The Child

x

Dumbledore is the last to bid us goodnight until it is just myself in the house, and my wife. I cannot help but chuckle to myself. My wife. Wife. The idea is still so foreign to me. Only in my most secret fantasies have I ever thought that I would get married. And to Lily, the girl I have loved since we were little children. The girl I never stopped loving is here with me now; it is overwhelming.

I fix us a meal from whatever the Order members have not already consumed. Lily does not mind in the least. She has always been overly gracious, especially when it came to me. We sit and eat and share a bottle of elf-made wine. Afterwards, she finds a tune on the Wireless radio and draws me into a slow dance, her small body fitting perfectly against mine as if designed to go together.

"Won't you be missed?" I force myself to say. Another moment like this and I will lose what's left of my courage.

"I am too happy to care," she answers, her head on my shoulder and her hands around my back. "Does that sound very wicked of me?"

"You could never be wicked, Lily," I whisper into her ear. "The taint would never stick and slide right off."

"You're wrong. It's the night before my wedding and I'm already married to my fiancé's worst rival." She looks up with a deliciously sinful smile on her face. "I feel wicked, and it's wonderful! It feels like being alive, for the first time in my life."

This is the fiery girl I was so fond of in school. I kiss her; gently at first, fearful that she will fade away like fairy lights. When she makes it clear that she will not break I deepen the kiss. She moans slightly against my lips, I gather her in my arms and carry her upstairs.

"I never dreamed, never hoped that you would be here with me like this," I say as I carefully lower her onto the bed. "You are too good, Lily. Too bright. You should not have chosen me. I fear my love will destroy you."

She reaches up and draws me next to her. "Then I shall be strong, for the both of us."

Morning found us all too soon. We make love again, slowly; desperately afraid that it will be the last time we ever see one another. Soon we discover each other all over again, man and woman now, but in our hearts the same children who used to play together in the park.

Inevitably, Lily has to depart, as we both know she must. She clings to me as I do to her. It feels like being hit with a Cruciatus Curse directly to my heart.

"I fear how long it will be until I can see you again," she says, her breath warm on my neck. "You must send me word when it is safe."

I run her hair through my hands. "I will have Dumbledore write to you whenever I can."

She kisses me and with a last look she Disapparates, and I am more alone than ever before.

I take a deep breath, catching the last bit of her perfume in the air, and then head back up through the hidden stairwell. He is waiting for me, as I suspected he would be. "Why did you tell her the truth about everything, sir?"

Dumbledore pours two cups of tea. "You were so willing to accept the hatred of the entire world, with no thought of personal gain, Severus. It was my opinion that she of all people should know the best of you."

"But why? I've only put her in further danger."

"I believe that Lillian was correct. One cannot walk the edge of both worlds without corruption of the soul. Love is the only power to fight the darkness."

"Sir, may I ask? Did you know that she would come here yesterday? Is that why you insisted that the meeting be held in my home?"

The old man sips his tea, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. "I? Severus, even a wizard as brilliant as myself cannot expect to know everything."

I accept the cup of tea. "Well, whatever you did or did not know, thank you."

x

The gargoyles jump aside and I am allowed to enter the headmaster's office. I take my usual seat and a cup of tea appears before me, as the meeting goes every Wednesday.

"You have a son, Severus," says Dumbledore, his voice full of joy. This is practically his grandson in all but blood, after all. "My dear child."

"James Potter has a son, you mean." I do not look at the photographs spread all over the desk. I had only seen Lily a handful of times since our wedding night, but I had no doubt who the father of her baby was when she first told me. "You were there for the delivery?"

"I have been meeting with Lillian for some time now to ready ourselves for the event. She is a remarkable witch when it comes to Charms. Once the baby was born and James was celebrating with Black, Lillian and I placed the spells on the boy. He will grow up to resemble James so that no one, not even he will ever suspect. They were designed to be permanent but I can make it so they can be lifted if ever—"

"No," I say. "No, I will not toy with the boy that way. He will not have to suffer any more confusion. Merlin knows that he may very well discover the truth one day. Besides, no child should go through life with a nose like mine." I finally look at Dumbledore. "Is… is he healthy?"

"As any babe is fortunate to be. And he has his mother's eyes. The exact same color and shape. I never would have the heart never change that."

I smile, unable to fend off a surge of pride for a son I could never, must never acknowledge. "And Lily?"

"Your wife sends you all her love and hope that you will get to see little Harry soon."

"Harry," I say. Harry. My son. I find a photograph in my hand and see Lily holding a tiny, squirming bundle in her arms. She mouths, "I love you," and I melt.

"You delivered the message to Tom without difficulties, I hope," asks the old codger.

I nod. "As you instructed. The Dark Lord believes in the threat the Prophecy foresees and plans to take action. You do realize that Lily falls under the conditions? The time of Harry's birth, the fact that James cannot pass up the slightest chance to defy Voldemort. I want them protected. Potter too, I suppose."

"They will be moved to a safe location as soon as possible. Now, tell me, Severus. How are you getting on with your teaching position?"

"The students are arrogant little sods, sir. I don't recall being quite so cheeky when I was a student."

"We were all cheeky at one time or another. As I recall you were often sent to me for disrespecting Professor Slughorn."

"I surpassed his teaching in third year and he took it as disrespect."

"Which is why I knew you'd make an excellent Potions Master. What's all this?" He motions at a box by my foot.

"Lucius Malfoy came for a visit at my home again last night," I say as I place the box on the desk. "That has been the seventh time this summer. I believe that he has been sent to keep an eye on my loyalties. I caught him scrounging about. I can't keep these things with me any longer. It's just not safe. At first I thought of merely burning them, but…." I touch a framed photo of my twelve-year-old self sitting in a Hogwarts Express compartment with a laughing Lily on my arm.

"I shall keep them well guarded, my dear boy. Have no fear." Dumbledore picks up my old copy ofAdvanced Potion Making. "Even this?"

I reach and take it back. "I'll keep it in my office. Perhaps I'll give it to Harry one day. He should be taught from someone who knows what he's doing." I catch sight of Lily's handwriting on one of the pages. "Why did I do it, sir? I've put them both in so much danger. I am so selfish."

"You are human, my friend. There really should be more love in the world. The love you and Lillian have for each other has created new life."

"Love can destroy as well, Headmaster."