Chapter 3- What did you think I would say?
Six weeks
We arrive at the Potters' house around two. It's just Hugo, Mum, and I seeing as Dad has vanished. Thinking that makes me want to cry but I plaster a smile on my face and step from the fireplace. Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny spot us from across the room and head over.
"No one but them, Mum," I plead in a whisper and she understands. I asked her before we left to tell no one but Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny. Surely they would be able to feel better, at least I hope. We all go our separate ways, Mum with Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, Hugo to search for Al, and me to search for Lily. The crowd is huge seeing as Uncle Harry is famous and everyone loves him. Lily isn't anywhere in the house so I open the sliding glass doors and head outside to the huge garden. The Potters have a swimming pool the size of a lake and a garden the size of the forbidden forest at Hogwarts. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but oh well who cares. The only thing that matters is that the Potter house and grounds are huge. So looking for Lily in this crowd is harder than I originally thought.
Finally I find her in the pool. She's wearing a very revealing bathing suit and I can't help but smile at my pretty little cousin. She looks a lot like me, sometimes people mistake us for sisters. Her long red hair is tied in a knot and her skin is a golden tan. She's just a happy fifteen year old, extremely confident, smart, and fun. I'm a bit jealous but whatever. She catches sight of me and swims to the edge of the pool. I meet her near the edge and crouch down to talk. She smiles and tugs on the hem of my new blue and white sundress. The blue matches my eyes and the floral pattern is eye catching. My hair is falling around my shoulder in soft curls and I look pretty compared to how I feel inside.
"Well, Weasley, That's a very nice dress you've got there. Can I borrow it sometime?" she greets me. We're basically the same size so I laugh and shake my head at her silliness. She's always calls me Weasley as if I was the only person in my family who has the name. Then again I've always called her Potter so what does it matter? She's my little cousin, the closest thing I have to a sister, and my best friend.
"Of course you can Potter. Having a nice dip?" I ask smiling. I feel a little better just talking to Lily about nothing. I feel a little less stressed a little more relaxed. She just makes me feel better.
"Yes, it's splendid. Care to join me?" she answers and slides back into the water. I transfigure my sundress to a blue and white matching bikini, because I'm of age, there's no muggles here who don't know about magic, and just because I can. I like doing magic now simply because I can, so what? I fix my hair into a loose bun and dive in after my cousin. When I surface Lily is waiting for me and she splashes me mercilessly. We get into a water war and I can't help but laugh. Lily is a goddess. She can work wonders on a troubled teenage girl's heart. There's no thought process involved, she just makes me happy without trying and without realizing what she's doing.
"Lily, you're the best!" I surrender as she pushes a massive wave of water at me. She stops pushing the water and the water ripples gently over my face. She laughs in triumph and does a handstand in the shallow end of the pool, the show off. Suddenly my bladder feels impossibly heavy and I need to pee, badly. I'm rushing out of the pool and towards the house, calling to Lily that I'll be back. I open the doors and dive into the large crowd. Tons of my cousins are there and I wish Al a quick happy birthday as I pass him. But that's when I see him sitting next to Al. His blonde hair has grown since I last saw him. His eyes are the same stormy purplish grey color as I remember. He smirks at me and my bladder is completely forgotten. Instead my stomach grabs my attention.
It's churning, and pulsing like a rolling barrel. My quick breakfast of sausage and eggs is rolling around in my stomach madly. There's this burning feeling in the back of my throat and the taste of bile and eggs reaches my tongue. I must look really bad because he frowns and stands from his seat. The vomit is coming faster than I can control so I high tail it up to my uncle and aunt's personal bathroom. No one will disturb me up here and I can be in peace as my breakfast leaves my body. I reach the loo and before I can think of my relief, my breakfast is up my throat and out of my mouth. The smell is wretched and the feeling even worse. My hair tumbles from the loose bun and I have to concentrate on holding my hair and not making too much of a mess.
Suddenly a hand wraps around my waist and takes my hair gently from my grip. The hands are soothing and soon my stomach relaxes. I stop retching and I spit the taste from my mouth. The hand conjures a wet napkin and I take it gratefully. I wipe my mouth and try to stand. The floor is soaked and I sheepishly look down at my wet bathing suit. A hand is still on my waist and it looks familiar. I just pray that I'm wrong. His voice reaches my ears and I think I'm going to cry with my bad luck. I hate the world.
"What's up with you, Red?" he's concerned which surprises me. Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy only cares about Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, no one else.
"Don't call me, Red," I reprimand weakly. My throat is dry and he seems to notice because there's a glass of water by my side. I take it and sip at it cautiously. He might have held my hair when I vomited and he might have been nice but there's no way I'm going to trust him. I choke on the water and cough madly for what seems like ages. Again his hands are soothing as he rubs my back trying to calm me down. When the coughing subsides I sit up and curl my knees up and hold my arms around them. I start to cry and Malfoy has no idea how to handle a crying girl. Just for a few damned hours I had had fun. But again the world comes crashing down at the worst possible times. Maybe I'm being dramatic but for once I'd like to have everything go smoothly for me.
"Lily, get Lily!" I sob at him and he scrambles up from the wet floor and goes out the door. Lily's the only one who knew about Malfoy and I from the start. She walked into the Room of Requirement to grab the book she left only to find Malfoy and I scrambling to get dressed with red faces. She left before Malfoy could notice her but I saw the look on her face and silently swore to tell her everything. She got the hint and left before Malfoy knew what had happened. She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do, where as I just did whatever came to mind.
Lily arrives in a worried frenzy. She slams the bathroom door in Malfoy's face and instantly puts her arms around me. She rocks me back and forth stroking my hair and holding me. Never once does she say a word as I cry. Never once does she ask if I'm ok or tells me that everything will be ok. She knows that whatever I'm upset about is bad or I wouldn't be upset about it. When I'm done crying I feel as if I've aged considerably. My eyes feel heavy and puffy, my worries seem to multiply, I feel a hundred years older than what I should feel. I'm only seventeen, damn it!
I stay quiet in Lily's arms for a few moments when I hear Al's voice from the other side of the door.
"What's wrong? What's going on?" The question isn't being directed through the door. He's asking someone outside so I'm guessing that Malfoy is still waiting outside. Sure enough I hear Malfoy's voice clearly through the door answering Al's questions.
"I don't know," he says, "It's Rose she threw up and then started crying. I had no idea what to do so she sent me to get Lily. They're still in there."
"Right, I should get Aunt Hermione," Al told Malfoy. The minute Lily heard this she clamped her hands over my ears and let out a yell. She didn't want to give me a head ache but she didn't want to let go of me either.
"Albus Severus Potter, if you so much as speak a word to Aunt Hermione or anyone for that matter, I swear to Merlin and everything he stands for that I will hex off your boyhood piece by painful piece slowly!" She yells at him. Lily is scary when she wants to be and right now I'm grateful for it. Al mutters something offensive incoherently and he's lucky Lily can't hear him.
"Now, Rosie, are you going to tell me what's wrong or will you lie and tell me that you're ok?" Lily smiles down at me. She's trying to lighten the mood. She knows I could never lie to her. So I'm just going to spit it out. Right now. I'm just going to say it. "Lily I'm pregnant," I'm going to say. Simple as that. But it's not. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. It's not simple at all. It's not easy to say two words.
"I-" I start but my voice catches in my throat and I take this as a sign to be quiet. I wait for a few moments. I need to get my emotions in control.
"I'm pregnant," I whisper though I don't mean for it to be so quiet. Her face hardens and she knows who the father is. I've never been with anyone else. She knows that, I know that, but my biggest fear is that no one else will know that. That he won't know that.
"Does your Mum know?" she asks me gently. I nod and another sob comes along with it. Honestly I want to poke my eyeballs out so I won't cry so much.
"Dad does too. That's why he's not here. He ran out last night when I told them. Hugh doesn't know but I'm sure Mum has told Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny. They don't know who the father is though. I didn't tell them," I answer her. She's quiet for a moment and I know she's thinking and thinking hard.
"Does he know?" she asks even though I know she knows the answer.
"Of course not. How can I tell him Lily? How? And what if he denies it? What if he leave me to fend for myself? I can't raise a baby by myself." Of course I don't want a relationship with him. I just need to know he'll be there for our baby. I don't want my child to grow up fatherless. She seems to understand this and she nods. She has her determined glint in her eyes and she gets up lifting me along with her. I'm afraid of what she'll do now. I'm surprised I can even stand at all. I feel weak.
"Now's the perfect time to tell him," Lily tells me and pulls the door open.
"No!" I shout and Al and Malfoy stare at me like I'm a bloody fool. "Don't Lily, please!" I call but it's too late. Before my eyes Lily marches up to Malfoy and gives him a good hard slap right across his pale cheek. Al's face distorts into a combination of embarrassment, horror, and anger. Malfoy's too shocked to really register what happened and I'm too mortified to move. Al shouts at Lily and Lily, not afraid of Al's anger in the slightest, takes a step towards him.
"He deserved it," she says looking pointedly at me. Al's green eyes flick to me and then to Malfoy. His eyes say everything. He thinks that Malfoy's hurt me in some way. He's thinking the worst and his usually calm temper is about to explode. He turns the trademark Weasley red and faces Malfoy.
"What did you do to Rose?" He thunders so loudly that all of us jump and Malfoy takes a step back.
"I didn't do anything to her!" he yells back. His face is red now too but it's a lighter shade than Al's. With all this yelling I'm surprise that no one has come up stairs to see what all the fuss is about. I guess that Lily or Malfoy put up a silencing charm on the room so that someone wouldn't hear me sobbing. All this yelling and shouting is giving me a head ache. Lily really is in trouble big time. Wait 'til I get my hands on her. She's a dead Potter. Then they all start yell. Lily saying it's all his fault. Malfoy saying he didn't do anything and Al trying to figure out what's going on. It's all too much for me and it cannot be healthy for me at this point.
"Stop it! Stop it all of you! I don't need this! This isn't good for me! The stress could hurt the baby!" I screech at them at the top of my lungs. Yup someone definitely put up a silencing charm on the room but now it seems to have affected its occupants too. The three stare at me like I've grown a third head. Oh no. oh no oh no oh no. I didn't just say that out loud did I? Please Merlin let this be a nightmare. Please just make the Earth open up and swallow me whole.
"What?" the boys roar in confusion. I bite my lip but I can't really feel it. I'm a bit numb at the moment. Al's going to freak and this is the moment of truth for Malfoy. I'm scared out of my wits. I can't do this. I'm no brave Gryffindor! I'm such a bloody coward. I can't live to face this. Please Merlin just strike me down now. I take deep breaths and steady myself against the bathroom doorframe. They all look at me, but the boys are waiting in quiet for an explanation.
"I'm pregnant," I whisper so that only I can hear it. Saying it out loud has a whole different affect on me when I tell the boys. I just need to face this. I need to get it over with. Lily's right, it's now or never to tell him. I need to know the truth about him and he needs to know the truth about me. And Al deserves to know, too. He's my cousin and Malfoy's best friend. He needs to know too. Maybe this was what Lily had in mind. I've always been a now or never type of person. If it's not done the moment I think of it or I'm forced into it, it'll never get done. If I don't tell him now, I'll never have the guts to do it at all. So this time I'll say it louder. This time they'll hear me. This time I'm not giving up.
"I'm pregnant," I say firmly and loudly so they can't mistake what I've told them. I watch Malfoy's reaction carefully. He's too shocked to do anything but Al is seething and red with rage.
"By who?" He demands. I'm biting my lips again and this time the skin cracks from the pressure I put on it. I ignore Al and wait for Malfoy to say something.
"How far along?" Malfoy's voice is quiet and emotionless. I'm not sure if it's a good sign or not but I tell him anyway. Lily has a hand on Al's shoulder and she's putting all her strength into holding him back from charging up to me and forcing it out of me.
"A little more than six weeks," I close my eyes and wait for the yell. I wait for him to deny it. I wait for him to say, "So what does that have to do with me?" but he never does. Instead strong arms wrap around me and I'm lifted into the air. I let out a squeak of surprise but I never once open my eyes. This is some sick daydream sent to torture me. He can't possibly be happy about this, can he? I mean come on we're barely of age. And we're both going back to Hogwarts. A baby isn't on the agenda and it's not something I should be happy about, right?
"Rose, that's great!" Malfoy says in my ears, but I don't think it's so great. Because this is a dream. It's all one big dream. As soon as I open my eyes Malfoy will be shaking his head next to Al and calling me a whore. Lily will slap him again and Al will start to yell again. Then a brawl will break out and I'll be the cause of it. This is not reality. It's just not. Malfoy cannot be happy about this. It's impossible.
"No it's not. It's not great," I whisper to no one in particular. Malfoy sets me back on my feet but I can still feel his arms around me. I squeeze open one eye and am surprised when I see Malfoy's shoulder occupying my vision. I open the other eye and what do you know, Malfoy's standing right in front of me with a hurt look on his face. I didn't mean for him to hear my whisper but from the look on his face I know he heard. I hate myself. Sometimes I'm just so tactless.
"This is all a dream," I whisper to him trying to make dream Malfoy understand. I don't know why I'm trying to reassure a figure of my imagination but it makes me feel a little less wretched. His hurt look turns to confusion. Dream Malfoy is a lot like the real Malfoy seeing as they're both dense.
"This is all just a day dream. There's no way you can be happy about this. I'm just dreaming. In a moment or two I'll blink my eyes and you'll be gone. Malfoy will deny everything and I'll be left alone. That's the reality of it," I try to explain. Dream Malfoy takes a step back with his hands resting on my upper arm. Behind him I see dream Lily shaking her head with her hand on her forehead. Dream Al is staring open mouthed in confusion at dream Malfoy and me. I just want to be out of this bittersweet dream. I would love it if Malfoy was happy about this but whatever. It's not going to happen.
"You!" Al's yell brings me back to Earth. Lily can't hold her brother back any longer and she falls to the ground as Al pulls out of her grasp. He spins Malfoy by the shoulder to face him and then he does something horrible. He punches Malfoy right in the face. Malfoy sways a bit but he stands there and lets Al beat on him. His mouth is in a straight line and he's clearly in pain but he doesn't do anything back.
"Al!" I gasp, shocked that my cousin would do such a thing to his best friend. This is all getting too out of hand. Quick Rose think. Think damn it, you're a witch for Merlin's sake. Witch. That's it, my wand. Where did I put it? I look to Lily who's sitting on the floor watching in horror as her brother hits Malfoy mercilessly. Next to Lily is my wand. She must have brought it up for me.
"Lily! My wand, throw it," I tell her and she obeys instantly. I catch the wand and point it at Al.
"Petrificus Totalus!" I yell. The spell hits Al squarely in the chest and he's frozen in place. He looks scary. His usually messy hair is wilder than before. His eyes are moving angrily and an angry noise is coming from his throat. Malfoy is just standing there wiping blood from his lip. Al's messed him up badly but I quickly heal him with a simple charm. He's had enough to deal with. I feel horrible for this mess that I've made. I walk to Al and hug his frozen form.
"I'm sorry, Al," I whisper to him. It shouldn't have been kept from him. I can't imagine how he's feeling right now. His best friend knocked up his cousin. How would you feel?
"It just happened Al. I'm sorry. I asked him to not tell you. Hate me, don't hate him, please just hate me. Don't blame him." The thought of ruining their friendship tears me to pieces. I unfreeze Al and he turns on me instantly. At first he's so angry I think he's going to attack me but he doesn't. Instead he hugs me tightly.
"I could never hate you Rosie, never. But I couldn't hate him either. He's my best mate." He whispers back. He lets go of me and looks to Malfoy. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly and smiles sheepishly. Malfoy just shakes his head at Al.
"It's alright mate, I understand," He tells Al. Al sighs and they embrace like the brothers that they've grown to be. I will never understand guys. Ever.
"Well mate, Lily and I'll leave you two to it then," he looks to me and nods. I nod back a bit too numb to do anything else. This isn't how I planned it to be. Not at all. Lily smiles at me before she leaves. She knows she's in deep shit when I get my hands on her but she doesn't care. Her mission is complete, Malfoy knows, and I'm left to clean up my mess. Lily is a dead Potter.
"I didn't want to tell you this way," I tell him looking at my bare feet. I'm still in my bathing suit and I'm feeling really self conscious now. I mean, I know he's seen more but that's not the point. I'm in my bathing suit, alone with Malfoy, when I just told him I'm pregnant with his kid. I look up and find his eyes. He's studying me and I feel like I'm under a microscope.
"When you said it was great, did you mean it?" I ask him. I still think I dreamt that. There's no way he could have said that.
"What did you think I would say?" he whispers. I feel small when I'm near him so I sit to make myself tinier. He sits across from me and looks into my eyes.
"You can't run away, Rose. I know what you're trying to do. There's no point in hiding or deny it. It is what it is. You're pregnant with my child. I'm not leaving you alone, now." He says quietly. I swear I'm about to faint. Malfoy isn't going to leave me alone. Great. I'm not sure what I'm feeling now. I'm either extremely happy that he'll be here, or I'm really pissed off that he'll be there to annoy me. Merlin I hate getting what I want. Once you get it, it never seems quite right. I know, I know. I'm a picky unsatisfied teenager.
"My parents know," I gulp but never take my eyes off him. He seems to pale visibly but it's just my imagination.
"Right well, do they know about me?" he asks.
"No, but I'd like my Mum to know about you." I tell him. He plays with the concept a bit in his mind. He nods and stands on his feet. He extends his hand to me and I grab it as he pulls me up. His hand is warm and it snakes its way around my waist. This cannot be happening. This is all just a dream. Just one big dream. I can still hear his voice echoing in my ears. "What did you think I would say… you can't run away" I can't run away.
Once we reach the top of the steps I stop. I just realized. I still need to pee. Badly.
