The next day began like any other. Izuku and Ochaco struggled to leave the warm little den they had constructed from their sheets, but eventually one of them found the inner strength to push forward. The other, suddenly deprived of a heat source, had no reason to remain and so too joined the first.
By the time he had gotten out of the shower, she was already sitting at the counter, sipping coffee. She watched him walk from the bathroom to the bedroom like she was admiring a piece of artwork. He felt like a piece of meat.
He didn't mind.
Both dressed for the day, they walked each other down to the entrance of their apartment. They would part with a hug and a kiss, and a promise to see each other that night.
It was such an insignificant thing, promising they'd see each other in the evening; of course, they always saw each other in the evening. But to them, it was more a promise to themselves rather than each other. A promise that they would be safe. That they would live. That they would see each other that night.
It was a hard thing, knowing the person you loved was at risk of great injury, great peril, to know they were doing so of their own volition, and knowing there was nothing you could say to convince them not to do so. It certainly put into perspective for him how his mother must have felt whenever he'd return home after gaining a new scar.
But this was the life they chose, the one that made them happy. And the knowledge that every day presented new dangers meant that they appreciated their life at home all the more. He always wanted to be a hero, but in her he discovered something that fulfilled him in ways he never could have imagined. And now he couldn't imagine one without the other.
So what was scaring him?!
The thought had been eating at him all night. Ochaco had done well to distract him from his own introspection, but once they had finished their "game" and she had dozed off, all he could do was lie there, staring at the ceiling, forced to face what he had been trying to escape all day.
It was maddening. Izuku was not the type of person who scared easily. Well, in the past, maybe not so much. But he was definitely not the type of person to let fear rule his life.
Sure, he'd been scared before. He was scared when Bakugo was taken by that sludge villain so many years ago. He was scared when he faced off against the Nomu, Shigaraki, Stain, Muscular, and many more times after. But when it came right down to it, his selfless desire to help others, his drive to be a hero, always won out against his baser instincts. If Izuku was anything, it was selfless.
Selfless…
An ugly thought crossed Izuku's mind: what if his interest in proposing wasn't a selfless act? What if it was a selfish one?
After all, he and Ochaco had been romantically involved for over a decade by now. And not once had she ever mentioned to him a desire to wed. Wasn't marriage a desire for many young women?
Izuku admitted that his perception might be skewed by his own lack of interpersonal knowledge, gaining most of his understanding of people by studying them from afar early on in his life. But even so, in over ten years he had to think that it should come up at least once if she was even remotely interested.
What if she didn't want to get married?
It wasn't a notion he felt comfortable entertaining. Not because he thought she didn't love him; no, she had to fight for quite some time to convince him of her sincerity and devotion. She had to painstakingly tear down the walls of Izuku's insecurities to reach that point.
The reason it made him uncomfortable was that it meant he might have been missing signs from her all this time without realizing it. And here he was, on the verge of "popping the question", as they say, without even considering for a moment if Ochaco was actually interested at all!
The more time the idea rattled around his head, the more sense it made. There are plenty of women in the world who are against the idea of marriage altogether! And there are plenty of valid reasons for that belief, too. For one thing, a piece of metal and a certificate wasn't a promise of love and devotion, at most it was a legally binding contract to be recognized in the eyes of the government. Maybe Ochaco viewed marriage as an unnecessary extra step in a relationship, a lock thrown on a cage to ensure that someone wouldn't be able to escape it without grueling effort.
Oh God, he reeled. If I propose will Ochaco think I want to make her my love-prisoner? Will she think I think of her as an object to be possessed?
His felt his stomach flip end over end. He wanted to throw up.
As if a reminder set off inside his head to check in with reality, he looked up and around. He had been walking for some length without being fully aware of his surroundings. But lo and behold, he had made it to his office unscathed.
"Oi!"
He blinked.
"Didja forget yer keys, moron? Stop staring and go in!"
Bakugo. He scanned left to right and spotted the telltale blond cap down the sidewalk. The people around him would start to give him dirty looks for yelling in public, but once they recognized who was yelling, and to whom he was yelling, their eyes lit up in wonder.
"Is that?"
"It's Ground Zero!"
"Deku! It's Deku!"
"Now you've done it," Bakugo groaned, quickening his pace to the door.
Izuku began fumbling with his keys. Whatever you do today, do not let him know that he got in your head, Izuku thought. The last thing he needed right now was Bakugo lording that over him.
Finding the right key, he unlocked the office door and pried it open just in time for Bakugo to slip in, slamming it shut behind him. The force sent Izuku's keys onto the pavement, but before he could grab them he was suddenly swarmed by a crowd of passersby.
Dammit, Bakugo, he cursed inwardly. His mood was foul already from the negative spiral his inner monologue had been flushed down not moments earlier. Kacchan's presence today would not put him at ease.
Maybe a different routine today, he mused, contemplating his options. But first…
He inhaled deeply, puffed out his chests, pushed back his shoulders, shoved his fists firmly on his hips, and turned in a dramatically glorious flourish.
"Deku is here!" he announced to the world. The crowd cheered.
