3

He didn't know why he did it.

That's a lie. Of course he knew why he did it. He wanted to be favored. He wanted to be the one to deliver this important information. He wanted to gain the preference of his leader. He wanted to be a step closer to power.

He should have known it was going to backfire. Things with Lily were never as simple as they seemed. Of course his attempt at getting her attention would end badly.

"My Lord," he'd said, "I have news for you." He'd told of all that he heard. Of course, he mentioned that he didn't hear the end, but that he'd heard almost all. He'd been so pleased to be the one to deliver this news, to be the one to help the Dark Lord save himself.

He should have listened to her all those years ago. Maybe if he had, he wouldn't be begging for her life right now. He'd lost her already, but he couldn't stand for the world to lose her.

All he needed was to keep her alive. Then she would see his rise to power. Then he would have her again.

But the Dark Lord thought it referred to her son. To Potter's son. He didn't care about the boy. The boy could die. He only cared about Lily.

But he knew Lily would not go down without a fight. She was loyal, a Gryffindor to the end. She wouldn't let some man come and kill her family without a fight. A fight that he knew she would lose. A fight that he knew she was willing to give up if it meant saving her family.

So he begged for Lily. He reduced himself to that level, to the level of those unworthy of him.

Because what's the point in trying to win her over if she's lost to the world? If she's dead?

He tried and tried to get a promise, to get some reassurance from the man he'd given everything for.

The Dark Lord was convinced it had to be Potter. Who knows why. There was another candidate, a pureblood, that fit the same requirements. A candidate that left Lily out of danger.

Because he just KNEW that once he was in power, she wouldn't care about the small losses along the way. She might have to lose her friend, but she would get him. And she would get power. They would have it all.

But the Dark Lord didn't see that. He saw her and her idiot husband and thought that their offspring would be the most threatening. He probably wouldn't mind getting Potter out of the way either, as he was one of the Order's best fighters (so was Lily, but that only meant the Dark Lord would want her on his side).

It would be fine if he didn't know Lily. The sooner he got that Potter out of the way, the better. That son of theirs would only force her loyalty to that swine she married to last longer than it should. He needed the two of them out of the way.

But he needed her.

So he begged. He begged for her life. He begged to not lose any chances he had with her.

Because he had already lost her. And as he begged, he lost some of himself. He lost the allusions he had. He lost his lust for power. Because power is meaningless if she's not there.

He lost his allegiance. As the Dark Lord said he would try to save the 'filthy Mudblood', but would do whatever he had to do to get the boy, he knew he had to get help. He had to go to the one person he never thought he would ask for help.

But the moment the words had left his mouth, he had lost her. He gave her up for his own gain. He sacrificed her for his personal means. And that, he knew, was something Lily would never accept. The voice in the back of his head kept telling him, starting from the moment the Dark Lord thought the prophecy referred to her son, that Lily wouldn't accept such a betrayal.

But he ignored that voice. Because he had to get her back. He had to have hope that she could be won again.

But the moment the words had left his mouth, he knew he had lost her. Not that he ever admitted it of course, not even to himself. Even if Lily did survive, she wouldn't accept him.

Yet, he continued to grovel, putting himself at the feet of whomever could possibly save her.

Because he couldn't stand the thought of the world losing her. Because he knew how much it hurt.