this very moment. I take her hand in mine and gently, reverently, bring it to my lips, and look at it briefly, before returning my gaze to her eyes, as I kiss it softly.
"how are you faring today, Esmé?"
"I am well, Dr. Cullen" she answers. Only then I become aware of her mother's presence in the room, and the task at hand, or rather, in my breast pocket. I kneel on the floor, both my knees attached to the front of the sofa and the floor at once, as I reach into the pocket, and before pulling the intricate box out, whisper hoarsely, "Not much do I have in this world, Esmé, but I ask that you accept this ring as you accept me into your heart. I swear before the Lord God to bring you but joy, to take all sadness from your heart, to honor and love you for all times. Will you do me the exceptional honor of becoming my wife?"
She smiles a tiny smile as I take the intricate box out of my pocket, and to her I present it, opening the lid for her, all the while watching her eyes, as she looks at the intricate box, at the ring inside it, and her eyes grow impossibly large. A slight whimper escapes her lips. She says but a three-letter word, but it is enough for all to know. We are betrothed now. She is to be mine as I am already hers. I take the ring from the box and slide in unto her fourth finger. We both marvel at it as it lays there, as if the ring was made specifically for her. I place a chaste kiss on her hand, but her mother disapproves of it, apparently, as she calls, "Kiss her properly, man, she will not melt away!"
I am forever in her debt. I look at her as she ducks her head shyly, but not before I see the fire and the dire need in her eyes. Yes, I must kiss her properly. She so desperately needs it. And as I lean forward, annihilating the distance between our souls, I come to realize that as dire as her need for me is in this moment, mine is equally so.
My hand reaches her delicate face before my lips do, and I watch in amazement as it gently strokes her juvenile features. I am awed completely at the feel of her skin for that one brief moment. In this one instant, an eternity passes as I wonder if anything on this earth could possibly feel so glorious. Not even her touch or caress had come as close to heaven as this feeling. No longer sinful in the eyes of God, I touch my lips to hers.
I thought her caresses were divine. I was sure touching her face was glorious, but I had never before, in this long existence, felt anything which even came close to this terrible storm of raw emotions. Her eyes close, as do mine, but my senses are on overload as it is. The smell of her. The touch of her face and lips as they connect with my own, the taste of her lips on mine. The sounds of our lips moving against each other's. the debilitating sound of a tiny moan that escapes her lips as they connect with my own. As though none of this was enough, her hands shoot forward, behind my back, as she holds my neck with one of her tiny hands, attaching me to her, and the other hand entangles in my hair.
Never before had I come so close to losing control of my instincts. But these were not a predator's. These were the glorious instincts of a man. And the man longed to crush this delicate flower of youth and femininity to his chest, to make that flower his in every sense of the word. The hand that was not occupied by feverishly worshipping her face found its way to her caramel locks, tangled its fingers there as though reluctant to ever let go and there remained, in silent bliss.
Our kiss seemed endless. It was not long enough. Too soon I felt the eyes of Mrs. Platt bore into my back. Too soon was I forced to disconnect our souls. My own protested in silence that to my ears was deafening. The only sounds in the world that mattered were of her rapid heartbeat, her breaths, fast and shallow, and our souls screaming for another dose of that perilous drug we both just sampled for the first time in our lives.
I am a gentleman, a man of honor, I reminded myself harshly. Arguing against these new, base instincts was harder, but conquer them I must. I shan't let them get the best of me again, I vowed before God. As I looked into the eyes of my beloved, I understood the magnitude of those instincts and how great the challenge I must now face will be, but face it I will, and win it I shall.
Esmé was blushing a deep crimson. It seems she, too, remembered her chaperone. I smiled at her, reassuringly. She dazzled me and bewitched me with her answering smile. It was small, fragile and oh so deliciously delicate. I longed to taste those lips again. I forced myself to rise and sit in the armchair next to her, but my sole rebelled against the loss of contact. She must have read it in my face, for she immediately offered her hand to me. Although it was her right one, the ring-less one, I gratefully took it in my own and caressed it.
We remained silent, our souls speaking loud enough without words. I understood their words. "I love you", "I miss you" and even "I want you" were all screamed out silently.
We spent the afternoon and evening talking about inconsequential things, but getting to know each other better through those. We spoke of winters and storms, of springs and flowers and streams, of autumn leaves blazing red and summer torrents. The beauty of nature was so blatant as my Esmé spoke of it. Through her eyes I saw beauty in all. Through my eyes I showed her sanctity in all.
We spoke of the future, of remaining in this town after we were wedded, but Esmé was adamant that we not remain, for she wanted to see a world beyond that which she has grown up in and come to adore. As she spoke of leaving, she gave me a meaningful glance and I immediately realized she was speaking of leaving her family behind for she wanted to become as I am. Before I allow this to occur, I must teach her all I have learnt on the nature of a vampire, perhaps that shall diminish her want to become one. It would seem we must have a chaperone from now until the wedding, so those lessons must wait.
I sat there in the armchair, drowning in her eyes, still thinking about those lessons and organizing them in my head. The most gruesome first, to scare her from the notion of undergoing the change. The gentler lessons must then come, to show the good sides of our nature. If she had not changed her mind by then, she shall know how good life as a vampire can be. As night fell on the world, I arose, bid her a good night, bid her mother farewell, and left for my house. I walked rapidly away, and when I heard no more human heartbeats, and could not see any artificial lights, but that of the moon, I took off, vampire speed, running to my house. The morrow will see me looking at houses for us, and I must tell the realtor that I now seek a house in different towns, as well. I may want to contact more realtors. We may want a house in a different state, if she does not scare away from her idea.
As I ran, I made my usual traveling plans. I was overjoyed that this time those will accommodate a travel companion, a wife, no less. I tried to think on all her needs, as well as my own. So long as she remains human we shall stay in Columbus, where she may visit her family when she fancies. If she were to change, if I were to change her, I reprimanded myself for avoiding the painful obvious, we must then move on to a different state, one in which she knows none and none know her, so she may be viewed as she is, rather than as she was.
It hurt to think of her that way, cold skinned, still of heart, no longer blushing, red-eyed, gold-eyed. It all hurt. She was so young! To change her now would be a dreadful sin, but how could I hope to be her husband, to meet all her needs as husbands do, if I will not? For heaven's sake, one false move, one stroke of her cheek which holds more power than intended and I might crush her skull! She was so fragile. How could I hope to be with her? How could I not?
I was a dreadful beast, a horrible monster for loving her. For depriving her of her chance at a fully normal human life. But to picture Esmé as an old woman felt sinful, too. It felt wrong. To picture her in the arms of another, ah, that green eyed monster felt so foreign in me that at first I did not recognize the feeling. As I pondered it for a brief moment I realized I was jealous. She may never belong to another, she shall never have a human life, and she shall never have children because I was jealous! Of all the feelings the gracious God has granted man, that one was most heinous. Most heinous an excuse for stealing her life away from her.
Well, that's it for ne next few days. I have a big test coming up, so I have to study. I'll see you all on the other side of it... Promise!
As usual, if you want the next chapter, please let me know... I'm thinking of raising the bar to 10 reviews per chapter, but for now, I'll stick with 5 requests for the next chapter to be written & uploaded :)
Again, THANK YOU ALL!
