Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. - I also do not own the song, music or lyrics written into this chapter. You can find the song "What about now acoustic version" by Daughtry.

"I Just Came to Say Goodbye"

a Fireheart story

Chapter 3

EPOV

The glow of the morning sun on a crisp November morning was the easiest way to ease back into old habits. It was also the easiest way to make me want to climb right back onto my goddamn couch and postpone the inevitable just a little while longer. Getting back to work was more than a job, it meant returning to the life I once had, just without the most important parts. It wasn't the routine I didn't want to return to, it was doing the little things within that routine.. without her.

Scrubbing a hand over the scruff of my jaw, I glanced in the bathroom mirror and decided against shaving, for no other reason than the fact that I just didn't feel like it. My hair, as usual, was untamable, sticking in more different directions than I cared to notice. I wore some thick sweats from old navy and a pair of Nikes that were probably just as outdated. I made a mental note to pick up some new clothes when I pulled on my once favorite navy blue FDNY tee shirt and noticed the way the hems of the sleeves hugged the extra muscle on my arms. Paired with the sleeve of ink, I looked like one of those douchebags you see at the gym who buy their shirts two sizes too small just to make their arms look bigger. Great. I'll never hear the end of that at the station.

I rummaged through the closet in the still untouched bedroom and grabbed two pairs of tactical pants, my boots and a belt before stuffing them all into a gym duffle. I tossed it lazily by the front door, propping it open just enough so Jasper can come right in when he gets here. We agreed to run our asses to the firehouse today, being my first day back he wanted to make sure I could still keep up. I didn't have the heart to tell him I could probably run laps around all of them at this point.

Eyeing the half stale pack of cigarettes on the counter, I rolled my eyes at myself and pulled one out, lit the end and moved to the open window in the living room. Bella always hated when I smoked in here, not that it happened often. In truth, I don't even smoke that much. It was a rare occasion but this past week I've been so wound up being back here that I've been smoking more than usual. A habit I'll need to kick fast since I'll be back at work. Sitting there, looking out at the city, I couldn't help but miss her in that moment. The view of this city in the fall was something she adored, second only to her extra long season of Christmas. I even half laughed to myself as I glanced to the corner of the living room, right by the fire place where we put the Christmas tree. I'll never forget the look on her face when we got the tree home and the top of it scraped against the ceiling, bending over at least a foot. I told her it was too big but she just had to have it. "It doesn't matter how big it is, what matters is that it's decorated with love, Mase." Her smile in that moment is one I'll never forget. The sound of her laugh when I lifted her up and spun her around, tinsel in her hair...

With a lick of my lips to wipe away the stale taste, I killed the cigarette out in a little ceramic flower pot and left it on the fire escape, leaving the window open to air it out. I pushed the memory down deep and shook off the feeling it left behind as I glanced at my watch; Jasper should be here in a few minutes. I walked towards the bedroom, approaching it with determination. I had to find a way to be in that room without having an emotional breakdown. I've been home almost a week and I have yet to even sit on that bed let alone sleep in it. I wasn't planning on sleeping on the couch forever but I just haven't been able to be in there yet. The memory of her was still so vivid I wasn't sure it would ever fade. Part of me hoped it didn't.

As I leaned against the frame of the bedroom door, I looked around the room, imagining a new way to arrange the furniture, maybe then I would be able to sleep in here. When I glanced behind the double doors of the closet, I saw the shimmer of silver and moved towards it, smiling to myself as I finally noticed my jet black, smooth as fuck, acoustic Taylor. I never kept my guitars in cases and even when I knew I'd be gone for a while, I left her out. I was slightly disappointed in myself for taking so long to notice her. I picked her up and walked back out to the living room to sit on the edge of the couch, still avidly avoiding sitting on the bed. With a gentle strum, I cringed at the slightly rusted strings and the off key pitch but after a few minutes, I tuned her up good enough to play a few chords.

It didn't take long to find myself along the strings, my fingers remembering better than my mind did. I could almost see her sitting by the fireplace, watching me play. She would wear these socks that went up to her thighs and one of my firehouse tee shirts as she lay on the chaise lounge in the corner, warm and cozy under a blanket before she would ask me to play for her. Sometimes she would sing with me and as much as she hated her own singing voice, I thought it was pretty goddamn perfect. Swallowing at the memory, I closed my eyes and let the music take me back to her in that moment.

This apartment always had amazing acoustics so I played often, but hearing the sound of my guitar after all this time, it felt more comfortable than the rest of it. More than my clothes or my stuff all over the place. It felt like home.. just with a gaping hole right in the center of it. I eased into the song, one I had played before but never held more meaning than it did for me right now. Strumming my fingers over the strings, I barely rasped out the lyrics at first, singing only to her, wherever she was.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we can never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

Now that we're here,

Now that we've come this far,

Just hold on.

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you,

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we can never find?

Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?

I wasn't sure when I started playing harder or singing louder but after a loud strum, I was interrupted when one of the rusted strings snapped in half and brought me back to the present, my voice a little strained from singing for the first time in a very long while. With a shake of my head, I smoothed my hand along the underside of the polished wood, lifting my guitar off my lap so I could lean her against the wall when a voice had my head snapping to the door.

"Oh, don't stop on my account." I stood slowly, my brows pulled together as I stared at the blonde leaning against the doorframe, her head just peeking in through the partially open door. At first glance, she was attractive enough, not in the classic kind of way but, different. Her hair was long, too white to be blonde and too fake to hold my attention for too long but her black dress held it a moment longer. My brow went up in silent question as I took in the way it hugged her waist a little too tight and her legs... Long. This blonde had legs for days and I realized I should actually speak words instead of just fuckin stare at her. When my eyes found hers, she was wearing a cocky grin, noticing the way I had let my eyes wander, not that it wasn't the exact reaction she wanted wearing that dress. I opened my mouth to say something as I moved towards the door, but she spoke again before I could.

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to be the creepy neighbor, I just heard you playing and well.." Her cheeks turned a little pink while she spoke and I couldn't help but flash her a crooked smile as she did her best not to stare at me the way I just stared at her. She chuckled a laugh she probably didn't mean to let out and shook her head. "Lauren. My name's Lauren." The long legged blonde held out her hand to shake mine and as amusing as I found the entire thing, I still had no idea why she was standing in my doorway.

"Edward. So we're neighbors?" I took my hand back and stood against the frame of the door, pushing it all the way open and let my eyes look over that dress one more time. Her eyes roamed more subtly than mine as she took in the ink and the insignia.

"Right! Yes.. neighbors." She looked embarrassed and pushed her hair behind her ear and I noticed a little bit of ink peeking around her wrist. Her eyes looked behind me, probably looking for any signs of anyone else in the apartment. "I'm actually the door at the end of the hall." When I glanced over her shoulder, I huffed a laugh as Jasper stepped off the elevator, his shirt matching mine but instead of sweatpants, he was wearing tacticals. The bastard was gonna run three miles to work in tacticals and boots. I just smirked over the top of the blondes head and watched him check out the back end as she still stood in my doorway.

"First week back and you're already inviting people over without me." At the sound of Jaspers voice, Legs turned quickly to face him, her eyes going straight to the firehouse emblem on his tee shirt.

"Another firefighter, must be my lucky day." Her voice never faltered as she looked between the both of us, her eyes too practiced to be subtle but her body suggested she was a little nervous.

"Sounds about right, Darlin. I'm Jasper by the way, Edward's much cooler and much more handsome best friend. And who might you be?" His voice and out of place accent always pulled the girls right in. I don't even know where that Southern accent comes from, he was born and raised in Queens for fuck sake. But it works and nobody ever brings it up.

With a breathy laugh, Legs turned back to smile over her shoulder and she flashed a somewhat innocent smile, though judging by that dress it was anything but. "I was just leaving. It was nice to meet you, Edward.. and you too, Jason."

I smirked like a bastard and scrubbed my hand over my jaw to hide my chuckle and watched as Jasper held up both hands with a shake of his head, calling after the blonde while he watched her ass walk away. "It's Jasper actually." His voice was void of amusement as the only person in history to not give in to his charms walked away with an extra sway of her hips all the way down the hall. There were apartments on either side of the hallway, but no, naturally, Legs had the apartment opposite of mine, her door facing mine with a dozen apartments in between us and just as many reasons for me to not notice.

Raising a brow at my lifelong friend, I clapped him on the shoulder, "Can't catch em all, Man." With a laugh, I turned back inside, running a hand through my hair as I looked around to make sure I had everything I needed. Wallet, phone, keys, gym bag. I barely noticed Jasper move to fridge to grab a bottle of water before we left the apartment and headed out. "Whatever, Man. If you don't put that to bed soon, I'll be more than happy to." I rolled my eyes at the forever charming idiot in front of me and stepped into the elevator, intentionally not looking at that damn door at the end of the hall.

I was no stranger to the occasional good time, but someone living in the same building as me was a little too close to home. I haven't had a relationship since Bella. Just the typical one nighters, forever avoiding any kind of emotion that came along with a pretty face. Truth is, I don't want it. I don't want to have any of the moments I had with her to be replaced by some stand-in. I probably needed some kind of therapy for that but as usual, I didn't really give a fuck.

Our run to the firehouse was just as expected. Jasper had no problems keeping up and we barely broke a sweat by the time we rounded the corner and came face to face with what looked like our newest rookie washing the truck. The red bay doors were open and there were two gorgeous engines washed and polished next to this one. My smile was genuine when I stepped in between them, admiring the pristine polish.

"Masen. Welcome home, Kid. Long time." My head snapped to the side, making immediate eye contact with our Captain. Carlisle Cullen had at least twenty five years on the job and was more than happy to give me my spot back. I laughed as I jogged over to where he stood, the usual stack of papers in his hands. "Guess you're not much of a kid anymore. You've gotta be almost thirty by now." I laughed again with a nod of my head, my hand pushing through my hair as I smiled at my old friend.

"Twenty nine, don't push it. Good to see ya, Cap." We shook hands and he introduced me to the rookie washing the truck, Seth something, and then pushed me back towards the lockers. My name was still right next to Jaspers, they never took it down. I felt a sense of pride at that and stroked a finger across the back of my gear. My name was embroidered across the back of my jacket and my fingers lingered only for a moment when the tones came through. Sirens blared and I watched as Jasper grabbed his gear, jumped towards the back of the truck with half the company, and threw me a middle finger salute with his signature smirk as the truck pulled out of the bay, running lights and sirens. I stood there, my hands in my pockets as I watched them go, wishing I didn't have to sign a bunch of bullshit papers before I could be out there with them.

After three ridiculous hours of signing papers, pissing in a cup and having my picture taken way too many times, I officially had my position back. I celebrated the end of my paperwork with a much earned cigarette out on the street. I sat there in silence until Jasper came out and sat next to me, nudging my knee with his. "You okay, Man?"

Flicking my half smoked butt into the street, I nodded but never made eye contact. "I wanna see her." I felt him go completely still before his words ever left his mouth.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" He looked concerned, whether for her or for me, I wasn't sure. With a half shrug, I stared out at the people on the street, ignoring the way he watched me.

"Probably not, but I just.. I wanna see if she's okay. I need to see it for myself. Just take me there. Wherever she teaches. I won't go in, I just need to see her." My brows were pulled together as my own words did nothing but piss me off. Bella was my girl.. mine. And I had to ask another guy where she was because I didn't even know. The weight of that punched me right in the chest as I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"You don't wanna talk to her, you just wanna see her." A minute went by and Jasper shook his head, sighing as he stood and stared down at me until I met his gaze. "Fine. I'll take you there but I remember what happened the last time you wanted to know how she was. I don't need you losin' your shit and doin' somethin' we both know will land both our asses in jail." Well, he wasn't wrong.

"I'll be on my best behavior. No crying, no drunk singing and no throwing things. Scouts honor." With a dead stare, I watched Jasper turn his head towards the office, listening to a radio dispatch I couldn't hear before the lights flickered and the alarms went off. We raced back inside together this time, stepping into our gear as the truck blared to life in the bay. He turned to look at me as we climbed in the truck and strapped up our boots. "I'll take you there tonight, but I still don't think it's a good idea." I just smiled and he shook his head, grabbing a radio and latching it to his uniform before reading off the scene details to the truck behind us.

The rest of the shift went fast, too fast for twelve hours. Six fire calls and three medical calls but it was finally over and we had both showered and changed. I waited eagerly for Jasper to come outside even though I knew I would be an emotional wreck the moment I was alone in my apartment tonight.

The walk was familiar. On the other side of town, but just barely. The blocks went by quick, some of the stores the same, some new as we passed by them but I recognized almost everything. We rounded a corner and I slowed my steps, my eyes immediately landing on a store front window with pink ballet slippers and fancy gold writing.

"White Swan? She owns this?" I turned to look at Jasper and he just nodded, staring towards the little studio on the corner. It was almost seven o'clock at night, the place looked closed but there was a light on inside. I found myself incapable of swallowing.

"You wanna go in?" Jaspers voice was low, not pushy but weary. I just shook my head and didn't bother to try and find any words. He just knew. So with a clap on my shoulder, Jasper said he would see me tomorrow and left me to it. For that, I was grateful.

I don't know how long I stood there, waiting for any glimpse of her. My Bella. I was leaning against a brick wall across the street, a cigarette in hand as I watched and watched and waited. Finally, I caught a glimpse of shiny brown hair, pulled up into a ponytail. Her face was mostly hidden but it was enough to stop my heart dead in my chest.

It was too much and not enough all at the same time. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to breathe in her scent and wrap my arms around her, beg her to forgive me. I couldn't do any of those things. I just stared, unmoving, fuck.. I wasn't even breathing.

Bella walked through the door and turned in place to lock up and before I knew it, I was moving. My body acted before my brain had a goddamn chance to catch up and I was internally cursing myself out. I followed far behind and stayed out of sight, never letting her see me as she made her way further up town. I could barely pay attention to where I was when she stopped dead in her tracks. I prepared to make any kind of excuse but came up with absolutely fuckin nothing. But it wasn't me that stopped her. I followed her gaze and once again, my heart almost dropped out of my chest. She was staring at my building. Our apartment. She didn't make any move to go closer or cross the street, she was just staring at it and I, at her.

Before I had time to consider what it all meant, Bella turned to the left and this time I didn't follow her as she walked much slower down that street. Every instinct in my body told me to go after her. To beg her not to hate me, but I couldn't do it. Not yet anyway. But I had a little bit of hope. She wouldn't have been here if she didn't miss me too. That was the thought I held onto as I forced myself to go upstairs and not chase her down the street. Bella was here. Maybe it was a start. I just had to find a way to work up the nerve to go get my girl back. Maybe she hated me now, I wasn't even sure. I wouldn't blame her if she did but I just need a chance to see her. To try and explain. Explain why I had to go, not that I hadn't tried before. I just needed a few minutes with her. Maybe she'd let me talk, just listen to what I had to say. I would tell her everything. All of it. Every goddamn night that I spent alone and broken, wishing she was in my arms. I would tell her I never wanted to leave, that I was in love with her. After all this time. That I always would be. If I can get her to listen... maybe she wouldn't hate me and maybe I'd have some kind of chance at making it up to her. I don't fuckin know, maybe she would slam the door in my face. But I had to find out either way. Laying on the couch, staring up at the dark ceiling, I made a decision to stop being a coward and started planning my apology along with a way to actually see her up close and do everything I could to get Bella to come home to me. It was dangerous to hold onto that hope, but she was here. Bella was here. It was all I needed.

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