When we make a mistake, we have two choices – accept it, or regret it. In the first case, the mistake will change your life. Twist it, twist you. In the second case, you try to believe that it's possible to come back even after the second you have done it, but sometimes this is impossible.
Owen's POV
I wasn't asleep, but I hadn't yet convinced myself to open my eyes. The sunlight would just make my headache worse – I had such a bad headache. I was in a bed, but the scent wasn't the same as my own bed.
It was familiar. It seemed almost like a memory, not reality.
When I opened my eyes I saw that I wasn't at home, but in a cold hotel room. I didn't know how I had made it here, only that the person in bed with me was certainly not my wife. When I looked to my right, my heart froze in my chest. In the same bed was Cristina, and we were both naked. Even an idiot would realize what happened the previous night, but I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.
She was looking at me, waiting for me to speak. I didn't want to talk. I was angry with myself, and with her too. We shouldn't have let this happen, not like this. I didn't know what my feelings for her were but I knew that I love Amelia, and I would never hurt her.
"What the hell did we do?" Those were the only words I could put together.
"I'm sorry…but this couldn't be a mistake. I love you, Owen and something brought you here with me last night. Something made you stay and not go back home to your wife, and you know it."
Her voice was reasonable and calm, as if we were talking about what we had for dinner, but we were talking about something that could end my marriage. Something that could destroy the life I built after she left. Amelia had given me the love that Cristina took from me.
"You should have stopped me – I'm married, Cristina!"
"Amelia? I can tell you that you didn't think about her last night…not for a second."
"I-I was drunk…"
"Yes, you were, but you was also sure of what you were doing…I know this. I know you."
"NO! You knew me! I'm not that person anymore! I've changed. You leaving changed me, so don't tell me that you know me. Amelia knows me, and I'm going to break her heart…"
"She doesn't have to know. I know that you love me, but I'll give you an out. If I really don't know you, and if I'm wrong, this night can stay between us."
"I can't. I can't hide this from her. She has a right to know."
Cristina's POV
I woke up with him in my bed after such a long time. It was amazing until I looked into his eyes – I knew he wouldn't be happy understanding what had happened the previous night, but I also knew that what happened meant something to him. The night before he didn't know where to go, and he chose to come to me. It made me so happy. I didn't know what would happen after that night, but it happened. He would regret this, but I know that it wasn't just sex: this was a come back home to me.
He took his clothes and he left.
I couldn't just continue my day as if nothing has happened. I had to wait for the moment in which he would understand, and the only way I could do that was to work. I went to the hospital hoping to find a mysterious case – I deserved at least an aortic dissection! A bit of gushing blood would be amazing right now.
"Hi Mer!"
"Good morning, Cristina…you're looking great(!)" Obviously she was being sarcastic, considering the dark circles around my eyes. Last night was amazing, but I didn't get much sleep at all. "I don't know why you didn't just stay with me – hotel beds are awful!"
"Yeah, sure. So I can be woken by your children's screams instead? No thank you!" It wasn't at all the bed that kept me awake, but I didn't think that talk with Mer would be the greatest idea right now, after all, Owen had betrayed her sister-in-law with me.
"You're hiding something from me…tell me!"
Crap! She knows me too well. Now what do I tell her? She has to know.
"We can't talk about this here."
"So there is something to talk about…?"
"I went out last night, with a man…"
"With Owen? You told me."
I didn't know how to say it, but by the look on Mer's face I realized there was no reason to even say it. My face had said it all. I really need to learn to control my facial expressions.
"Whaaaat?!" As she said that, she pulled me into a closet. "Now, I want to know all the details!"
"Are you sure? I mean I don't know how well I can explain the different positions…"
"I didn't mean that! I don't want to know that! You really slept with Owen? He is married, Cristina!" She didn't seem that angry – more surprised than anything.
"Don't you think I know that? It happened!"
"Things like that don't just 'happen'! We both know this can only end as badly as all the other times. You're both too different."
"No, Mer: I came back for this. I've changed, and surgery isn't everything to me anymore – he is everything."
"I don't even know what to say. What did Owen say?"
"He said it was a mistake, but he wants to talk to Amelia about this."
"She won't ever forgive him for this, he knows that right?"
Amelia's POV
I knew that I was the one who sent Owen away the night he didn't come home, I just guess I expected him to return after he had left me for a bit of time to 'calm down', but no. He didn't return. He didn't call. He didn't even text.
I have an almost free day today, but I would give anything to have a huge operation, or an emergency that would take my mind off of this. Something that would help me to forget the mess that had become my marriage, and the ex-wife of my husband.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Thank GOD! My pager showed a 911 in OR 3.
"What do we have?" I rushed there so quickly I didn't even look at who was in the OR.
"Jane Harris, 59 years old. Admitted for an emergency removal of a left atrial thrombus due to chronic atrial fibrillation. I was halfway through blocking her mitral valve when she started to seize. I think I may have missed a clot, and now she's having an ischemic stroke."
It was her.
Cristina was the one who paged me.
Why did it have to be her? Why did I have to be in this OR? I just had to focus on the patient. Focus on the patient…
"OK. Prepare for a craniotomy. I need to remove this clot."
The rest of the surgery went well – no complications. I opened, extracted the clot, and closed. I began washing post-op when the woman I had been avoiding eye contact with for the past couple of hours walked in.
"Thanks for being so professional, and for leaving our personal issues aside. The woman deserved it."
"I know how to distinguish the job from the rest. I would never put a patient in danger."
"Did you…did you already talk to Owen?"
"And why do you care?"
"I just wanted to say that he was really drunk…"
"Wait…what are you talking about?"
"Just…you should talk to Owen."
As soon as I was done washing myself I left that room immediately. That morning I had been so worried about Owen, wondering why he hadn't come home. Now I was just angry. How could he go to her after our fight? Cristina was right – I had to talk to my husband, right now! I came running down to the ER, searching for him. I finally found him in a Trauma Room, updating patient folders.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"I need to talk to you, but not here."
Owen's POV
She came in to talk to me…
I had been thinking all day about what to tell her, but I just couldn't find a way that wouldn't crush her. It was just impossible. I didn't want to lose her, but I knew that after telling her what happened the night before, she wouldn't ever forgive me. I had been avoiding her all day, but finally she was here and she was ready to talk. I couldn't run away this time.
"Y-yes…let's go home. I'm almost done with these folders."
Whilst I drove home, I thought about all the things I would probably be doing for the last time: having my wife at home to accompany me, watching her as she takes off her jacket and hangs it up. These are all such mechanical movements, but I can't forget them.
"So…I spoke with Cristina, although I had no intention to, and she told me to talk to you. Do you have something to say?"
Looking into her eyes, she was holding back the tears. I could see it.
"Yesterday…after we had that fight, I went to Joe's. I drank so much. Cristina was there…a-and she found me when I wasn't really myself anymore. I can't remember what happened after that, but…but this morning…"
I couldn't continue. As I spoke I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
"This morning I was in bed with her."
She said nothing. She turned around and walked towards our…now her, bedroom. I tried following her, even though I didn't know what else I could possibly say, but she slammed the door and locked it behind her.
"Please, Amelia. Open the door. We need to talk about this. I was drunk, I wouldn't have ever done this I promise. I love you…"
The room was silent, then suddenly…
Broken glass.
Banging against the wall.
Smashes. Crashes.
Now I was really afraid she would hurt herself, but there was nothing I could do. Nothing would hurt her more than what I had just done to her. I leaned against the door, helpless. I couldn't do anything now. I couldn't help her, but maybe someone else could.
"Maggie, hi. Can you come to our house please? It's Amelia…ok, I'll wait for you."
A few minutes later Maggie came running.
"What happened? Where is she?"
I pointed towards the room where now only sobs came from.
Amelia's POV
That morning, when I spoke with Cristina, I thought she wanted to tell me this but I just couldn't bring myself to consider it. It was impossible. It was impossible that my husband could betray me like that. The husband that, up to 2 days before that, had been a perfect husband. But he had. He had betrayed me.
I don't even know what I feel: anger, grief, uncertainty…the first emotion I felt was anger. I began throwing everything against the walls. I broke every jar, every frame holding perfect pictures of us in, all of his possessions. Then the anger had been overpowered by an awful sense of grief. I laid down on the bed that was my safe haven on difficult days. The bed where he held me in his arms every night, but now it had no meaning. He took away that meaning, that significance. I started to sob, and then I didn't know if I would ever be able to stop.
I heard a knock at the door. I didn't want to see him. Not now.
"Amelia? It's Maggie. Owen has gone…please open the door?"
I slowly got up and let her in.
Maggie's POV
I had seen their room so many times before, but this time I hardly recognized it. Nothing was where I remembered it, nor was Amelia as I remembered her.
Her eyes were bloodshot from crying so much, her skin was even paler than usual. After she let me in she avoided eye contact with me, and just headed towards her bathroom. I heard her vomiting, and then rinsing her face. I wanted to help so much, but how could I possibly help someone so broken?
"Amelia, do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head.
"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about the fact that my husband just cheated on me with his ex-wife. I don't want to talk about how I can't ever forgive him, even though I know he was drunk. I don't want to talk about how I should feel guilty because I was the one who kicked him out and made him go into that bar. I don't want to talk about how my marriage and my life has just been destroyed. I don't want to talk about it."
She almost whispered all of that whilst staring at a point on the floor. What can anyone do for a woman so destroyed?
"Let's get out of here. You need a change of scenery. Let me take you to our home."
We came into the house. It seemed empty, until I heard voices coming from the kitchen. Instantly I knew I had made a mistake bringing Amelia here when I saw Cristina and Meredith coming towards us. Cristina couldn't take her guilty eyes off of Amelia's.
Amelia's POV
That bitch had the audacity to stare at me. As soon as our eyes met I knew that she had realized I had spoken to Owen. I didn't want to talk to her right now. My heart began to beat so much faster than normal – it had been happening to me a lot lately. I tried to climb the stairs to avoid the heart wrenching situation, but suddenly my knees buckled and everything went black. I can't remember what happened next.
