Part 3
All the destruction and all the death was beginning to take it's toll on the Commander, and everyone around her could see it. And on top of that, Kaidan had known all along about her relationship with Thane.
When she had gotten the message that he was awake, she had felt so relieved. She rushed to see him and upon walking in she didn't even mind that Udina was there, as much as she disliked the bastard.
And after some small talk they locked eyes, staying silent for a few moments.
"I'm glad you asked me to come. It's good to see you're gonna be okay…" She gazed at that bruised face, her hand itching to reach out and stroke it.
"Thanks." He gave her a crooked smile.
"You almost died on my watch….It was horrible to see." She looked down, feeling the emotions she'd been trying so hard to suppress well up inside of her chest.
He paused for a moment and then spoke again. "I want you to be straight with me then. I just wanna be sure…after Mars…after Horizon…you and me…we're good." His voice was hopeful and she looked up to meet his hazel eyes.
"We've been through hell together. Had each other's backs. That kinda bond is hard to break."
He shook his head. "No. Not just that. You were my Commander sure. But you listened, too. We went through Ash's death together…" His eyes still betrayed the guilt he felt over that.
"Yeah…we did."
"So what do you say?" He sighed and all of his emotions were splayed out in his eyes like a canvas. "Are we good?"
"We're good." She smiled. "It was great to have you back on the Normandy."
"Thanks…" He trailed off, looking to his hands
She narrowed her eyes the slightest bit. "What's goin' on? Is there something else?"
He looked to her, eyes like a sad puppy. "Yeah…maybe…I heard something about you and some assassin."
"Kaidan I'm…" She put her head in her hands, leaning her elbows on the bed he was lying in. "Sorry… I never meant to hurt you. We were so far apart… And after our fight on Horizon… You made it pretty clear you never wanted to see me again."
"Yeah… I'll own that. Man…seeing you alive sent me spinning…" He swallowed hard and Shepard could see something burning deep in his gaze. "And uh…I handled it badly. I'm sorry, Shepard. I just want you to know…for me," He paused and she could see the tears forming. "There isn't anyone else…"
"Kaidan, I'm so sorry…" She could see where this was going and she would do anything to stop it.
"I need time, Shepard…time to think…time…"
"Away from me." She stood. "I understand." She turned away from him. "Get better soon, Kaidan." And then she walked out.
She needed a drink. A strong one.
"Siha…"
Walking through the lobby she heard his unmistakable voice.
"Thane?" She walked to the window where he was standing. "When I got your message I…I was worried I was too late."
"Do not fret. I am still here. But you already look upset. What is troubling you?"
She sighed. "Just…worried about…" What was he now? "A friend."
"The human biotic in intensive care?" He coughed into his hand. "I saw the marks of an implant."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"We have spoken. He was holding out hope that a woman would visit him… Is there something I should know about you two?"
She sighed and turned, walking a few feet away. "We were…together for a while before the first Normandy was destroyed."
"And grew apart I gather." He closed the distance between them slowly and she looked to him. "Your enemies may try to finish him off here. I will look out for him."
"I appreciate it, Thane." She touched his shoulder gently.
"I am near the end of my life…It is a good time to be generous. I have only a few loves left, and you are my last. Let me do what I can for you."
She smiled and felt tears threatening to spill over. She gently kissed him; an innocent kiss, reminiscent of a past that would never repeat- and this began to feel like a goodbye. "You've been…more than I deserved, Thane. Thank you…for everything."
He sensed the finality of this conversation and nodded, smiling the slightest bit.
"I don't regret anything, Shepard. Not one moment. I hope we can meet again someday. Perhaps under better circumstances."
She nodded and turned away before she let the tears fall from her eyes. She took a deep breath, willing them away before a single one fell. And with that she left.
And headed straight for the bar.
She immediately ordered a drink upon arriving.
"Commander?" James came to stand next to her. "I don't think I've ever seen you order a drink without being coaxed into it."
"Yeah well," she downed a shot. "It's been a tough day."
His brow creased the slightest bit.
"Shepard!" Garrus slapped her on the back and his mandibles flicked into a grin. "Finally ready to take me up on the offer of a drinking contest?"
"You're on, Vakarian."
"Count me in!" The Lieutenant exclaimed.
Shepard turned to the bartender. "Keep the drinks coming." And she headed for the table, seeing the rest of the gang was already there. Liara was talking to EDI about something; most likely not bar conversation-perhaps maybe even some quantum physics over drinks. And Joker sat, letting his eyes trail along EDI's new "sexy robot body" as he referred to it.
"Shepard!" Liara saw her and broke into a smile. "It's so good to see you out."
"You gonna drink with us, Doc?" James smirked.
"I'm afraid drinking is not really "my thing", Mr. Vega."
"Better to stay out of it anyway, Liara. I'm about to drink these two under the table."
"We'll see about that, Scars." James replied to Garrus' cocky statement.
"I doubt you'll be seeing anything but black when we're all done here, Jimmy." The turian followed suit and sat across from the young man.
Shepard stayed quiet, not feeling like such good company at the moment. Maybe with a few drinks in her and she'd have something more to say.
"You okay there, Lola? You're lookin' more than a little down."
She sighed. "I guess you could say that… I guess all this is just catching up with me. And today didn't help anything."
"Is the Major alright?" Liara tilted her head and her brow puckered in worry.
"Oh he's recovering just fine… He just needs some… 'time to think'."
"So in code he dumped your ass?" Joker piped up.
"Yes. Thank you, Joker."
James' eyebrows shot up. "I thought you guys were history already. I mean…it kinda came off that way."
"He was a little…unclear when we met up a while back." She answered.
Garrus leaned forward. "Which in code means, he threw a hissy fit back on Horizon about Shepard working with Cerberus and acted as if he never wanted to see her again."
Her teeth ground at the memory.
"Something else is bothering you, Shepard." Liara's doe eyes were on her.
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Thane was at the hospital. He's…not doing well."
"Damn, Shepard, it really has been a bad day, huh?" The drinks had arrived and Garrus passed one out to each of them. "A lot of shit has been going on. I'd say you've earned a nice black out."
She smirked a bit. "Please. I'm not going down without a fight."
"Woo! This is gonna be good!" James pumped his fist in the air and the three of them knocked back a shot, the first of many for the night.
"This is…interesting." EDI commented.
"And could turn out badly." Liara added.
"Trust me, things won't get truly bad until Shepard starts dancing." Joker chuckled.
"You're not the first to make fun of my dancing. I still don't get it. I think I have moves!"
Garrus laughed heartily. "You have moves on the battlefield, Shepard, but the dance floor? I don't think so."
"I have moves other places as well, Vakarian." She winked and laughed.
"Breach in protocol! Take another shot." James slid a drink in front of her.
"Oh c'mon! It was a joke!"
"I dunno, Shepard, I feel pretty breached." Garrus backed him up.
"Screw you guys." But she complied and was soon met with another empty glass.
"It seems Shepard is in much higher spirits. This has been known as an effect of alcohol. But it is unwise for her to continue."
"Shh, EDI, this is hilarious." Joker had a huge grin plastered to his face.
"Not to mention it's nice seeing Shepard being able to relax," Liara said.
Garrus overheard and spoke. "This is a good way to relieve stress. Though you could do it like turians do."
"By how? Getting laid?" Shepard asked. "Please. I haven't been able to do that in over six months."
"There are always asari prostitutes, Shepard."
Liara shot Garrus a glare. "Or human ones."
"Or you could just break regs and screw Joker." He continued.
Shepard laughed truly for the first time in weeks.
James had gone silent, watching her. He couldn't help but wonder: who was the last person she had sex with? It couldn't have been Major Alenko… And she didn't seem like the prostitute kinda gal. But by thinking about this, the gates of his mind were opening up to all different types of images.
He shook his head, taking a drink to try and stop himself from thinking any further.
He noticed then that his eyes had trailed down from her breasts to…places more south- and shit this was his Commander what the hell was he thinking?
He stood up suddenly. "I uh…gotta take a piss." He hurried off towards the bathrooms.
Shepard's brow creased. "What was that all about?"
Garrus smirked, knowing fully what was going on. "Why don't you go check on him Shepard? I'll get the next round ready."
She nodded and stood, somewhat unsteadily, and followed the direction he'd gone in.
"What are you thinking, Garrus?" Liara questioned harshly.
"Shepard needs this. Trust me."
"This is not going to end well."
"If Shepard gets laid then it's ending well."
"Oh! I don't want to hear about these things!" Liara covered her ears in response to Garrus' statement.
"Hey, Vega!" Shepard called out to him, finally catching up.
From here the music was muffled and no one was around; and knowing that just set him more on edge.
"You should go back upstairs, Shepard. I'm fine."
"Hey…" Her voice was softer and she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I make it a habit to know when my crew's not okay."
And something must have snapped in him then because he turned and pinned her to the wall.
"Vega, what are you-?"
He crushed his lips to hers, lacing his fingers through her hair. He pulled back after a few moments, realizing what he was doing and tried to gauge her reaction.
She blinked ice blue eyes, completely caught off guard.
"Well that was pretty ballsy, Lieutenant." She smirked and he let out the breath he'd been holding. "But how about I show you a real kiss." And with that she tugged his face down to her level by the front of his shirt, the heat from her body emanating through her clothes. He longed for more as he wound his arm around her waist, yanking her closer, and rested his other hand on her ass.
"And do I get more than just a kiss, Commander?" he murmured against her lips.
She laughed and pulled back. "You think you can get out of this competition that easy? Well I have news for you, I'm not stopping till I beat you." Her lips were swollen and her face flushed. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she untangled herself from him.
"So unless you're throwing in the towel, come on." She winked and started back up the stairs.
"Right behind ya, Shepard."
"Please, Vega, call me Hope."
He fell into step next to her. "You expect me to call my commanding officer by her first name? That's almost like insubordination!"
She laughed. "Oh man up, Vega. Learn to take a few risks." She smirked and gave him a knowing look as she went to sit down.
From the moment they returned, Garrus could see something had happened. He watched as the two of them engaged in the conversations around them, eyes occasionally flitting to each other. He could tell that the more they drank the more things they would regret would happen.
This night would certainly be an interesting one.
And by some point Garrus saw the Commander laugh more than she had the entire time he knew her. She was laughing so hard she was crying and he looked around to see that all the fellow crew members had smiles on too. And not only because of what he had just said was hilarious, but because Shepard was finally relaxing.
"Maybe someone has had a little too much to drink?" Garrus raised what would be an eyebrow.
"Please, Vakarian. You can't get me out that fast."
"It wouldn't be fast. You've lasted hours."
"That's what she said." Joker piped up, and if Garrus didn't know any better he'd say that the immature joke had been to get Shepard laughing again. Maybe there was a heart under that sarcastic shell of his.
A strange noise came from Shepard then and Garrus tilted his head in confusion.
"What in the world was that?"
"That was a hiccup, Garrus." EDI clarified.
"I'm sorry, a what?"
"You've never heard of a hiccup? The hiccups are something drunk girls get when they can't handle their liquor." James nudged Shepard and she swayed slightly, still laughing a bit in between these hiccups.
"Actually, Mr. Vega is incorrect. A hiccup is a quick, involuntary inhalation that follows a spasm of the diaphragm and is suddenly checked by closure of the glottis, producing a short, relatively sharp sound."
"I believe James knew that, EDI. He was just attempting to flirt with the Commander." Liara smirked the tiniest bit.
"Ahh, I see. I will… reassess."
Garrus laughed. With this group it was impossible to get bored.
"How about another round?" Shepard proposed, holding up her glass, some liquid spilling out.
"Whoa there, Lola," James put his hand over hers to steady the glass and keep it from falling.
"I believe you've had enough, Shepard." Liara took on a motherly tone.
"Let's at least take this party back to the Normandy. So if you do anything embarrassing it'll be on the record." Joker grinned at Shepard.
"I like that plan." Garrus nodded.
She downed the rest of her drink and stood up, nearly falling over.
James steadied her. "Looks like we're doing this the fun way." With that he hoisted her up into his arms.
That seemed to sober her up a little bit. "Whoa there, Vega, I will not be carried like a child!"
He smirked. "Would you like to ride on my back instead?"
"I know somewhere else she'd rather ride." Joker murmured to Garrus.
Garrus bit back his laughter, turning away to hide his reaction.
"I can walk just fine. I just stood up too quickly is all."
"Rather eloquent for how much she drank." Liara commented.
"I detect some 'slurring' as you call it." EDI responded.
"If you say so." James put her down on her feet and the group made their way out of Purgatory and into what was now the "night" of the Presidium. The holographic sky had been darkened for its 6 hour nighttime period, leaving the streets mostly empty on their way back to the Normandy. Except for the occasional passerby and the Keepers, they were all alone. It was rare to see any part of the Citadel so quiet.
And Shepard never had.
The water looked so peaceful, everything was quiet. It stopped Shepard in her tracks.
"You know what I miss about Earth?"
They all stopped to look at her.
"The moon. Going from space station to space station…you miss out on some of the small things. I guess that's why shipping me off to Earth wasn't the worst thing that could happen." She sighed, shoving her hands in her pockets. "But I guess none of that matters now, huh? If we don't stop the Reapers there won't be an Earth for that moon." Her shoulders were slumped and she began walking again, the rest left to stare after her in shock.
"You know you're not alone in this, right, Shepard?" James called out.
"Sure as hell feels that way…" She mumbled.
She continued to walk away and he went to her and grabbed her arm. "Hey!" He turned her around. "Who the hell am I then? All of them?" He gestured to the rest of the group. "And everyone else trying to help you? You have a lot of people by your side Shepard, but you have to let them in. You can't take this all on your own!"
Her eyes narrowed and she yanked her arm from his grip. She took a step closer to him and looked about ready to deck him right there. "Who the hell are you to tell me what I can and can't take?"
"Everyone can see you're cracking under the pressure, Shepard! If you don't relax soon you'll explode!"
"I don't get to relax."
"You may be the Commander Shepard, but you're still human."
She turned away from him. "Tell that to Kaidan. He seems to think after the Lazarus Project I was turned into some Cerberus puppet."
"That's what this is really about isn't it? You're heartbroken? Screw Major Asshole. All I've seen is him be a dick to you!"
She rounded on him then, eyes burning with anger. Before he had time to react she had punched him directly in the face, causing blood to drip from his nose.
"You don't know anything about him."
He snatched her wrists in an iron grip to keep her from swinging again.
"Say another word about him. I dare you." She nearly growled.
She saw something in his eyes then, as if he'd forgotten where they were, that they weren't alone. Passion. The kind of passion that had you naked within minutes. The kind of passion that could get you into trouble.
And boy was she in trouble.
He cleared his throat and dropped her wrists. "We should get back to the Normandy," he said gruffly and started walking.
The rest of the trip was mostly silent, none of them knowing what to say.
EDI and Joker immediately headed for the bridge upon entering the ship; and Garrus and Liara rushed to the elevator, managing to avoid an awkward ride with the Commander and Vega.
As they stood and waited for it to come back down Shepard felt the effects of the alcohol return at full blast. They had been dulled by the rage but on the walk back they had slowly slunk back into her system.
After stepping on, it was silent as they waited for the elevator to move.
"Sorry about the nose."
"Please, Lola, it'll take a little more than a punch from you to do any serious damage."
"Is that a challenge?"
"I know better than to challenge you. I remember how well that worked out the last time." He made the gesture of massaging his shoulder. "And uh… sorry about calling Major Alenko 'Major Asshole'."
She stayed silent a moment then cracked a smile, laughing a bit. "It was a great play on words, I gotta say."
The jolt of the elevator caused her to lurch forward and she steadied herself on James.
"Commander, are you alright?" She could hear the concern in his voice.
She waved him off. "I'm fine, Vega, don't worry. It just caught me off guard is all."
"Maybe you should lie down."
"Are you flirting with me?" She smirked and he saw she was joking.
"That time I wasn't, believe it or not."
She took a step closer to him.
"Maybe you should be."
His eyes flitted to her lips and back up to lock eyes with her.
"We're about to do something crazy aren't we?"
"I sure hope so."
There was a pause and suddenly she was pushed against the wall for the second time that night, lips and tongues melding with each other. She needed to be close to someone, feel someone else's touch. It had been so long…she needed this.
Without thinking, she yanked his shirt off over his head, wrapping her legs around his waist. Upon feeling him grind against her a cry escaped her drunken lips. She slammed on the emergency stop button, bringing the elevator to an abrupt halt.
He stopped. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Lola?"
"What? The sex or the location?"
"Well now that you mention it, I'd figure EDI monitors the elevator, especially when you hit that button. And unless you wanna give Joker a way to blackmail you…" He trailed off, smirking.
"Well you're no fun." She rolled her eyes.
"No fun huh?" He released the emergency switch, the elevator finishing it's ascent to the top floor. "How about we go to your cabin and I take you way past 'fun'?"
She raised an eyebrow. "You're on, Vega."
Not giving the door time enough to fully open, Shepard was tugging James by the belt into her room, forgetting completely about his discarded shirt. She stripped off all of her clothes, until she was standing fully exposed, all of her scars and bruises on display.
"I may give you a couple more of these." He smirked, gesturing to one of the many bruises.
She left her clothes where they had fallen and made her way to the bed. "Bring it on." She spoke again as he was in the process of removing his boxers. "I should warn you, during sex my biotics tend to…act up."
He paused and then looked to her. "Kinky."
She laughed.
Being with James was immensely different from Kaidan and Thane. With them, it was about love, showing the emotions they couldn't put into words.
With James…it was about showing each other the ways they could make each other want more. He had always made jokes about getting her to scream his name, but she never thought it'd actually happen.
The touches, the kisses, the movements; they were all rough and lustful, something she'd never fully experienced and she couldn't get enough of it.
A dull humming began as her biotics revved up, showing the depths the pleasure was reaching and with that final scream they flared up, knocking the clock off her nightstand along with shattering a mug she'd left there this morning.
For a while the only noise in the room was the remaining coffee dripping from the shattered pieces of its container and their panting breaths.
"Well, shit, Lola."
She laughed, somewhat dazed. "Don't act like you didn't say my real name at all during that. I heard it." She smirked.
"Yeah yeah…Hope. But I seem to remember you screaming something along the lines of 'oh James, harder! I can't get enough of your huge co-'"
"I did not say that." She leaned her weight on one elbow, turning to face him.
"Maybe not word for word, but I knew what you were gettin' at."
He looked her over. The sheets were a tangled mess, resting just below her hip. Her coffee colored skin was littered with bruises, some fresh and some even fresher-he smirked-along with scars; some the size of bullet holes, others long and jagged, others straight and precise. Thanks to technology most had been faded and could only be seen upon close inspection, but the newer ones were still purple. She had a lot on her plate right now; too much to worry about how she looked he guessed.
He was curious about one scar though. It was a small line through her left eyebrow and without thinking he reached up to stroke it with his calloused thumb.
"Why keep this one?"
She had started to doze off, but upon hearing him speak her eyes fluttered open. "Hmm? Oh uh…well it was one of the only ones that didn't come from fighting or war. Nostalgia I guess." She paused and looked to him. "And you? Why keep the scars on your face? And everywhere else for that matter."
"They remind me of everything I've been through, how hard I've fought to get where I am." He looked away, remembering his team, the one he'd let die for something that no one even needed. "And well they're pretty damn sexy if you ask me."
"And here I thought you were gonna be serious." She rolled her eyes and smiled. She got out of the bed then, grabbing her underwear and putting them on. She picked up James' boxer-briefs from the floor and threw them to him.
"Aww, ya didn't wanna spoon naked with me, Lola?" He smirked.
"Believe it or not, I don't think what we just did merits 'spooning'."
"Well," he pulled on his underwear. "Does it merit me staying the night? This room may be a little soft for my tastes, but the bed is damn comfortable."
She tilted her head to look at him, eyes narrowed. He could tell she was gauging if his reasons were the truth.
She laid back down, leaving the sheet discarded at her feet. When she turned her body to face him, they locked eyes.
Somehow their color always seemed to shock him. It was hard not to take her seriously. The ice in those blue eyes was always frozen, and he wondered if one day they'd melt. And if he'd be there to see it.
"You seem like the kinda guy who likes a girl to lay her head on your chest and say 'Oh James,'" she clasped her hands together, making her voice an octave higher. "'You're sooo dreamy!'" She dropped her hands along with the act. "But as I'm sure you've noticed, I tend to be rather…"
"Manly?"
She shot him a glare. "I was gonna say independent but thank you. Ya really know just what to say don't you?"
"I have a way with words."
She rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, as long as you're okay with that, then feel free to stay."
He laid back and she pulled the covers up.
"The lights, EDI?"
"Yes, Commander."
The lights immediately went out, the aquarium dimming.
"Thank you."
James raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
"You can't turn off your own lights?"
"I get lazy sometimes!" She turned away from him, shifting to get comfortable and he smiled.
She was human after all.
Author's Note: I don't normally do these BUT I thought in this case it was necessary. DO NOT FEAR THIS IS STILL A SHENKO FIC. This just makes the plot thick and juicy. And I see my Shep doing this. Not cuz she doesn't love Kaidan but cuz she desperately needs someone. And that someone happens to be a sexy hulking piece of man meat named James ;D
