SCATTERED, Part 3

"New Kids in Town"

The door to the bus hissed as it opened and Matt, TK, Patamon, and Gabumon all stepped off the bus and into the chilly air.

"Where are we, Matt?" asked TK.

"The sign we passed said it's called South Park," said Matt. "From what I can tell, we're in Colorado, in the United States."

"Whoa!" TK exclaimed. "We're in America?"

"Looks like it," said Matt. He looked at the scene before them. They were in front of a smallish yellow building with a sign on the front that said "South Park Elementary School." He noticed the playground and saw that it was filled with children playing, all of whom were much smaller than he was. However, they weren't smaller than TK.

"TK," Matt said. "I'm never going to be able to pass for a student here. But you might. You look like you're about their age. I'll tell you what: Gabumon and I will go have a look around town while you and Patamon stay here and talk to the other kids."

"No, Matt," TK protested. "I want to go with you guys!"

"Me too!" said Patamon.

"Listen," said Matt, "if you stay here, you'll be more likely to learn about how to act, how we can fit in here, and maybe even figure out how we can get home. I'll bet these kids are more talkative than the adults are. Your job is just as important."

TK thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. What do I tell them about Patamon?" he asked.

"Say he's your toy or pet or something," Matt said. "I'll meet you here after school. Hey kid!" he called.

"Who me?" said a short blonde boy in a blue jacket.

"Yeah, you," said Matt. "When does school get out?"

"Well sir, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers or I'll be grounded..."

"Look, we just want to know when school gets out."

"You're not gonna put something icky in my mouth, are you?"

"What?"

"Well, anyway, school gets out before Rad Racer, and it's my favorite show, and I sure do like to watch it every day, and it gets out after Animaniacs, so that means that school gets out..."

Matt, TK, Patamon, and Gabumon leaned forward, awaiting his answer.

"...at the same time as Terrence and Phillip comes on."

Matt rubbed his eyes, exasperated.

"Hey, just ignore Butters here," said a boy in a blue coat, overhearing the exchange. "School gets out at 3:00 every day."

"Thanks, kid, I- hey, did you just give me the finger?" Matt demanded.

"No," the boy said, walking away.

"Ugh, whatever. Okay TK, I'll meet you out here at three o'clock. Just try to remain inconspicous."

"Okay!" said TK happily. Then, a puzzled look crossed his face. "Matt, what's inconspicnuous mean?"

"Forget it," said Matt. "I'll see you later. Good luck!"

With that, TK and Patamon walked onto the playground to join with the other children while Matt and Gabumon walked towards town.

"Did you mean what you said?" asked Gabumon. "About his job being just as important?"

"Actually, I figure it'll just keep him safe. Then again, he might actually find something out. In any case, he'll be fine. What could go wrong?"

"In a public school?" asked Gabumon. "In an American public school?"

Matt stopped in his tracks and his eyes went wide. "Oh no," he said. "What have I done?"


The bell had just rung and the children began to file into little lines in front of their respective teachers. TK wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't just get in any old line and expect to be accepted as a student.

"What do we do now, TK?" asked Patamon.

"I don't know," TK said. "Maybe we could ask a grown-up to help."

At that point a grown-up did arrive to help. She was blonde and wore black-rimmed glasses. "Well, hello there young fella," she said. "I'm Principal Victoria. What class are you in?"

"Uh, I don't know," said TK. "I'm new here."

"Oh, that's nice," she said. "Where are your parents?"

"They're... not here," TK answered, finding it the safest.

"Oh dear," the Principal said. "Well, God bless it, we'll find out where you're supposed to be," she said. "We'll just pay a visit to the guidance councilor and see if we can fix you up, okay hon?"


"Matt, what are those?" Gabumon asked, fascinated. They had walked onto the outskirts of town, thinking it might be best to avoid taking Gabumon among so many people in town.

"Those are cows," Matt explained. The two were facing a field of them. All of them were standing there in a herd, mooing and grazing as best they could in the snow-covered ground.

"Oh," said Gabumon. "Hello, cows!" said Gabumon politely.

"Moo?" a few seemed to ask.

"Gabumon, they can't talk," said Matt chuckling.

"Why not?" Gabumon asked.

"Well, for one, they're not really smart," said Matt. A few more cows began to look in Matt and Gabumon's direction. "In fact all they really do is eat and moo. These things are so dumb you can push them over while they're sleeping and they can't even get up by themselves. I hear they do that a lot in America."

By this time, the entire herd was looking directly at Matt and Gabumon.

"Uh, Matt," Gabumon piped up. "I think those cows are looking at us." Matt turned and saw that he was right, but he shrugged it off. "I think you made them mad," Gabumon told him.

"Yeah?" asked Matt, laughing. "Well, what are they going to do, squirt milk on me?"

While Matt was laughing, several of the cows began to kick a small metallic instrument up to the front of the herd. When it reached the front, they pointed it at Matt. He was still laughing when the lead cow stepped on a large red button on it, causing it to emit a green ray that struck the helpless Matt who was still chuckling at them.

"Matt!" cried Gabumon.

Matt's eyes suddenly grew wider and sparklier. His cheeks took on a rosy hue and his mouth was pulled up into an unbelievably tight smile. And then, to Gabumon's surprise, he broke out into song:

"I like to sing-a,

and a dance-a,

and the June-a

and the spring-a!

I like to sing-a,

'Bout a sky of blue

or a tea for two . . ."

As abruptly as he began, he stopped, his features returning to normal.

"What was that about, Matt?" asked Gabumon.

Matt looked to the cows, who were still watching him. "I don't know," he said. "But... let's just keep moving and pretend that didn't just happen, okay?"

"But Matt," Gabumon said, "I thought you said they were-"

"Never mind what I said!" Matt snapped, pulling his companion along with him. "I don't think I like cows in this dimension."


"Now, you may have some trouble getting used to Mr. Garrison's teaching methods," said the guidance councilor as he escorted TK to his new class, "but, try to follow along as best you can for now, m'kay?"

"Uh, m'kay," TK replied. The councilor who introduced himself as Mr. Mackey had a huge head, thinning hair, and a thin, lanky body. He was wearing a green shirt and tie and he was possibly one of the strangest looking people he'd ever met. However, traveling in the Digiworld had taught him that one could still trust someone even if they were funny looking.

"Now, uh, it's nice that you brought a pet," said Mr. Mackey, indicating Patamon, who was trotting quietly behind TK, "but tomorrow you need to let your little friend stay at home, m'kay?"

"M'kay," said TK.

Mr. Mackey led him to a small classroom with about twenty kids. Mr. Mackey told him to take a note he'd written and give it to the teacher, Mr. Garrison. TK walked in alone and handed Mr. Garrison the note.

Mr. Garrison was wearing a green shirt and green pants and he had squarish black glasses and a balding head. On his hand was a small puppet with a red and white striped hat. He read the note, then rolled his eyes and said to himself, "Oh no, not another one of these little bastards!"

"Huh?" TK asked, confused.

"Class," said Mr. Garrison, "we have a new student."

"Ah, fresh meat," said a harsh, high voice from the back. TK looked and saw an overweight boy his age wearing a red coat and a blue stocking cap (indoors? he asked himself). He was grinning at him maliciously.

"Anyway, everyone say hello to..." Mr. Garrison adjusted his glasses and said, "Jesus, how do you pronounce this, kid?"

"Takeru Takaishi," said TK prounouncing his full name.

"Oh, for Christ's sake, what is that, Chinese?" Mr. Garrison asked.

"No, Japanese!" TK said helpfully.

"Do you have a nick name?" Mr. Garrison said, unwilling to learn his full name.

"Lots of people call me TK."

"Okay, that'll do fine, TJ," said Mr. Garrison.

"That's TK," TK corrected.

"Fine. Whatever," he said. "Now, if you'll just... uh, what the heck is that with you?"

"Who? Patamon?" asked TK. "Uh, he's my pet Vietnamese potbellied pig." Patamon glared at him. TK shrugged, as if to say 'What else could I tell him?'

"All right, then, please take a seat, BJ," said Mr. Garrison.

TK didn't correct him this time. Instead, he nervously made his way to his seat and sat down. He looked to the left of him and saw a girl in a purple coat and pink hat with long dark hair smiling at him.

"Hi, TK," said the girl. "My name's Wendy."

"Hiya!" TK said cheerfully.

"Okay, now, before we were interrupted," Mr. Garrison said, continuing his lesson, "we were discussing David Hasselhoff's role in 'Knight Rider.' Now, they're supposed to have a great educational system in Japan, so perhaps you could tell us what Hasselhoff's character's full name was, VD?"

TK started to sweat. Golly, he thought to himself. This is gonna be tougher than I thought.


"Hold on, I've got to take a rest," said Matt as he and Gabumon stopped outside some pine woods.

"I'm getting hungry," said Gabumon. "Maybe I could find something to eat in those woods."

"Maybe," said Matt as he sat down on a tree stump to rest. "Don't be too long, though, okay?"

"No problem!" said Gabumon smiling. He ran to the woods, eagerly sniffing out berries or nuts or something that he and Matt could eat. He was glad to be back with his friend and partner again. Even though it had only been a month, he had missed Matt terribly. Matt was a dynamic person and his presence had enriched Gabumon's life. His departure had left him feeling somehow less of a Digimon, as if he wasn't quite complete. He realized that they would eventually meet again, but he hadn't been sure when that would be. It could have been a year, or two, or twenty. However, fate had put them together again after only a month. Even if they were both strangers in a strange world, they were together again, which made it all bearable.

He turned and saw some berries growing on a bush. They looked okay to eat, but he wasn't sure. He examined them carefully, sniffed them and, using his keen senses, determined that they were edible. Just to make sure they were suitable for lunch, he ate a few.

"Hey, not bad!" he said to himself. He picked a handful of berries and was about to carry them back to Matt when he heard a rustling and hushed voices from some nearby bushes.

"You see that, Ned?" whispered one of the voices.

"What is it, Jimbo?" said the other voice, which was a loud, monotone electric buzz.

"Dammit, Ned! Can't you adjust the volume on that thing?" asked the first.

"No," buzzed the second.

"Who's there?" asked Gabumon. "Show yourselves!"

Two humans stood from behind the bushes and stared at the small digimon. The first one, the one called Jimbo, was tall and had a beer gut. He was wearing a vest and an orange hat. He was carrying a rifle in one hand a beer in the other. His partner, the one called Ned, was shorter, had one arm, wore sunglasses, a bandana on his head, and spoke via a microphone held to his throat. He also had a rifle.

"Wow, Ned!" said Jimbo. "This is incredible! A half-dog, half-lizard with a horn! And it talks!"

"What should we do?" buzzed Ned.

"What do you think?" asked Jimbo incredulously. "Kill it!"

Gabumon leapt out of the way as the two hunters blasted at the spot he occupied only a nanosecond earlier.

"Hey, watch it! Blue Blaster!" he said, launching his attack.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Jimbo, dodging the energy beam of the blue blaster. "This thing shoots back! Get the grenades, Ned!"

"Grenades?" asked Gabumon, his eyes widening.


TK and Patamon were exploring the playground. He kind of liked the place. It had teeter totters, swing sets, a merry-go-round, and even a four-square field.

"This looks like a fun place, TK," whispered Patamon.

"Yeah, recess was always my favorite part of school," said TK.

"Well, well, well," said a familiar harsh voice from behind him. "No friends, so you're talking to your pig, huh?"

TK turned to see the same overweight boy from his new class who'd referred to him as "fresh meat." He was accompanied by three other boys who followed behind him.

"Allow me to introduce myself and my companions," said the fat boy. "This guy," he said, indicating a boy with a brown coat and a blue and red hat, "is Stan Marsh. His dog is a gay homosexual."

"Shut up, Fatass," said Stan, adding "Nice to meet you," to TK.

"This is Kyle Broslovski," said the fat boy, indicating the boy behind him, who was wearing a green hat with flaps and an orange coat with pockets. "He's a Jew."

"Shut up, Fatass," said Kyle, adding "Welcome to South Park," to TK.

"This poor-ass piece of crap bringing up the rear," he continued, unhindered, indicating a boy wearing an orange coat with a hood drawn up to the point of covering his face, "is Kenny McCormic."

"Shtp ftass," mumbled Kenny, adding "Tuhplem grdlmph," to TK, who had no idea what that meant but it still sounded friendly.

"And I," said the fat kid, stepping forward, "am-"

"Fatass?" asked TK, taking an innocent guess.

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny all laughed.

"No, God dammit!" said the fat boy, turning red. He regained his composure and then said, "I am Eric Cartman." He narrowed his eyes and stared coldly at TK. "And I... am your worst nightmare."

"Nice to meet you," said TK, smiling. "My name's TK."

Cartman scowled, frustrated at his failed attempt to intimidate the new kid. "What we have heeyah," he said, "is a failure to communicate."

"Heeyah?" TK asked inquisitively.

"Yeah, 'heeyah!'" shouted Cartman. "What's the matter, you Japanese piece of crap, can't you speak English good?"

"Sorry," TK apologized.

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be," said Cartman. "Around heeyah, I'm the boss and what I say goes!"

TK cracked a smile as Stan, Kyle, and Kenny shook their heads and made faces behind Cartman's back.

"Oh, so you think that's funny, huh?" said Cartman. Without warning, he suddenly charged TK and slammed into him, knocking him several feet back with his considerable bulk. "Respect my authoritai!" he shouted.


Matt looked up suddenly, hearing gunfire. He was about to investigate when he saw Gabumon suddenly burst forth from the woods.

"Gabumon!" Matt exclaimed. "What was that?"

"Never mind! Get down!" he shouted, tackling him. A moment later a huge explosion scattered wood and snow everywhere as one of Jimbo and Ned's grenades went off.

"What was that?" Matt asked.

"Hunters," said Gabumon. "They think I'm a rare animal and they want to put my head on a wall!"

"Look, Ned!" said Jimbo pursuing them out of the woods. "He's attacking that kid in the green shirt! Blast him!"

Both Matt and Gabumon had to run as the misguided hunters fired several rounds of shotgun fire after them. Apparently, Jimbo and Ned weren't aware of how close their shots were coming to Matt and there was no time to tell them to stop in between dodging shots.

"We'll just have to fight them!" yelled Matt. "You know what to do!"

"You've got it!" said Gabumon. "Gabumon digivolve to..."

Glowing and growing and changing shape, he re-formed himself and stood in front of the stunned gun nuts. "...Garurumon!"

"Holy crap!" buzzed Ned, who sounded awestruck despite the complete lack of change in tone. "How did it do that, Jimbo?"

"I don't know, but a wolf that huge would get us on the cover of 'Guns and Ammo' easy!" Jimbo replied, firing right into Garurumon's side with Ned following suit.

The shotgun shells deflected off of Garurumon, only slightly hurting him. He shook it off and then faced the two. "Howling Blaster!" he attacked, aiming at their feet, causing them to be thrown back by the force of the explosion.

"Way to go, Garurumon!" congratulated Matt.

"This calls for something stronger," said Jimbo, pulling a rocket launcher from a sling on his back. "Time to thin out your numbers, wolfie!"

The rocket blasted forth from the rocket launcher and blasted Garurumon with full force, sending him to the ground, burned and dazed.

"We've got him this time!" buzzed Ned, high-fiving Jimbo.

"No!" cried Matt. "You can do it Garurumon! I know it!"

Suddenly, the blue symbol of Friendship which formerly adorned his crest began to glow upon his chest. Garurumon began to glow as well as he digivolved once again. "Garurumon digivolve to... WereGarurumon!"

Jimbo and Ned stood open-mouthed as they faced the humongous humanoid wolf.

"Jesus, this thing is tough!" shouted Jimbo.

"Why the hell is it wearing pants now?" Ned buzzed.

"Never mind, hit it again!" They both fired another rocket from their lauchers. Matt looked on as WereGarurumon stopped both rockets with his hands, causing them to explode. When the smoke and fire cleared, WereGarurumon still stood there proudly, unscathed and still without a scratch.

"Wolf Claw!" cried WereGarurumon, sending two of the razor sharp cutting attacks over Jimbo and Ned's heads. They sliced the pines nearest them like knives through butter, causing tops of the trees to crash down upon them, rendering them incapacitated.

"Come on!" shouted Matt as WereGarurumon returned to his Rookie form as Gabumon. "We've got to get out of here before anyone else shows up!"

"Right!" Gabumon agreed as he and Matt ran as fast as they could, although neither knew where they were going.

"Goodbye 'Guns and Ammo,'" buzzed Ned, buried under a pile of trees.

"Dammit," sighed Jimbo.


"Hey, why did you do that?" asked TK, still hurting from Cartman's attack.

"That was for Pearl Harbor, Jap!" Cartman yelled.

"Cartman you don't even know what that means," Kyle said.

"Screw you!" said Cartman. "It's got something to do with Japan and this kid is sushi!"

As he came closer to TK, Patamon suddenly leapt in front of him. "Leave him alone, you big bully!" ordered the small orange digimon.

All four of the boys and much of the playground turned and stared as they saw the creature they'd thought was a pig speak. "Whoa, dude!" said Stan. "That pig can talk!"

"Yeah, how come your pig can't talk, Cartman?" asked Kyle.

"Damn, would you shut the hell up!" yelled Cartman in a rage. "Fine, kid. First, I'm going to kick your pig's ass, then I'll kick yours."

Cartman charged and tackled Patamon, sending him reeling. Patamon got up and took to the air, using his wing-like ears. He swooped down and head-butted Cartman in the gut. Cartman staggered back only slightly, while Patamon bounced off and skidded into the snow.

"Patamon!" cried TK, seeing how easily Cartman was beating his best friend.

"Man, that pig thingy is tough," observed Kyle, "but even he isn't a match for fatboy's gut!"

"Hell yeah!" agreed Cartman. "It will take more than your weak Japanese pig to destroy me!"

"That's it!" said Patamon, his face turning red with rage. "I am NOT A PIG!" Once again, he flew into the air, but this time he head-butted Cartman in the nose, causing Cartman to grab his nose in pain, still swearing. Still in the air, Patamon took careful aim at the disoriented boy and made his attack: "Boom Bubble!"

The burst of forceful sound flew at Cartman and struck right where Patamon intended: between Cartman's legs.

All the boys winced in pain as Cartman's eyes bulged in sudden agony. Holding himself, he let out a high pitched squeal and toppled over.

"Whoa dude, that kicked ass!" said Stan, coming over and congratulating TK and Patamon.

"Yeah, even if your pet isn't a pig, it's still cooler than Cartman's pig," said Kyle.

"Crtmn lks mr lka pg nywy," mumbled Kenny.

"Shut up," groaned Cartman, still face down in the snow. "I do not look like a pig..."

TK was basking in the glow of his new popularity, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for the overweight boy who had ended up being so thoroughly humiliated. He went over to him and offered him his hand, helping him up.

"Damn," said Cartman, "I thought I could whoop you with my sumo skills."

"You like sumo too?" asked TK.

"What, you've got sumo in Japan?" Cartman asked.

"Cartman, sumo was invented in Japan," Kyle said, rolling his eyes.

"Whoa, really? That's pretty sweet!" exclaimed Cartman, impressed that the Japanese had invented his favorite sport. "Well, hell, that makes you okay in my book," he said to TK, putting his arm on his shoulder. "Tell me more! You know, my mom says there's a lot of black people in Japan."

"Huh?" asked TK.

Patamon took his place on TK's head as they were joined by Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. "Hey, if Patamon's not a pig," Kyle began, "then what is he, exactly?"

All of the boys stopped and looked to TK and Patamon for the answer. The two looked at each other and shrugged, figuring that they had no choice but to tell. "Well..." TK began.


"Are you sure this is the best place to ask for help?" asked Gabumon. He asked because the place Matt had chosen to rest at was a huge, gray mansion with an iron fence and a desolate looking yard.

"It might be abandoned," Matt said. "Besides, it's the only other place out here. We'll just see if we can spend the night here or get good directions or something."

Matt knocked on the door. To his surprise, the door swung open on his first knock.

"Whoa," said Matt. "Let's take a look."

Gabumon followed Matt inside the old building reluctantly. It was giving him the creeps and he was starting to feel like Scooby Doo, snooping around a place this spooky. (That was one of the benefits of living with Gennai for the past month: the old man was an avid collector of old episodes of "Scooby Doo.")

"Matt, what kind of place is this?" Gabumon asked in wonder.

"I... don't know," replied Matt.

The room was filled with vials and tubes of odd, multi-colored liquid. Several notes lay scattered on the floor and odd sketches were drawn hastily on several chalkboards. There were several wooden boxes and cages from which odd noises could be heard. Most were hidden from view, but a few could be seen.

"Oh, Matt," said Gabumon, pointing at one visible creature. "Do you see that?"

"Yes," Matt said. "It looks like a... a..."

"A three-toed, four-assed sloth," said a voice from behind him.

Matt and Gabumon both gave a startled cry and whirled around to face the speaker. He was an aging man with a cane. He was wearing a yellow Hawaiian shirt and a hat with scraggly white hair poking out under it.

"Allow me to introduce myself," said the man. "I am Dr. Mephisto." The strange man walked past them and picked up notes off of the floor as he went. Scurrying after him was a small, bald creature that looked something like a human, but also something like a gopher. It didn't speak a word, but followed Mephisto silently. He was wearing a yellow shirt similar to Mephisto's.

"This is my friend, Kevin," said Mephisto, pointing to the small creature.

"Uh, hi," said Matt. "My name's Matt and this is my, uh, dog."

"Woof!" said Gabumon helpfully.

"That's not a dog, that's a digimon," said Mephisto calmly.

Matt blanched. "How do you know anything about digimon?" he asked.

"In a moment," Mephisto said. "Help me pick up these notes, first. Then, young man, I think you and I can talk."

Matt and Gabumon complied, helping him pick up the notes. When they were done, Mephisto took the notes and began to organize them. "I don't like this guy," Gabumon whispered to Matt. "He sounds creepy."

"Yeah, sort of like Marlon Brando," Matt said.

"Uh, actually, I was going to say he sounded like Cherrymon," Gabumon said.

"Oh. Yeah, he sounded a little like Marlon Brando too."

"Young man," called Mephisto. "I'm ready to talk with you." The doctor sat next to a computer monitor on a desk. Matt and Gabumon stood near him. "Kevin, will you go fetch us some Yoo-hoo?" The small humanoid wandered off to retrieve the drinks.

"Now then," said Mephisto. "You want to know how I know of digimon."

Matt and Gabumon nodded.

"Very well," he said. "I've been researching these creatures for a while now. When they first began to appear in this world, I suspected that they were the result of genetic experiments. After chasing various tales and finding only limited results, I became frustrated. I determined that they were in fact visitors from another world and I tried to get some samples of these creatures, since their strength could mean greater success if their genetic material was mixed into my own experiments. I traveled to Japan last month, hearing of the attack of a creature known as Myotismon and supposing that it would be the perfect place to gather some genetic material, provided there was any of him left."

Matt and Gabumon looked at each other and then to Mephisto, their eyes wide in horror. "You didn't try to clone Myotismon, did you?" asked Matt.

"Of course not!" said Mephisto. "Nor do I plan to."

"Well, then what did you do with-" Gabumon began.

"Now, then," said Mephisto, cutting him off. "I've never had a good chance to work with a living specimen of digimon. Perhaps I could assist you. Even improve upon..." here he gestured to Gabumon.

"Gabumon," said Matt.

"...improve upon Gabumon's genetic structure."

"How?" asked Matt, somewhat curious.

Mephisto smiled. "I'm glad you asked," he said. "Allow me to illustrate."

He took out a digital camera and snapped a photo of Gabumon. He then attached the camera to his computer. After typing a little bit, he brought up a three dimensional picture of Gabumon on the screen.

"All right," said Mephisto. "This is Gabumon. Are you still with me?"

"Yes," said Matt and Gabumon simultaneously.

"Good." Mephisto then typed a few more things into the computer, changing the picture. He examined it, then turned the picture to the boy and his digimon.

"And this," he said, indicating the picture, "is what Gabumon would look like with four asses."

Matt and Gabumon stared in open-mouthed disbelief.

"So? Pretty impressive, eh boys?" Mephisto said, grinning.

"Run, Gabumon!" Matt shouted, taking off down a flight of stairs with his companion. They could hear Mephisto call after them as they descended further into the depths of his basement. The two of them eventually wandered into a room which was almost pitch black.

"I can't see a thing," said Matt. "How about you?"

"I've got good eyes," said Gabumon. "Just give me a second... yes, I think I found a light switch." He flipped the switch.

As the lights went up, revealing their surroundings, Matt got a good look at what was in the room.

"What the heck?" Matt asked. He saw at the far corner of the room a large tube filled with gel. Floating in the gel was a strange woman with tubes attached to her face, most likely to help her breathe.

"What do think it is, Matt?" Gabumon asked.

"I think that sick freak is keeping her down here to perform experiments on her," said Matt, his eyes growing more determined by the minute. "Let's get her out of here, then trash that sicko!"

"You've got it," said Gabumon. "Blue Blaster!"

The blast shattered the glass tube, spilling out the greenish gel and letting the woman drop to the floor. At first, she said nothing, only laid there. Then, she awoke, opening her eyes and slowly removing the tubes attached to her face. She was wearing a nice brown suit and sensible shoes. She also had a large nose.

"Uh, are you okay, miss?" Matt asked.

"I'm better than okay," said the woman, a cold grin appearing on her face. "I'm Barbara Streisand!" With that, she released a long stream of oddly familiar red energy from her hand and prepared to strike the two with it. "Crimson Lightning!" she shrieked.


"So, let's see if I've got this straight," said Stan. "You and a bunch of other kids got sucked into a parallel dimension made up of all the data from all the computers in the world, got your own digimon who protected you and helped you save the world, and now you've been captured and scattered to a whole bunch of different worlds and places and times and stuff."

"Yep," said TK.

"Wow, dude," said Kyle. "That's pretty fucked up."

"Hey, how do we know he's telling the truth?" Cartman asked suspiciously.

"Cartman, look at Patamon," said Kyle. "He can talk, fly, and shoot bubbles of sound at you. He's not like some ordinary animal. He's got to be from another dimension."

Cartman couldn't argue with that. "Well, in any case, let's get some lunch," he said as they got into the lunch line.

"So, you're here alone?" Stan asked TK.

"No, my brother came with me, but he's in town right now," TK answered.

"How are you supposed to get home?" Stan asked.

"I don't know," TK said despondently.

"Hey guys!" said Wendy, walking up to them.

"Hey Wendy," they all said.

"TK, I think it's really great that you're here in South Park," she said.

"Thanks," said TK, brightening up.

"Yeah, maybe you could come over to my house and study some time," Wendy said. "I could tutor you."

Stan frowned and glared at the two of them, but said nothing.

"Well, maybe," said TK.

"Cool! See ya!" said Wendy.

"Bye, Wend-ugh!" said TK as Stan suddenly grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

"Listen, TK, I like you," said Stan, "but, don't even think about moving in on my girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend?" asked Cartman incredulously. "Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

"Sorry, Stan," said TK. "I won't! I wasn't even thinking about dating her."

"Oh," said Stan, releasing him. "Okay. Sorry."

"No problem," said TK. "Besides, I know how you feel."

All four of the other boys and Patamon stared at him. "What do you mean, TK?" asked Patamon.

"Yeah, do you have a woman, TK?" Cartman asked. The other boys watched TK with interest.

"Well, there is this girl," said TK, his cheeks reddening. "Her name's Kari. I guess I kind of like her. I've got a picture of her."

TK pulled out a picture of the whole Digidestined group and their digimon taken when the Primary Village was first rebuilt after Apocalymon was defeated. He pointed to Kari and Gatomon standing at the head of the group. He was glad Centaurumon made him a copy.

"Hey, she's kinda cute," said Stan.

"Yeah, dude, you're lucky," said Cartman.

"I saved her life once," boasted TK, thinking back to when Angemon finally digivolved.

"Really?" Stan asked, impressed. "Did you kiss her?"

"Or slip her the tongue?" asked Cartman.

"R tch hr psy?" asked Kenny.

"No," said TK to Kenny. "Gatomon never liked to be petted very much."

Kenny started laughing at something, but TK wasn't sure what it was.

The line moved ahead a little bit and the boys stepped into the kitchen of the school cafeteria.

"Hello there, children!" said a tall black man in a chef's hat.

"Hey, Chef," said the children in greeting.

"How are all my little- AAAH!" Chef yelled suddenly, dropping a plate. "Look out, children! It's a troll!"

He was pointing to TK.

"No, Chef, this is our new friend, TK," said Stan.

"Oh, yeah? Then why does he got them big ol' eyes?" asked Chef, untrusting.

"He's Japanese," said Cartman.

"Oh," said Chef, relaxing. "Sorry about that, little cracker."

"It's okay," said TK. "What's a cracker?"

"Chef, we need your advice," said Stan, ignoring TK's question.

"Well, what seems to be the problem?" asked Chef.

"TK says he and his friend," Stan indicated Patamon, "got transported here from another dimension by some evil butt-pirate monster named Mini Apocalymon and he doesn't know how to get home. Any words of advice?"

Chef thought long and hard about this. He rubbed his chin and his brown eyes became serene and thoughtful. Finally, he looked down at TK, assuming the most compassionate look possible.

"Boy," he said, addressing TK.

"Yes?" TK asked hopefully.

"You're fudged."


"Oof!" said Matt, hitting the ground hard. He and Gabumon had managed to avoid Streisand in the basement, but she had followed them back up the stairs and out the front door. They tried to get some space between themselves and the deadly diva, but to no avail. Streisand fired another Crimson Lightning attack at their feet and they hit the snowy ground hard.

Matt felt a heavy foot as it stepped on his back. "Nice try, bubby," said Streisand coldly. "But you can't get away from me."

She reached down and plucked Matt's digivice from his waist. Matt tried to call out to Gabumon, but he had no breath to call and Gabumon looked unconscious.

"You pathetic fool," she said. "I can use this digivice to digivolve and assume my rightful place as ruler of this world!" She cackled hysterically as she attached the digivice to her own hip pocket.

"Barbara Streisand digivolve to..."

Matt rolled over and saw the woman glow and then shoot up several hundred feet. She reformed as she digivolved and soon she stood in her new form: "...Mecha Barbara Streisand!"

Matt stared in horror. She was the size of a skyscraper. She was lizardlike, with a long tail and a saurian face, but she was made entirely of metal and looked robotic. She let out a howl of triumph that shook the whole countryside. Then, to Matt's dismay, she looked down at him and his fallen digimon. "You aren't worth my time, puny human," she scoffed. "Without your digivice, you're no threat to me, either. As for South Park, they will pay for defeating me last time!"

Cackling madly, the lumbering giant stomped toward the tiny mountain town. Matt and Gabumon could only watch as she marched down the hillside toward the unknowing community below.

"Well, now look what you've done," said a voice from behind them. They turned and saw Mephisto standing there.

"What we've done?" Matt shouted in disbelief. "You created that thing! This is your fault!"

"Listen," Mephisto said. "I needed to see if digimon DNA could be successfully used to stabilize a human clone. My past experiments yielded... unpleasant results. So, I used Myotismon's DNA to enhance the clone of the strongest creature I could find. Namely Ms. Streisand. She attacked our town previously and was defeated, but I still thought her DNA might have proved useful. The experiment worked a little too well, unfortunately. I realized that the clone retained Myotismon's memories, as well as her own, not to mention inheriting Myotismon's special abilities and attacks. I decided to put her into stasis and study her condition with her unconscious. Now, however, it appears she must be destroyed."

"But, how can she digivolve?" Matt asked. "It takes a human and a digimon to make it work."

"Easy," said Mephisto. "That device which you use to make your own digimon digivolve could conceivably work for any human/digimon pair. Since the Barbara Streisand clone has both human and digimon genetic chromosomes, she was able to make herself digivolve."

"Oh," said Matt and Gabumon in unison.

"Come on, Gabumon!" Matt said. "We've got to stop her, get the digivice back, and save that town!"

"Are you sure we have to save that town?" Gabumon asked, still a little miffed about being shot at by its citizens.

"TK and Patamon are still down there," Matt said urgently.

"Oh," said Gabumon, drooping visibly. "Great."


"Wow, you guys have it easy," said TK as he and his four new friends walked out the front door.

"How do you figure that?" Kyle asked.

"You get out sooner and you don't have to stand up when the teacher calls on you," replied TK. "That's how it is back in Tokyo."

"Gee, that sucks, dude," said Stan.

"Hey, have you ever been attacked by Godzilla?" asked Cartman upon hearing the word "Tokyo."

"You dumbass!" Stan said. "There's no real Godzilla. I mean, what are the odds of a giant evil monster destroying a city anyway?"

Just then, a crowd of citizens ran past the front of the school. "Run for your lives kids!" said one as he ran by. "Barbara Streisand is back on the loose and she's destroying the city!"

"Sht!" exclaimed Kenny.

"You were saying something about giant evil monsters?" Cartman said slyly to Stan.

"Who's Barbara Streisand?" asked TK.

"She's an evil bitch who wants to take over the world," explained Kyle. "She tore through our town over a year ago, but Robert Smith of the Cure destroyed her."

"We thought," added Cartman.

"Whoa!" said TK. "Sounds scary." Just then, a thought occurred to him. "Matt! He's still in town! We've got to find him!"

"Forget it dude," said Stan. "Barbara Streisand could kill you ten times before you hit the ground."

"No way," said TK. "Besides, remember what I told you about Patamon? He can digivolve and beat any monster around!"

"Hey, that just might work!" Kyle said perking up. "Let's go!"

"Wait!" said TK. "It might be dangerous. Maybe you should stay here."

"No way, dude," said Stan. "We've faced demons, devils, monsters..."

"...underwear gnomes, evil executives, planetarium megalomaniacs . . ." continued Kyle.

"...aliens, zombies, and the Costa Rican rainforest!" finished Cartman.

"Well..." said TK, considering. "Are you sure?"

"Is Pokemon lame?" Cartman asked back.


"Ready... go!" shouted Matt as he and Gabumon leapt onto Mecha Barbara Streisand's leg as it passed by them.

"Get off me, you insects!" she thundered, shaking them off easily.

"Are you okay, Matt?" Gabumon asked, going over to Matt, who'd landed harder than himself.

"Fine," Matt groaned. "But we still need that digivice back. Without it, you can't digivolve and stop that thing!"

Gabumon looked up at the towering monster. On her hip was the digivice. While he didn't say it to Matt, he wasn't sure he could stop Streisand even if he did digivolve. She was enormous, as tall as Venom Myotismon had been. And it took both himself and WarGraymon to defeat him.

"What can we do?" asked Gabumon. "My blue blaster has no effect and by the time we get up there, she'll have destroyed the whole town!"

Matt looked around. She was taking her time, enjoying the destruction, but she was destroying this town nonetheless. She was selectively stomping certain buildings and then scattering the rubble. They had to hurry, but Matt honestly didn't know what to do.

Just then, he heard a familiar voice calling his name.


"Matt!" called TK. "Matt, where are you?"

"Hey, what does your brother look like anyway?" Stan asked.

"Like... that!" TK shouted excitedly as he saw Matt and Gabumon running toward them.

"TK!" Matt said happily, hugging his brother. "You're still okay!"

"Aw, weak, this guy looks like a hippie!" said Cartman.

"Dude, shut up!" Stan hissed.

"Matt, these are my new friends I met in school," said TK. "This is Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny!"

"Hello," said Stan.

"Hey," said Kyle.

"Wazzup!" said Cartman.

"Hgh," said Kenny.

"What?" asked Matt upon hearing Kenny.

"Hgh," Kenny repeated.

"What?" Matt said, straining to hear the muffled boy.

"Hgh! Hgh, Gd dmt!" said Kenny, scowling.

"Matt! He said 'Hi,'" TK said exasperated. "Anyway, where's the monster?"

Suddenly, the building across the street was crushed by a gigantic metal foot and the boys found themselves staring up at the huge behemoth!

"Never mind, I found it," said TK. "Maybe you should digivolve, Gabumon."

"He can't," said Matt. "She has my digivice. It's up to you, kiddo."

TK looked to Patamon. "It's time, Patamon."

"Sweet!" said Stan. "He's gonna turn into an angel!"

Patamon readied himself, then began to glow. "Patamon digivolve to..."

The group stood grinning in anticipation. Then, when it was over, their faces fell. Before them was not the holy warrior they'd expected, shining with brilliant inner light. Instead, they were facing something big, pink, smelly, and curly-tailed.

"...Hogmon," the newly-evolved Patamon finished lamely.

"Hey!" said Cartman. "I thought you said he wasn't a pig!"

"He... wasn't," said TK.

"He must digivolve into a different form in this dimension," said Gabumon.

"I'll be honest TK," said Hogmon. "This is a little embarrassing."

"Don't worry, Pata- I mean, Hogmon," TK said, encouragingly. "You're still my digimon and you can still beat that big lizard!"

The huge pig-like digimon raised his snout with pride. "Well, here goes nothing," he said, trying his new attack. "Snort of Fury!"

With that, he began to snort through his snout, creating a vacuum strong enough to suck up a smaller enemy. Unfortunately, it was nowhere near strong enough to affect the gargantuan Mecha Barbara Streisand.

"Ha, what a pathetic effort!" laughed Streisand, throwing her head back. However, she didn't realize that the force of Hogmon's snort attack had managed to pry the digivice off her hip and into his snout!

"TK! I god da digibice!" shouted Hogmon to the children as they took cover, his snout plugged by all the debris, including the digivice, that he'd sucked up. Just then, however, Streisand kicked the pig in the stomach, sending him flying. Even so, the force of the kick caused Hogmon to blast the digivice from his snout like a cannonball into Matt's stomach. As Matt fell back from the impact, Hogmon tumbled onto the front of a parked car, flipping it high into the air.

"Matt, are you okay?" asked Gabumon.

"Sure am!" Matt said, standing up. "You see this guys? We're going to be just fine!"

Just then, the car Hogmon landed on came down and smashed Kenny flat as a pancake.

"Oh my God! She killed Kenny!" Stan screamed.

"You bastard!" Kyle shouted, shaking his fist at the towering robotic nightmare.

Matt stood there in disbelief. "That poor kid," said Matt, a huge rage building up inside of him. "NO!" he howled, and as he did, the emblem of Friendship once again gleamed upon his chest.

"Gabumon warp digivolve to... Metal Garurumon!" said his digimon.

"Whoa!" said the three remaining boys, gawking at huge cybernetic wolf.

"Get her!" said Matt, a look of determination on his face.

Metal Garurumon soared up into the air and targeted Streisand. "Metal Wolf Claw!" he shouted, blasting her with dozens of missiles, encasing her in ice.

"Did it work?" asked Stan.

Mecha Barbara Streisand suddenly shattered the ice and swatted Metal Garurumon to the ground.

"Guess not," said Cartman.

"Hey, wait!" exclaimed Kyle. "Matt! Big metal wolf thing! Aim for her weak spot!"

"Where's that?" asked Matt.

"Her nose!" shouted the three boys at once.

Metal Garurumon stood and once again took to the air, willing to try a new strategy. "Ice Wolf Claw!" he attacked, sending a beam of pure freezing energy onto Streisand's enormous, repulsive nose. As she shrieked in temporary disorientation, Metal Garurumon fired his final attack: "Giga Missile!"

The missile blasted the nose into atoms and Streisand only gave a momentary howl of pain as she disintegrated into data and was deleted.

"All right!" all the children cheered.

"These guys are as good as Robert Smith!" said Kyle.

As Hogmon and Metal Garurumon devolved back into Patamon and Gabumon, Matt said, "Hey, maybe we should get out of here before people start asking questions."

"No problem," said Cartman. "We can stay at my house."


TK wasn't sure what a Cheesy Poof was, but he was sure that he liked it. Matt was taking a shower, Gabumon was taking a nap, and Patamon was avoiding Cartman's pet pig, Fluffy. "I think she likes you," Cartman said of Fluffy's affectionate attitude towards Patamon.

"Hey, TK," said Kyle. "Ever read one of these?"

Kyle handed TK a magazine that he'd never heard of before. It was something called "Penthouse." He opened it and began leafing through the pictures.

"I'm back," said Matt, toweling off his hair but still wearing his same clothes. "Hey, listen, I'm really sorry about your friend Kenny," he said.

"Huh? Are you still talking about that?" Stan asked, only slightly glancing up from the TV show they were watching.

"Well, yeah," said Matt, a little confused.

"Jeez, Matt," said TK, still leafing through the magazine. "You need to relax and move on."

"Well, excuse me, but I just think it's kind of sad that- TK, WHAT ARE YOU READING?"

"I dunno," said TK, calmly. "Something with a lot of pictures of ladies. This one looks like Mimi," he said, pointing to the picture.

Matt snatched it away. "TK! That's no way to talk about one of our-" he suddenly got a glimpse of the picture TK was talking about. "-of our... well, now that you mention it, yeah, she does kind of look like Mimi."

Matt stopped talking and instead turned a few more pages, his eyes staring without blinking and glazing over somewhat. He was so absorbed in the magazine that he didn't even notice when a small electric voice filled the air: "Matt! TK! This is Izzy! Are you there?"

Matt didn't react. "Matt, pay attention, it's Izzy!" said TK, shaking him.

"Huh? What?" said Matt, coming out of a stupor.

"I haven't seen him look like that since he rented 'Ghost in the Shell,'" said TK to the three boys.

"Izzy?" said Matt, picking up his digivice. "Is that you?"

"Yes, Matt," said Izzy's voice. "I think I've found a solution to get us back together. Can you and TK get to a computer?"

Matt looked to Cartman. "My mom's got one in her room," he said.

"Yes," said Matt.

"Great!" said Izzy. "All you have to do is hold on to your digimon, press your digivices against the screen of an active computer, and, provided everything has gone well for our friends, you should be transported back to where we started from."

"Really?" asked TK.

"All right!" Matt shouted happily. "We're going home!"

"With luck, I'll see you later," said Izzy. "Izzy out."


"Well, I'm going to miss you guys," said TK as they stood in Cartman's computer room. "In fact, we'll all miss this place, won't we?"

"No," said Matt, Gabumon, and Patamon impatiently.

"Well, we'll miss you too," said Kyle.

"Yeah, I've learned something today," said Stan. "I learned that no matter what country you come from, or what dimension, or whatever, you can still be a good person and teach even a fat racist like Cartman a few things."

"Hey!" said Cartman.

"Oh, look at the time," said Matt, dragging TK over to the computer. "Let's go!"

Matt and TK grabbed onto their digimon and began to bring their digivices toward the glowing computer screen.

"Hey, Matt," said Gabumon. "You still have that magazine in your pocket."

"Uh, no I don't," Matt replied hastily. He hoped to God that this worked...

To Be Continued...