First, my apologies for their being such a gap in between chapters. I will type up a summary for you all for a refresher.

Summary: Kate has a new hobby that she is working on through her therapist. Also, Castle is a huge supporter of her in general, but also of her hobby as well. This takes place just after Linchpin present day kind of and before both of their secrets come out. I'm trying to make it about her hobby, but I've got to tell the story to keep it true to the storyline of the show some what. Last chapter, Castle and Kate went to a local club to see a local band perform. They did dance and have a great time. Now they are back at Kate's apartment that same night.

A/N: I don't own Castle. I still cry myself to sleep every night.

Kate and Rick are standing outside Kate's apartment after coming from the bar.

Kate turns to face him after placing her key in her door to start to unlock the door, "Do you want to come in?"

"Yeah sure."

She unlocks the door, open it and he follows her inside.

"So what did you think of the band? Not bad for a local start up band, huh?"

"It was great. They were really great."

He paused to take his coat off and put it on the back of the chair at the table. Castle wasn't shy at Beckett's apartment. He felt quite at home.

"You know? Kate?" he stopped. "No, never mind you wouldn't go for it."

"Well how do you know if you don't tell me?"

"Well I was just thinking that maybe as a challenge you could learn some songs for a set list. Then you could play at The Old Haunt."

"What? No! That's crazier then your wild theories on cases, Castle."

"Oh come on. You can do it. Heck, maybe Espo and Ryan will join you and you can make a little acoustic band. I was thinking of having some entertainment on the weekends especially, so you should think about it? It was just an idea."

"Really? I mean, I've always wanted to be about to be comfortable to perform in front of people and I'm definitely not there yet, but..." she stopped and smiled while holding her chin thinking about it. She thought to herself that it might not be a bad idea and after all. This is her new outlet, her new hobby and she can do with it what she wants. "I'll think about it and most of all keep practicing," she smiled over at him. "Thank you."

He reaches over to grab her hand and he caresses it in his own. She doesn't pull away this time and they both sit there in silence for quite awhile. He finally dares to look over at her to make some form of eye contact, so he can read her. She is doing the same thing that he was doing, staring at the floor in front of her.

"Hey, penny for your thoughts?" he says to her while looking at her to get a reaction. He squeezes her hand in his to bring her back to Earth.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she finally makes that contact with his blue eyes, "I was just thinking."

"Yeah, I gathered. Do you care to share with me?"

"I'm not usually direct about what I am thinking, but yeah I think I do want to share with you," she said looking at him. He wasn't sure, but he was little worried about how her face went to a serious and scared look at the same time.

"You don't have to, Kate. I was just asking to make conversation," she stopped him.

"No, I want to tell you something about me, about the shooting, my feelings because you are really important to me and you deserve to know." She rattled it off and then stopped to take a breath. She turned to him on the couch. "I don't know where to begin, but I want to fill in some of the gaps between you and me."

"Gaps? What gaps? I'm confused."

"Castle, Rick just let me tell you, okay?"

"Okay, go ahead, what is it that I possibly can't know about you?" he smiled, but she didn't smile back.

"Ok, I've been going to a therapist ever since the shooting."

"Ok, that is normal, right? I mean, what is wrong with that?"

"Nothing." She just wanted him to know. At first, going to the therapist made her feel weak and pathetic, but now she saw it as an outlet for all the things that she used to close up inside. Now she is finding ways to make better relationships, have friends, have a hobby and allow herself to love and hopefully be loved.

"Ok, the second thing was the shooting. You don't have to talk about it, but if it makes you feel better to talk about it I'm always here."

She just looked at him being all relaxed and he kept smiling at her. "Can you stop smiling at me because I might loose my nerve to tell you?"

"Why?"

"Because you are so happy and relaxed, after I tell you this you probably will have a different reaction," she looked down at her hands. One still placed in his feeling warm and the other on her thigh.

"Kate," he moved his hand under her chin to get her to look into his eyes. "You can tell me anything and I will never be mad at you. I can't ever stay mad at you for long, even when you are always wanting to be right, always stubborn or always wanting to be first," he smiled at her and laughed at his joke.

She laughed. "And you laugh at my jokes."

"I hope you realize that you are very important to me and the reason this is so difficult to tell you is because I don't want to hurt you and I didn't want to hurt you," she began to tear up and choke on her words. She grabbed both of his hands and with her last breath she thought she had she told him, "I remember everything from that day."

There is a pause and she is looking into his eyes, which normally is when she would look away or try to make an exit because what she thought would come would break her into pieces. His reaction wasn't at all what she was expecting. A tear fell from her eye and began making a trail down her face, but his finger was like a dam stops the direction of the tear. He wiped her cheek with still a pleased look on his face.

She is still confused by his look so she says, "Did you hear me? I remember everything from that day."

"I did hear you."

"Well don't you have anything to say?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I don't know exactly you remember from that day. I know what I remember from that day, but tell me what you remember."

She glared back at him. "Castle, this isn't a joke."

"I'm not joking, but if you are going to work on being direct you need to tell me what you remember from that day. Tell me what happened, Kate."

She wrangled up her face because she hated when he was right, but he actually was right. How can there relationship grow if she can't actually tell him what she remembers happening that day. "Ok, I hate to admit when you are right."

"Yes, we've established that you hate being wrong," she pushed on his chest and he grabbed her hands and held them. "I'm sorry, go ahead."

"I remember looking at you while making my speech at the podium. I didn't hear the gunshot, but when it hit me it took the wind right out of me. I remember falling backwards and hearing people screaming, chaos in the background and I remember you trying to save me…" she paused, "and that whole summer that was something I was so mad at you for because if something had happened to you because of me I would never forgive myself. I couldn't live with that."

"Kate, I'm your partner and I know I am not a cop, but I've invested in this, us and it is probably wrong to…wait, I will explain that after. That isn't all you remember from that day. Continue."

She thought that she would get him talking and he would leave it alone, but either way he was probably going to be direct and ask her or come clean about his feelings anyway because that seems where he was headed.

"Okay, you are right. I remember one last thing and I'm sorry for holding onto it for so long. I, I remember you asking me to stay with you and I remember you telling me you loved me, Castle. I remember." She started to cry and she leaned into his arms. He cradled her in his arms like that for a few moments until she calmed down a bit. He was a little taken back by her being so upset, but let her catch her breath.

He then spoke while he head was still in his chest, "Kate, I do want you to stay with me. Always remember. Can you look at me?" She lifted her head to face him with gloss over her eyes still. He moved her hair behind her ear and he gave her a small grin. "I want you to stay with me. Always, friends, partners, best friends and I do love you. I've probably made so many mistakes in my life, but that was a mistake I could never live with. If I never got the chance to tell you that, it would be the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've known that you remembered what I told you because I had an idea, a feeling I guess. But that doesn't matter now. What matters and how we move forward? I don't want to go backwards anymore. I want to move forward with you, Kate."

"Aren't you mad though? I mean, I left for the whole summer and I didn't call you. That must have been awful because I felt awful the whole time. You were all I thought about and I don't know how many times I picked up the phone to call you or how many times my father threatened me that he was driving me back to the city because he didn't want me to sit moping, staring outside the window."

"Well I won't lie to you. It was the toughest summer I've experienced, but as much as I can be selfish and only think of myself and my feelings…well, Alexis, my wise daughter told me to put myself in your shoes and trying to think about how you were feeling. So I did just that. I actually did some research with people that had been shot and got to see how it made them feel. It actually helped me to understand and helped me cope with it. I finally was able to finish my book and I didn't forget about you for one second. I was just waiting for your call. Once I got to see you, well as you can see like I said earlier. I can never stay mad at you for long. That lasted for all of twenty minutes and then we were partners again." He grinned at her still holding her hands.

"You are truly something, Castle."

"Ha, tell me about it. My mother tells me that all the time. Come to think of it. Alexis does too."

She laughs, "No, you really are something. You are something that doesn't exist in the human race. I mean, I don't even know what to say. You are a good man, friend, partner…I don't know."

"Keep going," he laughs because she smiling and the tears are dry, the frowns are gone and the worry in her eyes.

"Actually there is one more thing I do need to tell you," she smiled at him.

"Really? I think I've pulled back all the layers of the Beckett onion, so what else do you have hiding up your sleeve?" He winked at her.

"Well I want to tell you how I feel. This will probably come out as a complete mess. I'm not good at expressing myself like you, writer. Well the whole summer wasn't a total loss because I did some soul searching within myself. I'm still not completely good at sharing with others about my feelings, but while I was gone I miss you, Castle. I missed you coming to me with advice about Alexis. I missed your jokes, your smile, your support, our friendship and our partnership. I realized that I needed you, but I didn't know in what capacity I needed you in. And despite what you may think, Yoda I guarantee I can still shock you." She looked at him with a pleased, yet sarcastic look. "What you deserve to know is that, I love you too."