Chapter 3: Operation Furby Retrieval

Summary: In the aftermath of the Windex War, things quiet down. Or should I say, steam up? SasoDei, KakuHidan, nothing graphic, and definitely funny. Zetsu and Chia Hippo start their mission. Will they succeed?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else.

A/N: So far, everything has happened on the same day. Keep that in mind. This is still Dec 26th. K? K.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Windex demon was expelled, the Pledge Sprite drifted off to spread the joy of freshly polished wood throughout the land, and all was well.

Except for the fact that there was STILL a diabolical mailbox and a Furby plotting the end of the Akatsuki and the world as we know it….

And then there was the unmistakable presence of evil in Hidan and Kakuzu's bedroom.

"No, for the last God damned time! I'm not talking about the fucking shit stain on the accursed shag carpeting!"

Kakuzu was laying in his bed with his head propped up on his arm, glaring at the naked priest pacing on the floor in front of him.

"I'm NOT having this argument anymore," Kakuzu growled.

"And please, for the love of money, put some clothes on."

For some reason, Hidan wasn't overly concerned about being nude in front of the old fruitcake.

"I'm going to go take a shower…and if I still feel an aura of evil in here, I'm going to have to bless the room. Seriously. You do NOT want to be in here when I do that."

"Whatever…"

Hidan grabbed his shower bag, and Kakuzu spotted a suspicious box jutting out of an open pocket.

The curious old man reached over and plucked the box out of the bag and snorted with laughter.

"Are you seriously going to try this stuff?"

"Fuck you, old man!"

Hidan grabbed back his box of "Just For Men" and stalked off.

Kakuzu watched his butt go, sighing resignedly.

"Damn, that's a nice ass."

"I heard that!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hey, Sasuke-kun, do you want to play with my Ninja Nascar Hotwheels track?"

"Sasuke don't wanna!"

"Aw…but no one will play with me!"

"Sasuke wants to hear a story!"

Tobi perked up at that.

"Oh, do you? What story do you want to hear?"

"Sasuke wants to hear about Akatsuki!"

"Huh? Who's that?"

"…"

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Shoo!"

Zetsu stood there on the porch, both halves glaring at the blue haired bimbo at the door.

"Shoo now, don't bother me!" Konan insisted, flapping her arms for emphasis.

"Did she just shoo us?" Chocolate Cookie said.

"Sh…you're talking out loud again," Cream Filling responded.

"Look, this is a life or death situation," Zetsu said to Konan.

"No, for the last time, Zetsu, you can't come in the house! I know you still have diarrhea!" Konan said through the screen door.

"But it's important!"

"No."

"I"ll go on the paper!"

"NO!"

"It's about Itachi's Furby!"

"Who?"

"The blasted Furby! It's working with the mailbox! They're plotting against us!"

"You're nuts. If you don't step kindly away from the door, I'm going to hurt you."

Zetsu took a step backwards.

"Please…Tobi has the Furby. Just…just get it out of the house."

"Yeah…sure thing," Konan agreed, really just to get rid of the plant man more than anything else.

Konan started to close the door when she heard Zetsu's dark half say "That bitch is cute from a distance…but up close…she's rather hideous."

"Mm hm…Deidara is much prettier."

"Oh hell no you did not just say that!" Konan shrieked, slamming the door open and charging at the plant man, bombarding him with paper piercing pansies.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Zetsu's plan had worked. While Konan was busy chasing him around the neighborhood, Chia Hippo, who had been set conveniently by the door, hopped through it and into the house.

Operation Furby Retrieval was now in full swing.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

After ten minutes of trying to get any viable information out of the idiotic boy, Sasuke-kun gave up.

It was just a Furby, really. What more could you expect?

"Hey, you wanna play with my Hotwheels set now? Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-kun? Aw…"

Sasuke had feigned sleep.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Pein was tucking all of his freshly reincarnated bodies back into their weird space beds, kissing them all goodnight.

Not many people get to kiss themselves good night. Or…participate in a gang bang made up of ONLY themselves. Pein was lucky that way. Yes…lucky indeed.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Deidara was now kicking back on his bed, watching "Pokemon" on his new TV with a grin on his face.

"Can you believe it? I've been on the SAME channel for twenty minutes, un! And I even sat through commercials!"

"Hmmm," Sasori murmured. Now that the Windex demon was banished, they could get back to unpacking. Of course, Deidara had managed only to unpack his TV. Once he hooked it up, it was all over.

"Ooh, look, Pizza Hut. Didn't someone mention getting pizza for dinner, hm?"

"That's nice," Sasori said. He wasn't listening AT ALL.

Deidara started flipping through the channels when his show went off, and settled on an old movie.

"Hey, un! It's your movie. Mannequin."

Sasori's head spun all the way around.

"Is it?"

Sasori hopped into Deidara's bed and the blond scooted over to give the puppet more room.

"Hey, un, you want to turn off the light?"

Sasori used a chakra string to flip the switch, and the two cuddled as they watched their favorite cheesy 80's movie in peace…

Until Tobi crept into the room.

Sasuke, who was perched atop the idiot's head, blinked its eyes open just as Tobi flicked on the light switch.

"HEEEEY! DEIDARA-SENPAAAAI!"

Deidara had flinched at the sudden bright light, and when he could properly see the masked moron who had dared interrupt Movie Time, he yelped and kicked at something under the comforter.

That something poked its head out from the blankets, and when it did, Sasuke-kun's eyes went cross eyed and he toppled off of Tobi's head to fall with a dull THUD to the floor.

"What the hell was that, un?"

"What's Sasori-san doing in your bed?"

"N-never mind about that!" Deidara said, blushing.

"What the hell is that thing that was on your head, hm?"

"Oh, why it's Sasuke-kun!"

Deidara blinked, his flush subsiding.

"I thought I killed it?"

"Nope! Sasuke-kun is just fine!"

Sasori slid out of Deidara's bed and fled to the closet.

"Aw…see what you just did! The movie isn't even over yet, hm!"

"But Sasuke-kun and Tobi are hungry!"

"…."

Tobi fled the room as he was bombarded with exploding flying pigs.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tobi and Sasuke-kun ended up wandering downstairs to the living room. Itachi was channel surfing on the couch while Kisame was busily going through the rest of the boxes and putting things away.

Tobi tripped over a rogue Chia Hippo and Sasuke flew off of his head to land on Itachi's lap.

Itachi continued to flip channels as he looked down at the char broiled Furby.

And then he paused, eyebrows furrowed as he recognized it.

"Ah…so we meet again…foolish little brother."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

When Konan had tired herself out, she went back to the house for a smoke. Because that's what you do when you're out of breath. You smoke. Riiiight.

Zetsu crept back towards the house and melted into the sugar maple tree across the street to spy on the Gumby mailbox.

It's sinister crimson eyes gleamed in the growing darkness as day turned to night…

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So…do you still feel that evil presence?" Kakuzu asked conversationally, looking up from "Sewing for Dummies."

Hidan, clad in a towel (he still refused to put on clothes), closed his eyes and sort of felt around the room like a blind man.

He wandered over to Kakuzu and his eyes flew open.

"I think it's you."

"What?"

"My Gay-dar is going haywire."

Kakuzu threw his book at Hidan's face.

"Fuck you."

"That's my line."

"Put some clothes on."

"Make me."

"…"

Both of them stared at each other in surprise.

"That fucking mistletoe…" Hidan suddenly snarled.

Kakuzu sat up.

"What?"

"Look…never mind. Get off the fucking bed, I think that's where the evil vibes are coming from."

Kakuzu actually did what Hidan told him to do and looked down at the mattress curiously.

Hidan closed his eyes again and ran his hands an inch or so above the bed, muttering under his breath.

"Yeah…it's here all right."

Kakuzu looked worried.

"You mean I was lying on an evil bed?"

"Fuck yes. Mattresses are like magnets for all kinds of scary shit. This bed must be destroyed."

"WHAT?! I paid fifty bucks for this bed!"

Hidan suddenly had a spike in his hand and was raising it over his head.

"It's the only way…"

"NOOOO!"

Kakuzu wrenched the spike from Hidan's grasp and threw it across the room like a javelin. It pinned a shark stuffy that had been perched atop Hidan's dresser to the wall.

In the struggle that followed, Hidan's towel came undone, and both of them froze. The only thing keeping it up was the fact that their bodies were pressed together.

The old man suddenly pulled away from the priest and stalked over to Hidan's dresser.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing?" Hidan howled, pulling the towel back up and darting over to Kakuzu, who'd begun to rifle through his drawers.

Kakuzu pulled out a pair of pants and shook them in Hidan's face.

"You are putting pants on RIGHT NOW."

"I can't fend off evil wearing clothes! I fucking told you that, you senile old fart!"

Kakuzu wasn't convinced. He threw Hidan onto the evil bed and bound him with threads while he forced Hidan's legs into the pants. Hidan struggled so ferociously that he managed to get a leg free and kick Kakuzu in the face.

The old missing Falls nin simply smirked down at Hidan as he slid his hands around to cup the priest's ass, lifting it above the bed so that his threads could pull the fabric up.

When Hidan was clothed, Kakuzu removed his hands from inside the seat of Hidan's pants and let him go.

Hidan stared in utter shock at Kakuzu for a moment, and then he did something Kakuzu did not expect.

He launched at Kakuzu, hooking his fingers in between the stitching in his cheeks, and pulled him back down on the bed to devour his mouth.

It might have led to something more, but at that moment, the bed exploded.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

The resounding BOOM shook the whole house. Deidara cackled with glee. He knew what that sound meant.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"What the fuck?" six Peins muttered in the attic as the floor beneath them shuddered.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Do you hear that, foolish little brother? It is the sound of your demise…"

"Oh my God, is that your Furby?" Kisame asked, peering over at Itachi, who was petting Sasuke-kun with a distant look on his face.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

The explosion made the earth quake, and Zetsu, fearing for Chia Hippo's life, rushed to the house.

House training or no house training, Zetsu would make sure his babies were okay.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Next time: Zetsu is in the house. OMG. Will he and Chia Hippo accomplish their mission? Or will evil prevail?