A/N: This chapter is a bit longer than the last two, hopefully not too long though! Chapter 4 coming soon I hope, although really should be studying for my exams haha. If I fail, do you think I could blame MMFD and Rinn? :D


"OI! OI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?"

The shouts jarred Finn awake as he blinked against the piercing sunlight and felt the tight knot of an awkward position form slowly at the base of his neck. He rubbed his eyes to focus through his sleepiness and saw an angry looking man jogging towards him, waving his fist.

"Oh fuck!" hurried from his lips as she scrambled to his feet, shooting a glance backwards at the small, simple headstone. See ya later, Nan, I love ya but I gotta run! Flashed though his mind as he smirked and started to sprint through the cemetery, dodging statues and monuments, glancing behind him as he watched his tracker losing steam. Running through the gates he pulled the keys of his bike from his pocket and settled himself quickly into the seat, kicking the engine into life as he reached for his helmet and pulled it quickly down as the old man huffed his way through the gates.

"Yeah that's it, be gone wi' ya, ya little scrote!" filtered through Finn's helmet as he watched the man bend, hands on his knees, as he panted and half-heartedly waved him away. Finn gave him a short salute and pulled away into the streets, laughing to himself quietly. Cracking his neck as he weaved his way through the early morning traffic Finn let his mind wander through the night before, snapshots flashing across his eyes as he remembered Rae, the kisses, the feel of her body against his, the tears, and the pain in his chest as he closed her door behind him. He sighed deeply, confused and unsure of what to do or how to do it. He needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand and who could help him. Someone who was preferably alive.

He pulled into his own driveway and felt a sense of relief that his father's car was nowhere to be seen. He loved his dad and knew he was a good guy but since Finn's mother had left he'd taken it upon himself to create the happiest house on earth, full of smiles and laughter and happy-go-lucky days. But none of it was real, it all felt so forced and sometimes all Finn wanted was someone to turn to who would understand that sometimes life was just a little bit shit, not someone who would wrap a ribbon and tie a balloon to every problem and wave it away with a smile. He knew he couldn't talk to his dad about Rae, not seriously, and he mentally crossed him off the list as he pushed through the front door, leaving his helmet hanging from the banister of the stairs and making his way to the kitchen. Tea. He thought to himself. Tea makes everythin' better. And he busied himself with putting the kettle on before leaning against the counter and pulling his tobacco from his pocket. His long, skilled fingers quickly rolled a cigarette and he placed it casually between his lips as the kettle clicked off as he made his tea, before heading out the back door into the garden. Sitting on the step he hugged the tea to himself, the warmth melting away the icy pain still aching in his chest from the night before as he lit his cigarette and took a long, slow drag. Closing his eyes, he exhaled slowly and let the rush of the nicotine work it's way through his body, soothing him from the inside.

Sipping his tea he slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight once again as he cupped the hot mug in his hands, watching the smoke from his rollie curling into the sunshine, mesmerising him in his thoughts. He went back to writing his mental list of people he could talk to, scribbling a line through his dad as he did so. Chloe? He thought to himself, wincing at it. No, not Chloe. He knew how she felt about him; at least he thought he did. She never said anything directly, but her face was still burnt into his mind after he'd explained he shouldn't have kissed her at the rave, that it had been a drunken, drug-fuelled mistake because he hadn't meant it and you shouldn't kiss people if you don't mean it. She acted like it was no big deal but he could still see her eyes glistening over at his words and he'd hurried off to save them both the pain of her tears.

Archie? Probably the most sensible lad he knew and one of the bravest. Finn had always known Archie was gay, he'd just waited quietly until he was ready to tell people, but he knew telling people was going to be as hard as it was proving to be. He did his best to protect him from the comments and the stares, but he couldn't do as much as he wanted to, he couldn't be there all the time. Archie had his own problems. No, not Archie. The scribbled lines of his mental list growing with each member of the gang.

Chop? His face scrunched up into a scoffed smile as he laughed quietly, taking another sip of his tea and another drag from his cigarette. No. He thought with a smile. Izzy was no better of an option, he loved that beautiful, tiny redhead to death but she wasn't easy for him to talk to, not really talk. So, not the gang then. He thought to himself sadly, knowing that the one member of the gang he always could talk to was the one he couldn't now. Rae.

Finishing the dregs of his tea and flicking the end of his cigarette into the flowerpot by the door, he stood up as his aching neck and shoulders reminded him that he needed the hot water of a shower to ease his pains, both inside and out. Placing the mug in the sink, he trotted slowly up the stairs, opening his bedroom door and kicking off his trainers as he walked in, shrugging his jacket from his shoulders and tossing it across the chair. Glancing at the clock beside his bed he noticed the time, 8:45am, still so early, but not the first time that Finn had rolled in at this time, much to his dad's amusement. One time, Finn wanted him to get angry rather than just roll his eyes with a cheeky grin and pretend like it was all fine. Finn wanted him to be a proper dad.

Stretching and yawning, Finn walked to the messy stack of CDs piled beside his stereo and turntable, pulling a handful from the top and flicking through them, finding the album that he knew he needed. Slipping the Stone Roses CD into his stereo he tapped through to the song he wanted; the song that had been on repeat since the moment Rae had broken up with him; the song that scribbled Rae across his heart. The familiar strum of the baseline filled his room as he pushed the repeat button and twisted the volume higher.

'I can feel the earth begin to move, I hear my needle hit the groove…'

He walked out of the room, his head nodding along as he slipped into the bathroom, pulling his t-shirt off and discarding it in the wash basket by the sink before undoing his belt, pulling his jeans and boxers down in one swift motion, stepping out of them and kicking them aside along with his socks, as he reached for the taps and turned the shower on, the room starting to fill with steam as he stepped inside.

"Have you seen her have you heard, the way she plays there are no words, to describe the way I feel." Singing as he relaxed his head back under the waterr stream, the heat tumbling down his body as he closed his eyes and relaxed into it. "She'll be the first, she'll be the last to describe the way I feel, the way I FEEL" was belted out with a smile as he clumsily reached for the shampoo, his eyes still scrunched closed against the cascading water, rubbing it into his hair as he let himself disappear into the guitars and steam, washing away the night before.


Wrapping a towel around his waist, Finn made his way back to his bedroom, rubbing his hair with another, the song still filling the house as he collapsed back onto his bed, his legs dangling from the edge as he watched the clouds pass over the skylight window above him, his hands curling to rest under his head, the damp hair slipping between his fingers as he laced them together. He felt better having washed away the smell of damp grass and the knots of the night, but he knew he still needed to talk to someone about Rae, get the advice he so desperately needed. For the first time in a long time he wished his mum were there. Mums know th' answers to this kinda shit, he thought to himself with a wistful sigh, until he sat up, propping himself up on his elbows, pulling a face at the idea that had entered his mind before deciding he had nothing to lose but to try.

Standing up he pulled open the dresser drawers, grabbing clean underwear and then sliding himself into his staple jeans and a clean, white t-shirt, as his towel landed on the floor where he stood. Grabbing his jacket he pulled it around himself as he flicked the power off on his stereo, the sudden silence leaving the house feeling empty, before jogging down the stairs, grabbing his helmet on the way past, as he headed out of the door, climbing onto his bike and riding off determinedly.


Finn glided his bike into Rae's driveway with a lurch in his stomach and a skip in his heartbeat, the familiar nervous excitement coursing through his veins, as he killed the engine and climbed off the bike. Pulling his helmet off he took a deep breath and knocked, ruffling his slightly damp hair nervously, trying to look presentable as he straightened his jacket. Her mum, heavily pregnant and looking tired, opened the door and he smiled sheepishly at her.

"Hi, Mrs Bouchtat" he uttered quietly, suddenly feeling like he was making a huge mistake.

"Hello, Finn love. Rae's at college." She said, almost questioningly, her face scrunching with confusion at his presence, her hand absentmindedly rubbing circles over her growing stomach.

"I…I know, I've, uh, I've actually come t'see you", he looked down at his feet as he spoke, his nerves tingling through him. "I was… I was wondering if we could talk. Abou' Rae…and me… and stuff. I mean, only if it's okay, I don't wann' bother ya, Mrs Bouchtat, like if you're busy or summat, it's okay. I mean ya prob'ly are, I should go, I'm sorry, this was stupid, I just thought, I…I thought, maybe, you, but, no never mind, I'm sorry like", his head shaking off his own foolishness as he turned to leave before he felt her hand gently rest against his arm, turning him back.

"Finn, love, call me Linda. Do you want tea?" She smiled warmly at him, a motherly smile, and his nerves eased a little as he smiled back sheepishly, nodding as he swallowed his fear and stepped inside the door, following her through to the kitchen. "Take ya coat off, love, no need t'be formal here" as she waved her hands at him, urging him to give her his jacket and helmet, placing them down and nodding towards the dining table. "Go, sit, I'll make the brew", she smiled, and Finn moved quietly through the room, watching her busying herself in the kitchen, pausing every now and then as she rubbed at her stomach.

She looks like a mum, he though to himself sadly, a deep longing forming in the pit of his stomach, watching her as she made her way slowly towards him, a warm smile masking the tired, strained look in her eyes as she carried the cups. Rising to his feet he, reached out, taking the mugs from her and setting them down on the table, pulling the chair out for her as she sat, nodding gratefully, her hand wrapped protectively around her unborn baby, shifting uncomfortably. "Do you wan' a cushion or summat?" He asked, looking around the living room and reaching for a small pillow on the nearby armchair, offering it to her with wide, uncertain eyes.

"Thanks, love" she smiled, taking it from him and pushing it into the small of her back with a look of relief. "Thas' better. Now, what were it you wanted to talk about, love? You and Rae?"

He sat back down, his hands nervously clutching around the mug of steaming tea, staring at the wisps of steam rising as he nodded slowly. "Yeah," he sighed, "Me and Rae." He raised the mug to his lips, taking a small sip to prepare himself to talk before clearing his throat. "We kinda talked thin's out las' night. Kinda…kinda got back t'gether, I guess. But then…then she got upset 'cause I tried t'tell her how I were feelin' and I jus' couldn't deal wi' it and I ran off. I know tha' wasn't good to do, I wanna be there for 'er, I really do, jus' sometimes…sometimes she makes it so 'ard". He rubbed at his eye with the back of his hand, the familiar tiredness creeping back into his head. Linda smiled sadly back at him, nodding softly.

"I know, love, I know. Rae… Rae's goin' throu' a lot right now, she's not actin' herself. We've been fightin' 'ere, she's been bein' rude and stayin' out all night, I don't know what t'do wi' 'er anymore", her bottom lip trembled as she spoke, her hand shaking slightly against her mug. "I di'nt even know you two'd split up, tha' explains a lot, I guess. I think college is too much for 'er right now too, but I don't want 'er to stop goin'. She jus' needs to find 'er way on 'er own, I think. I don't know." Her hand came up to her mouth, holding her lips firmly, as if she was desperately trying to hold back the weeks of tears and Finn reached his hand out across the table, patting her arm awkwardly, and she clutched at his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Oh, love. You really care 'bout 'er don't you, I can see it in your face".

He nodded vehemently, the prickle returning at the back of his eyes. "I really do Mrs Bouch…Linda, I really do, I love 'er. I jus' don't know how to sometimes. I jus' needed someone t'tell me how to love 'er." He looked at Linda with sad, desperate eyes.

"I wish I knew, love." She muttered as her face scrunched up, her bottom lip wobbling against the tears rising up in her eyes, until suddenly, with a shake of her head it was gone. "Oh look at me, this bloody baby is killin' me," she laughed, "I cried at Wheel of Fortune th' other day!" Her hand rubbed gently at her bump and Finn watched her through his lashes as she dipped her head to look down at her own stomach, the overwhelming love radiating from her face.

Tha' baby's not even born yet and she loves it so much. He thought to himself sadly, his heart yearning for someone to love him that much too.

"Sometimes, I don't think she'll ever let me just love 'er like I do", he muttered quietly. "I don't think she knows wha' she's done t'me." He glanced up at Linda's sad smile, sighing, both of them focused deeply on the other, the world around them fading away as they thought about their Rae. "It's like she's some kinda disease that I've caught, 'cept I don't think I can cure it" he laughed, his eyes crinkling slightly at the edges before they flickered up, widening as he looked past Linda's head.

"I'M A FUCKIN' DISEASE?" Rae yelled, standing open-mouthed in the doorway, her keys still dangling from her hand. "SO NOW YOU'RE SNEAKIN' ROUND HERE TO TALK T'MY FUCKIN' MUM 'BOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO CURE YA'SELF OF ME?" She snarled at him, her fists balling at her sides as tears sprang into her eyes.

"Rae, love, Finn was jus…" Linda turned, her hands reaching out to try to calm her but Rae backed away, shaking her head.

"NO! I DON'T WANT T'HEAR IT. I DON'T NEED T'KNOW HOW MUCH YOU TWO CLEARLY FUCKIN' 'ATE ME. MUST MAKE YA BOTH REALLY 'APPY THAT." She screeched, slamming her keys down on the countertop, her eyes still shining with tears.

"No, Rae, ya don't understand, I were tryin' t'say tha…" Finn's words tumbled out of his mouth as he tried to rush towards her, realising she had only heard just a small fragment of the conversation, but as he reached out to her she pushed him sharply away, forcing her way past him.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, FINN. JUS' GO AWAY AN' LEAVE ME ALONE. THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WAN' T'GO OUT WI' YA ANYMORE!"

And with that she disappeared back out the front door.

Finn started to move quickly to follow her, to chase her down and make her listen to him but the gentle hand on his shoulder held him back. "Let her go, Finn love, jus' let her go calm down, there's no talkin' t' 'er when she's like this" she sighed, sadly, moving to shakily sit back down as Finn turned to look at her, her face pale and her hand wrapped protectively around her stomach.

"Are you okay?" He asked, kneeling before her worriedly.

"I'll be fine, love, I'm jus' tired. Mini Bouchtat's been keepin' me up at night" she smiled with a forced reassurance. "Don't you worry 'bout me", a weak, colourless smile strained across her lips.

I'm worried 'bout everythin', Finn thought to himself, a tired despondence settling into his heart as he looked back at the closed front door, his heart aching.