Ok, this took forever. I'm sorry. School started, I have a ton of homework, what else can I say? Read it, review it, etc.

Disclaimer: I'm morally opposed to disclaimers at the moment. Yes, I understand that I'm setting myself up for plagiarism. My sincere apologies to JK Rowling. (That was coming awfully close to a disclaimer, wasn't it? Oops.)

Book Three, or Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry: Look! A letter!

Hogsmeade form: You need to get your uncle to sign me.

Harry: Ok!-Later- Uncle Vernon, can you sign my form? It's for school, but I'm not going to actually mention that because it'll make you mad.

Vernon: Not unless you behave while Marge is here. And by the way, you go to St. Brutus' now.

Harry: Um...okay...

Marge: I say nasty things about Harry and his parents.

Vernon: I glare at Harry behind Marge's back.

Harry: I behave.

TV: Oh, and by the way, there's a killer on the loose. Name's Sirius Black and he's extremely dangerous.

Random onlookers: Did you ever meet a killer that wasn't extremely dangerous?

Marge: I say more nasty things.

Harry: I get angry.

Wine glass: I explode.

Marge: Oh, don't worry about that...wine glasses explode in my hand all the time...nothing to worry about...et cetera.

Dursleys: Okay.

Marge: I say more nasty things.

Harry: Grr...

Marge: Do you know, I've always wanted to be a balloon, and it seems to be coming true! How funny! Look at that, I'm almost perfectly round. How interesting! Well, now I've reached the sky. Okay, I think I'll come down now...or not...now would be a good time...hey! Let me down! -starts screaming-

Dursleys: Grrr...

Harry: Oops.

Later

Harry: I run away and get on the Knight Bus, various unimportant things occur, and now I'm on the train to Hogwarts and I faint because of a dementor.

Dementor: I'm evil.

Lupin: -waves wand- You can go now. I need to feed these people chocolate.

Harry: I like chocolate!

Later:

Snape: I'm evil.

McGonagall: I'm strict.

Lupin: I'm kind.

Flitwick: I'm tiny.

Dumbledore: I'm wise.

Harry: I'm SPECIAL!

Random onlookers: This seems somewhat familiar...

Random mathematical onlookers: Wow, look! Dementor says "I'm evil" and Snape says "I'm evil". So if dementors are evil and Snape is evil, Snape is a dementor! It's the transitive property of equality!

Snape: HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT??

Rowling: Shh! You're not supposed to know that until Book 7! You'll ruin my plot points!

Random onlookers: Anyway, back to the subject...

Harry: Right. So many, many things of somewhat less than great importance occur, and everything carries on more or less as usual. Trelawney's weird but I'm not dead yet, Sirius Black is supposed to be trying to kill me but I'm still not dead yet, and Hagrid's creatures are exceedingly dangerous but I'm STILL not dead yet. I get an amazingly helpful map from Fred and George, and I spend a lot of time being invisible.

Hermione: Oh, come on, don't say dead "yet". That's foreshadowing.

Ron: What's wrong with a little foreshadowing once in a while? It adds to the quality of the writing.

Hermione: Are you insinuating that we're just written characters? FICTIONAL characters?

Ron: Yes, actually...

Hermione: I refuse to believe it.

Ron: Oh yeah?

Hermione: Yeah!

Harry: ENOUGH, thank you very much.

Ron: You're welcome.

Harry: glares at Ron As I was saying, can we please get back to the story?

Hermione: It's not a story...

Ron: Ignore her. I'm going to tell the story now, okay? So I'm in bed and Sirius Black comes in with a knife.

Harry: We stand in awe of your amazing storytelling ability.

Hermione: Look who's talking, Harry. It's not like you're much better. Anyway: we go into the Whomping Willow.

Whomping Willow: I just happen to have a pathway to the Shrieking Shack.

Ron's leg: I'm broken by a big dog.

Big dog: I turn out to be an Animagus, Sirius Black.

Lupin: Scabbers is Peter Pettigrew.

Peter: Hi, everyone...looks around nervously

Harry: You killed my parents. Prepare to...not die...

Hermione: Lupin's a werewolf!

Lupin: Am too.

Hermione: Yes, that's what I said.

Lupin: Oh...good point...

Snape: I break into the Shrieking Shack...I will kill you all...

Harry, Ron, Hermione: We manage to curse Snape into unconsciousness with the Disarming Charm.

Everyone: After a long, long time spent talking, we go outside again.

Lupin: I transform and run into the forest.

Sirius: I transform and chase Lupin.

Peter: I transform and escape.

Dementors: We all converge on you people and then mysteriously run away.

Dumbledore: You may be able to save more than one innocent life tonight...

Time turns back three hours

Harry + Hermione: We save two innocent lives tonight...

Snape: I throw a tantrum in the hospital wing.

Fudge: I call him deranged.

Snape: I AM NOT DERANGED!!

Fudge: You sort of just proved my point...anyway, I'm all embarrassed and I take the dementors away and go home.

Hogwarts students: We go home too.

Pigwidgeon: I have the potential to be seriously annoying...but at least I'm not a mass murderer in disguise.

The End (more or less)