CHAPTER 3 ACTUAL

Damon had a rough night. He ignored both of them when he fell in the door. They had tried not to question the blood on his clothing too much as the glares he drew them indicated just how vehemently he didn't want to talk to them. It had been worse for Elena. She paced all night, never taking her eyes from the clock as she waited for him to come home. She was almost out of her mind until they heard him singing loudly on his way up to the boarding house. They had both been on their feet in an instant in anticipation. It was strange to hear Damon singing. He could tell that Elena thought that this was a good thing, but Stefan knew that this was one of Damon's angry songs. He tried his best to prepare her for what might follow but her endless faith in Damon's humanity was still blinding her.

Damon had practically fallen right through the door, holding a half-finished bottle of whiskey in his hands.

"Bourbon wasn't enough tonight?" Stefan asked dryly but with fear swelling inside of him. Damon only drank whiskey when he needed something stronger than bourbon, something to burn thoughts out of his mind. Damon growled and glared at them. Elena's heart thudded and she sat down, trying to hide her pain and fear. This was the side to Damon she had personally experienced only a handful of times – the one that killed people flippantly. Damon's defence stance loomed over them immediately and Stefan stepped away to give him leave. He didn't even look at them as he bumped his way up to his room and slammed the door. Elena began to cry behind him and he sighed hanging his head. Typical Damon.

"I'm sorry." Stefan said trying to comfort her and she nodded. "Maybe you should go home tonight Elena. I have a feeling it's going to be a rough one."

"I can't leave whenever it gets tough Stefan. I have to show him that I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard he tries to push." She sniffled, hugging herself.

"Ok, but I don't think it's a good idea to share his bed this time." He advised and she nodded in agreement. That little ploy hadn't quite worked out as planned this morning.

"I'll make up a room for you." He said and dashed away to do that as she stared at the fire. Damon looked like crap. He looked so angry and vengeful – where had he been? From the stench of liquor she guessed he must have been at the Grill, but he normally didn't get as drunk as he was. Kenny behind the bar normally cut off his supply these days since Matt had started sneaking vervain into the water tank at the Grill. The boss was starting to get really pissed at the loss unaccounted for in the bourbon supply, thanks to Damon's frequent compulsion to leave him a bottle. A drunken Damon was a dangerous one, an unpredictable one and she didn't like to see him this way. He had been through so much already, she just wanted him to calm down and let himself heal. Even sleeping wasn't helping him, he just seemed to be more unhinged. She recalled Stefan telling her how vampires could enter into your dreams and shape them. That must have been what Damon did with Rose as she lay dying. If only she had that power, she could try and give Damon a good dream, free from horrors.

Stefan came back down the stairs looking concerned and she raised her eyebrows.

"He's really hostile. Hopefully he will sleep it off. He can barely stand anymore." Stefan frowned. She couldn't help her curiosity peak at whether Stefan was capable of changing Damon's dream while he was drinking animal blood again.

"Stefan, you remember how Damon interfered with your dreams when we first met?" She pushed a little, hoping he would come to the same conclusion as her. He raised his eyebrows and his eyes glazed as though he was considering it.

"I don't think that would be a good idea Elena." He shook his head after a moment.

"Why not? It might let him get some real rest. It might help him." She encouraged but Stefan looked unsure.

"I don't know how well it would work and I don't think he'd be happy to know that I was invading his thoughts." He shook his head again. She thought on it. Was it really such a terrible idea? Stefan folded his arms resolutely.

"His mind has been messed around with enough." He said and she knew that was the end to this conversation. She sighed feeling disappointed. She just wanted to do something, anything to ease his suffering. Maybe Stefan was right. Maybe a decent night sleep in her own bed would do her some good. That way she could take some time out and do some research on how to help him. She felt drained from today's' events and nothing had turned out like she had thought it might. She had been so confident that if he woke up surrounded by both of them that he might feel guarded, protected but instead her nightmare had simply terrified him out of his own slumber of horror and then made him feel suffocated.

"I think maybe I will go home after all. Try and figure some things out." She stood up and he relaxed. Evidently Stefan was trying to deal with the strain of worrying about both she and Damon. She gave him a quick hug and he let her out.

Stefan sat for a while listening to the sounds of Damon fumbling around before he realised that he had either passed out or fallen asleep. He could feel it in his bones that Damon was going to have an episode tonight. Alcohol and nightmare didn't mix well. He sat back in chair thinking on Elena's dream suggestion. He couldn't help feeling that going into Damon's dreams like that would be a violation. Sure, Damon had done it to him many times but this was different. He wasn't sure whether it would cause more harm than good. He listened acutely for Damon's breathing and picked it up very slightly. He wished his senses were sharper as he stood at the foot of the stairwell listening. He was finally in deep sleep so now Stefan could be sure to check on him without waking him. He pushed the bedroom door open and his nostrils were assaulted by the stench of alcohol. He left the door open to get some air in the room and lifted the empty whiskey bottle, resting it on top of the chest of drawers. Damon had scattered his clothes all over the room and fallen on top of his bed face first with only his boxers on. At least he's not naked anymore. Stefan collected the clothes carefully, meaning to sit them on the armchair when he noticed how much blood had soaked his t-shirt. He sniffed it, gratefully recognising that all of it was Damon's blood and not the blood of some innocent victim. Still, what had he gotten up to that he was so bloody?

He crept up and carefully checked Damon for signs of any wounds but if there had been anything there, there was no sign of it now. Fast healing was such a mercy at times. He bent around Damon and pulled the blankets over him, as per his normal routine of tucking him in and took a seat in the armchair, book in hand like always. He had almost read to the end of the book now and he had to figure out what other book Damon might cherish and be comforted by for future night terror sessions. He flicked his fingers to the page they had stopped at last night and waited.

Several hours ticked past as Stefan tried to keep himself awake. Damon had been snoring loudly and had woken him with a start a few times. He stretched and yawned as Damon rolled over onto his back. He froze unsure of whether Damon was waking, but Damon's eyelids still flickered so he knew he was dreaming. Damon frowned and mumbled, bringing his hands up beside his head almost like he was surrendering. Here we go. Stefan watched anxiously. He had noticed Damon tended to adopt this position when he was having a nightmare – possibly due to the fact that he had been secured in this position against a wall. Stefan's stomach rolled uncomfortably as he pictured the manacled wall he had seen in that room. He couldn't imagine being held like that, so still and unable to move at all. It was a terrifying notion.

"No..." Damon mumbled and grimaced. Stefan's body tightened. He was so glad Elena wasn't here. Normally Damon's smaller nightmares tended to involve some thrashing around and gasping but he never spoke. Speaking meant he was going to have a big one tonight.

"Please!" He cried in anguish, twisting his torso back and forth as though someone where sitting on him. "Don't! Don't…" He began to sob, his cheeks flushed with emotion.

"Damon it's ok, you're dreaming brother." Stefan spoke calmly, soothingly and stroked the hair from his forehead. Damon choked and shook his hand away in fear, still twisting his body. Stefan opened the book and began to read like he always did, hoping the rhythmic tones of his voice would calm him.

Damon cried out as though he was in pain and Stefan caught his breath. He wondered how real the pain seemed to Damon. He tried to pat his arm tenderly and continue reading but Damon yelped and thrashed his arms and legs. Stefan abandoned the book, knowing that Damon was beyond the stage of hearing him and tried to steady Damon's shoulders while he kicked his legs.

"No please Rebekah! I can't…!" He cried as Stefan struggled to hold him down to stop him from injuring himself. Damon gasped and screamed at the top of his lungs and Stefan stepped back in fear. He had never screamed like that before. Damon threw himself across the bed and hit his head on the large headboard, stunning himself and splitting his head open. Stefan jumped and tried to go to him but Damon still wasn't aware. When Stefan grabbed him it only made him fight harder and he felt himself tiring against the strength of Damon's wriggling. He tried to coo at him, anything to get him to calm down as Damon bit him, trying to escape like an animal. In the end Stefan had no choice but to release him and step back, holding the wounds on his arms painfully as they slowly healed. Damon seemed to have calmed slightly but was still in deep sleep, huddled around himself. Clearly trying to restrain him physically was a very bad idea. If Elena had been here she could have been seriously injured by this assault. Stefan caught his breath as he watched in trepidation. Damon hadn't had one as bad as this before. He seemed to still and Stefan warily took his seat again, his eyes glued to his brothers tangled up frame.

He shouldn't let him drink so much. That was the big culprit here. Damon relaxed his body and curled into the foetal position, sighing back into slumber. Stefan lay his head back into the chair and felt all of the air rush out of his body. Was this ever going to get any easier? If Damon was going to continue to be difficult, he imagined that this would be a regular occurrence for a long time. He couldn't hold back his tears as they filled his eyes. If only he had realised what had happened to Damon right away. If only he had stopped for one moment and realised that Damon wouldn't have abandoned them all without as much as a text. He had been so busy wrapped up in his mission to get Elena back and kill Klaus for good that he had let his brother be kidnapped, beaten, raped and tortured for nearly a month, while he sat at home writing in his journal. Damon would never have let that happen if roles had been reversed. Damon would have searched every nook and cranny for him until he found him - his big brother, always trying to look out for him. He sobbed silently, filled with guilt and remorse and closed his eyes. Damon needed him. No matter what it took he was going to be here, he wasn't going to give up. Damon wouldn't give up on him.

Damon let out a sob and Stefan sniffed, sitting up again.

"Get Stefan…" Damon whispered in a pleading tone as tears ran down his cheeks and Stefan's heart constricted.

"I'm here Damon. I'm right here." He said and he sat down on the bed next to him.

"Hungry." Damon groaned, ducking his head under his arm and Stefan wasn't sure whether that was a request for blood or whether it was a memory. Damon groaned again, holding his stomach and Stefan got up to retrieve a blood bag from the fridge he had left in the room. He picked up some B positive and checked the date. He wanted it to be as fresh as possible to over-ride some of the alcohol in his system. He turned around and dropped the bag as he watched Damon bite his own wrist open and drink from it as though he was starving.

"Damon!" He dashed forward, not sure what was happening and tried to pull him away from his arm. His blood spilled out onto the sheets and over his face as he bit into his wrist again savagely. Stefan managed to pull his wrist from his teeth and Damon opened his eyes and glared at him. He growled like an animal and lunged at him trying to bite into his neck.

"Damon wake up!" He shouted but Damon didn't hear. What was he dreaming about?! Stefan punched him, startling him and sending him onto his back as Stefan quickly concentrated on him and threw himself into his dream. He had no choice, he had to calm this situation down before Damon accidently killed him.

Damon was prowling around Rebekah, naked and bleeding. Stefan stood back against the wall entranced by the scene playing out before him. Rebekah was teasing him. Clearly Damon had been starved as he was more animal than man. She cut her breast open at the top and he lunged for her, drinking and tearing her clothes from her. Stefan wasn't sure what to do. He tried to focus on creating an exit or a window to encourage Damon to escape from but all Damon seemed focussed on was drinking. He threw Rebekah around, biting and moaning deep in blood fever and then Stefan watched her entice him into sex. He felt revolted. Was this a real memory? He hoped to god it wasn't as his mouth fell open watching Damon struggle with his instincts. He had to do something now. But what? How could he transform this dream?

He walked forward and tore Damon from Rebekah. Damon stumbled backwards and Stefan pushed with all of his control into transforming the room into a football field. Piece by piece the room faded and was replaced by grass and lighting. Damon looked around unsure and terrified until Stefan stood up and held his hand out to him. Stefan was now wearing a varsity strip and Damon looked down to see that he also was dressed in one.

"Come on brother you said you could beat me to the touchdown." Stefan tried to sound as natural and full of mirth as possible and Damon blinked for a moment before getting to his feet and grinning.

"No I said I will beat you to the touchdown little brother. I taught you this game!" Damon clicked into the game without another thought and Stefan laughed relieved as they ran around trying to block and get past one another. It was like they were human again and they fell in a heap and laughed exhausted. He turned to smile as Damon gazed up at the sky, counting the stars. So human. He seemed so human again. If only he could keep him this way. He was so twisted and angry all of the time, hiding from his humanity. If only he could be this carefree person lying next to him right now. Maybe with Elena's help he could be, after all, Elena had restored so much of that to him.

"The sky is really bright tonight." Damon wriggled his nose in distaste and wiped sweat away from his forehead. Stefan looked up in surprise. They sky looked pretty dark to him.

"Damn, that light is seriously bright, I can't see half of the stars." Damon grumbled a little as he squinted.

"What are you talking about?" Stefan teased and looked up again only to see the sky start to change colour. He sat up fully, as did Damon, as he realised what was happening. Damon had tired him out, bit him several times and now his hold on the dream was weakening. The landscape started to change back into a white room and he grabbed hold of Damon.

"Damon, listen to me. I am here ok. You are dreaming. This is just a dream ok?"

"What?" Damon laughed but seemed a little on edge as he noticed the room forming around them. "What's happening?" He asked fearfully, alarmed. Stefan turned to him and cupped his face.

"You are dreaming brother. It's time to wake up. Come on!" Stefan said with continuing fervour as Damon frowned in surprise. Then Damon's eyes moved to look behind him and he froze. Stefan looked back and saw Rebekah standing with a choke chain in her hands. Damon suddenly started to hyperventilate in Stefan arms and Stefan yelled at him to wake up, holding him to his body protectively as Damon panted in fear.

"Damon! Damon! Wake up!" Stefan roused himself from the dream and decided to wake Damon from this end. Damon's body was convulsing in fear in his lap and he slapped him a few times to wake him. Damon's eyes popped open and he gasped, grabbing onto Stefan as he sat up.

"It's ok, I'm here, I'm here." Stefan hugged him and Damon held onto him for dear life as Stefan engulfed him.

"I can't do this Stefan." He mumbled against Stefan's shoulder.

"It's ok, I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere." Stefan vowed pressing his forehead into Damon's' and cupping the back of his head. Normally Damon would never let him touch him like this, it was as though the human Damon was still at the forefront.

"I saw it. I saw what she did." He whispered and Damon groaned. He pulled back from Stefan and lay on his back, dabbing his fingers over his head where he had split it open.

"She still wants me." He whispered and clenched his eyes shut.

"What?" Stefan asked.

"I saw her tonight. She grabbed me. The look in her eyes Stefan…" He couldn't finish, he started to shake. Stefan stood up on alert.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. She didn't say a word. She just tossed me aside and left me." Damon put his arm over his eyes to hide. Stefan thought carefully.

"Damon, I know this is horrible. We can't kill her yet, but I promise I will as soon as I get a chance. She is not coming back for you brother. She knows if she does then Klaus will become interested in you again. She's actually trying to protect you from him." The words felt bitter on his tongue but they were true. Damon looked at him in surprise. Obviously his mind had been muddled when Stefan and Rebekah had had their last confrontation and he had missed their verbal interplay.

"She won't take you ever again. She will probably act like you don't exist." Stefan reasoned and Damon started to think on how she had ignored him completely earlier in the evening, only touching him to forcibly remove him from the brawl he had started. She hadn't even spoken to him, just thrown him to the ground and shook her head. Maybe she really would leave him alone. Still, the hunger in her eyes was there and it made him shudder.

"Her eyes." he mumbled, not realising that he had spoken out loud. Stefan chuckled trying to lighten the mood and Damon stared at him.

"Don't all women look at you like that?" He jested and Damon thought about it a little. Most of them did he supposed.

"Elena doesn't." He commented sleepily, feeling the pull of tiredness begin to descend.

"Because she loves you Damon. She actually sees you." Stefan encouraged, patting Damon's knee to encourage him to slip underneath the blankets again. Damon was too tired to argue with the way Stefan was goading him into righting his position in the bed. He yawned and closed his eyes.

"Stefan." Damon called as Stefan got up to leave. Damon allowed him to stay when he didn't know he was there, but now that Damon had wakened he would have to leave him be. Stefan turned round to glance at him.

"Stay." Damon said and Stefan wasn't sure whether it was a request or an order. He smiled and lay down next to him, leaving enough space to make Damon feel comfortable.

"Remind me to teach you how to throw properly." Damon mumbled, snuggling into his pillow as Stefan chuckled.