Thanks so much to all of you who reviewed!! Luv ya!! Please keep it up!! So anyway here is the next chapter! Woo Hoo! It has a bit of Alice/Bella shopping and a tad of Bella's thoughts etc… so hope you enjoy and get a good laugh!! Oh… and I LOVE Alice in this chapter! Lol…
Disclaimer: Owner of a cat… a lap top… and other everyday stuff… but definitely not the owner of Twilight. Sighs sadly
Bella's POV
My best friend dragged me to her yellow Porsche. She was taking me to her torture chamber… I mean the mall again. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Edward properly!
"Oh hush Bella, I know what you're thinking! Whenever you guys 'say goodbye' I practically have to wrench you apart! We only have so much time before the mall closes!" Alice exclaimed as she pulled out of the driveway at a heart-wrenching speed. I held on for dear life while she casually sped down the road like a freaking maniac!
"Oh and when did you gain the ability to read minds? Plus the mall doesn't close for another five hours!" I acknowledged, to which she rolled her eyes, turning in my direction to answer.
"Well hello little miss sassy! And that's my point! We only have five hours! Ugh we will have to rush, but I think we can manage," the scary part was she was dead serious, but at the moment I was completely worried about something else.
"Keep… your… eyes… on… the... ROAD!" I practically screeched at her. She was going over 120 mph and not even looking in front of her!
"Silly Bella I already know what is going to happen… oh hold on," Suddenly she swerved to the right, and then back into the lane. I was too scared to speak. Instead I stared at her as if she had two heads, four arms, and seven legs. Yeah… it was that bad.
"What's wrong with you?" How could she ask that?! "OOOOHH, you didn't like that did you? Well there was a piece of gum on the road," She stated as if that explained everything.
"GUM!" I roared, my heart beating a mile a minute.
"Uhh duh! I don't want my precious baby to touch a piece of filthy gum! Besides, why are you so worked up? I told you to hold on." It was official. Alice was the first vampire in history to have serious mental problems.
"Oh right, sorry. Ha! Why would I be upset about you almost killing me to miss a piece of flippin gum! Yeah I am totally out of line! So sorry Alice, really" Okay I will admit that at the moment, I probably looked like the crazy one. I was breathing hard and wide-eyed. I don't remember ever using sarcasm that strongly in my life.
"Okay Bella, just calm down. Breath in… out… in…" She was insane! I had had enough of this.
"SHUT UP AND DRIVE!" I yelled.
"OOOO good idea Bella! I love that song!" And yes, she started to sing…
I've been looking for a driver who is qualified
So if you think that you're the one, step into my ride.
I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine
Got a sunroof top and a gangster lead
So if you feel it let me know, know, know.
Come on now what you're waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go
Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves, can you run all the lights?
If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.
Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five
Baby you got the keys.
Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.
Shut up and drive
I got class like a fifty-seven Cadillac.
Start over drive with a whole lot of boom in the back.
You look like you can handle what's under my hood.
You keeping saying that you will, boy I wish you would.
So when you're ready let me know, know, know.
Come on and what you're waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go
Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves can you run all the lights?
If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.
Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five.
Baby you got the keys.
Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.
Shut up and drive
You play that game, got what I got
Get it get it, don't stop, It's a sure shot
Ain't a Ferrari, huh boy, I'm sorry
I ain't need to worry, so step inside
And ride, ride, ride, drive, drive, drive...
So if you feel it let me know, know, know.
Come on and what you're waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go
Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.
Can you handle the curves can you run all the lights?
If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.
Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five.
Baby you got the keys.
Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.
Shut up and drive
I sat there stunned when she finished the song. Luckily, we had just pulled into a parking spot in front of the mall.
"Aww Bella, you're no fun! Why didn't you sing with me?" She whined, bouncing out of the car and waiting impatiently for me. I didn't say anything. I didn't move. Fortunately I was still able to breathe. Unsatisfied with my lack of response, Alice yanked open my door and pulled me out giving me a calculating look.
"Geez girl, you look like you just saw hell freeze over," she stood there in confusion. Could she really be that clueless? Go figure.
"No comment," I voiced with no emotion before walking stiffly into the mall. I knew one thing for sure; I was definitely calling Edward for a ride home. There is no way, even if hell did freeze over twice, that I am getting back in the car with that psycho.
Over the next five decades… I mean hours, Alice put me through even more torture. Every time I argued that I didn't need this many clothes, she told me that it was necessary because we would be on TV and I couldn't be seen in anything I have already worn. That fact, I did not understand at all. Why would you waste money and good clothes just so you don't wear the same thing twice? It was utterly ridiculous and beyond me. About ten minutes before the mall closed, I called Edward for a ride.
"Hello love," he answered with a sigh as if he had been waiting for my call all day.
"Your sister is a crazy psychopath and I would rather be attacked by ten wild, thirsty vampires than get back in a car with her behind the wheel… So can you come pick me up please?" I asked sweetly. He was silent for a while, presumably in shock or confusion.
"Umm… sure? I-I'll be there in a few," his voice confirmed it. He was entirely stunned and bemused!
"Okay see you then! I love you!" I waited for him to tell me he loved me back, and then I hung up.
"Why is Edward picking you up?" Alice asked me coming out of Victoria's Secret. Now that was one store I refused to go into. But of course that would never deter her. She shoved two full bags into my crowded arms. Unable to hear my phone call from all the hustle and bustle within the store, she only saw me leaving with Edward instead of her in a vision.
"Oh no reason really… I just miss him… and the person who drove me here has a severe mental illness when it comes to driving," I stated casually.
"Oh okay! … Hey wait!" I laughed when she actually caught what I was saying. Sending me an evil glare, she stalked off into another store with me trailing behind for some "last minute shopping".
When Edward finally came and got me, I was practically dead on my feet. I was so not going shopping with Alice for a VERY long time. The only reason I didn't say "never again" was because I knew she would get her way eventually. I mean she even got away with turning most the family bi and making Edward wear female clothing! Alice was sooo crazy… but then again, I think that is one of the reasons we all love her so much.
(A couple days later)
Thursday came way too soon, and I was forced to say goodbye to Edward and the rest of the Cullens for Two whole days! Alice was right about our goodbyes though… she and Emmett kind of had to pull us apart… twice. When they did leave though, I decided to just stay home and catch up on some cleaning.
Charlie's house was pretty small, and we didn't make much of a mess anyway so it only took about two hours until everything was spotless. I blew a couple strands of hair out of my face that had come out of my sloppy bun. Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I decided to email my mother since I hadn't in awhile.
As the ancient computer booted up, I made a quick sandwich to make up for skipping breakfast. Edward wouldn't be happy about that, but I just was too miserable to eat. I hated being away from the love of my life, but sometimes it was necessary. My thoughts turned brighter when I realized that I would never have to be away from him again when he changes me! Until then though, I was stuck at home while he frolicked with the wild animals… okay so more like attacked viciously and drank dry but still.
I ate my food slowly at the kitchen table just staring off into space. I did that quite frequently, loosing myself in my thoughts. When I was away from Edward, I mostly just daydreamed about him. Okay was I obsessed or what?
Fully fed, I made my way back upstairs. My computer was almost fully booted up! Wow, it only took fifteen minutes this time! Yes… that is good for my computer so leave me alone. So what, I liked very old things. My pre-historic truck… my computer… oh and even Edward! I giggled to myself. I was strange, but it made life interesting!
I had one email in my inbox, from my mother as usual.
Hello Bella!
I am just checking in! Haven't heard from you in awhile… Is everything okay? Oh god, don't tell me you got hit by another car or something! Isabella you better reply right now or I am calling your father! You have a half hour!
-Mom
She was freaking out again. No surprise there. Luckily she had sent that email twenty –five minutes ago, so I had time to reply.
Hey Mom,
I'm fine, just hanging around the house. Don't worry, Edward wouldn't let a car hit me. So umm… the Cullens are going on Trading Spouses next week! Don't ask. Summer is fun… Oh and Alice finally realized that I don't really care what my wedding looks like, as long as I walk away Mrs. Edward Cullen, so she doesn't ask my opinion anymore! Goodbye annoying planning for me! Okay, I know that sounds bad. I do care about my wedding… just not that much… Anyways…
Hmm…. What else to say? I had three more minutes and couldn't think of anything! Oh well… I have pretty much been rambling the whole time anyway.
I hope everything with you and Phill is good. Love you mom.
-Bella
After I hit send, I grabbed my worn copy of Wuthering Heights and went out to the back porch. Curling up in a chair, I decided to read until I had to start dinner for Charlie.
Before I went to bed that night, Edward called and wished me pleasant dreams. He really was the best fiancé a girl could have!
--
The next day, Angela saved me from my boredom, and we drove up to Port Angeles for lunch and a movie. It was fun hanging out with her since I don't get to very often. She, unlike Alice, didn't force me to shop until I literally dropped or drive like she was high.
Now it was eight o'clock on Friday night. Angela had just dropped me off at my house before returning to hers. Edward said he would be back around ten, so I sat down and watched TV with my dad. It wasn't extremely entertaining, but it passed the time.
Tomorrow, the Trading Spouses thing would begin. Esme would be leaving at six in the morning to catch her flight to Connecticut. This Stacy Nutcracker person should arrive around noon, and then the fun would begin. I still can't believe Alice said Edward was a cross-dresser! I knew he would be highly embarrassed when he had to act out that part, but I would probably end up laughing at him anyway. Hey! He laughes when I fall! I was a little… okay a lot… disturbed about the whole bi thing though. It wasn't cause they would look awkward or anything, but that I knew they would be exceptionally convincing. They were Cullens after all; they could do anything, right?
I felt kind of bad for Stacy though. She had no idea what she was about to do, and knowing Emmett, jokes would be played at her expense. They were just doing this for fun, and they would do just that. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up running away screaming, scarred for life from her experience.
As for me, it was known fact that I despised attention. A popular TV show was way too much. I would avoid their house all together, except I can't stand being away from Edward. I was having trouble with two days! Two weeks… impossible. So I decided to just try and stay in the background, never doing anything that would end up with me in the spotlight. Which meant sitting in one spot pretty much 24/7. Alls I needed was to trip right in front of some camera, which was actually quite likely. Edward better stay by my side every second just in case my feet decide to pull one of their signature move and fall over air. My face and the floor know each other way too well.
The agency did not give us that much imformation about the family we would be swapping with. Yes, I do consider myself part of the family, although not officially. They have told me over and over that when they refer to their family, I am always included and that legality doesn't matter. That is also why I couldn't just skip out for the next two weeks. They fully expected me, as a Cullen, to participate. So anyway… all we really know about the other family is their name, how many of them there are, and where they live. That's it! Well I guess we will get to know Mrs. Nutcracker really well over this experience and Esme would get to know the rest of the family. I was a bit leery of their name, but I knew no family could be crazier than mine… or at least I hope not.
This family also has a dog at home, and while I knew Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett would have trouble with that, Esme would be fine. She did not hate dogs, or werewolves for that matter, she just didn't particularly like them either.
Looking at the clock, I noticed it was 9:30. Only a half hour more!
"I'm going to bed dad, goodnight. Oh and thanks for letting me stay at the Cullen's for the next two weeks!" I said giving him a hug before tramping upstairs.
"Sure thing Bells," he called fully into the television. Wednesday, Alice came over and told Charlie about the show and convinced him to let me stay with them. She claimed it would just be easier than having a camera follow me back and forth from Charlie's house to theirs, and seeing that Charlie despised attention just as much as me, he agreed whole-heartedly.
I showered quickly and pulled on some clean pajama bottoms and a holy t-shirt. Knowing Alice would dress me up in fancy pajamas at their house over the next two weeks, I relished being able to wear whatever sleepwear I wanted. I sat on the edge of my bed just starring at my clock. It was 9:53. Seven more minutes. It felt like a millennium before the clock turned to 9:54.
"Ugh!" I groaned frustrated. The next six minutes were going to take forever!!
Then I heard the most beautiful sound coming from across my room. Edward chuckled having heard me.
"Impatient much this evening love?" He questioned with my favorite crooked grin. Too happy that he was home, I ignored his comment and practically threw myself in his cold, familiar arms.
"Edward!" I squealed sounded more like Alice than ever.
"Hello love. Miss me?" He chuckled again making me blush. Okay I don't even know why that made me blush, but like I said… I'm strange.
I attempted to ask him how his trip went, but it came out more like this, "How was your uuuuntttiiinnn iiiip?" Yeah, I am so articulate aren't I. Actually I was interrupted by an unflattering yawn.
"My untin ip, as you so elegantly put it, went fine love. But no more questions, it's bed time for the human," Edward declared carrying me over to my bed. He snuggled up behind me.
"But I'm not tired! Honest!" I protested. My stubborn side kicked in as I forced my eyes to stay open.
"You need your rest love." He started to hum my lullaby softly in my ear. No fair was the last thing I thought before sleep took over… stupid human needs…
Sooo how was it?? Funny… boring… funny… stupid… funny… pointless?? Well I was going for funny with the whole shopping thing so hopefully you guys giggled a bit!! If not, well you're no fun… JK just let me know and I will try and seek help in the entertaining department! LOL please review and let me know your lovely thoughts!! Every single one of you!! Reviews are like money… that's how you buy my chaps!! The richer I am… the more supplies I have to write!! So please pay up!! LOL Till next time…
-Edwardluvr22
P.S.- LOL and apparently my editor would like some cash too, so if you throw her a thanks that would be much appreciated!! (Minnoi)
