Why, salutations, all! How are you? I suppose I should have waited a little bit so it would build suspense but…. It wouldn't feel right for me keeping this from you. So here it is! And this is all Craig Amazing Bartlett and SuprSingr's ownage here. None of mine :/ Hope you enjoy!
"So, you're gay then?" The seemingly innocent question echoed through the shocked air. Everyone glanced from the question-er, Chris, to the question-ee, Phil.
The look on Phillip's face was priceless. There could be no description for the pure shock that was painted on his features. If the situation wasn't so serious, Chris and especially Zach wouldn't have hesitated to laugh hysterically.
"You audacious little rat. You good for nothing low-life! How dare you not only insult me, but my honor?" Phil's chair screeched as it was flung back. He nearly jumped over the table in a fit of rage to tackle the boy. "You inconsiderate ass-wipe! Do you possess no brain cells? How can someone be as idiotic as you?" Phil had been slamming the kid's head down onto the floor with each word and only managed to stop when his words did.
"Ah. I see." Chris managed weakly.
"What?" Phil's green eyes were nothing but slits. "What do you see?"
"That not only are you gay, but you probably have a thing for one of your brothers." Brown eyes surveyed the family around him. "Probably the one with the uni-brow."
Immediately, fists and feet were thrown into the air as the two boys on the floor got into an all out fight. That set everyone else in motion.
The Shortmans had been in complete shock and only when the first sound of skin on skin did they really realize someone was going to seriously get hurt.
Instantly, Ham and Zach pulled Phil away from the fight while their parents grabbed Chris. And since Amanda didn't know what to do, but wanted to be apart of it, stood in the gap between the two breathless boys.
"Stop!" She called uselessly, and it was lost amongst the insults and scolding.
"You're lucky they stopped me." Phil growled to the 8 year old. "Otherwise you'd be dead."
"You're just sour that I figured it out!"
The dark haired Shortman opened his mouth to snap something back, when Zachary just sighed and said, "Alright, you caught us."
While Chris looked smug, Phil looked devastated. "I swear on my young, poor soul that I have no idea what this nut job is saying."
"I may be a nut job, but I'm your nut job." Zach cried sweetly to his little brother. I wonder how he liked being on the other end of the drama-stick?
"The only thing you are to me is my brother, and I'm still waiting for the DNA tests to prove me wrong!" Phillip exclaimed and wriggled out of his brothers' grasps.
"Guys!" Helga G Pataki Shortman had had enough of this nonsense. "Phillip Robert Craig Shortman, go up to your room right this instant." Turning to her 'guest' she snapped, "Chris, go sit in the other room, now, please."
Once both of the boys left the room in opposite directions, everyone was able to breathe a collective sigh of relief. "Well, since dinner is now ruined, I guess I'll take Christian home." The football-headed father sighed and his wife nodded her agreement.
"I think that would be best." Helga murmured and she and Arnold shared a momentary kiss before he was whisked away by his duty.
"Well…. That was interesting." Ham murmured, still in the same position as a minute before.
Zachary snorted and then twirled toward his seat. "No shit, Sherlock. Newsflash; that's our family for ya."
As Ham was replying to the elder sibling, Amanda wandered into the other room to find Chris and her father about to leave. "Wait a moment!" 'manda Faith called as they were stepping out the door. "It's called being asexual." Chris blinked at her, mud eyes to water. The Shortman girl shrugged. "Not being interested in guys or girls is asexual. And…." She struggled for her words before looking him in his eyes. "I'm glad Phil didn't hurt you too bad."
He was stunned. No body ever really cared that much for him. "Oh… well, thanks. And," He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a slightly mud stained pink bow and handed it to her. "I found this at the end of recess. It's yours, so take it."
"Oh, thank you Chris!" She pulled him into her gratefully and hugged him tightly. With a kiss on the cheek, she turned and jetted away.
"C'mon kid." Arnold said with a laugh hinted at in his voice. He pulled his student outside and then over to his car. Arnold had to admit; no matter what, he loved his family.
A/N: Yo. Do you loooove? I know I looove. But I mean c'mon. No matter what Chris says, we ALL know who our little Phil is going to end up with in the end. :3
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Enjoy it, my dears. It posses a magnitude of Hey Arnold! paraphernalia with more on the way! The fics are strictly for here, though. THERE is for the drawings.
And I have a very interesting but complex idea involving the Shortman family, Chris and Sarah.
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