Forever Yesterday
Notes: Hey, again. I don't remember much about what was going on here but uh… Yeah… So here's just some stupid story that was going to go into Scenes from a Hat but I decided that I didn't know where it was going so I just ended it. Now I know what I wanna do with it but it's still stupid. (What the other two weren't or was I just trying to prove some point?) Basically it's based on what Shura's reaction to the whole thing at the end was. I always thought he was a little douche.What, I did. Just being honest!
Oh… And don't screw with Mukuro when she's sleepy. The consequences will be like when you see Dumbledore when he has a headache. (This came out darker than I thought it would have.)
3. I'll Make a Man Out of You!
Mukuro was relaxing one day and just as she was about to drift off to sleep there was a knock at the door. She sat up, confused. She knew damn well that it wasn't Hiei coming over to complain about the patrol (to which she constantly challenged, and to which challenge he promptly changed the subject) because he barged in whenever he damn well pleased whether she wanted her alone time or not. For some reason, no one else was daring enough to bother her in her chambers, mostly because they didn't want to go in a wormhole to the eighteen hundreds, where people really did have chambers. She waited until the third knock before she opened the door. She was surprised to see Shura standing there with a piece of paper safety pinned to his chest.
"Hey, I'm here," Shura said as if Mukuro actually gave a crap if he was or not. Or maybe he knew she thought she might have been a little high off life.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" she asked. He pointed at the note on his chest and she tore it off. It read, "Please take care of me. :(" She looked at him, brow raised. "Really, kid? What happened to your father?"
"He didn't die or anything but he sent me on a mission to become a man."
"To… Why?"
"Because I'm coming of age. So I have to show my sense of responsibility and everything else that makes someone a man. …You should tell me how you did it."
"Get out."
"You still factor in it."
"I fail to see your point."
"I came here… To kill you!"
"Well, that's comforting."
"Wait we you thinking… You're disgusting."
"Kid, you see the stuff I've seen and you'll think the same way."
"I hope I don't get your blood on me. I really don't want what you have."
"…This is really gonna make you into a man for your father? You're just gonna walk up to him and say that you killed me and then you're instantly a man. That doesn't really…"
"Well, what is a man?"
"A miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you." Shura stared at her like she was crazy, and at this point, Mukuro was really thinking she was crazy. Then he pulled out a knife and started running at her. The door opened and Hiei walked in.
"What the hell is going on in here?" he growled. Everything stopped in midair. Internally, Hiei was happy because he just defied the laws of physics more than he already does.
Mukuro answered simply, "Oh Shura's here and he wants to kill me so he can become a man. It's the typical coming of age story, a real bildungsroman."
"I understood only that first part… No, I don't even understand that. You're just going to let this bastard kill you? What the hell's wrong with you? You've gotten weak…"
"Hiei…"
"Why don't you just get on a chair and hang yourself or slit your own throat or…"
"Hiei."
"Or suck some poison gas or…"
"Hiei!"
"What?"
"You don't really think this is the first time someone's tried to kill me, do you? And I've been through ones with much more skill and cleverness too."
He looked like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on him. "…Nice weather we're having today."
Shura resumed his attempt at knifing her but she kept stepping out of the way. Despite that, Mukuro still asked Hiei in the way a person asks someone across the table at breakfast, "Did you come here for any particular reason? Or did you just come to complain?"
"…Maybe I came for you…?"
"Doubt it."
"Dammit, bitch! Let me cut you!" Shura growled.
Mukuro groaned. "You're both stupid."
/-/-/
Mukuro walked up to a closet for some reason. Just when she opened the door, Shura jumped out with the knife in hand. She looked over. "Hey, could you hand me that yard stick that's next to your hand? Thanks?" She swung it a couple of times like a batter before she whacked him on the head with it.
/-/-/
Hiei walked into the room and saw Mukuro sleeping. He scanned the room for any sign of Shura. Once satisfied, he plopped himself in the chair and started relaxing. Then he came to a horrible realization. What if he was hiding in the closet?
He was about to open the door to the closet but then he remembered the consequences. He walked up to to Mukuro and shook her. When she woke up, she glared at him. "…I think he's in your closet."
"Dammit, Hiei. If he hasn't come out to kill me, then he won't until I go over there. Let me sleep for five minutes," she rolled over.
"But… But it's your closet. The one you don't want people going in."
"Okay, the longer he stays in there, the worse his punishment will become. If he stays in there a week, I'll make sure he never breathes without the use of a machine. Go away."
"Really, Mukuro."
"You're gonna object to someone's brutal slaughter. Ha. Funny. Screw you."
"You sleep all day anyway. You're not missing anything! And frankly, you can sleep when you're dead."
"That sounds like a challenge. I don't care. Really, Hiei. Go away."
"just open the damn closet already!"
She groaned and got up. She swung open the the door, snatched the knife out of Shura's hand, and growled, "Get the fuck out of there. Don't you fucking go in my closet."
Shura ran out, feeling like he died a little on the inside. Mukuro turned back and stopped in front of Hiei. They stared at each other and then Mukuro kneed him in the crotch. "And you should get the fuck out too."
"God, you just… That hurts!"
"I'm sure it does."
/-/-/
Once Hiei recovered, he walked out to see Shura standing in the hall, contemplating his next scheme. Shura noticed him there.
"Okay, seriously, what's your deal?" Shura asked.
Normally Hiei wouldn't answer a question like that, especially not someone he was really dreaming of slaughtering brutally. He did it anyway. "What do you mean?"
"Dude, you're always there wherever Mukuro is. I think you have something going on. I think you're in love with her or something. Or her mate."
"This isn't the eighteen hundreds. You can stop referring to her as a mate."
"…So you are?"
"I'm not in love with her and we have no relationship."
"Do… do you want to?" And then they put their hands in the air and said to the beat cause they had nothing left, "I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love." After a moment of awkward silence, Shura finally said, "You know, we're really the same. You and I. Everything."
"…No, we're not. That's not gonna work on me. I don't care how much you want to kill Mukuro and I don't care how much subconsciously I might be doing all that I'm doing for a reason I constantly deny until the levy breaks and then we both have some hormone induced and fanfiction induced fling. I don't even want you to harm a hair on her head."
"You broke the fourth wall at least three times in that whole speech. And you really turned my stomach with that image. Thanks a lot, random ass dude."
"That you even imaged what that looks like is disgusting in itself. You don't even know my name. That's just another level of failure."
"But if you kill her then you'll never have to worry about… whatever it was you just said. You know you wanna do it."
He was starting to feel some innuendo coming through. But that might just be because of his horrible history with women, mainly Mary Sues. "I'm putting you back in her closet and I'll make sure that she punishes you severely… Or I'll make sure that she… This… This conversation didn't happen."
"What?" Shura took a mental note to never come near these parts again, assuming that there was something wrong with the water. He then proceeded to his next plot…
/-/-/
Mukuro was talking to Kirin about the current state of affairs. Mukuro suddenly crouched and a cleaver flew right into Kirin's forehead. When Mukuro got up, she looked down at him. "Get that cleaver out of your head. That's rude, you know."
"…I taste blue…"
Mukuro pulled the cleaver and threw it over her shoulder, hitting Shura in the arm. "…Didn't your father ever tell you not to throw sharp things?"
Shura stared crying. "Didn't yours?"
"I'm going to slaughter you." And she said it with a slasher smile. Shura already knew that this was not going to end well…
/-/-/
Somewhere in Grandara, Yomi was sitting in his couch in his suddenly weepy self. "I sent him too early. There's no way he'll come back alive! Why did I send him away like that! Why am I so stupid? Why… I don't even remember what his voice sounds like!" And he started to sob in the corner as he listened to "Cat's in the Cradle."
There was a knock at the door. He opened it and Mukuro threw Shura into the room.
"Just take him back. I don't think I have the sanity to deal with him anymore," Mukuro said. And then she ran away before she heard Yomi's answer.
Shura said to break the awkward silence. "…Dad, never leave me."
"You didn't learn anything, did you?"
"…Fuck my life."
