JJ: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews, you guys are my favourite.
I hasten to add however, I don't have a beta for this story so if there are any glaringly obvious mistakes in continuity, grammar, spelling etc pleeeease tell me so I can sort them out asap.
Well I think that's about it from me... yep, on with the story.
Finn's POV
I know looking back on it that I should have thought about Quinn, when I was holding Rachel on my arms and kissing her with all my heart. I know that that makes me not only a terrible boyfriend but a terrible person. But I'm not going to lie as well. I didn't think about Quinn, not once. All I was thinking about was how mad Rachel Berry makes me, how small and belittled I feel around her. How when I see her she can make me want to rip my own hair out just so that I have something else to do other than listen to her. But at the same time, I think I love her. Yep, that's the only conclusion I can come to. I love Rachel Berry. As well as all the horrible things I feel around her, she makes me feel needed and talented. I want to take off all her clothes and smouther her in kisses. When she's not fighting me, she looks at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and there is so much love in those eyes. She's flirty and clever and... Perfect. You know, when she's not being a total pain in the ass.
Quinn is awesome. She's hot, popular and contrary to what you might think we get on so well. We're in the same social circle for starters, she's clever but not over bearing with it, we have loads in common and although we've never had the same passion that Rachel and I have, it's still nice. Quinn is safe. Yeah, safe. Rachel is scary and intense. Quinn is safe. But Rachel, well she takes an interest in me. What I like, what I don't like, what I want from life, my future. Quinn...Doesn't. When I'm with Quinn we talk about school and the Cheerios, football, parties, you know normal teen stuff, I guess. When Rachel and I were together, it's deeper somehow. She's never afraid to talk about anything. When we were in celibacy club together she actually said girls want sex! Honestly, in front of everyone! She's, just so different.
I'd been mulling over what had happened between Rachel and I for a few days. After I'd kissed her in the hallway at school she'd given me an ultimatum.
Rachel reacted perfectly, thrusting her hips into mine. If I'd ever been more aroused in my life I don't remember it. My hand travelled up her waist and grasped her wrist tightly above her head, she breathed a moan into me and started nuzzling my neck, sucking it and biting gently. Her hands moved from clawing at my shirt and back and caressed my chest, slowly, lingering on the muscles. As quick as the embrace had started she pushed me away.
"Finn," she said looking up at me, her deep eyes serious. I couldn't speak my brain was running over and over the scene that had just unravelled. "I can't do this," she continued, "you know how much I like you. And by the looks of it you like me too. But I can't do... this. I'm not going to sneak around, you have a girlfriend Finn. So... I'm just going to..." And she walked away.
Ok, so it wasn't a true ultimatum. She didn't say "It's me or her", but that just made me like her even more, if that's possible. She didn't make it about her, or a huge ... thing. She just walked away; from me, from us. I knew then, as I watched her leaving down the hall, as I watched her hips moving and her skirt bouncing around her thighs. I watched her head bow in sadness and her hair swirling across her back. I knew then as I watched her and I was not overcome with sexual desire. I felt loss, liked I'd been dumped. I knew when I watched her and wanted, needed to hold her, to take away the sadness in her slow, purposeful walk. I knew then, that I had already made the decision, that she didn't ask me to make. It was her, Rachel Berry, not Quinn. I was choosing Rachel.
Quinn was avoiding me at school the next day. The paranoid part of me was starting to panic, did Quinn know what I had done? What I was about to do? We'd been a bit off over the last week or two, admittedly that was probably my own doing but I had no idea why I was suddenly getting the silent treatment. I ended up cornering her by her locker after lunch just before lessons started up again.
"Quinn, we, I need to talk. Um- " I was stuttering, and incoherent, so when she interrupted me I was almost grateful.
"Finn I need to talk to you too. I'm... I'm pregnant." Pregnant! My head went into slow mo, my vision was blurring and my hearing went fuzzy and distant, like when you tune an old fashioned radio.
"Pregnant?" I said aloud shaking my head, "how, mine?"
Quinn nodded, "Of course, who else's could it be?" This wasn't making sense to me, we were both virgins. Well I certainly was and Quinn, she's the president of the celibacy club!
"How?" My complete disbelief couldn't make me believe her. Quinn, me beautiful Quinn, who'd never lied to me, who was now carrying my child, who I'd cheated on, who I was about to break up with.
"Last month, in the hot tub?" Oh god, my mind shot back to that evening.
"But, but wait. We had out swim suits on!" I was still fighting her on this. If she was pregnant, my precious Quinn, then of course it would be mine.
I went into shock, I could see Quinn talking to me, explaining the ins and outs of getting pregnant without intercourse but I wasn't listening, I was staring at my feet and mentally beating myself up. How could this be happening? How could I be this unlucky? Why couldn't I just have one smidgen of control!? I looked back to Quinn, tears streaming down her cheeks, she looked so scared, so lost, it broke my heart to see her like that. I reached forward and pulled her into my arms, I'd be strong for her, for the baby. I was going to do whatever it took to make this work for the both of us. Whatever Quinn wanted me to do, I'd do it.
"What are you going to do? Will you... have a...?" I spoke as softly as I could. Quinn sniffed hard and shook her head into my chest. The sobs had stopped and I could feel there was a hot, wet patch on my shirt from her tears and heavy breaths.
So we were having this baby then. It was time to man up.
I was numb for the rest of the day, I don't remember any of my classes, I don't even remember going to them. I alternated from my mind racing and having mini panic attacks from complete nothingness, my body and mind just utterly incapable of processing anything.
At four o clock I knew I had to speak to someone about this. Quinn had gone home, poor thing was dead on her feet, exhausted, I don't think she'd slept in days. But the only one I could even fathom talking to about something this big was Rachel, and well, that seemed a little, a lot weird. I headed to the auditorium none the less to look for her. When I got there I saw Mr Schue and Tina working on her solo, God I didn't even remember the rehearsal where that bomb was dropped. I hesitated for a long while before going in. As soon as I saw Mr Schue he seemed like the perfect person to talk to, but I couldn't make myself go inside.
Suddenly the door opened and Tina walked out, "Hi Finn" she said politely. All I could muster was a brief smile. I took a deep breath and forced myself inside.
"Hey Finn!" Mr Schuester smiled at me. I broke down; the emotions finally boiling over, I cried, hot, terrified tears, as Mr Schue hugged me and I sobbed into his shoulder. When I look back on that moment, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, although in my memory it's not Mr Schue that comforting me, it's my Dad. That was one of the few times in my life I remember thinking I really could have done with my dad.
Remember guys, please R+R, because if I don't know what you want out of this story then you won't get what you want =)
There aren't even nearly enough Finchel stories around so help me make this one good!
I love you all, even more if you reviewed =)
JJ
