CHAPTER 3
Kai : Heyoz minna-san :D :D
L2Max : Yo
Kai : We still do not own Naruto… T-T I know, terrible.
L2Max : If we did, Sasuke and Naruto would be in bed.
Kai : We wanna thank any reviewers we have :D :D
L2Max : Flamers will be accused of eating our cookies.
Kai :-stares-On with the story o-o;;
Sasuke leaned on the counter in his kitchen and rubbed his temples. He couldn't believe his fucking luck. There were two psycho girls sleeping in Itachi's room. "What the hell did I do… ?"
"Could be that whole 'revenge' thing," Kakashi said, crouching on the table behind Sasuke.
Sasuke whipped around and glared at him. "How the hell did you get in my house?"
"We all have our little secrets," Kakashi replied, his visible eye turning to a half moon.
Sasuke just scowled. "Are you here to take them to the Hokage?" he asked.
"Why? You want to get rid of them already?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes further. "I take that as a yes…" Kakashi said sighing. "Where are they?"
Sasuke led his teacher to Itachi's room. He hesitated before opening the door, but got over it quickly. As he pushed open the door he could hear light snoring.
It's almost noon. Are they still sleeping? Sasuke thought incredulously before Kakashi walked into the room.
Kai and Vi were sprawled on the bed with the covers tangled about their legs.
"Awww, how cute," Kakashi said, his eye again going into a half moon to show his amusement. Sasuke glanced at him before turning around and going back into the kitchen.
Kakashi kneeled beside the bed and poked Vi in the forehead. She cracked an eye open to look at him before jumping backwards in surprise and screaming "SCARECROW RAPE!" before pushing Kai off the bed.
Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Scarecrow rape?"
"Shit!" Vi said, staring wide-eyed at Kakashi. "What the hell are you doing? Giving me a heart attack?"
Kakashi looked amused as Kai pulled her upper body onto the bed. "What the hell are you doing? Giving me a concussion?" she said, glaring at Vi as she rubbed her forehead.
"Sorry," Vi mumbled, getting up and throwing the blankets back onto the bed. "What time is it?"
"It's five after noon," Kakashi offered, standing to his full height.
"You woke us up this early for what now?" Kai asked him, stretching and stifling a yawn.
"The Hokage wishes to speak with you. Seeing as how you have no new clothes to change into, you can borrow some of Sasuke's. Ja ne," Kakashi said, waving slightly before hopping out the window.
"He gave us permission," Vi shrugged, walking over to Sasuke's room to dig through his closet as Kai went to go look for a few toothbrushes.
"It'd be a lot easier if Sasuke would just show us where this shit was…" Kai mumbled to herself as she dug through the medicine cabinet. Vi walked into the bathroom a few minutes later with two pairs of white shorts and two black shirts.
"It's the only thing I could find that wouldn't make it look like we did dig through his closet," Vi said, setting them onto the counter.
"Fine by me. We can always raid Sakura's closet later or something," Kai said, tossing Vi a tooth brush and squirting some toothpaste onto her own.
"Why the hell would we dig through her closet?" Vi asked as Kai stuck her toothbrush into her mouth.
"Why not? We can steal her clothes and then trash it as we walk down the street," Kai said around her toothbrush.
Vi shrugged and they both finished brushing their teeth before changing into their borrowed clothes.
"What the hell? Does he have bigger hips than we do?" Kai asked, pulling up the shorts to keep them from falling down as Vi and she made their way to the front door where Sasuke was waiting for them. Vi shrugged as Sasuke tossed them both a pair of sandals and walked out the door.
"Morning to you too," Vi said as she rolled her eyes.
On their way to the Hokage's office, they ran into the rest of team seven. Naruto crossed his arms and ignored them both while grumbling about how they were worse than Kakashi. Sasuke was his usual, brooding self and Sakura tried to start up some conversation.
"So, how'd you sleep?" she asked.
Kai looked at Vi as she mumbled, "AKA, did you do anything to my Sasuke?" Kai tried to stifle her laughter and Sakura looked at them both confused.
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing. We had a good nights sleep. We even found some cool things in Sasuke's clo—" Kai clapped a hand into Vi's mouth before she blurt anything out.
"Found cool things in Sasuke's what?" Sakura asked. Yes! I'll finally get to know something about Sasuke on a personal level! Inner Sakura was dancing for joy in her head as she calmly walked next to the other two girls.
Sasuke shot the two a glare before they could even open their mouth. "… Nothing!" Kai said, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly.
Sakura sighed in defeat as Inner Sakura thought of ways to pound their heads into the ground.
Vi and Kai soon found themselves sitting on two cushy chairs in front of the Hokage. The old man was calmly signing a few papers as Kai shifted in her seat. Vi shot her a look and Kai shrugged helplessly. "I can't help it! I can't sit still for so long," she whispered to her before shifting again. Vi sighed and looked at the Hokage as he set his pen down and smiled at them both.
"Welcome to The Hidden Village of the Leaf. My name is—"
"Sarutobi. You're the Third Hokage or Sandaime," Kai finished for him.
He looked at them in surprise. "Then you know about our village?" he asked.
"Errr… Yeah," Vi said.
"Who are you two, exactly?" he asked them, sitting back in his chair and puffing on his pipe.
"I'm Kai, she's Vi," Kai said to him, eyeing his pipe with disapproval. "We're both fourteen years old and we're from… Errr… Not here."
"Not here? Where then?"
"We're from a city," Vi said.
"Don't ask," Kai said to him grimly.
"How'd you get here then?" he asked them curiously.
"We came through a TV screen after we popped in a video game," Vi said.
"Don't even bother asking," Kai said again.
The Sandaime looked at them both curiously. "So… You came from a city that I can't ask about through a television and video game that I also can't ask about…"
"Yesh!" Kai said smiling as Vi slapped her forehead.
That does sound ridiculous… Vi thought to herself.
"Look, we really have no idea how the hell we got here. One minute we were sitting in front of Kai's TV and the next we were in the forest outside of Konoha," Vi said, trying to mend his suspicion.
The Third nodded and sat back in his chair thinking. "You have no idea how you got here?" He got a few nods as an answer. "But you know about this village and what it does?" A few more nods. "Are you two ninja?"
"If we were ninja, you think we would've gotten caught?" Kai asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You raise a valid point…" Sarutobi mused, taking another puff on his pipe. "But you know what ninja are and what they do?"
"They throw sharp, pointy stars at each other and set off tags that go BOOM!" Vi said grinning as Kai stifled a laugh behind her hand.
The Hokage chuckled deep in his throat. "Yes, yes. I suppose we'll just have to keep you under surveillance until someone comes looking for you."
"I doubt anyone's going to come looking…" Kai whispered to Vi, who nodded an affirmative.
"Kakashi and his team will look after you two. Let me introduce you to them all," he said, calling for them all to come in. As they stepped in, Naruto grinned and waved, Sasuke crossed his arms, and Sakura gave a half hearted wave.
"Kakashi, I talked to you about this yesterday. Is your team up to it?"
"They have no choice. If I accept the mission, they'll take the mission," Kakashi said, his eye curving up happily.
"I'll let you introduce these two to your team, then. I'm off to take care of some business in the village," the Third said, getting up and strolling out of the room.
"Well, let's do formal introductions. Like when I first got assigned you three," Kakashi said, turning towards Kai and Vi. "We—"
"State your name, what you like, what you hate, and your main goal in life. Right?" Kai said, looking at him expectantly.
"Yes. How about we start with you?" Kakashi asked, looking at Vi.
"My name is Vivian. I like to molest Aiba's hair and I like revolving doors. You can smack people with them." Kai snickered. "I also like my oversize take-out box. It's got my name on it even. And I love Kai. She's my bestest buddie!" Vi said grinning. "Err… I dislike vanilla ice cream and filler episodes. No offence to the Star Village or anything. Hmmm… My main goal in life is to defeat Sephiroth!" she finished with a grin.
Kai took this time to burst out laughing. "Alright, how about you?" Kakashi asked Kai pointedly as the three genin looked at Vi as if she were insane.
"Hmm… My name is Kairstin. But no one can pronounce or spell it right so Kai is fine. I like chocolate and reading about Sasuke and Naruto fucking each other's brains out," Kai said smiling.
Naruto and Sasuke both coughed to try and cover up their blushes. "What the hell, dattebayo?.!" Naruto said, scowling in her direction.
"Yeah, yeah," Kai said, sticking her tongue out at him. "Okay, I also love Vivian. She's been my bestest friend since… Forever. I dislike the fear of spiders I have. I dunno why I'm afraid of them, I just am. And don't get any ideas," Kai said, glaring at everyone in the room.
Vi raised her hands in front of her as if to defend herself. "I didn't say anything."
"But you were thinking it!" Kai said, poking her in the shoulder. "What else…? Oh, and I hate Ino and Sakura. I'd like nothing more than to rip off Ino's pony tail and to whap Sakura in the face with it. I guess that could be my main goal in life too…" Kai mused.
Naruto and Vivian took this time to laugh their asses off as Sakura sputtered in disbelief.
"Wh—What the hell have I ever done to you!" Sakura finally got out, completely outraged.
"Nothing," Kai offered, smiling at her. "I just don't like you."
Sakura harrumphed and stomped out of the room.
It was the next day, and all in all, it wasn't wonderful.
"Give me the eyeliner, Vi," whispered Kai, staring hard at their patient.
Sleeping peacefully, unaware of two psycho-maniacs putting makeup on his face, lay Sasuke. A long, hard mission had made him a heavy sleeper and an easy patient to work on.
"Oh! What about the red hot lipstick?" Vi asked, rubbing some on his hand to see the color contrast.
"That works too, how about some eye shadow?" Kai asked, choosing between purple and pretty-in-pink palace colors.
"Purple makes him look like a drag queen though," Vi stated, staring at his feminine face.
"I'll just put them both," Kai said, unable to choose a color.
"All we need is foundation and voila! There! He's done," Vi yelled happily, waking Sasuke in the process.
"Mph psdf," Sasuke mumbles, coming to the world of the living.
"Fuck! Hide!" yelled out Kai.
"Shit!" Vi said as she dove under the bed, dragging Kai down with her.
Sasuke bolted up straight, looking around for any enemies. Seeing none, he walked towards his closet and began stripping down to change.
"Oh my fucking god, is he changing in here?.!" Kai whispered in disbelief, as a shirt fell to the floor.
"I don't know, but do you have a camera?" asked Vi, watching a pair of pants fall to the ground.
"Do you think he is a boxer guy or a tightie whities kind of guy?" Vi asked, staring out the crack in the bed.
"I dunno, but we are about the find out," said Kai as the last clothing fell, revealing… BOXERS!
Vi stared in disbelief as he dug around in his closet for who knows what. She then produced a huge grin on her face as she thought up pervy, pervy things.
"Hey, do you know the summoning hand signs?" Vi whispered.
"… I think so yeah. Why?" Kai asked.
"Summon Naruto," Vi said with an evil grin.
Kai tried to stifle her laughter as she quickly made the hand gestures. "KYUICHOSE NO JUTSU!"
Naruto appeared in a puff of smoke under the bed, dawned in his pajamas and his little bear hat. "Wha—What the hell, dattebayo?.!" he yelled, trying to sit up, but hitting his head on the bed. "ITAI!"
Kai quickly pushed him out from under the bed to avoid anymore damage to his head.
"What in fuckin' hell are you doing in my room?" Sasuke asked, turning to look at Naruto, Kai and Vi as they pushed themselves off from the ground. Noting that he was naked in front of the three he quickly covered himself with his hands and scowled.
"I dunno why the hell I'm her—" Naruto burst out laughing after seeing Sasuke's face. "Wha—Wha—What the hell did you do?.!" he said between his breathes.
"What the hell are you talking about, dobe?" Sasuke asked, turning around and looking in the mirror above his dresser. He twitched. He twitched again. Once more. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TWO DO?.!" he screamed at them both.
"… I told you the purple made him look like a drag queen," Vi said, poking Kai in the side and causing her to squeak.
"Well… Err… We'll be going now," Kai said quickly. She grabbed the hem of Naruto's pants and yanked them down. Vi pushed him onto the bed as Kai grabbed Sasuke and pushed him on top of Naruto. "Bye!" she said, Vi and her quickly jutting out of the room and slamming the door.
Sasuke and Naruto looked at the door dumbfounded. It opened a few seconds later and Kai popped her head in.
"Before I forget," she started. She whipped out a camera and quickly took one or three pictures. She grinned and slammed the door shut once again.
------:SOMEWHERE NEAR THE STONE VILLAGE:-------
"Kisame, you jackass! I asked for pink nail polish!" yelled out a Sasuke look alike.
"I'm sorry Itachi, but they ran out! They said some womanly man took the last bottle!" yelled Kisame, afraid of what may happen.
------:SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUND VILLAGE:-------
"Kabuto, help me paint my nails."
A/N: Alrighty :D Hope you had fun reading it. Everything that Vi and Kai said about their hobbies and what not is true. We took it directly from the source. Kai and Vi have always make fun of the Naruto series xD xD They love it to death, but it's such a fun anime tomake fun of. Not like they can help it.
Okay for those of you who ask, Aiba is an actor from the Prince of Tennis - Real Action Movie movie. Vi's oversized take-out box is what she lives in o-o;; Long story... Okay, it's not that long, but I still won't share it. Kai does fear spiders. A lot. Don't even mention it or she freaks. Revolving doors... That's been an inside joke for so long I don't even know the inital joke that started it off...
And L2Max would like to say that whenever you say review she gets to prove her sister wrong and whack her upside the head! And her sister is almost never wrong o-o;;
So, please review and say nice things! Ja ne, minna-san!
