SIXTY RULES! Let's get to 100!

Thank you to The Last Different Guy (Excuse the mistake on your username, the document wouldn't let me write it properly) for rules 51 through 57; Lyoko's Cardcaptor for rules 58 and 59; and Malignant for rules 49 and 50.

If you want to see a rule changed into a short story, just tell me, I'd be happy to try! More rules are always good too.

Now, onto the story!


Guidelines for Living on Azeroth

By Yavimna Oakenshadow


Rule 41: PLEASE, in the name of Elune, do not do not give Jasper a rage potion.

(Thought seeing him throw himself onto other people was kinda funny.)

(Until Darion saw.)

(It took Sata and I weeks to fix their relationship. I kinda feel bad.)


Rule 42: Never say "I swear to god, I will beat you with my uterus!' whenever someone annoys you.

(Corg wouldn't stop twitching.)

(Revenge of the women!)


Rule 43: Please alert me at least a month before my enemy Isleande arrives.

(He drives me insane. I need the time to prepare to kill him.)

(And no, Sata, I don't love him!)

(Yes you do! You guys are all over each other! …Satahra)


Rule 44: Isleande isn't funny, he's mean.

(He called me old because of my silver hair.)

(And then pointed out that my goddess was made of cheese.)

(And THEN, when I lunged at him, he ducked and said, "Careful Yavi, don't' break a hip!")


Rule 45: I AM NOT OLD!

(Nuff said.)


Rule 46: Never greet Jasper with: "Queen Jasper" or "Her Majesty Jasper."

(Satahra vanished and was found a while later, in the snow, unconscious.)

(Korst tried again a few days later. He was hung by the waistband of his pants off the parlor chandelier.)

(I almost died from laughing.)


Rile 47: Never spread a rumor that Jasper is either A.) a hermaphrodite or B.) a girl turned guy.

(It doesn't help that he looks rather feminine.)

(He knew it was me.)

(They always know!)


Rule 48: Do me a favor and stop making fun of my height.

(Garrosh called me short when we arrived at the tournament in Icecrown.)

(I cussed him out in every language I knew.)

(Turns out I was telling him that I like to dance in barbecue sauce when I was yelling in Orcish.)


Rule 49: Don't ask what Koltira's experience in the Scarlet Stronghold basement was, when he was stuck into those tights and chained to a table.

(They were probably playing damsel in distress….. Koltira and Thassarian, that is.)


Rule 50: If you see a Worgen, please do not hold a bag of jerky in its face and/or be a total douche bag. Those Worgen can and WILL maul you into little pieces.

(Don't believe me? Well, you can go and ask little Jimmy over there in the corner.)

(…..The skeleton-ghoul thingy IS Jimmy.)


Rule 51: Never stand up during a Kirin Tor meeting, and proclaim that the Silver Covenant has a massive advantage over the Sunreavers.

(The Sunreavers mobbed)

(Rhonin and Vereesa said that if they see us again in a meeting, we will be polymorphed.)

(I plan to go to the next one.)


Rule 52: Never stick Blood or High Elves in Darnassus.

(The Sentinels came waaaay to close to dismembering Koltira and Satahra.)

(They still won't even let us get on the boat to Teldrassil.)


Rule 53: Never say "These are my death knights friends Koltira and Thassarian. They're gay for each other."

(Poor Valduun had no clue they'd get their torches.)

(But watching that ninety year old human "charge" was ridiculous.)


Rule 54: Don't go swimming in the Stormwind canals.

(Satahra exited the water at the Stormwind Stockade.)

(We're still paying the bail.)


Rule 55: Do not pretend you're dragons.

(Satahra tried to change into dragon form and fly.)

(We all laughed when she landed in a fruit stand.)


Rule 56: No petting or wanting to make a pet out of the following creatures.

-Lynxes. (One chased Tink from Zeb'Nowa straight to the coast of the Ghostlands.)

- Moonkin (It may look very funny getting chased by an owlman, but they're ferocious.)

- Death Knights (Nuff said)

- Anything moving, but not living. (Jasper evaluated Satahra for two days after she tried to use a gargoyle for a flying mount.)

- Nelth… Deathwing. (No further comment needed.)

- Any strider. (Thassarian got pecked half to death on all parts of his body.)(We all laughed.)


Rule 57: Do not attempt to start a cult in the Barrens.

(Satahra said she was visited by a god.)

(He said his name as Chuck Norris.)


Rule 58: Never ask Jaina if she was ever pregnant. Especially if it involves Arthas.

(She chased me from Theramore all the way to Moonglade; thankfully the druids stopped her.)


Rule 59: Never pull on a drake's wings.

(The drake almost threw me off, right over Icecrown!)


Rule 60: Never joke about/accuse Tyrande and Malfurion of just fooling around like teenagers.

(Especially if you then compare them to someone like Koltira and Thassarian.)

(The sentinels all but slit my throat.)


Rule 61: Never try to guilt trip Tyrande about causing Illidan to turn evil.

(We learned this was two times as bad, when we mentioned him sleeping with Kael'thas.)

(Because then we had two angry elves, Koltira AND Tryande.)