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Ash's POV
I groggily opened my eyes to see a hyper Caleb jumping up and down on my bed while squealing with delight. I smiled at the sight of him being happy and full of energy this morning. When he noticed I was awake his smile grew ten times it size and he made a high pitched noise I couldn't place. He jumped on top of me wrapping his frail arms around my waist giving me the tightest hug.
"I know I know its been a whole ten hours since you saw me last, how did you survive" I state dramaticlly picking him up in my arms so I could cradle his small body close to me. He giggles loudly his blue eyes shining with excitement. I kissed his head standing up from my bed still holding him in my arms.
I walked down the stairs still cradling his four year old body in my arms. It was hard to believe that he would be five in four months because he was so small; wait if he turns five in April that means he'll start kindergarten next year. I stopped in the middle of the stairs thinking about what school would be like for him, I mean he can't even talk yet so how is he supposed to communicate with his teachers and peers. What if the kids picked on him how was he supposed to defend himself. Ash couldn't help but worry about all the terrible things that could happen to her baby brother because all she wanted was for him to be safe.
Technically now that she thought about it he was supposed to start preschool this year, but he couldn't do to his occupational therapy taking up a lot of his time. Ash held her brother a little closer to her which didn't seem possible but she did. He made eye contact with her crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out; something he had seen many cartoon characters do. Ash grinned at his cheerful attitude, and once they reached the kitchen she set him down in his usual spot in dining room.
she jogged to the kitchen to see that her mother hadn't started breakfast nor had she even gotten up; not that she was surprised. Ash groaned at the thought of cooking it was the one thing she hated more than anything else, but she heard the impatient shrieks from Caleb and she knew she had to hurry. So she tossed some eggs on the stove and three slices of bread in the toaster and got to work.
She put the toast on separate plates and managed to get the eggs out of the skillet only dropping a few on the wooden floor. Once she was done she paused to admire her work, no it wasn't gourmet, but it was pretty good considering that she made it.
She pranced back into the dining room with the plates to see her mother taking selfies with Caleb probably on Snapcat. She grinned slightly at the sight it was cute to see them sharing a moment like this. She set down the plates on the table and dug in. Once she finished she was about to take it to the sink, but her mother stopped her.
"Since you made breakfast I'll do the dishes" her mother smiled. I nodded my head smiling to it was nice that she offered to do that especially after there argument last night.
I ran up the stairs to my room to get ready for the fundraiser today. Once to my closet I picked up one of my old Christmas sweaters and a leather skirt to go with it. I added some bell earrings and put my black beats on my head. Now finally I must decide on a pair of shoes; I was going to wear my usual red converse, but at the last minute the pair of black boots that my got for my birthday last month caught my eye. I gulped they did have a heel which I don't usually care for, but they would look nice with my outfit. I sighed grabbing them and then heading downstairs.
"Bye mom, bye Caleb" I hollered unlocking the door. "Bye honey see you in a bit" my mom yelled back. I made a face at her comment it was kinda odd, but I just shook it off and stepped outside in the cool winter air.
Once I arrived at the children's hospital I was a Popsicle and my feet hurt, so I guess it wasn't a good idea to wear a skirt and heels when walking in the middle of winter. I sighed as I stepped inside feeling the cold melt away from my body, and disappear into the winter air. I glanced around the lobby once I was warm, and was utterly amazed the wall and balcony on the one side of the room were lit up by a soft rainbow like light, and the other half of the room had ceiling to floor windows. A funky illuminated plant hung from the ceiling, and red chairs and cream colored couches were scattered across the room.
The rest of the gang was relaxing underneath the balcony that stretched twenty feet next to the crystal piano which was also illuminated by florescent lights. She attempted to strut over to the group; trying her best to look confident and poised in her heels, but she failed epically tripping over her own feet. She didn't fall she just stutter stepped kinda.
The guys were trying there best not to laugh, but couldn't contain it, the sight of Ash in heels was just hilarious, but they all stopped when they saw her aggravated face. Meena rushed over to her side to help, and Ash caught a glimpse of her shoes; they too were heels.
"don't worry about it at least you didn't fall flat on your face like I did" Meena joked blushing just a little. Ash smiled it was nice to know she had friends like Meena to comfort her when she needed it.
just then Johnny came over and sat next to Ash, so Meena left thinking they needed some alone time.
"Hey I'm sorry I laughed at you, I didn't mean it in a rude way. It was actually kinda cute" he said scratching the back of his neck nervously. Ash smiled up at him thinking to herself that the way he got nervous was cute "it's ok really" she said trying to make him feel better.
He stared at her with a strange look in his eyes, it was almost like care but it wasn't at the same time. It was something she hadn't seen in someone's eyes in a really long time, and that terrified her. She was trying to put her finger on we're she,has seen that look before, when it hit her. Lance used to look at her like that, but there was slight difference. Lances was fake while Johnny's was pure and true.
"Ash you look absolutely stunning today" Johnny said looking away slightly from embarrassment. She felt like she was going to start hyperventilating, but she didn't know why. "Oh thanks you look dashing too" she croaked out hoping he didn't notice. She didn't think he did because he still smiled at her happily with that look in his eyes.
She held up her finger to excuse herself since she couldn't talk right at the moment. She speed walked to the nearest restroom while trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Just yesterday her and Johnny were talking like that, and having fun like friends do, but today he does the same thing and she has a panic attack. What was wrong with her?
Then it struck her like lightning on a stormy night. Her mother and hers argument last night was about her getting back together with Lance it must have rekindledally some fear deep inside her.
She sighed sadly why couldn't she just be strong and get over him. Well the reason was because she wasn't strong because of him. When they were together he belittled her into thinking she was nothing. He played mind games on her; he took away her courage and strength by telling her she wouldn't survive without him, and that she needed him, and she listened and played along for the longest time while he slowly stripped away every bit of confidence that she had, and she didn't even notice or she was to scared to notice.
Everything he did to her was apart of his plan making her sing back up by telling her her voice wasn't as good as his. He even got her to stop hanging with some of her high school friends because he thought the girls were sluts and the guys were hitting on her, and when she stopped seeing them she entered the darkest stage of her life where she felt isolated and lonely. He even manipulated all of the money she made. He took it from her whenever she was paid because he said she wasn't responsible enough.
Everytime she did something wrong he threatened that he would leave, and that was what broke her the most to think that someone who loved her would leave her. He intimidated her into being quiet by using looks or gestures, and she obeyed because she loved him. Finally everything was always her fault, he told her that he was always mad because of her. Lance blamed everything on her, everything he did she caused it.
For a year and a half she dealt with him and the pain he caused her, and now that he was gone he was still coming back to cause her more pain. For that year and a half her life was like a game of chess, she was pawn and he was the king, and she was quite tired of being played with.
By the time she had finished her flashback of thoughts she was on the bathroom floor balling her eyes out. She never liked to admit it, but she was in an abusive relationship with Lance, no it wasn't physical, but it was emotional, and it had caused her so many problems that she was just about fed up with it.
Ash heard the door to bathroom squeak open, but Ash didn't move a muscle she stayed on the floor balling not even caring who it was that saw her like this, vulnerable because that's what she was at times like this vulnerable.
"Oh honey what's wrong" she heard Rosita ask her voice dripping with worry. Ash looked up to see that Rosita's eyes were full of a motherly worry and love, and for some reason she explained it all to Rosita, she explained how life was like for that year and a half. Going into complete detail about the pain Lance caused her, not even worrying about her judging her.
Although she didn't know why she told her everything, Ash thought it had something with the way Rosita looked at her like she was her own daughter fully caring about her and wanting to hear what was wrong with her, and maybe it was the fact that her mother had never looked at her like that, and she never let Ash explain anything she just always judged immediately.
But something about this moment with Rosita made Ash feel confident in herself again. She couldn't quiet explain it, but maybe it was the way Rosita held her, or maybe it was how she comforted her, or maybe it was just how she listened and didn't judge.
"Oh you poor thing I'm so sorry that this had to happen to such amazing girl like you" Rosita cooed holding Ash close to her, and stroking her quills. "Oh don't be sorry it wasn't your fault" Ash choked out cuddling deeper into Rositas side. "How can someone say that they love you and then abuse you" Rosita questioned? Ash wish could have answered, but sadly she wondered the same thing for the longest time, and she has never came up with a solution.
I winced at the word, I didn't want to admit that Lance abused me, so I put on a mask hiding my past from everyone. For awhile it actually worked, but once he started coming back around my anxiety came back.
"You know you're the first person that I've ever told about this" Ash laughed nervously wiping away a tear. Rosita just hugged her closer to her wondering what kind of relationship Ash and her mother had for her not to tell her.
"My mother and I don't really get along" Ash added seeing Rositas confused face. Rosita nodded her head letting Ash know to continue. "You see I tried telling her once we broke up, but she didn't want to hear it. She thinks Lance is some god, and still blames me for the breakup" Ash sniffed.
Rosita was shocked to hear this, she being a mother to, she didn't quite understand how a mother could do that to there child. Her whole life was for her children, and whenever they wanted to talk she was there and she listened.
"Well whenever you need a mom I'm always here for you" she said giving Ash a slight squeeze. I looked up at her shocked to what she just said, and I started crying again, but not in pain or fear, this time they were tears of joy. "Thanks Rosita you don't know how much I needed to hear that" I cried hugging her.
"Honey it is completely ok, but now we need to get back for the performance, so let's clean your pretty face up" Rosita said happily standing up and helping Ash up to. They wiped away all of Ash tears and stains on her face, and by the time they were done she looked completely normal.
"Thanks Rosita" I said hugging her one last time before we walked out the door. "Oh honey you're welcome don't forget I am a mother." Ash smiled at her feeling safe.
"Ash just remember you are a strong girl don't let him get the best of you. I know who you are I've seen you blossom these past couple months, so don't let him come back and ruin it" she said rubbing Ashs back. I nodded my head happy to hear that someone believed in me.
"And one last thing, that guy over there" she said pointing over to Johnny " is not Lance, nor will he ever be Lance. He loves you and will do anything to protect you" Rosita said trying to convince Ash that it was ok to like him.
Ash nodded her head smiling over at Johnny. She knew he wasn't Lance but she needed some time to heel first before starting something new.
