Author's Note: This chapter is after The Idiot's Lantern. Let me know what you think please :)
Chapter 3
The third time Rose had a bad dream onboard the TARDIS, there was nothing.
One moment she was lying in bed trying to get some well needed rest and the next she was back in the horrible pit that had been the Wire. She panicked instantly. It wasn't possible. The Doctor had stopped it, he had taped over it with Rose standing right there. But somehow it had gotten out and Rose was trapped again. Trapped in the nothing.
She couldn't move. She was paralyzed because there was simply nothing there to move. Nothing that she could feel. No limbs, no head, no breath, not even the beat of her heart. She was terrified, but she couldn't even feel her stomach clench because of it. All she could do was think and panic.
The Doctor was busy taping and re-taping over the VCR that once contained the Wire. He knew that he didn't need to keep taping over it, but he couldn't stop. That thing had taken Rose away from him. He pushed the tape button for the eighth time with far more force than was necessary, his anger building again. It had stolen her face, her soul, everything unique and precious about her.
Nine. Ten.
Her smile, gone. Her beautiful smile with her tongue poking out under the top teeth that stuck out too far. He loved that smile. He couldn't help but smile back or give in whenever he saw that smile.
Eleven.
His finger was getting sore but he barely registered it. Her eyes, stolen. Those eyes that sparkled every time they looked out on a new planet, and bled sadness and pity for every being they met that earned her sympathy, no matter who or what they were. Even if they were a Dalek. Her eyes were so young and so innocent, so oblivious to the evils of the world. He loved to be able to look in her eyes and forget everything that weighed on his shoulders and simply laugh and smile. All of it gone, stolen by a merciless monster only interested in selfish hunger.
Gone. Everything that he loved… His hand froze on its way to the button again.
Whether hours, minutes or days had passed, she couldn't tell. All she knew was that she was trapped in the nothing and that she would be forever. Her thoughts kept going to the Doctor. He had saved her last time, but she was positive that it hadn't been this long before. There was only one explanation. The Doctor wasn't coming to save her. She couldn't even feel her breathing hitch like she knew it should when she lost all hope and despaired. He was moving on from her. Seeing Sarah Jane had reminded him that he always said goodbye and that was what he had done. It didn't matter what he claimed. She knew the truth, right now more than ever, in this pit of complete loneliness. He didn't care about her the way she cared about him, and he never would. And in that moment, the nothing was forgotten to be replaced by the sound of her heart breaking.
The Doctor sat down heavily on the console chair and dropped his head in his hands. He rubbed his face slowly and then ran his hands through his hair. He never would have admitted it to her, but seeing Rose with no face had terrified him. Or more accurately, he corrected himself, his reaction terrified him.
He rubbed at his eyes. He had always been protective of his friends, but this time it had been more than that. He had been ready to destroy anything and anyone who dared get in his way. He hadn't even given the Wire a choice to stop before he destroyed it. His hands fell away from his face at that realization. Even at his worst moments, he always gave them a choice, and it hadn't even crossed his mind. He stared straight ahead with a face that was wiped blank.
When Rose opened her eyes, she didn't realize right away that she was awake. The darkness of her bedroom translated into the nothing in her still half-dream awareness. But she slowly started to realize that she could feel again. Her heart beat steadily in her chest and her limbs ached from being in the same position for too long. After a few more minutes her brain started catching up and she remembered the despair that had accompanied her dream. She rolled over onto her back slowly and took a deep breath. She worked on shaking off the lingering over-exaggerated emotions of nightmares. Some of the things that had led to her despair were just ridiculous. For starters, there was no way the Doctor wouldn't have saved her if it had been real. He would always save her, even if he was upset with her, he had always come and he always would come. Of that she was positive and always would be.
But she couldn't shake off the truths that had been entangled within the obscene. Meeting Sarah Jane had shaken her but his assurance that he wasn't going to leave her had almost been enough to convince her that she was different. But then, the whole affair with Madame de Pompadour had happened so soon afterwards. She had felt so abandoned and alone even if Mickey had been right there with her. The past few weeks she had managed to forget about the whole ordeal and put aside her dark thoughts in favor of simply going on as if nothing had happened. They were both certainly very good at that. But her dream had awoken the buried insecurities and now, no matter how hard she tried to stop herself, she couldn't stop thinking about it all.
There was no denying it, the Doctor realized, he did more than care for Rose Tyler. He wouldn't have reacted the way he did if he simply cared. There was undeniably something more, and that had him even more terrified. Suddenly, seemingly of its own accord, the image of her standing in that warehouse with no face flew into his mind and he couldn't shake it away. He closed his eyes and tried to picture her face and then panicked when he couldn't see anything besides that blank slate, dressed in her clothes, standing in front of him. A sudden need to see her overwhelmed him and he stood up slowly and made his way to her room.
She understood why he always moved on, why he never looked back. She couldn't imagine being in his place. Could she bear to watch everyone she cared about grow old and die while she stayed young? Yes, she realized, she could and would do anything for the Doctor. But the question was, would he do the same for her? And no matter how many times she rolled it around in her head and tried to talk herself out of it, she always came to the same answer: she didn't know. And that, to her, was answer enough. A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek onto the bed. She wiped it away with her hand, frowning at herself for being so emotional. She felt so stupid. She should have known better than to fall in love with him. It wasn't fair to expect him to care about her in that way, but she had fallen in love with him, before she even realized what was happening.
Something caught her eye and she sat up slowly to look at her door. A shadow passed over the space between her door and the floor and her mind went blank when it stopped directly in front of it. There was soft knock, and she suddenly realized that she desperately wanted the Doctor to comfort her like he had those few times before,
"Come in," she said nervously. She still needed him, even though he was the very reason her heart was breaking, she needed him to chase away the dream.
She pulled the covers back and sat on top of them as the door opened and he poked his head into her room.
"Hey," she said, forcing a smile as she looked over at him.
"Hello," he replied stepping further into her room. When he noticed her strained smile he moved towards her, "You alright?"
Rose hesitated for a moment before replying, then her smile twisted into a bitter one, "I'm always alright."
The Doctor felt the sting of those words more than she intended and he ducked his head even as he moved to sit down next to her on the bed. Rose was stared straight ahead, pointedly avoiding his gaze. After a while he forced himself to stop staring at her face and turned instead to the same wall that Rose was looking at. Rose took in a deep breath and dropped her head onto her chest, and the Doctor couldn't stand to see her like that. His hand moved on instinct and found hers.
Rose squeezed his hand back and leaned into his shoulder, resting her head beneath his chin.
"Rose, what's wrong?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and stared down at the top her head.
Rose took a deep breath before replying, "I had a nightmare," she said slowly.
"I'm sorry," he replied, the guilt he felt bleeding through.
"S'okay. Not your fault," she replied softly, trying to convince herself as much as him with her words. He was there, after all, and that was all that mattered. Right now, he was here, and she felt safe.
The Doctor put his other arm around her and pulled her closer and Rose curled into him. And soon enough they both knew that everything would be alright, somehow.
