CHAPTER THREE: ROMANTIC ADVICE
Artemis was fuming. There was no way he was going to that dance. He decided to skip school that day, too. It wasn't as if he'd miss anything he didn't already know, and the school could hardly suspend him for it. Not unless they wanted to lose the huge amounts of money his father was donating each term. And his mother had gone to buy his tuxedo, so she wouldn't know that he was home.
At around ten o'clock, just as she had said, Holly called. The small hand-held communicator that Artemis now kept locked in a safe in his study began to ring – the sound muffled by a lead-lined door, so Artemis opened the combination and removed the device.
'Hello Holly'
'Artemis. Good to see you again. How are you?' Holly sounded very cheerful. Or perhaps it was just because Artemis himself was in such as bad mood.
'I'm fine. Although I do have a small problem. I was hoping you could help me with it, actually.' Artemis tried to look as though he didn't really need Holly's help all that much. There was a good chance she'd refuse just to be contrary if he seemed desperate.
'Oh?' she said suspiciously. 'And what exactly do yo need my help with?' Holly had narrowed her eyes and looked apprehensive. Not good.
Artemis coughed delicately.
'Well, you see, my school holds a dance each term, and invites many girl's schools from around the county, but –'
Holly held up her hand. 'Say no more. I understand completely.'
Artemis was, quite frankly, stunned. Not that he let it show. 'You do? Well, that is wonderful news, Holly. I thank you.'
Holly grinned. 'Okay, the first thing you need to know is that girls hate being talked to like that. You sound like you're meeting the president of the Mud Men or something. Don't be so formal.'
Artemis' brow creased in confusion. 'Excuse me?'
But Holly continued as though she hadn't been interrupted. 'You also need to know that you need to seem confident, but not arrogant. Girls despise arrogance, but they hate wimps even more. Believe me. I'm not boasting, but I've had my fair share of propositions both from wimps and arrogant pigs. You just don't say yes to them'
Artemis was extremely puzzled by now. He raised an eyebrow. 'Uh, Holly, is there any particular reason why you're telling me this?'
Holly looked surprised. 'Don't you need help asking a girl to this dance of yours?'
Artemis smirked. 'Hardly. I do not intend to make an appearance "this dance of mine." That's why I need your help.'
Holly had turned red when she realised that she had been spouting on about her personal life to somebody who was so far above interest he was practically at the pearly gates. Humiliation made her short-tempered.
'Well, what do you want, then?' she growled.
'It's simple really.' Artemis began carefully. Holly looked about to explode. 'I would like you to mesmerise my Mother and Butler so that they don't remember hearing about the dance.'
There was a long silence in which Holly seemed to be absorbing the request. Then she burst into giggles. Artemis frowned. This wasn't exactly one of the reactions he had anticipated. 'Just what is so funny?' he asked, with a touch of impatience.
Eventually Holly calmed down enough to answer the question. 'The great Artemis Fowl, completely helpless when it comes to getting out of a dance. Why don't you just go?'
Artemis allowed his scowl to deepen a notch or two. 'I don't dance, Holly. Dancing is for people who have nothing better to do than throw their bodies around in an unseemly manner. Attending this dance would be a waste of an evening.' In truth this was lie. As we know, Artemis simply cannot dance. But this just served to make him contemptuous of those who could.
Holly regarded Artemis sharply. 'Have you ever TRIED dancing, Artemis?'
Artemis shifted his feet slightly. Of course, Holly couldn't see this, but an odd expression also crept into his normally emotionless eyes. Holly picked it up and interpreted it correctly.
'You can't dance, can you?' she breathed. Artemis shook his head miserably. Holly, being the master of subtlety that she was, gave a tremendous whoop. 'The great, incredible genius Artemis Fowl the Second can't dance! Everything you can do, and you can't master a few simple steps!'
Artemis scowled. 'As you well know, Holly, physical activity is not my strong point.' Although lately Artemis had realised the advantages of being in shape and had taken up running, he still was not exactly co-ordinated.
Holly calmed down from her giggling fit. 'Sorry Fowl, but I think it's a good idea to have you go to this dance. Might humble you a bit.'
Artemis glowered. 'I doubt very much that it is a good idea. I hate dancing.'
The fairy grinned. 'That's exactly why I think you should go. Who knows, I might even see if I can get a Visa for the night and drop in on you.' She winked. 'I'm quite the dancer myself.'
Artemis was completely disgusted. Everybody he knew seemed against the idea of skipping this dance. And for some reason they wouldn't listen to the only one among them with an IQ above 150. It was simply mind-boggling.
Poor Artemis, everyone is against him. Could he possibly be wrong? .:gasp:. NEVER!
Artemis is a bit formal with Holly too…I must have a problem. But I suppose Artemis is a formal person.
Sorry about the short chapters. I'll try to make them longer, I promise. Of course, I can't promise I'll succeed.
And finally - thankyou everyone for reviewing! I really appreciate it.
