"We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow..."

~~Led Zeppelin, Immigrant Song

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Chapter 3, Part 1

The First Morning

The next morning Pickles awoke to find Toki sitting on the couch, his eyes half closed and struggling to stay open. The drummer yawned and sat up. There was nobody else in the living room yet; it was only nine in the morning, which meant that it was much too early for any signs of life in Mordhaus. Pickles gave Toki a sleepy smile.

"Hey. How'd you sleep?"

"Okays. I...um...don't knows what to do now, though."

He rubbed his eyes and asked tiredly, "Huh? Whadda mean?"

Toki shrugged. "Usually I works, but there ams nothing to do around here."

" 'Dat's because we don't work. The Klakateers do that for us."

"Ohs. Then what ams I to do?"

"I...uh..." Pickles studied him carefully. There were lots of things to do today—get Toki some new clothes that actually fit him, get him in the shower, fix him breakfast...finally he said, "What about a shower?"

"I woulds really likes that."

And they both got up, each of them still half asleep, and went to the bathroom. "Okay, well 'dis is it, I guess. Please tell me that you had showers in Norway." Pickles said, switching on the light.

Toki grinned. "Ja, we dids."

"Okay, then you're good, right? Towels are over there and—shit. Clothes. You gat any other clothes than just that?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Sorrys."

Pickles frowned and thought. "Yeah, that's fine. I guess...well, I got some old jeans you can wear for a while. They're skinnies, though. I used to wear them in Snakes 'N Barrels..."

But Toki really wasn't listening anymore. He had already proceeded to remove his shirt. Just as he unbuckled his belt he stopped and turned to the drummer. "Are yous going to leave now? I've gots to you knows, get naked."

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry." and he turned and went to walk out the door. Before he left, though, he couldn't help notice how good Toki's body was. "I...uh, hey, Toki?"

"Hmm?" he asked, folding his shirt and gently laying it on the edge of the tub.

"What exactly did you say you did in Norway—y'know, as in your job?"

"I already told yous; I works all day for my parents-es."

"Doin' what?"

Toki shrugged, making nearly every bone in his shoulders stand out. The truth was that although he still had much of his former muscle, he also looked horribly thin. This, of course, could be attributed to all those nights he'd spent wandering around Norway. It still didn't fail to make Pickles begin to feel guilty all over again. He swallowed and turned around to face Toki.

His cheeks burned as he said, "You're so fuckin'..."

"Whats?"

"Just—you don't look how you act, that's all."

It was the best way he could put it. Toki sometimes acted like a regular four-year-old, and seeing him like this was just so odd. It made Pickles feel weird...almost as weird as he'd felt that day he'd talked to Sarah Simon for the first time...

But that was just another weird thought, so he quickly excused himself from the bathroom and left the Norwegian alone. Once Pickles had gone, Toki took off the rest of his clothes and turned on the hot water. He didn't even bother putting on the cold—he hated the cold. As he waited for the water to heat up, he thought.

He remembered back to a time when he'd been thirteen years old. There had been a girl. He sensed that Pickles had had a girl like his too, only things hadn't worked out so well for him...suddenly Toki sighed and let his head fall in his hands. Thinking about his girl just made him terribly confused. Sometimes it puzzled him to the point where he'd actually begin to cry and pray to God—or whoever was up there—to tell him what was wrong with him.

Her name had been Thora.

Toki smiled at the memory of her, but not because he liked to think of her, just because he was confused he didn't know how else to handle it. Thora. Yes, he remembered her. How could he forget the first girl who had loved him?

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Chapter 3, Part 2

Wants & Can't Haves

Thora had been a pretty girl, that much was true. Toki had never really thought her beautiful or anything, but he guessed that she was cute. He really had never had much interest in her before that cold and bitter night in Norway. It was no secret that although Toki Wartooth was probably the oddest kid in Lillehammer, he was also the most charming. Nearly all of his friends had been girls, but that wasn't saying much...or so he thought.

Then there was Thora, with her characteristically Scandinavian light hair and blue eyes. Naturally she was very fair-skinned and rather tall and skinny. This hadn't interested Toki, though; none of the girls in Lillehammer ever really interested him, because they appeared to be all the same. He had always dreamed of meeting a girl or someone with totally different looks than those found in Norway.

He'd heard somewhere that there were these people—the Irish, he thought—who had a halo of bright red hair and amazingly green eyes, green like the color of the grass in Spring. He had always wanted to meet one of those people.

He would tell Thora this and she'd laugh. "Toki, you're so funny. You know nobody here looks like that."

"Yeah, but I think it sounds beautiful, like what someone should look like. All the girls here look exactly the same." She'd always become glum, so he'd rush to add, "I mean you're all pretty, but I want to see different things, a whole new place. Maybe once I move away..." his voice would trail off or become unsure. This would only make her laugh harder.

"You're not going away. Nobody moves away from Lillehammer, they just get married and settle down together."

Toki would frown. "But that's so boring. What if I want to do something cooler, like play in a band or something?" even though he'd only been thirteen, he still dreamed of being in a band thanks to Iron Maiden. Thora would say he was crazy and he would let her listen to some of his C.D.s and say with a wide-eyed, starry look in his eyes, "Aren't they amazing?"

"Yeah, sure." she'd say. "Amazingly weird. Toki, you're not a weird kid, so why do you like weird stuff?"

And they would go back and forth for a while. Toki had known Thora since he was just a little kid and they'd always been friends. One night, however, she ruined all that. It began because he'd asked her to come over to his house during the night—it was another one of those lonely, endlessly cold nights—and when she got there, she began to act very odd.

She planted herself right in his lap and hugged him tight, whispering, "Hold me, Toki?"

"I...umm..."

"Like this." she took his hands in her own, blushing when he pulled away and glanced nervously at his bedroom door. If his parents caught him like this they really would kill him...

"Thora, get off of me. What are you doing?"

"I'm...you know..."

Toki shook his head and tried to get her off of his lap. "No, I really don't."

"Of course you do; you're a boy. You have to know."

He frowned. "Thora, what are you talking abo-"

"Don't be stupid!" she snapped suddenly, crossing her arms. "All the girls talk about it, how you...you know."

"What?" Toki asked. "What do they say about me?"

Thora rolled her eyes and said irritably, "Don't act stupid! You know what you do!"

"No I-"

"Toki, I love you."

The words shocked him, made him feel incredibly awkward. A thousand thoughts began racing thru his mind, but they all lead to the same inevitable thought. It was horrifying, but he realized just how perfect Thora was—she didn't mind rock and she never made comments about his hair—but he also realized something else.

I don't love her, I really don't...

Why didn't he? Thora was nice, she was cute, and she liked the same stuff he did, so why didn't he like her? Part of Toki's mind begged his heart to change its mind, begged him to fall in love with her right then and not be so weird about it, but he couldn't. Meanwhile, as he struggled to come to terms with it all, Thora's blue eyes were focused on him, watching his reaction intently.

Finally, realizing that Toki was at a loss for words, she hugged him and kissed his cheek. "Don't play dumb; everyone's known that I've liked you for, like, ever. When you invited me over I thought...I thought..."

He tried to squirm out of the hug without being rude, but Thora wouldn't let him go. In the end he was just left to sit there and say, "No, I honestly didn't know you liked me, 'cause if I had I would've never asked you to come over. Don't you get it? I just wanna talk. Why can't we do that? Just talk?"

"God damn it, Toki! You're thirteen years old and you've never made a pass at a girl in your life!" Thora cried. "Why don't you love me?" Suddenly her eyes were shining brightly in the dim light of Toki's room. His breath caught in his throat as he realized that she was about to cry. "Don't you love me? Huh?"

Not knowing what else to do, Toki pulled her into another hug and whispered, "Sure I like you, Thora. You're my best frie-"

"But I don't wanna be your friend!"

He pulled away, a brow raised. "So you don't wanna talk?"

She let out an annoyed sigh and said, "No, Toki! I want to be your girlfriend!"

"Oh." he sighed and looked down. What could he say to this? It was tortuous, humiliating—but why? It shouldn't be embarrassing for him, should it? Thora should be the humiliated one, but Toki was the one who ended up feeling ashamed. Why? Why didn't he like her? She was so nice, but...

"Toki?" she asked, running a small, delicate hand thru his long hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. You're so cute when you're thinking about what to say, though."

"Huh?" he peered up into her crystal blue eyes, blushing deeply. "What?"

Thora was giggling, smiling as she said, "You're cute when you do that too; when you turn red..."

"O-Okay." Toki didn't know what to say. Suddenly he regretted ever having invited her over to begin with.

"Can I kiss you?"

He gasped and looked up. "What?"

"I want to kiss you," Thora repeated, slipping her hand into Toki's. "Because I love yo-"

"No, I don't think that you sho-"

Just as quickly as he had cut her off, she cut him off. The instant Thora's lips met his, he knew there was something not right about it. It didn't feel as he'd always imagined his first kiss would feel. It was sort of dull and almost boring. He felt absolutely nothing—no growing love for Thora, no unbreakable bond forming. He was just there, on the other side of the kiss, almost feeling like an innocent bystander. He wanted something else, something that he couldn't put his finger on...

Clearly Thora was enjoying herself, though. In a moment she was on top of him again, pressing him into the hard mattress of his bed. Toki pushed her off him and wiped his mouth on his hand, trying not to seem too disgusted with her behavior. "Thora," he said calmly. "Maybe you should—you wanna just talk?"

He didn't want her to leave. He didn't want to be alone again in the cold blackness of his room. He wanted her there, but not if she was going to be like this. Thora clearly didn't understand this concept, because in a moment she was trying to kiss him again. Once more Toki pushed her away and said, looking down, "Just leave."

"But I-"

"Go!"

He'd never yelled at anyone before in his life, but he couldn't help it. Everything just made him sick. Thora made him sick, his room made him sick, the moon that was shining outside his window made him sick...it just all disgusted him. Thora gathered up her stuff and proceeded to walk out his bedroom door. Before she left she turned to Toki and said softly, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Toki."

"Yeah. Goodnight."

"No matter what, I still love you."

And she left. Toki didn't feel anything, though. He didn't love her, didn't hate her, but he was angry with her. She'd made him horribly confused. Why didn't he love her back? She was nice, she was his God damn best friend, for Christ's sake, so why didn't he want to kiss her or hold her or even touch her?

Toki laid down on his bed, wiped his mouth again, and frowned. He could still taste her lip gloss. It was a fruity flavor, almost like watermelon. He covered his eyes with his pillow and groaned. "What's wrong with me?"

Why wasn't he in love with Thora? Why couldn't he love Thora?

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Chapter 3, Part 3

Shakespearean

And that was what Toki thought about as the steaming hot water washed over his body. That's what he thought about as he got out and dried himself off. That's what he thought about as he wiped the steam off the mirror and stared at his own pitiful reflection. Stupid, weird Toki...can't even kiss a girl...

He sighed and combed his hair, watching himself in the mirror. Normally he hated to stare at his own reflection because he usually seemed so melancholy and dull. Now, though, was smiling in his attempt to forget Thora and that old awkwardness. He wasn't that kid anymore, he was someone else, wasn't he? He could kiss a girl—and like it—if he wanted to, couldn't he?

All of these thoughts ran thru his head as he put on his clothes. He also thought of Pickles and how nice the drummer had been to him. He had never understood Pickles' genuine concern over him, but that didn't mean he disliked it. In fact he sort of craved the attention. It seemed as though the drummer was the only person in the band that he didn't have trouble talking to; he didn't even really have to put together a complete, coherent sentence, but the drummer would still figure out what he was talking about anyway. Last night they'd talked a lot and Toki had realized just how well they understood each other. It was almost as if they were perfectly in sync with each other or something. It sounded stupid, but it seemed that way.

Just as he was getting ready to exit the bathroom, Pickles barged in, covering his eyes. "You naked? Can I look?"

"I gots clothes on."

"Oh, good. Sorry, but I just wanted to tell you 'dat—oh, you've already got those old jeans on." he frowned and added, throwing Toki his used, faded black pair of jeans, "I dug these up for you. Not sure if they'll fit, but anything's better than what you're wearing. What size are you again?"

"I...umm..." Toki's mind went blank and he shrugged.

Pickles glanced at the jeans he had thrown the guitarist and nodded. "They'll probably fit anyway. Later we can get you a new shirt or somethin', 'kay?"

"Sures. Thanks, Pickle."

And the drummer left him. Toki finished getting dressed then went outside, searching for something to do. When Dethklok wasn't recording, it was usually just a boring, do-nothing day. Just as Toki was getting ready to go take a nap on the couch, something caught his eye. It was an old, well worn copy of a book. He picked it up from its spot on the coffee table and flipped it over, arching a brow. Romeo & Juliet...what was that? Not knowing what else to do, he took the book outside with him, found some quiet place, and attempted to read it.

That's what Pickles found him doing. He sat down next to Toki, saw his look of severe concentration and listened to him mumbling under his breath for a while before asking, "Hey, you okay?"

"Huhs?" he looked up and nodded before returning his attention to the book. "Yeah, I'm readings."

He snickered. "Reading? Who wants to do 'dat?"

"Is do."

"Oh. Okay, I guess."

Toki resumed reading the book, but after a minute or two he put it down and sighed. "Fucks this. It ams too hard. Pickle, you wants to read?" he offered the book to the drummer who took it, stared at the cover, and grinned.

"Do you know what 'dis is?" Pickles asked, flipping thru the book.

The guitarist shrugged and answered, "Book?"

"No." he said, throwing the paperback down onto the grass. "It's nat a book; it's absolute and total bullshit."

"I...um...whats?"

"It's stupid and it's crap." Pickles said, glaring down at the book. "You wanna know somethin'? I hate 'dat stupid book. It's the reason that I nearly failed my stupid Sophomore year of English. I hate it and I don't understand why the fuck you wanna read this shit."

Toki took Romeo & Juliet in his hands and flipped to the first page. "I think it ams interesting." and he pointed to the first few stanzas of text. "Ams all American books likes this? The lines ams weird."

"Yeah, that's because it's a play."

"Oh." he hesitated before asking, a brow arched, "Why ams we read play?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. The dumb book's probably one of Ofdensen's that he just forgot and left lyin' around."

Toki let out another puzzled, lost little, "Oh." and grew silent.

Distractedly he began to pick blades of grass out from the dirt. He'd never really felt the feeling of warm air unless he walked in a room with a heater, so he was excited to feel the golden, pleasant rays of the sun above him. He was just happy to see the sun. Usually in Norway at this time of year it was so cloudy and overcast that the days were nothing but bland and gray.

As Pickles began to explain the book, however, his attention was brought back to the present. He listened eagerly, happy to learn anything and everything he could. "First thing you need to know is the old, dead dude who wrote the damn thing." the drummer said. "William Shakespeare. Gat 'dat?"

Toki nodded. "Gots it."

"Okay. Next thing you really need to know is this—here, try to read that first sentence there."

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene...

But Toki couldn't read it aloud. He ended up slurring words, combining phrases, and just sounding borderline illiterate. He shut his mouth and bit his lower lip—a sure sign of embarrassment—and turned red. "I cant's dos it, Pickle. Sorry."

"Yes you can. Just try." he frowned and added, "If you live here you gotta learn to read English, dude. Sorry."

"But it ams too hard!" "No it's not! Look, just try again." Pickles flipped to a new page. "This one's easier."

One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun
Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun...

Although Toki couldn't read this line any easier than he had been able to read the first one, it still made him smile. "Wow, Pickle. That ams really nice, huh? Love..."

"Yeah," he said, rolling his eyes. "Nice. Kinda stupid if you ask me, but whatever."

Toki met his gaze, a brow slightly raised. "What ams you mean stupid?"

"I mean..." he sighed and closed the book. "Toki, look, I shoulda told you this before we started, but nothing in this book is real, okay? Nothing."

The Norwegian still didn't get what he was trying to say. "What means you?" "Like this right here." Pickles flipped to a page and read:

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears...

When he was done he carefully placed Romeo & Juliet down and said, "All that bullshit's not even real. Love isn't real, it's just made-up crap."

A long pause followed his words, one in which Toki's look of confusion melted into a look of extreme disbelief. He took the novel and shook his head. "No, Pickle. Love ams real. You've gots to know that!"

"Prove it."

"Is...I...um..." he bit his lip again and his face twisted in thought as he tried to come up with an example to prove himself.

After a moment or two Pickles concluded, "It's no big deal, really. I'm just saying, y'know, don't start believing the things in that book, 'cause they're all made up. That's all. I don't wanna get you to start thinking that you'll fall in love, 'cause you won't."

"No," Toki repeated. "It ams real."

"No," he insisted. "it's nat."

"But...but...Gods, Pickle. Haven't you ever loves anyone before? Likes a girl or-"

"Don't you ever say 'dat." he said, turning red. "I've never loved anyone."

"Nots even your girlfriend?" Pickles opened his mouth then closed it again. This made Toki frown and ask gently, "You dids loves someone, didn'ts you?"

"Yeah, sure. I did."

"What happens to her?"

"Well...Toki, I..." he ran a nervous hand thru his hair and admitted, "...I was really young and really dumb and I thought she liked me back but she—she just told me to fuck aff, pretty much."

"Ohs. I'm sorry." Toki said, looking down. "I didn't means to-"

"Forget it. It was stupid, anyway."

"But you dids loves her, right?"

Pickles thought for a moment then shook his head, smiling sadly. "No, I didn't. I decided that love ain't real a long time ago." and he peered up into Toki's pale, unbelieving eyes and said, "It's just nat real. Sorry, kid."

"Don'ts calls me that. Ever." he said, glaring at the drummer and throwing the book to the side. "Kid...I'ms no kid. Don'ts ever call me that! I'm nots a kid; I understands stuff."

"I never said 'dat you didn't understand stuff."

"You thinks I don't understand love."

"Yeah, so? You don't."

Toki shook his head and rose to his feet. "No, I do understands! I understands better than you dos!"

"Toki, you're actin' stupid." Pickles said, trying in vain to calm him down. He took the book and got up as well. "Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or nothin', but it's the truth. Love ain't real. It's made up by this guy Shakespeare and every other stupid idiot who-"

"So you don't thinks that someone cans love you, Pickle?"

He considered this question for a moment. "No, I don't."

"Then that ams sad, 'cause I know that one days I'm goings to get married to someone that I loves and haves a family."

This made the drummer laugh. "Y-You think 'dat, huh? Boy, Toki, you really are a kid."

Toki had never been so mad at someone in his life—except for his parents at times. He'd never expected to be treated this way by Pickles. By Skwisgaar yes, and Murderface absolutely, but Pickles? Not knowing what else to do, he let out an angry yell, cursed in Norwegian, and kicked the stupid book across the yard. He turned and left Pickles standing there, his green eyes wide at this display of anger. As the Norwegian began walking away, the drummer felt his heart grow heavy. Stupid Toki...he always managed to make Pickles feel guilty.

The drummer went and picked the book back up."Toki?" he called. "Hey, Toki, I'm sorry! Don't go away, I'm sorry!"

Just before the guitarist got to the front door of Mordhaus, he stopped and turned. "What the hells you wants now?"

Pickles hurried to catch up to him. "I'm sorry, I really am. I'm a dildo. Here, just take the book." he forced Romeo & Juliet into Toki's hands and said, "I'm a fuckin' dick and I'm sorry. Seriously."

Toki stared down at the book and after a moment he began laughing. "I-I'ms sorry, too. I didn'ts mean...sometimes I just...don'ts ever calls me a kids, please. It pisses me off."

"Obviously."

He laughed some more and gave Pickles a quick hug, all of his previous anger immediately melting away. "I'm really sorrys I yelled at you. I didn'ts mean it."

"I...uh...'dat's fine, just let's skip the hugs and get back to the book, okay?"

Toki nodded and let him go. "Where ams we going to start?"

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Chapter 3, Part 4

Savior

When the sun set it wasn't like the day before; Pickles took Toki up to his room and left him alone for the night. He figured that it would be enough just to give the Norwegian his own warm bed, but it wasn't. In the middle of the night he heard a knock at his door and was jolted out of his peaceful sleep.

"Y-Yeah?" he grumbled thickly thru his sleepy delirium. "Who is it?"

"Toki."

He covered his eyes and sighed. What the hell could the guitarist want now? "Aw fuck. Come in."

In a moment his door had opened and Toki was kneeling at the side of the bed, trying to shake Pickles awake. "You ams up? Huh? Please wakes up. I gots to asks you something."

"Huh? What, what?" he opened his eyes and switched on the lamp that was beside his bed. Toki was staring at him, his pale eyes wide with concern.

"Pickle?"

"Huh?"

"I ams cold."

The drummer rubbed his eyes and said, " 'Den get one of the Klakateers to turn on the heater or something."

"Pickle?"

He let out another tired sigh and sat up in his bed, realizing that Toki's problem was one that the Klokateers couldn't fix. He didn't know why, but he could read the Norwegian fairly well. That's why he tried not to sound annoyed or harsh as he asked, "Yeah, Toki?"

"I'ms lonely."

It took a moment for these words to register before Pickles was inquiring, "So what?"

"Cans I...I don'ts know...sleep in heres with you?"

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Toki, it's one in the damn morning! What the hell are you doin' in my room?"

"I tolds you; I'm lonely."

He peered into Toki's eyes and saw that there was indeed some traces of loneliness and fear—fear of being rejected?-in them. Pickles had no choice but to move over in the bed and surrender his warm spot to the guitarist. Toki gratefully climbed in next to him and slipped under the covers, wearing nothing more than his jeans. The drummer then rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, ignoring it when Toki scooted closer to him.

Finally he dared to ask, "You always get like this at night? You always feel Alone?"

"Ja, but sometimes it ams so bad that...just thanks for lettings me stay."

"Sure," Pickles whispered, switching off the lamp. "G'night."

"Ja. Goodnights."

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**A/N**

Sorry if it takes me a little long to update. It takes me about two days to type a chapter—I only get an hour of computer time a day thanks to my horrible grades—and another day to edit. Anyways...yeah. I cut a lot out of this chapter to shorten it and it still had a good flow, I think [I hope]. And for the record, yes, I really just hate Romeo & Juliet. Sorry, but I just do.

Peace & Love