AN: I don't plan on making any OCs for this fic. Everyone who shows up is either from an version of the anime, book or game from the FMA series at some point.
Eureka
Chapter 3
Necessity is the Mother of Invention
"Do I look presentable?" Roy asked as he refastened his tie and smoothed out his vest. They just got redressed and he was chastising himself for throwing his damned clothes on the floor like a heathen.
"You always look good." Riza had to admit as she ran her hands over him to brush off any stray hairs or indication that they slipped away to have sex. She had to take some tape off his desk and use it as a lint brush to get some crumbs and dirt off his pants, clearly picked up from the floor when he just kicked them off and walked out of them.
"I would say the same, but you know I hate that uniform on you." Roy said and she looked up at him smiled knowingly. The generic Sheriff uniform was available in men's sizes and had to be tailored to even come close to fitting her. Alex Armstrong modified it to her specifications and let a lot to be desired as far as Roy was concerned.
"That is the point." Riza said and finished her inspection and deemed him presentable enough. "So what's the plan?"
"I plan to take the visitors on a tour of the lab with the sex dolls so I can mask the scent of what we just did." Roy said with a smirk.
"You mean Mannequin soldiers, right?" She corrected him. Roy could be crass and that would certainly not make the offending General any more amiable by being called out by his 'project'.
"Yeah, whatever the hell we're calling them." He looked over at his private bathroom and mumbled, "I need to get a shower added in there."
"I'll help clean up the fiasco in the lobby on the way back to my office." Riza said. "Unless you need me for the walk-through?"
"I think it would make Raven suspicious." Roy said. "I fought him on your instatement here and his insistence that you have more access to the facility. He's going to push that envelope and I honestly don't want to put you on the spot where you have to lie about anything."
"I have to report to him later, anyway." She said. "He's going to come to my office and ask questions of both me and Havoc. So, my question is, are we still not mentioning our marriage?"
"It's none of their fucking business." Roy grumbled. "Honestly I probably apologized too soon. I really could have used you fuming at me from the side of the room to make sure our guests never considered we're in a relationship. Oops."
She saw his smirk and just gave him an admonishing look. "It would have been an tactical advantage for you."
"Tactical error is more likely. I put it off long enough and I am very pleased with the way it turned out." He replied and kissed her. "Besides you don't work for me, it's not fraternization. No concern of theirs."
"The DoD probably feels differently." She replied. "This is a highly sensitive facility and they want to scrutinize everything that happens here."
"We filed our paperwork." Roy said with a smile. "That's all we're required to do."
"Maybe they know we're married already."
"Doubtful." Roy said. "I report to the DoD directly, you report to the Army. The government sections don't like sharing information, even if they all fall under the same umbrella. To the Army, my name means nothing; to the DoD, you already had required security clearance and lived in Eureka. The only people who would have a degree of name recognition are currently two Generals touring our facility. Generals. They don't look at human resources paperwork unless they're trying to cause problems. Their assistants don't have clearance to know about Eureka. I think it will be a year, at least, before anyone notices we're married. Bureaucracy is a bitch."
She tried to ignore his smug smirk but had to smile. He was adorable when amused with himself for making the system work against itself. "This would be one of those times you want to refrain from sharing information with the Army."
"For good reason." Roy said. "They don't need to know."
Riza sighed as he put his hand on her cheek, reassuring her that this wasn't lying it; was withholding information. Totally different things. "I do feel it is the best course of action. I'm sure I'll be reaffirmed of that when Raven starts complaining about you later, not realizing your my husband; I'll regret it when he's threatening to court-martial me after he finds out."
"I'm glad." Roy said. "I was hoping you weren't just trying to make things easier on yourself when you divorced me."
"If the surname is an issue..."
"As much as I would love to hear everyone address you as Riza Mustang, I have to admit, that is purely pride on my part and has virtually no bearing on what matters in our marriage."
"Virtually?" She narrowed her eyes at him for clarification.
"This Barry guy should have known better than to hit on you."
"He's a murderer, worse he's a serial killer. He hardly understands restraint and etiquette or respects the law."
"Still..." Roy mumbled.
"Go back to work." She said with a smile. "Call me if I have to handle anything."
"Can we talk later about what I need to do to make this arrangement work?" Roy asked. "I want to feel like we've resolved our problems, but we both know we just resolved tension and our issue is still very much hanging over us. I don't want to lose you, I can't afford to lose you."
"Roy, we're newlyweds. We're still figuring each other out and how we fit into each others lives. We got married after a very short and intense few months of dating." Riza smiled at him. "We skipped a lot of steps. We are still learning about each other."
"Stop apologizing for my actions. I was being an asshole."
"I didn't pick up the phone either." She admitted.
"You really thought we were falling apart, didn't you?" He asked.
"Roy what do we really have in common?" She asked. "Why are you married to a soldier instead of a another brilliant scientist? Someone you can actually converse with about thermodynamics?"
"I am married to you, because I love you." Roy said and touched her face. "You just happen to be a soldier, you're more than just your occupation Riza. You're also showing me there is more to me than just being a scientist."
"You're right." She said and he looked excited to hear that, he did love to hear those words, the egotistical shit. Then she added, "You've got an amazing body for a man who spends over twelve hours a day behind a desk."
He deflated when he realized she set him up for that. "See, there you go again, outmaneuvering me and setting me up. "
"Let's talk tonight." She said and slapped his ass as she went to leave. "Go save Eureka."
"Thanks dear." He said dryly and then called out, "I didn't get that Noble Prize for my body."
"No you got a centerfold in some hot scientist calendar." She said and got to the door to discover it was still locked. "Can you open the door?"
"Havoc gave that to you, didn't he?"
"His husband is in it. He has it hanging on the wall in my office bathroom. If you ever came on my turf and visited my office for more than a few minutes, you would have seen it by now." She reminded Roy that not everyone was enamored with him. "Speaking of Breda, I think he's probably done severing lunch to your guests."
Roy put his hand in his pocket and unlocked the door. "It was for a good cause you know."
"I didn't say I was complaining." She grinned and left. No, she and Havoc were never going to move out of the 2016 Undercover Eureka calendar year despite it being well over.
Roy returned to his visitors as they were sampling some catered food brought in from the Hagaren Cafe in town. Dr. Heymans Breda was explaining the science of food and trying to convince the Generals that eating better could increase productivity for their soldiers. The Senator and Congressman were shoving their mouths full of gourmet delights thinking it didn't apply to them. "While you are in town, please feel free to stop into the cafe. All residents receive free food and that extends to guests."
Breda watched the politicians almost choke and the Generals eyeball Mustang. He chose to seize the opportunity given and expand on the explanation of his research. "As I was saying, it's actually easier to work good food into the budget than expect people to perform at their best on lesser quality nutrition. I think you can agree the portions you've sampled are small, but filling. They meet and exceed all current nutritional requirements set forth by our own government."
"How exactly can you expect us to approve the budget you are asking for when you are giving food away for free?" Senator Klemin asked.
"Dr. Breda has the documentation you require on the benefits and savings of this program at the end of the table." Roy pointed to folders that were set under plates of dessert. "He has a doctorate in Food Science and is a candidate for a Noble Prize for his work on ending world hunger."
"Food Science?" General Hakuro asked. "Is that a real thing?"
Roy didn't give Breda a chance to defend himself because nobody tried to devalue his people on his watch. "Actually Food Science is incredibly complex and requires study in the fields of chemistry, biology, engineering and agriculture as well as an understanding of social, cultural and artistic influences. I assure you, it's a real and very practical thing."
Breda smirked, his boss could use his authority for good sometimes. He could feel the group freeze and look at Mustang who had quickly changed the mood in the room from hospitable to hostile. So he opted to changed the subject. "We source all of our food locally as Eureka is a self-sustaining town. What is grown by our agriculture division feeds everyone. Their research maximizes crops for a larger harvest and livestock for a larger yield."
"You could be selling it and generating your own income." Congressmen Gardner pointed out.
"Eureka is about progress." Roy reminded them. "Greater crop yields mean more profits and more food. It stimulates the economy and increases production levels while reducing hunger and health care burdens in the outside world. Inside this town, it's great for morale; When you sequester a bunch of families in the middle of nowhere and monitor every facet of their lives to ensure secrets aren't sold, you are walking a fine line of confinement versus freedom. It's a perk of the job. It also means they can add free food and fuel to their income since they get paid as government scientists and not private sector ones. It's a system that works, and as you can see, it's actually a better choice for hard working families than having to come home and make dinner. It's proven to keep people working longer and worrying less about having to get home to take care of their families."
"Interesting." Klemin said and went to help himself to dessert and the folder. No wonder the Army was trying to keep this place secret, their budget could be reworked if they could get food for free. That meant more money for weapons.
"We don't charge soldiers for their meals at the mess, do we General?" Roy asked and Raven gave a fake laugh.
"Are you implying you got the idea from the Army, Mustang?"
"I feed my people, that's just good sense." Roy looked over to Breda. "Dr. Breda keeps everyone fed well and productivity is at an all time high because of it. It's the base layer of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: Food, Water and Shelter. All met by the company asking it's employees to uproot their lives and families and live in seclusion to do their jobs. We are not military, but we ask a lot of our people."
"Explain to me why there is not more of a military presence if you are indeed under the DoD's watch?" Gardner asked. "This sounds like a bounty of technology that the world would be after."
"Our Sheriff and Deputy are active military as is our town Doctor." Roy replied. "They report to the Army, not to me, by design. A system of checks and balances."
"Reports that I don't see very often." Raven commented as he helped himself to another portion of food.
"Your employees, not mine." Roy said.
"Your protocol, not mine." Raven countered. "It's funny that everyone I send here ends up corrupted by your techniques of hiding things from the military that you serve and that serves you funding to feed your research here."
"I serve the country." Roy replied and the other men looked at him and Raven with interest as they wolfed down dessert. Tension was building. "Unfortunately our government gives the majority of it's funding to the military so that puts me in the position of having to cater to you. However we here in Eureka do still remain detached from the Army by a few degrees of separation and that is something I hope to convince these gentlemen is essential. Otherwise you two politicians would never know this town, or this facility, ever existed and the army would take everything for itself."
"You're quite the politician yourself, Mustang." Raven said and gave him a smile that said it was intended as an insult. Now he saw the man's play, to make sure the Army couldn't keep inching closer to taking Eureka under it's wing. Bastard. "You dance around the answers better than these two, and that's a fact."
"That's why I'm the director of the most advanced scientific facility in the world." Roy replied. "The majority of the scientists under this roof would never work for you. Me included."
Raven knew he was being bated. Mustang was pushing him to see if there was a chance of them bringing in someone else, someone more inclined to share with the military. "I suppose so."
Roy gave a wry smile, "So when you gentleman are done with your meals, I'll escort you on a tour of the labs."
Riza delegated clean up to Roy's assistant, Vato Falman. Falman had a doctorate in Information Technologies and had an incredible memory. Roy had no choice but to bring him in to his inner circle when he discovered that Falman could recall everything he read. It was a security risk, but also an asset. She felt safe leaving him in charge of the party aftermath as he could prioritize which scientists needed to be sent back to their labs first and which could use a little more time to socialize. He knew everyone's work and their personalities, he was better at it. It allowed her to go back to her office to prepare for the inevitable visit from her boss.
"Hey Chief." Havoc said as he looked up from his desk as the Sheriff returned. He was cleaning a shotgun since he was expecting a white glove inspection of the place since Generals were in town.
"Jean." Riza replied and went over to her desk to see what she had to clean up herself; Paperwork for her, Havoc knew what he was doing by getting a head start on the armory. "Raven and Hakuro are currently touring AI, I don't expect them for at least another few hours. Roy's probably arguing with Raven as we speak."
"Heymans just sent me a text saying he's bringing leftovers. He'll give us the inside info on lunch." Jean narrowed his eyes at her. "Something's different about you."
Leave it to her Deputy and best friend to not let this go. Instead of denying it she simply said, "Roy and I...made up."
Havoc chuckled. "Your relationship amazes me. Not just because you two are compatible, but because you have little to no regard for having sex in that building. That building where we literally encounter all kinds of fucked up substances on the walls and floor that have really godawful uses and side effects."
"He is careful not to allow anything like that in his office."
"Yeah, I'm seeing his incredibly high standards for what he allows in his office."
"It was my idea."
"This keeps getting better." Jean snorted. "I mean, I get it. I get that someone in his position would enjoy taking orders in his down time, but damn."
"Jean, can we please focus on work?" She said and tried to not smile. Roy would not appreciate Havoc's insightful observations about their sex life. Hethought himself an enigma.
"You're glowing." Jean held out his box of cigarettes. "Did you need a smoke? You look like you do."
Riza had to laugh. It felt good and she knew Jean was doing it on purpose because the last month had been tense. He deserved to know that things were better, he worried a lot about her. "Save it. The last time your husband brought you lunch I walked in to you with your hands wrapped around the jail cell bars, your pants down, and him giving you a blow job."
"Touche." Jean said. Yes, there was no judgment here. He and Heymans had no qualms about utilizing the office for personal matters either. If the Generals only knew about that lax protocol.
"We need to make sure we have something harmless to show Raven." Riza said, trying to get them back on track. "We can't hide what happens here, but we can definitely lead him to cases that are a little less indicative of the chaos that ensues when experiments go wrong."
"Is your change of status form in that pile?" Havoc asked curiously. He needed to know where they were on the publicity of the Mustang-Hawkeye marriage. The town knew, the town knew everything thanks to the gossips at Hagaren Cafe, but that was different than broadcasting it to their superior officer.
"I mailed it." Riza replied. "That is good enough, right?"
"Yeah." Havoc assured her. "Forms filled out, signed and mailed off. That's all we do around here, paperwork. I'm sure if they knew about it then you would have gotten a call from the Relationship Auditor by now."
Roy had mentioned that casually a few months ago. A psychiatrist who came in to evaluate relationships and give it government approval or determine it was a risk factor. Being a very high security job, everyone at this clearance level was required to undergo the criticism of their personal relationships by an outsider. When hearts were broken and emotions ran high, people with access to technology like this could be a risk to everyone. It was a safety protocol, something she and Roy were avoiding talking about since it loomed over their heads. They hoped they could figure themselves out before they got that surprise visit. "True."
"So, how about Fossil Disease?" Jean said as he ticked off recent events to see if they were acceptable for the General's eyes.
"Definite 'No' pile." Riza said and leaned back in her chair. "Dr. Majhol's zombies? Maybe that will scare whoever commissioned the Mannequin soldiers."
"Why do we have so many people making fake people?" Jean asked. "Cowley. Majhol. Bradley."
"Majhol tried to bind souls to dolls. Crowley is making golems. Bradley made artificial humans." Riza replied. "They're all different."
"Not really." Havoc placed a cigarette on his lips as he went back to cleaning his shotgun. "Other than that extra nipple thing."
"Still, I think the zombie dolls would be safe?" She asked. "That's just weird ,not a frightening display of Roy's lack of control over his scientists?"
"Unless someone wants to animate his blow up sex doll or creepy Victorian doll collection." Jean said and then shrugged, "Which would prove your point about the mannequin soldier's origin. I think that's safe."
"What about the chimeras?" Riza asked.
"Just let them talk to Scar." Jean snorted. "He's intimidating enough. When he does his "Chimeras, fucking sweet!" routine he'll show they have no military application because they can be taken out of commission with just one hit."
"Good." She said and grabbed the next file. "What about the Tringhams?"
"Yeah, I guess leaching poison out of the ground with plants is cool. As is the medicinal marijuana." Jean said. "Not sure they'll find the whole 'accidentally poisoning the water supply with contaminated red water and the atmosphere with pot' that confidence inspiring though."
"I have to give them something. If we sugar coat everything I think it will be obvious we've gone through the files and picked the harmless ones." She said and looked up as Breda arrived with lunch. "So how did it go?"
"Your husband is hot when he's protective." Breda winked. "Defended my field of expertise and went toe to toe with Raven to do so."
"Great." She mumbled. "I'm assuming they treated you like furniture when they were eating if they insulted you in front of him. Anything I should know about?"
"Yeah, they're not exactly the best people to respect or notice the 'hired help'." Breda said. "They mentioned talking to Petr Hildebrand about his Gundum robot. Apparently he wants to plant it in the courtyard of the Capital building as a defensive measure. They seemed to think that was a good idea."
Riza stood up, knowing where this was going. "Enjoy lunch Deputy, I'll call you when I determine what guns we need to bring that damned thing down."
"Enjoy lunch, huh?" Breda asked as soon as she left. "Sounds like an order."
"Well, I'm probably going to spend my afternoon risking my life trying to take down a rogue giant robot with advanced weaponry released into the world without any testing or fail safes." Havoc said and stood up. "So yeah, sounds like a great time for a quickie before I end up too broken or to dead to do anything."
AN: Hildebrand is from the Wii games Prince of Dawn and Daughter of the Dusk. And he does manage to plant a giant robot in the middle of Central City.
The 'Relationship Auditor' is a Eureka element that would be stupid to leave out. This fic is going to play trope bingo and I can't miss out on that one.
The alluded to Bravoc BJ is a tribute to a Carter/Stark event in a Eureka fanfic by glitterfic. My elation at reading those words and situation can not be put in to words. So all I can do i nod to the brilliance.
