Entry #2
Patrol actually went pretty well last night. If you exclude the way Mikey nearly lost a hand during the Foot attack. Fortunately, I noticed the soldier's sword coming down and threw a shuriken at him, taking him out.
Mikey didn't see the shuriken hit the Foot soldier. He credited his narrow escape to his "Mikey senses" - and wouldn't stop crowing about it on the entire way home.
I'm not denying that I was a little bit frustrated. After all, it seems like no matter how much good I do, nobody ever notices. The only things they seem to see are the mistakes I eventually end up making.
I'd never tell that to anyone though. I hate to complain about anything. It feels like...if I did, I would be acting ungrateful. And I'm very much grateful for everything I have. Sensei would tell me that "A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves."
So I don't say anything.
But every once in a while, I just wish that someone would look at me and say "Good job, Leo." Or "Way to go, big brother." Or even "Thanks, bro."
Sometimes I think they're disappointed in me. Heck, I'd be disappointed in me too. I'm a loser.
It hurts that I can't be what everyone wants or what anyone needs. It hurts that I can't be what I want or what I need because I'm not enough. I won't ever be enough. I won't even ever be close to enough.
But people can't see me cry because I have to be the strong one. I have to be the one to carry them when they can't, to pick them up if they fall.
And you want to know the funniest thing about this?
I'm busy saving everyone else because I can't save myself.
